“Nix, no,” she panted, struggling to talk down her libido, but the warm, languid burn in her limbs worked against her focus. “I…I….” She shook her head to clear away the lusty haze, or thought she shook her head. At this point, she wasn’t certain. “I don’t need a pity fuck. I’ll learn to manage the demon on my own.”
The digits in her hair curled tight, stinging her scalp, and he yanked her head back just enough to look her in the face. Angry orbs glared at her. “I don’t want to fuck you. Not ever. Don’t forget that, Mads. Don’t ever fucking forget that.”
Okay…maybe she’d gotten the kiss all wrong. Confused by his statement, his anger made little sense. Why the kiss or the hard-on nestled between her legs—or just the freaking kiss in general—if sex hadn’t been on his agenda?
“But I do want to make love to you.” Her belly somersaulted at the visceral slash of his gaze as it traveled over her face, down across her breasts and lower, to where they were intimately pressed together. “I want to make love to you all night, every night, until you’re hoarse from crying your pleasure.”
Dear God
. “Until you’re so exhausted you crash into a deep sleep. Until—”
She placed her hand over his mouth. She couldn’t take much more of the ‘untils’ without ripping his clothes off and forgetting her cupid agenda. “What about Alessa?”
His scowl crinkled the corners of his eyes and knitted his brow. Nix mumbled beneath her palm and she removed her hand so he could speak.
“What about her?” Nix’s gruff voice hinted he disliked the direction of the conversation.
“She’s your woman. The woman Georgie talks about.”
“Mmmhmm….” Just a sound, as he processed her statement with a full-blown scowl. “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Alessa’s my friend. Nothing more.”
“You’re more than just friends, Nix. You can’t deny that. And I wouldn’t buy the ‘friends with benefits’ bullshit if you tried to sell it. And she ain’t like your sister because you’ve been sleeping with her.”
“Mads, you got this all wrong.”
No, she didn’t. Georgie had been adamant Madison would meet Nix’s woman and she would find out the woman’s identity when they returned from Hell. Logic dictated the
only
woman it could be was Alessa. They were good together, proven by the memories Alessa reminded him of in Hell to yank him out of Micah’s demonic cuckold. Moreover, she was Nix’s type, beautiful, gutsy, and strong.
“Five years ago, Georgie told me your woman was strong, brave, and not without inner turmoil. She’s in the Sherlock business and I’d live to meet her.”
Nix quirked his lips. “That’s all she said?” Madison nodded. “Kind of vague, don’t you think?”
“No, I didn’t think so. Can I move off your lap?”
“No.” He shook his head and added slight pressure to her lower back to maintain her position. His ever-present arousal drove her demon insane. “And from what Georgie said five years ago, you took that to mean Alessa was my woman?”
“Yes, but not initially. Georgie confirmed my suspicions the day before I entered Hell when she told me your woman was already with me and I’d meet her if I came out of Hell. Alessa’s the only logical choice, Nix.”
“Logical choice, huh?” In unison, his brows rose as if amazed by her deduction skills. “Georgie said a lot to you about an elusive woman she’s
never
mentioned to me.”
“You know Georgie and her secrets. Can you let go of my hair?”
“No.” As if realizing how tightly he gripped the strands, he loosened his hold and rubbed the sting out of her scalp with his fingertips.
“Nix, you’re a great friend and I know you’ve been eager to help me in the past with my problems. I will learn to manage the demon. But I won’t betray Alessa to alleviate my…issue.” Crap! His scowl turned into a ferocious glower. Madison spoke fast. “I saw how you felt when that vampire attacked her in Hell. I know you love her.”
Nix smiled frostily. “I’m uncertain if I should be flattered or insulted that you think I’m hitting on you while in love with someone else. How big of a cad do you think I am?”
“I didn’t—”
“No, don’t answer that.” His black look grew more fearsome and she wanted to glance away, but would not. “Not only do you think I’m in love with someone else, but trying to get into your pants while that someone else is here in the house.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe she expected so little of him. Dark fervor strained his voice. “I’m not that big of a bastard.”
“I really didn’t think of it like that.” But… she could see why her words would anger him.
