Heartless (35 page)

I can’t talk but I can move my lips. I form the only words that matter to me now.
I love you.

Dear Moonchild, The stars and planets can guide you, but remember that the world is full of as many guides as their are lives living. And what makes life? A beating heart. So when in doubt, tap into love, and let your heart guide you. The stuff of stars lies in your heart and life is meant for love.

Heather

Beach-girl was gone. The dark voice, too. I didn’t need either of them anymore. I had what I needed inside. I had what I needed in Josh.

Josh was discharged from the hospital on Friday. He insisted on coming over to my house to help cook dinner for Marsha and Wayne.

“You’re crazy!”

“Crazy for you.” He winked.

He had enlisted Garth to drive him over and Geena to help in the kitchen, even though she said she was ill-qualified. From a chair we had dragged in from the living room, Josh directed the two of us to make Spaghetti Bolognaise, which sounded a little harder to make than it actually was. Plus I learned how to make a vinaigrette to go with the salad. Josh said these were extremely basic recipes, but both Geena and I were terribly proud of our efforts.

Josh napped and Geena cleaned up while I went to the airport to get Marsha and Wayne. I had to wake up Wayne’s SUV parked for a month in the garage since the Boxter was only a 2 seater. I wondered if Marsha would get rid of the convertible now that she had a baby on the way. I wondered if I had enough saved up to buy it from her?… Or maybe Josh would. He had some insurance money coming to him since totaling his Triumph and he had said he was done with motorcycles for a while.

“I’ll need a fast car to come visit you in Santa Cruz,” he said.

I was torn between telling him no car, not even a Porshe, would be fast enough to get him from LA to Santa Cruz when I was missing him, and insisting that he take the train or the bus just to make sure he didn’t go off the road again. But I knew now there were no guarantees for anything in life. Accidents happened. Horrible tragedies occurred. The only thing I could do was love hard and deep and not take any moment for granted.

I waited at international arrivals at LAX for Marsha and Wayne.

As they pushed through the arrivals entrance with their luggage, I waved wildly at them. They looked tanned and tired and clearly glad to be home. Marsha pulled me into a tight embrace.

“I’m so glad to see you, Heather. I’ve missed you
so
much.” Then she started crying. I looked over at Wayne, who smiled and shrugged.

“I think it’s the change in hormones making her really emotional. This is all new territory for us.”

“I’m just so
happy
!” said Marsha through a veil of tears.

“Me too,” I said, feeling my own tears forming, for joy, for love.

In the car, when Wayne suggested we stop off for a bite, I told him I had dinner ready for them at home. They looked at me as if I’d just said I’d spotted a UFO.

I laughed. “A lot’s changed since you’ve been gone. For the better,” I added.

Eventually, I would tell them about all the other changes, but for tonight I told them we had company for dinner. Two people who really meant a lot to me.

“Josh is the new boyfriend, right?”

“And he had an accident and —”

“—
Accident
? Were you hurt?”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t in it, but Josh is okay now, despite the casts and bandages. He just really wanted to be there to meet you when you got home.”

“Wow. Just out of the hospital? Still in bandages and he wants to meet
us
? Sounds like special guy, Heather,” said Marsha.

She didn’t know the half of it.

“So where did you find him?” she added.

“He found me actually.” In more ways than one. “I guess we found each other. And his mom is great, too. I think you’ll like her. They already feel like family.”

Wayne and Marsha shared a smile. I’d tell them the whole truth about Josh and Geena once they were over jet lag, but for now, I wanted them to be reassured that their trip had been worth it on so many levels.

“Speaking of family,” said Marsha, touching her belly. “We’re going for our first ultrasound next week.”

“We’ll be able to hear the heartbeat,” said Wayne from the back seat.

“Can I come?” I said, feeling my own heart beat just a little bit faster. It only just now hit me that there were three of us in the car but there were
four
hearts.

“I expect you to be there every step of the way, Heather,” said Marsha. “I know you’ll be at college, but Santa Cruz isn’t that far away. You’ll be able to come home a lot.”

I smiled. Home.

This is my home, I thought, as I pulled into the driveway. Geena had opened the door already and Josh hobbled out on his crutch and waved with his good arm. He caught my eye and smiled, a smile just for me, a smile that made my heart skip and sigh and whisper,
Yes, you are my home
.

Geena had brought over one of her special bottles of wine, which Marsha was only allowed to sniff, of course. But we all toasted her and Wayne on their baby news. And I was right about Marsha and Geena hitting it off. At first Wayne was a little stiff and formal with Josh. That lasted all of about five minutes, which was as long as it took for Josh to charm his way into Wayne’s heart.

Wayne and Garth seemed to enjoy each other’s company and quickly discovered they’d both traveled in India the same year in their twenties and starting riffing off a bunch of cities, landmarks, and ashrams. They also compared lotus tattoos, and I hadn’t even known Uncle Wayne
had
a tattoo. I guess I’d not had occasion to see the small of his back these past three years, but now here he was showing off a fading smudge on his fifth lumbar.

At some point soon, there would be some difficult stories to tell and details to fill in, but for now, we sat together like one big, happy family.

