Madison bolted. Nix sighed, knowing she ran because being hurt again scared her. No longer would he allow her to avoid her feelings for him. If he didn’t think she felt the same way he did, he’d walk out her door and resign himself to a lifetime of misery. But she couldn’t look at him without eating him up. She needed him, even if she was too stubborn to ask for it.
All that hocus-pocus bullshit about Georgie telling her about ‘his woman’ was just that. Bullshit. How many times over the last five years had Georgie told him to be patient? Too many times to count.
Wait until the right moment for Madison
, Georgie said.
Be patient, or you’ll ruin it all.
He’d waited, and he’d exercised patience, but not anymore. Going to Hell put things into perspective and fighting for Mads through all her fears was worth all his attention.
Nix swiveled out of the chair and caught her at the door, almost clothes-lining her when he braced a hand against the doorjamb. She came to an abrupt stop not more than an inch from his outstretched arm and stared at it, while biting her bottom lip. She lifted her baby blues. Fear and excitement clouded them.
“Where you going, Mads?” He brushed hair off her face as an excuse to touch her. But he didn’t stop there. His fingers skimmed down her throat and over her shoulder. Shivers puckered her flesh and her reaction solidified his resolution to push her boundaries.
She targeted his mouth with her eyes as if she wished to ravage his lips, and answered with one word. “Bed.”
“Going alone? Or are you inviting me?”
Her lids fell on a groan. “God, Nix.”
Nix pushed her up against the wall beside the door and trapped her with his arms, using his weight to wedge her there as he pressed a knee between her thighs. Her breath hitched and she wouldn’t look above his chin.
“Going alone makes for a cold bedfellow, baby.”
Her breathing shuttered to a rapid stop, then continued much too quickly. “I’m not what you need or really want, Nix. You’re confusing friendship with…with…lust.” She shrugged. “I’m not for anyone unless danger is what you seek. Amos’s powers grow every day and frighten me. I worry he won’t be able to control them and that Zen will think it necessary to put him down. My psycho husband won’t relent until he gets what he wants or we’re both dead. My very active succubus aside, that doesn’t even touch how screwed up I am.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, and she sounded too damn jaded for his liking. Beautiful, fierce, loyal, brave, and sexy were all attributes he applied to Mads. Most of all she didn’t realize she was
his
. Which meant all of her problems were his as well. “I have trust issues that rival Micah’s ego, and I don’t need further complications in my life.”
“Let me share your worry-load, Mads. I’m only as big a complication as you make me.”
She laughed, a disenchanted sound. “You’ll always be complicated, Nix. Being the Ark of Heaven invites obstacles.”
Nix ran his palm down her arm, marveling at the softness of her skin as his other hand held her in place by her hip.
“Mads, be honest with yourself. You didn’t plan to go to Hell to save a friend or because Amos told you to. The way I understand it, Amos hadn’t even talked to you before you made up your mind.”
Her expression grew more frightened the longer he talked. “High opinion of yourself there, Nix. Did I mention I had no intention of coming out of Hell? That I didn’t want to leave?”
“And yet you did. For me.” Mads’s startled gaze shot to his and her lips parted to speak, but he stopped her before she released a syllable. “Kur told me everything so don’t attempt a lie. We both know you’re a sucky liar.” Silence descended, her rapid breathing the only noise. “You planned to enter Hell to save me, the man that deep down inside you know you want.”
He waited patiently and watched her bottom lip tremble. “I can’t, Nix.”
“Why not?” Why’d she insist on being so difficult?
“I can’t do trust because after my heart is vested, you could walk out the door in a week, a month or a year.”
Ah…now he understood her fears better. “I’m not Micah.”
“No, you’re not. You’re more dangerous.” His eyebrows slashed upward at her confession, but she didn’t stop. “I can’t do devastated again. I can’t let—”
Nix kissed her into silence despising her vulnerability, but he wouldn’t settle for less than all of her. As he moved his mouth over hers, she responded, opened to him, and returned the plunge and slide of his tongue as if desperation gripped her.
“Tell me you don’t want me, Mads,” he said against her mouth, resting his forehead against hers. “Tell me and I’ll walk away, but you have got to mean it.”
“Nix,
please
, do not tempt me further.”