“Let’s set something straight. I love Alessa, but I’m not
in
love with her. Big difference. You don’t have to believe the ‘friends with benefits’ bullshit if you don’t want, but it’s the truth. The God’s honest truth. We helped each other through difficult times, nothing more. I’ve had a lot of fun with her over the years. Yes, I spent a lot of time in her bed fucking her so we could forget our lives, but it was never anything more than that. We respect one another
as friends. Nothing more
. If you ask her, she’d tell you the same.”
“What if she said something different?”
“Mads,” he warned, his voice dark and low.
“What?” Her intentions were honorable. She wished he’d realize she tried to help him find a happy future. As far away from her as he could get.
“I’m
not
in love with Alessa. End of story.”
“Fine,” she huffed. “Then who? Maybe that Genovela chick I never met—”
Nix jerked on her hair and she gasped at the sudden sting, taken aback by his violent reaction. “Shut up,” he growled. “My God, who knew you were such a little matchmaker. I’m not in love with Genovela either. She’s too…too…you’d have to meet her to understand. Don’t start thinking about Zoe because she
is
like my sister and that’ll offend me more. The only emotion I feel toward Petra is the overwhelming desire to kill her demonic ass. And if your wicked brain turns toward Georgie, I might turn you over my knees and redden your lovely ass.”
Shocked by his threat, her eyes rounded.
“So,
who
exactly does that leave?” His tone turned mild, but his expression bred serious emotions.
Madison glanced over his shoulder at the corner of the ceiling and mentally ticked through the list of people they knew. He’d covered everyone, but that made no sense because Georgie had said—she shook her head. Maybe she’d misunderstood. But the psychic had been so specific when they discussed Nix’s woman.
“Seriously, you can come up with no one else, baby? Not even with descriptions like strong and brave, or inner turmoil and in the business?”
“Nix, I don’t know anyone else you know.” She met his gaze briefly, but his direct stare warmed her in places that had no business growing hot…or wet. She refocused on the cobwebs in the corner of the room. They were less intimidating. “Maybe I misunderstood Georgie.”
“You don’t think some of that could describe you?”
Madison chuckled, genuinely amused. “Yeah, right.”
Look who needs to get serious now
. “I’m not brave or strong.”
“You planned to go to Hell for me. You faced Micah on your own. That’s brave and if not strong, I don’t understand the definition of either word.”
“Idiocy? Necessary and definitely my duty, Amos and Georgie both said I had to go. Following the guidance of a ten-year-old, that should tell you how screwed up I am, knowing he’s telling the truth when he says you’re too important to leave in Hell. What choice did I have? None.” Madison released a long, tired sigh. She’d never felt as world-weary as she did at that moment. Sick of thinking, tired of worrying, and drained from making decisions that affected not just her life, but those around her, she prayed for an outcome that’d alleviate her concerns. Worst of all, resisting her inner demon left her exhausted.
With the hand in her hair, Nix forced her to face him. “Mads….”
“No, Nix, I’m not finished.” He needed to understand. “I don’t suffer from inner turmoil; I’m just plain fucked up. I’m damn sure not a Sherlock or in the business. I want nothing to do with those self-righteous jerks, except for you and your Sherlock family, of course.”
“Of course,” he said with an amused grin.
“I was dragged kicking and screaming into this life. Make no mistake; I
would
dive straight back into Hell without a second thought if I wasn’t disappointing everyone I loved.”
“There’s so much wrong with what you just said I can’t begin to single it all out.” Nix rubbed the sting out of her scalp, and too weak to resist his touch, she relished the feel of his fingers, leaned into it like a canine begging for affection. “It’s always been you, Mads.” Her head snapped forward. “Only you.” His eyes held hers hostage. The vow in his words terrified her.
But his confession made no sense. They were friends. Only friends. There’d always been a heavy attraction between them, but…but…but…Nix was attracted to a number of women, so she hadn’t been unique in that regard.
She needed some space to process his words, to think, to determine his seriousness or…why would he joke about something this significant? Madison pushed to scramble off his lap.
“Hell, no.” His arm wrapped around her lower back and pulled her closer, held her in position. Her breasts crashed against his chest and her nipples instantly puckered, as if they both were bare-chested. His fingers in her hair tightened and angled her head back so he could look at her.