As I sat at the table watching the smiles, listening to the conversation, enjoying the comforting food, I felt as if I were in the process of creating new memories that would eventually become part of a past that I would be happy to remember. It hit me then that this what each present moment offered up: an opportunity to live and love in such a way that you affected both your past and your future. My cheeks felt warm from the wine, my tummy felt full, and so did my heart. Josh caught my eye and smiled. Then he titled his head to the side, flashed his eyes toward the back deck, and raised an eyebrow in invitation.

I slipped from the table and helped him get settled onto his crutch. He whispered in my ear.

“Let’s let the old folks talk. I want to kiss you under the stars.” How could he know that would make my evening complete? The ‘old folks’ barely noticed our departure from the table.

“Wait,” said Josh. He pointed with his crutch. “Bring that bag, too.” I probably had a few weeks of fetching and carrying to look forward to, but I really didn’t mind. It felt good to have Josh rely on me.

“It’s kind of heavy,” I said as I held open the door leading to the deck. We got settled on a bench on the deck. I handed him the bag. He pulled something out. A longish box. Gift-wrapped.

“Your birthday present,” he said. “You never got to open it.”

My throat tightened as I remembered the night I fled from The Pepper Berry Ranch, from Josh.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Forget sorry. You said to me in the hospital, ‘no regrets’. I have none. You shouldn’t either.”

I kissed him on the cheek and stared into his deep blue eyes. It was dark out—several weeks past the solstice now brought shorter days—but I could still make out his look of love.

“Open it,” said Josh, breaking eye contact and glancing down at the box on my lap. I started to peel away the paper, wondering what it might be. As usual, Josh had surprised me.

“A telescope?”

“For my beautiful stargazer.” I lifted out the pieces and together we put it together.

“There’s a stand, too. It’s in Garth’s trunk.”

I held the telescope up with both hands and pressed my eye to the viewfinder. The skies above LA were overly bright from electric light but I could see several stars through the lens. I couldn’t wait to take the telescope to Hitch’s field or the slopes of Monetecito…

“It’s amazing, Josh …
Oooh
!” I saw something I’d never seen over LA before: A shooting star! “
Ahh
!”

My heart was beating wildly and I was grinning like a fool when I turned to Josh.

“Did you just call me Josh-
oohah
?” he said. I swear he had a twinkle in his eye.

“You wouldn’t believe what I just—

“—Oh, I can guess.” He pulled me toward him, the lowered telescope wedged between us. He kissed me, and I felt the raised edge of the cut on his lip, the one that might leave a scar. I kissed him tenderly, deeply.

When we drew back to catch our breath, Josh said,

“I love you, Heather. I never knew what heaven meant until I fell in love with you. But for a while I knew hell when I thought I’d lost you…”

I put my finger on his lips. If he kept talking my heart was going to burst. I set the telescope carefully on the deck.

“Let’s forget heaven and hell for now,” I said. “Let’s put aside Fate and the stars.” I turned sideway on the bench and gently lifted one of my legs over his lap so I could wrap myself around him. “Let’s just listen to our hearts. My heart says, kiss and love each other right here, right now, and never stop.”

“Never stop?”

I shook my head and smiled. “Never.”

I pressed my lips to his.

As we kissed under the stars I knew my heart had found its faith again. Found its faith in love.

THE END

Thank you for reading
Heartless
. Your support means so much. We writers write for our readers, so having the chance to write and publish directly to and for you is a real privilege.

The characters and situations in
Heartless
are fictional, but the Griffiths Observatory is a real place. You should definitely visit it if you’re ever in Los Angeles. The North By Northwest Drive-in is a made up place. But how cool would it be if it were real?... Hitchcock enthusiasts, Unite! The New Christ Ascension Church does not exist, and I would hate to think that what happened to Heather happened to anyone in real life.

When I sit down to write, the characters emerge first. I knew Heather had a tragic past, but she also had a bright future to look forward to. She was caught in between who she was and who she would become. I wondered who she might meet who could help her heal her heart and move forward. Luckily, Josh showed up. The way they met actually happened to someone I know (though not in LA).

One of my favorite parts of writing is being inspired by something in real life and then having a chance to deeper and explore the ‘what if’s in my imagination. But my most favorite part is sharing those imaginings with you readers. You complete the cycle of creativity and make the lonely hours at the keyboard worthwhile.

More stories are currently in the works. Visit me on Facebook to stay in touch.

With pleasure and joy,

Catou

If you liked this story, you might also enjoy my series, London Lace, a steamy and romantic tale about rags-to-riches London hat designer, Eliza Keating and the unpredictable aristocrat, Sir Todd Montgomery.

You can find me
www.catoumartine.com
and
www.facebook.com/catoumartine
.

About the Author

I write about discovering the true power hidden in pleasure and living with an open heart.

My home offers a view of the ocean, even from the soaker tub. I love to travel, spending as much time as I can in Paris, London, New York, and Los Angeles.

Stories have the power to change hearts and lives. Love, eroticism, and sensuality provide the greatest inspiration for the heart. When we claim our pleasure, we activate our power and embolden our hearts to create lasting change in our lives and the world.

Some of the simple pleasures I enjoy:

French
macarons
, Kir Royale (a glass of champagne with 1/2 oz of Cassis, a black currant liqueur from France), hot baths by candle light, walking in the forest, working in the garden, visiting museums, non-sexual massage (the sexual kind is nice too!), laughing with friends, cooking for people I love, painting with oils, but most of all: writing.

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