Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One (31 page)

I need to know the truth. I need to know what I did to upset her. I’ve been through our last conversation so many times and still come up blank. All I can think of is that she was upset I never told her that I used to play for the Bears. She already knew about the accident and that Gabby was dead. But it doesn’t make sense that she would be upset over my history with the team.

It has to be something else.
Like she’s already written me off because of the job offer in Seattle
.

There’s only one other person who would know what’s going on.

I call Toivo. After he talks to someone who I guess to be Maija, he tells me to meet them in the pub I’ve been to one other time with them and Sofia.

“Is Sofia okay?” I ask. “Is she hurt?”

“I don’t know all the details. Maija will fill you in when you get here.”

Toivo and Maija are sitting at a small table in the corner of the patio when I arrive. I take the empty seat. “So what’s going on? Where’s Sofia?”

“She went to Rovaniemi,” Maija says. “She needed time to figure stuff out and couldn’t do that here.”

“Rovaniemi? Where the hell is that?”

“Lapland. In northern Finland. It’s a city on the Arctic Circle.”

I remember Sofia and I talked about Lapland at one point. Her parents took her there as a kid. It’s where she got the swan pendant she loves so much. “What stuff did she need to figure out? Is this about her trying to decide if she should stay here another year?”

“You really don’t know, do you?” she asks.

“Know what?”

She glances at Toivo, who nods at her and says, “He deserves to know the truth.”

Every cell in my body turns to ice, making it hard to breathe or think. What the hell’s going on? “Is Sofia okay?”

Maija nods toward the waitress walking toward us. “You will need something strong once you find out the truth,” she says.

The waitress shows up and growing more nervous by the second about what Maija has to tell me, I order a beer.

After the waitress returns with it, Maija says, “What do you know about Sofia’s ex-boyfriend?”

I shrug. What the hell’s this got to do with anything? “Not much. He was an asshole who cheated on her. But I’m not him. I would never hurt her.” Then the words I’ve longed to tell Sofia for the past few days tumble out free and unabashed. “I love her.”

Maija smiles, but it’s not the happy smile I would expect after I’ve declared I’m in love her friend. It’s a smile filled with pain. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“No, she never told me. Why?”

“So she never told you his name?”

What is this? Twenty Questions? “No, she never told me his name. What the hell does it have to do with anything?”

“His name was Ian Fischer. Does that ring a bell?”

A bitter chill spreads through me, rapidly numbing my body.
Shit
. “He was the drunk who killed my wife.”

I wait for her to go on, but she doesn’t. She drinks her beverage, waiting for me to solve the puzzle as to why Sofia refuses to talk to me. “So he’s her ex-boyfriend. What does that have to do with her ignoring my calls and texts? And what does it have to do with her going to Rovaniemi?”

“The night her ex hit your car was the night Sofia found out he was cheating on her. She was afraid you wouldn’t be able to look at her again the same way after you found out the truth. She was afraid she would always be a painful reminder of the life stolen from you. Of the wife stolen from you.”

Double shit. How could she even think that? “But why go to Rovaniemi?”

She glances at Toivo again and he takes her hand. “Do you know what Sofia does best?”

I have a few thoughts but they don’t explain why she went to Rovaniemi. I shake my head.

“When things are too much for her,” she explains, “Sofia runs. She came to Finland because she was escaping her memories of the accident, and now she’s running again.” She takes a slip of her drink, giving me time to allow this all to soak in. “Now you know the truth. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

What
am
I going to do?

Another voice reminds me how similar Sofia and I are. I didn’t come here just to coach those boys and gain experience toward a new career. I was trying to escape my memories and demons back home, like she’s been doing. Shit. If I hadn’t been so messed up. If I hadn’t held onto my hatred for what the asshole drunk driver did to me and Gabby and our families. If I hadn’t told her about the accident, I wouldn’t be losing the one person who can help me move on. The one person who made me want to move on.

And what was the point of staying angry this past year? Did it bring back the dead? Did it mean I could play for the NHL again?

