Heartless (Keeping Secrets) (12 page)

“Relax, baby. It’ll be all good,” Tommy said, kissing my cheek. He unlocked the door and swung it open.

“Tommy, honey, is that you?” Mark’s voice called from somewhere in the interior of the house.

“Yeah,” Tommy called back. “Jason’s here for dinner.” I followed him as he made his way toward the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I’d been to his house a couple times, but usually when one or both of his uncles were away, and I usually left before they got home. Most of my time had been spent making out in Tommy’s bedroom or on his couch watching TV.

Mark met us in the entryway into the kitchen. My hand convulsively squeezed around my little brown grocery bag of clothes that I had idiotically brought in with me. His soft brown eyes took in my appearance and flicked to the bag in my hands and the clutch it was getting. He smiled gently. “It’s about time you start mingling a little bit with the family, Jason. Since you’re supposed to be moving in.”

Tommy gave a whoop. “Are you serious? You and Uncle Charlie are okay with it?” His joy over the news was a little infectious, and I felt a grin spread over my face. Seeing Tommy happy always made me happy.

“With a few ground rules,” Mark added sternly. “Tommy, why don’t you go upstairs and help Danny finish changing Christian and then go help Uncle Charlie move some stuff out of the garage so that the guest room can be straightened out?” Tommy nodded and gave my hand a squeeze.

“Sure thing, Uncle Mark. Come on, baby.” He tugged me toward the stairs.

“Let Jason stay here and help me with dinner, would you? I could use help getting the table set and whatnot,” Mark interrupted. We stopped, and I slowly turned back toward the older man, my heart pounding. He still wore that very kind expression that I was so not used to seeing painted over other adults’ faces when looking at me. “I mean, if you wouldn’t mind, Jason?” I nodded. I could set a table. “Excellent.” I glanced at Tommy, who was looking torn. He wanted to hover. I could see it in his expression.

“Go on, Tommy dear,” I said softly. “I’ll be okay.” He nodded and headed up the stairs. I turned my attention back toward Mark, who had a quirky half smile on his face that was curiously reminiscent of his nephew.

“Tommy dear?” he asked. How could I explain that one? My pet name for him had started off as a sneer and somehow had developed into an endearment. So I just shrugged. He shook his head as if he was amused by me and turned back toward the kitchen. I followed.

“
Y
OU
and Tommy haven’t been together long,” Mark remarked as I set out forks for everyone at the table. It was going to be cramped with the baby chair.

I folded a napkin and put it beside one of the plates. “We’ve known each other since middle school, but, er, we only just started dating.”

Mark nodded like I’d confirmed his suspicions. “You have some pretty nasty history between you.” My heart flip-flopped as I realized he knew about the video. I didn’t know what to say. What
did
you say to something like that? “Yeah, my sister showed me the video of you and him that someone posted. Was it you?”

I nodded and looked down at the floor, pretending to be very, very small. “I was in love with him,” I admitted. “I wanted to pay him back for making fun of me when I came out. I, um….” I trailed off, shame making my cheeks burn until they were probably the same shade as a hooker’s lipstick. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. Tommy told us about it when he asked if you could come live with us. It’s easy to do hurtful things when you’re in pain, especially at your age. Though, when you move in, you have to know that no matter how your relationship with Tommy goes, you have to be respectful. Stuff like that doesn’t seem important right now, but posting stuff online that is that pornographic could affect someone getting into college or getting a job. It’s serious stuff.” Mark was dead serious, and I was absolutely mortified. I knew all that, mind you, but it was still horrifying to have to think that he’d seen me…
Christ
.

“I understand,” I whispered. I raised my eyes as he turned back to the stove to stir something that was bubbling on top. “I really appreciate you guys letting me crash here. Even if I don’t end up moving in. If I do, it’ll only be through the next school year. I’m going to try to get into NYU.”

“That’s good. College is important, and Charlie and I both believe that our boys should bring home A’s and B’s. Is that going to be a problem?” Mark asked. I felt a little interrogated, but I supposed it was par for the course when taking in a stranger.

“No. I’m pretty good with my grades.” I didn’t want to brag and say I was the best, even though it was true.