“I’m not running from what I feel any longer, Mads. And I’m not letting you either. Life is too short not to chase your dreams. I learned that the hard way and went to Hell before I could tell you how I felt.” He kissed her forehead and the hand on her lower spine shimmied down to the rounded curve of her bottom, sealing her core against his erection. “For five fucking years I tried to lose myself in other women, but even that didn’t work. When I was inside them, I was thinking of you.”
Oh, that’s good
, Lynx piped in, startling her after being silent so long.
That’s sad
, Madison contradicted.
“That hellish King of yours—”
“Not mine,” she whispered in protest.
“—would’ve bargained for a piss-poor lineage if not for Zen’s actions. It was the mental anguish of losing
you
that broke me.”
She licked suddenly dry lips.
“There is no woman in this world, heaven or Hell, perfect for me, but you.”
Her stomach twisted violently and definitely not with butterflies. Fear. Excitement. Adrenaline. All those emotions ran rampant through her system. She wanted nothing from Nix, except his friendship and supernatural aid on occasion. But if that were so, why the equally intense exhilaration warming her? Or the adrenaline that pulsed between her thighs.
I want a lot more from him than friendship
. Her succubus was too honest for her comfort.
“Intimacy frightens you. I get that, Mads, I do. I’d be just as frightened of opening myself up to hurt as you are if I’d suffered the same experiences.”
“Depends on the type of intimacy,” she squeaked, but even she heard the tremor in her voice. “We’ve been in many intimate situations, and they didn’t frighten me.”
“Oh, baby, you know I’m talking about the intimacy between us. The way your pulse quickens when I touch you.” To highlight his point, he pressed his lips against hers and licked her bottom lip. Madison bit back the moan of pleasure. “The way your breath goes ragged when I do things like that to you.” A satisfied grin titled his lips, and she realized he’d caught her body’s response even though she’d caged the sound. “Our attraction has always been there. From that very first day I stormed into your life, I’ve wanted no other woman but you. Everything about you is sexy and exciting. The way you mother your child, your strength, your stubbornness, your bravery, even your foolishness to damn yourself for me. All of those traits are sexy.”
Madison’s head spun. Her heart thundered in her ears. She was no longer sure how much of his words she heard accurately anymore because she scrambled to think of ways to get away from him. She needed to think, to process everything he said. Most of all, she needed to get the hell away from him so she could protect him. A diseased wasteland of demonic entities followed her wherever she went and she didn’t want that for Nix, didn’t want to put him in that much dang—
A throat cleared behind them. Madison shoved out of Nix’s lap so fast she stumbled over the chair behind her. Nix seized her hips and settled her into the chair, an amused smile curving his mouth.
“Gage,” she said, sounding breathless and feeling like a teenager being caught in an inappropriate situation by her parents. Although if Gage were her dad, things would be volatile rather than uncomfortable.
Gage scratched his head, shuffled his feet, but wouldn’t make eye contact. “I was just checking to make sure Nix was okay.”
“I’m fine.” Nix was obviously unaffected by the awkward situation. “Was
way
better before you interrupted.”
Madison groaned at his comment, but didn’t dare look at Nix.
“I told you not to come down here looking for him.” Zoe emerged from behind Gage. She winked at Madison, and tugged on Gage’s hand. Madison wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole! “Come on, let’s go back to bed. Madison can handle Nix. No protection needed.”
She wanted to scream at them not to leave her alone with Nix. She needed all sorts of protection from him!
“Yeah, okay.” Gage didn’t budge, his perplexed expression centered on them, as if he hadn’t seen Nix’s confession coming any more than she had.
“I should go to bed, also.” Madison jumped to her feet. She could feel Nix watching her and she spared him a quick nervous glance. Big mistake! A devilish glint titled the corners of his eyes and a knowing arch bowed his lips. Shit! She had to get out of there before Nix tried to stop her from escaping. She couldn’t think with his hands all over her.
“Yeah, sleep is just what we all probably need.” Gage turned and cast a lingering glance at them over his shoulder, before walking out of the kitchen with Zoe.
Chapter Forty-three