Inside he smiled because she didn’t utter the words to send him packing. If she could’ve, she would’ve scrambled to utter them. “I’m in love with you, Madison Wescott.” She inhaled sharply. “I don’t even know your middle name, but I’m in love with you so much it hurts.” He lifted his head.
Shell-shocked eyes held his. Her lips parted. Her breathing grew erratic. “You speak of love,” she said slowly, as if gauging her words carefully, “but these reflect the monster inside me.” She pointed to her bright pink irises, and pupils that turned into the flames of Hell. “No longer just a possibility of going demonic, but an actuality. I am a demon. Demon, Nix. You’ve committed your life to destroying monsters. I am a full-fledged, hardcore, succubus that wants to not only fuck you, but suck your power to depletion. I cannot dismiss what I am tomorrow simply because my mission is over and Micah is dead. It can never be dismissed and if I ignore it, the demon’s requirements will escalate.”
“Do you think your demon makes me love you less?”
“A demon doesn’t deserve love.”
Stunned by the admission, he could only shake his head. Low self-esteem coming from Mads was a novel idea. But…wasn’t. Since learning her genetics, she’d thought less of herself.
“It’s blasphemous for the Ark of Heaven to tolerate anything demonic. You should get as far away from me as you can. I bring about death and damnation to those closest to me. The only thing it’s good for—”
“Not another fucking word, Mads!” Nix tugged her against him. Her breasts collided against his chest, and she panted like a woman good and worked up. If she’d cooperate, he’d have her panting beneath him in pleasure instead of anger.
Her arms hung limply at her sides and she stared in the vicinity of his throat. He wrapped an arm around her waist, spun her about, and walked her backward toward the table. Once there, he lifted her on to its flat surface and slid in between her parted thighs. She clutched the edge of the table, her fingertips turning white.
Nix tangled his hand in her hair and gently tilted her head. Blue eyes surprised him. He’d expected demon eyes.
“Give me your Lynx back.”
“Why?”
“Please.”
A long, tense moment lingered, before her eyes sizzled over into demon. Burnt orange pupils like those of the Kings, glowing hot-pink irises rimmed in Pandora yellow, as stark as a sunflower. No one could pretend they were human. And Nix had no desire to make-believe she was anything other than what she was.
“Disgusted yet?”
“Not even close.” Nix bent his head and grazed her lips with his. Her eyes closed immediately, but he kept his open so he could watch her as he licked her bottom lip. He discovered he had no need of sight because her body trembled beneath him. “Open your mouth, so I can kiss the woman I love.”
She scrunched her eyes tight, but no other response came. He nipped her chin and her eyes flashed open as his hand slid out of her hair to curl around her throat. With his thumb on her chin and his palm on her jugular, her pulse beat wildly against his touch.
“What are you scared of, baby?”
“Everything.” The word wasn’t much more than a breath. “You. Me. The universe.”
“Why me?”
“I don’t like the way you make me feel.”
Now they were getting somewhere. He made her feel too much. “All hot and gooey inside?” She said nothing. He gave her a lopsided grin and shifted his lips to her ear. “What would you say if I told you I wanted to lay you on this table, naked, so I can feast on your body?”
Mads squirmed, tried to close her legs, but with him positioned between them, that option was closed. Nix moved his hand off her hip, tucked it against her spine and pulled her flush against his crotch. Her breath stalled. With the new angle, she lost her grip on the edge of the table and was forced to grab his shoulders for support.
“What would you say if I told you I wanted my mouth here?” He rocked his pelvis against hers.
Her breathing became choppy and she shook her head. “Stop! My Lynx wants too much.”
“If you wanted me to stop, you’d have stopped me already, regardless of what your succubus wants.” Her mouth parted, but she said nothing. “Touch me like a lover, Mads.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I do, our relationship will never be the same again.”
His thumb created random designs on her throat. “Our relationship can never be the same again either way. I love you too much to settle for being your friend. Take note that I said that to a very demon-eyed you.”
She blinked at his comment.
Chapter Forty-four
Why couldn’t she understand how he felt? Just because she thought she was no good for him and propagated danger to all humans didn’t mean she wasn’t worthy of love or happiness.
“I should terrify you. I could take your messian and kill you, Nix.”
“If you believe that, then you have no idea what I’m capable of.”
“I’d caution against challenging my demon.”
Nix laughed. “I’ll give you the messian willingly, baby. All you need to keep your demon satisfied.”