“Okay. But, if you need help at any point, just let us know. We’ll get you a tutor or something.” He really was nice. I don’t think I’d ever met anyone so damn understanding. “We’re converting our office into a bedroom for you. I know you and Tommy are dating, but it’s generally not a good idea to have no space of your own, and you’ll need somewhere to put your things. I don’t mind you staying in Tommy’s room on weekends, but through the week you need to sleep in your own room. In my experience, having a boyfriend can be distracting, especially when you’re supposed to be concentrating.”

“Okay,” I agreed. The stove timer went off, and Mark dug a hot pad out of one of the drawers by the fridge. He pulled a tray of some sort of meat and put it on the counter. It looked like Shake ’N Bake pork chops to me, but I wasn’t 100 percent sure.

“Also, if you need protection, you need to let Charlie or myself know.” I started choking as he offered me condoms.

“
Christ
,” I said before I could call the words back. He looked over his shoulder at me as he pulled a big bowl out of the top of the cabinet and dumped some green beans in it.

“I know you’re in love, but protection is important. Anytime you’re sexually active you should use them. Pregnancy isn’t an issue between the two of you, but you need to realize that the consequences of going without can be bad. You should only engage in unprotected sex with someone who you are seriously going to be with. Unless you’re ready to marry, have tests done, and have a date set, condoms are a must,” Mark lectured. I stared at the floor and hoped that it would hear my prayers and swallow me whole.
The first time I really talk with the guy, and he’s telling me to use a condom and be safe. Eek
!

“Don’t tell me you’re lecturing him already, Mark.” A boy so tall he had to duck underneath the doorframe spoke as he came into the kitchen. He was fucking gorgeous. I mean, Tommy was hot and Danny was great-looking, but I’d seriously never seen anyone who looked so freaking good. He had eyes that were apple green and hair the color of wheat that was spiked so that it looked casual messy. He could’ve been an Abercrombie model or something. “Give Tommy’s lover boy a break. He just got here.”

Mark rolled his eyes and pointed a spatula at the giant. “Dean, I give this speech to all of you, and you ought to take me seriously.”

The boy grinned, revealing straight white teeth. “Yeah. I can repeat it almost verbatim now.” His green gaze turned on me. “You must be the new addition.” He extended his hand, and I shook it weakly.

“Nice to meet you,” I murmured to Tommy’s other cousin. Jeez. He was
huge
.

“Mark and Charlie picked me up from a shelter for GLBT youth in Boston. Tommy must be taking after his uncle if he is bringing home strays. Where did they dig you up?” Dean asked curiously as he plucked the napkins from my hands and started folding them himself.

“Um, school?” I answered. What was it about people in this family making me brain-dead? “Tommy and I go to school together.” I tried for a little higher level of articulation and managed that sentence. Great. This was going to be a very interesting dining experience.

Dean snorted. “Puh-leez. This family has more screwed-up history than most
60 Minutes
specials. Even Christian’s mama was a crackhead. What’s your story?”

“I, uh, have issues with my stepdad,” I conceded. I thought I’d offer something because God knew that Dean was letting his crap all hang out.

“Does he hit you?” Dean asked, getting a disturbing glint in his eye. “I could kick his ass if you’d like. It’ll be like old times, huh, Mark?”

Mark made a sound that could’ve been a laugh or a protest, I wasn’t sure. “You have all the subtlety of a machine gun, Dean. Leave Jason alone.” Mark came between us and started putting food on the table. I looked up at Tommy’s cousin.

“Are you always like this?” I wondered, not realizing that I was speaking aloud.

Dean grinned. “Yep. Don’t be hatin’ too much, newbie. I got Mark to stop giving you the fifth degree.”

Huh. So he had.

Chapter Thirteen

T
OMMY
’
S
family was wonderful. They were loud and crass and joyful and free in a way that I hadn’t witnessed anywhere else, even at Kevin’s. It amazed me how Mark managed to juggle a conversation, feed Christian, and eat all at the same time. Dean and Danny played off one another until they had the entire table almost in tears from laughing so hard. Charlie was the authority figure, though he was more lenient than Joshua would’ve been if Kev and I had started a pea war like Tommy and Danny had.

“So how did you end up with all this?” I asked Charlie, motioning to the table as Christian started smashing his mashed potatoes with his small meaty hands while Mark looked on in dismay.