There’s only one thing I can do. “I’m going to Rovaniemi to see if I can find her. I need to talk to her and figure out how to keep her in my life.”

Maija narrows her eyes at me. “Even though you’re moving to Seattle? Even though she might stay here for a while?”

“I’m not going to Seattle. I turned down the job. And if our relationship must be long distance until she goes back to the States, then we’ll make it work.”

• • •

Early the next morning, with my backpack stuffed with clothes to last me two days, and no idea where to look once I get to Rovaniemi, I drive to the airport. Fortunately, Rovaniemi isn’t Minneapolis, with hundreds of hotels. But what difference will it make? It’s doubtful they will tell me if she’s staying there. All I can do is leave a note at each one and hope wherever she’s staying will pass it on to her.

In the boarding area, I pace back and forth, waiting to get on the plane. The overhead speaker crackles and an announcement is made in Finnish. Judging from everyone’s expression, it’s not good news. People gather their belongings and walk to the counter.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Due to mechanical issues with our plane, we will be canceling flight Air Finland 245 to Rovaniemi. If you approach the check-in counter, we’ll do our best to reschedule you for a later flight today.”

Shit. The line’s already long. No way will I be on the next flight. Knowing I don’t have much choice, I join the end of the line. It takes a while before it’s my turn. Most of the passengers before me don’t look too happy as they leave the counter.

“The next available flight we can get you on is this afternoon at three o’clock,” the woman at the counter says after checking the computer. “Do you want it?” A sinking feeling consumes me. That’s not for another seven hours. But since it’s over twelve hours via train, I don’t have a choice. “Yes.”

I sit next to an elderly woman on the wooden bench and wait for the bus. A cool morning wind brushes past, making me glad I’m wearing my jeans and hoodie. The oversized mosquitoes buzzing around my head also make me glad I’m dressed like this. If I hadn’t left my crutches in the youth hostel, I could have swung at the mosquitoes and hit a home run. They’re that big.

Trying to ignore the irritating buzz near my ear, I check my phone. Maija sent me a text to ensure I’m okay.

Sitting at bus stop to see Santa’s Village
, I text back.

Make sure you remind him that I’ve been good this year.

I laugh and the woman, who could be in her late sixties, smiles at me in that way where you know she has no idea what I’m saying if I were to talk to her.

Or maybe it’s Toivo I should be reminding that you’ve been good. :)

You have a good point!

The phone rings and I answer it. “Hey mom. Is everything all right?” She knows I’m in Rovaniemi, she just doesn’t know why. I haven’t told her yet that I’m considering staying in Finland. I have two days to decide before my return ticket to Minneapolis expires. Two days to decide what’s the right thing to do. Two days before I’ll have to tell the Bears that I won’t be able to do the practicum. The practicum that Kyle helped me get. Not because he used to work in their marketing department—but because he used to be one of their players.

I thought being in Rovaniemi would help me figure things out. But it hasn’t.

“What’s this about you staying in Finland once the summer is over?” she asks.

“Where did you hear that?” I haven’t mentioned it to Muumu. Despite Joni helping me learn the language, that discussion is well beyond my abilities.

“My mother. And she had to find it out from Joni.” An odd strain marks her voice. She’s not happy I’m considering this option.

“Muumu needs me. She needs someone who can help her while she recovers.”

“Sofia, you don’t have to worry about that. Your father and I made arrangements so that she would be taken care of. It’s up to you, but I don’t want you to feel obligated that you have to stay there.”

Hearing this is like a weight I didn’t realize existed on my shoulders is suddenly knocked off. Now I really do have a choice. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll let you know tomorrow what my decision is. Okay?”

“All right. But if my vote counts for anything, I miss you and I want you to come home.”

I laugh. “Okay, I’ll take that under advisement.” I end the call and stare at my phone. I’ve read and listened several times to the texts and voice messages Kyle left me since I last saw him. And I still don’t know what to do. I love him and everything about him. I love his random physics facts and how he gets excited when I tell him he’s sexy whenever he talks about them. I love how he makes me feel, whether he’s kissing me or touching me. I love how he makes me laugh and how my confidence has grown from being with him.