She trembled against him. “Don’t you know I’m trying to protect you?”
“I don’t need protection.”
“I desire more for you than a life of unknown variables, for it all to end in a hell-storm when Micah returns.”
Nix restrained from crushing her to him and kissing her very real fears away. “If all I ever get is a handful of tomorrows with you, then I’ll consider myself the luckiest man alive.”
She scrunched her eyes shut, shook her head, and muttered, “Impossible.”
Nix expected her to send him packing for sure after that. Instead, she opened her eyes and held his gaze, her breath creating erotic puffs against his chin.
Completely still, he waited for her to make the next move. She didn’t make him wait long. Madison kissed him and overpowered every one of his senses. Openmouthed, she took him to a slow and sensuous world. Aphrodite herself couldn’t drug him with an aphrodisiac as potent as Madison Wescott could with one embrace.
The tentative heat of her palm capered across his stomach. His abdomen muscles twitched in response.
“I love the way you feel,” she whispered against his mouth. “Soft flesh over hard muscle. The competing textures are devastating.”
His breathing stopped instantly as her hand skimmed up his sternum.
Nix groaned. His gut reaction was to strip her fast and take her on the kitchen table if only to prove to them both she was his. Thankfully, he possessed enough wits to abstain. He wanted to claim her slow and gentle. Savor her all night, sipping of her flesh languidly like a bottle of her high-priced, smooth liquor, getting drunk on her cries and whimpers as she climaxed over and over, ultimately with his dick buried to the hilt inside her.
As she kissed down his neck, she thumbed one of his nipples. His cock twitched against the rough outline of his jeans.
Mads pressed a kiss against the center of his chest and ventured in a new direction. Capturing one brutally hard nipple with her palm, she dragged her mouth from the center of his chest to his other nipple. As her grip released the pressure on his neck, she smoothed her hand over the tattoos on his arm and flicked the stiff bud of his nipple with her tongue.
“Mads,” he groaned and jerked her upward to devour her mouth. He rocked his pelvis against hers. Her breathing sputtered and her nails curled against his nape so hard he wouldn’t be surprised to discover crescent shapes imprinted on his skin later.
Nix pressed her backward against the table, snatched her arms up, and clamped them above her head against the wood. “Feel how hard I am for you?”
She nodded briskly, eyes half-lidded as she watched him.
Lowering his head, he nuzzled her belly where her shirt had risen to expose a subtle amount of flesh. He moved upward and laved a nipple through the cotton. The way it beaded beneath his caress, he’d bet his lineage she wore no bra. He lifted his head and peered at her. “I want to make love to you, baby, but only if you want the same thing. I can wait for you if you’re unsure. I
can
wait.”
“No more waiting. Make love to me, Nix.” Her throaty drawl nearly undid him. “I want to know what you feel like inside me.”
“This isn’t a test run, Mads.” He ran his fingers along her collarbone. “This is a commitment to
us
.”
“I know.”
“God, what am I thinking? We’re getting ahead of ourselves.” He nipped the curve of her shoulder. “I don’t have any condoms.”
“I’m on the Pill.”
He lifted his head. “Why? How long?”
“Since before I met you. I have fewer periods on them.”
Nix nodded, pretending to understand, but he knew next to nothing about female contraceptives. Taking responsibility for his sexual activities had always been his duty. The idea of making love to Mads without the muted feel of a thin barrier between them appealed greatly to him.
“If you’re worried, I’m squeaky clean of STDs. Gotta have sex to contract them, right? And I can’t contract anything if you had something.”
“I’m not a gentleman lover, Mads. I’ll want things from you that you might be reluctant to try.”
“Not with you, Nix. I trust you.” Beneath drowsy eyes, Mads watched him. “You trying to talk me out of being with you?”
He chuckled. “I’m not that much of a gentleman. But I want you to have realistic expectations. I like my sex raw and straightforward, lights on so I can see you.
All
of you. So I can watch you when you climax. No music blaring, so I can hear every sound you make. So I can hear the sounds we make when I’m inside you.” Wide-eyed, she trembled against him. Surprised by his frankness? Or turned on? “That means the wetter you are, the more noise we’ll make. Squishy noises that may rosy your cheeks with a blush I’ll enjoy licking away. And if I can make you beg and scream, I damn sure will. I. Damn. Sure. Will.”