“Well, pretty much by a series of interesting accidents,” Charlie supplied, sipping his water. “We got Danny first. Mark found him. Then I found Dean. Then the caseworker that handled our adoptions of the two of them called us to take Christian since he was a difficult baby.”

“Difficult?” I asked.

“Yeah. He was addicted to crack when he was born, so he was a really fussy child originally. Not a lot of foster families are willing to take on a child addicted to something.” Charlie smiled sadly. “Nina, our caseworker, thought we’d be willing to take on the challenge.” He shrugged. “We’re both suckers for kids, so we got Christian. Then Mark’s sister passed away, and we moved down here for Tommy. Our family has grown exponentially over the past few years.”

“That’s really cool.” I looked at the two older men. I wanted to be like that when I got older. I wanted to be the guy that people respected and the one people came to whenever they needed something. For the first time, I wanted to be good, not just for Tommy, but for myself as well.

I continued to eat in silence, almost afraid that if I spoke too much or too loudly they’d suddenly turn to me and realize I wasn’t supposed to be there. Tommy’s hand rested gently against my knee under the table, steadying me. I liked it there. I glanced over at him as he talked avidly with Danny about some NFL game or something that I didn’t give a crap about. He had dragged me here to change my mind about moving in with him. It was such an obvious ploy that I should’ve been insulted. But I wasn’t. He was succeeding.

“So when do you want to move in, Jason?” Tommy asked as the meal started to wind down and everyone’s plates were considerably less full. The loveable jerk had known when to ask me. I was full and content, and the combination made me extremely pliable.

I shrugged. “Whenever you want me to.” He grinned triumphantly. It made me happy to see him happy. “I have a couple bags packed already if you want to start putting them in your car when we go back to my apartment.”

“Do I need to talk to your family before this happens?” Charlie asked with a frown. “I don’t really want you to just leave without saying something.” I paled at the thought. I didn’t want Charlie and Mark anywhere near Jonathan.

“No,” I said, probably a bit too hastily. “Trust me when I say it’ll be better if I just go.” I already had the perfect time mapped out. Jonathan would be at the bar Friday, so Tommy and I could go get all my things in no time. I didn’t have much. Mom would probably stare after me like a wounded puppy, but we would both know why I would be going.

“Are you sure? We don’t mind,” Mark asked. He was also frowning. Crap. How to explain….

“Little Bit doesn’t need to explain himself,” Dean said unexpectedly. “You didn’t make any of us explain nothing.”

“We didn’t make you explain
anything
,” Charlie corrected Dean’s grammar. “And you’re right. We’ve just never had to deal with parents directly.” He gave me a tight smile. “Just tell us what you need, Jason. Do you need help with your things?”

“Nah. Tommy and I can get everything on Friday. I, uh, don’t have a lot to take with me.” Just my precious clothes and a few books.

Mark gave me a smile that was all warmth. “Well, if you need any help, let me know. I don’t have any installations that day.”

I
DECIDED
to stay the night instead of going to Kevin’s house. Charlie said I could sleep with Tommy since “my room” wasn’t ready yet, but that I wasn’t to get used to it on a weeknight. I saw Dean slip Tommy a condom with all the subtlety of a freight train. The pass was completed with a loud whooping cry for Tommy to “get some.”

When we were finally ensconced in Tommy’s room, I felt a wave of nervousness. I felt… awkward. Maybe it was because we were actually going to “sleep” with each other that it was so weird. We’d napped, but the act of sleeping beside someone all night and waking up with them in the morning seemed so intimate to me.

Tommy swallowed hard as he pulled off his shirt and sat on the edge of his bed. I couldn’t resist looking at that cut chest. It was probably my favorite part of him. I loved the way his pecs flexed when he moved. Maybe it was weird, but that was what I found attractive. That muscle looked delicious.

“It’s different for some reason,” he said. I knew exactly what he meant.

“Yeah.” I toed off my shoes and opened my brown grocery bag of clothes. I pulled out a clean pair of boxers. “Can I grab a shower in the morning?” I asked.

“Yeah. Do you, uh, want me to turn around?” Tommy asked as I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. I guessed he could sense my nervousness.