And I miss him more than I thought possible.

“What would you do?” I ask the woman after pouring my heart out, knowing she doesn’t understand anything I’m saying. The entire time I was talking she nodded, pretending to be enthralled with everything I said.

“I think you already have the answer,” she replies and I shriek as if a dead body just spoke to me.

“Y-you understood everything I said?” I ask, eyes wide.

“What? You didn’t think I spoke English?”

My face heats a thousand degrees. “Well, yeah, no, I didn’t. My grandmother doesn’t speak English so I assumed you didn’t either.”

She pats my hand. “You’re changing the subject. We were discussing your boyfriend problems. Have you tried calling him?”

I shake my head. I’ve thought about it a million times, but I chicken out each time my finger hovers over the keypad. “What I have to tell him isn’t something that can be explained over the phone. It’s complex.”

“There’s nothing complex about love.” I open my mouth to argue the part about me being in love but she stops me short. “It’s on your face. That’s how I know. Have you even told him how you feel?”

I shake my head, clearly unable to say anything intelligent. Heck, clearly unable to say anything, period.

“Maybe it’s time you do.”

I snort. “You want me to tell him on the phone that I love him? Isn’t that kind of impersonal?”

“Maybe so, but something tells me that pouring your heart out will do you and him some good. And from what you’ve told me, you’ve got nothing to lose. You don’t have to tell him everything now, but you do need to eventually be honest with him.”

The bus that drives past Santa’s Village pulls up to the curb and the woman stands. She climbs on and I follow. The bus is crowded so even though I wouldn’t mind getting more advice on my love life, I can’t. A man stands up, allowing the woman to take his seat. I continue to the back of the bus.

I find the only other empty spot available and sit next to a guy with a pierced lip and a sleeve of tattoos. The last person on the bus I expect to be a love expert, although I could be wrong.

I remove my phone from my backpack and study it for several minutes, as if the answer to what I should do will flash on the screen. Or Kyle will sense that I want to talk to him and phone me this very second. Or this second.

Or this one.

When that doesn’t happen, I scroll through the texts Kyle has sent me since the day I ran. He hasn’t texted me in the past twenty-four hours. And why should he? It’s my turn to reach out, not his.

Not wanting to pour my heart out to Kyle while on the bus with Tattoo Guy sitting next to me, whether he understands English or not, I return the phone to my purse. I spend the rest of the trip watching the houses become fewer and fewer, to be replaced by pine trees as we drive along the highway.

Santa’s Village comes into view. The squat wooden buildings, joined in a line, with their arched windows, haven’t changed since the last time I was here with my parents, when I was a kid. Nor has my belief changed that the pointed roof on the taller building, which makes up the main entrance, reminds me of an angular wizard hat with Santa’s picture on it.

The bus comes to a stop and a swarm of tourists climb into the aisle and exit. A few people, including Tattoo Guy and the elderly woman remain behind.

“Don’t forget to call him before it’s too late,” she says as I walk past. I promise her I will and join the rest of the tourists milling around the front entrance. While everyone goes inside, I remove my phone from my purse. Before I can change my mind, I find Kyle’s number and call him.
Answer. Please answer
.

I get his voicemail.

“Hi. It’s me. Sofia. I just want to say that I’m sorry for not calling you back sooner.” I stumble over the words, not too sure what to say. “Something happened. Well, more like I found out something that has to do with you and me. And I got scared that you would hate me after you discovered the truth. So I left. And I’m in Rovaniemi and I’m not sure if I’ll see you again, because after this I’m going back home. But—but I wanted to tell you that I love you. And I’m sorry about everything. I really am.” The words come out so fast I barely realize what I’m saying. He won’t understand what I’m talking about, but it’ll have to be enough.

I hang up and enter the building somewhat lighter. I can’t keep running. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen between me and Kyle, I’ll have to face the truth and deal with it.

With no real destination in mind, other than to explore the entire village, I wander through the stores. I’m not searching for anything specific, other than maybe a few gifts for my parents and friends.