Hellsbane Hereafter (17 page)

“What makes you think I would? How do you even know about any of this?” None of the seraphim knew about my arrangement with Michael.

“I’m a demon, and Liam is an illorum. Between us we’ve got both sides of this war covered, and people talk. All rumors, of course.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes. He shook his head. Finally his gaze landed on the shop window. He pointed past me again at the angel sitting with Sadie. “Isn’t that a seraph? If you’re totally loyal to Jukar, what’s he doing here?”

I followed his point and saw Thes gazing up at Sadie, a serene smile permanently fixed on his face. “He’s dating my business partner.”

Amon looked at me like I made it up. When I didn’t confess, he moved on. “Fine. But the thing is, I know you. I know if you thought it was the right thing to do, you’d do it. And if the seraphim want him dead, you’d think it must be the right thing to do. It’s not.”

Something didn’t track. Michael insisted our agreement be kept between us. No one,
no one
, was to know I was the archangel’s personal double agent. How could there be rumors? “Why?”

“Because…well, because you have a destiny. And it’s been my experience that fighting your destiny is never good.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the gesture more sexy on the broad-shouldered Adonis than it was meant to be. “Plus I’ve heard rumors.”

“Destiny.” I snorted. “You’re like the third person to throw that word at me in two days. Listening to all of you I’m starting to doubt there actually is such a thing.”

His light brows rose. “Oh. There is. It’s just more fluid than most people imagine. I mean, the ultimate results are always the same, but how we go about getting there can change from day to day.”

I stared at him, trying to let the meaning of what he’d said unravel in my head, form into some sort of understandable logic. After a few seconds I gave up. “Huh?”

He sighed. “According to Jukar, you’re destined to be his son’s protector. Whether you succeed and what you’ll protect him from is still in question. It all shifts and changes with each decision you make, each conversation you have. Which is why I’m here.”

Jukar had basically said the same thing. “You’re here to talk me into
not
killing him,” I said, just to be clear.

“Yeah.”

“But not exactly to make sure he doesn’t die?”

He rolled a shoulder. “Sort of. I mean, according to the rumors if you don’t kill him, he won’t die.”

“But if my destiny is to protect him, I shouldn’t be able to kill him.”

The demon shook his head, his wrinkled brow and sweet face reminding me of a young Ewan McGregor. “I don’t know. But it’s possible. It’s all semantics with long overlapping outcomes stretching generations. Honestly, even my brain chases its own tail if I think about it too long. But I can see it. We all can, the angels, even those of us who have sunk as low as me. The ribbons of human destinies weave a blanket over the world, some brilliant and colorful, others dimmer and short-lived.”

“But rumors are that I shouldn’t kill him.” Instinct niggled at the base of my neck. Could Amon somehow be tangled up in this mess?

“Killing him would be bad. Right.”

“Why? What’s so special about this kid? I mean, aside from the obvious. He’s the son of a fallen archangel. Okay, an egomaniacal fallen archangel, but still. Seriously, aside from his father’s self-serving ambition for the kid, why is everyone so interested?” I took the few steps to the edge of the sidewalk, moving away from the front window of the shop. A huge streetlight made for a good leaning post, and I slipped the ends of my fingers into the tight pockets of my skinny jeans. I’d declared it casual Friday at the shop and worn the dark jeans with cute ballet flats and a V-neck, cotton, butter-yellow blouse.

“Because his father’s not wrong.” Amon followed me, resting with one foot on the street and one on the sidewalk. He folded he arms across his stomach. “Throughout history people are born who are destined to make an impact on humanity, good or bad, through their births or their deaths. Their existence in some way leaves a mark. Like a stone in a stream, shifting current, their simple presences on the planet alters the path of humanity. Jukar feels it like the rest of us, that his son is one of those people.”

“Riiigght.”

“So are you.”

I blinked. “I’m a rock in the stream?”

“Your simple presence on Earth has, and will, alter the path of humanity.” Amon reached out and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. “We just can’t understand how, or to what far-reaching extent. Not yet. You’re special, Emma. But then you’ve always known that.”

“Special. Yeah. That’s how I feel.”
Special like a serial killer.

Chapter Fourteen

Eli came around the corner at the end of the street like a sexy movie hero with hands in the pockets of his duster, the bottom hem flaring out around his calves. In my imagination he strolled up the sidewalk in front of my shop in slow motion while wind tousled his blue-black curls. I even added a sultry soundtrack playing. And then he spoke.

“Abram needs you.” His flat tone totally ruined the happy thoughts tripping through my head.

“Where is he?”

“Bar None. Manhattan.” His lips were flat and tight, brows creasing between his eyes. He propped his hands on his hips, holding back the edges of his duster.

“Elizal.” Amon stepped toward him, then stopped short when he read the other man’s expression. “Um, It’s, uh, good to see you again. How are you faring?”

A light flush warmed Eli’s cheeks, and he tried for a smile. The effort fell short, but at least he’d tried. “I’m good. Thank you.”

A year ago, Eli had nearly killed Amon. We’d been hunting a demon we believed was behind the magister killings. Amon was a demon. We hadn’t seen him as anything more. Liam helped us understand that mistakes didn’t make a person evil, and everyone deserved to be loved. Eli hadn’t agreed at the time. He’d learned a lot since then. We both had.

The memory of those deaths, the attacks on magisters, and the bone-chilling fear that Eli might be next, turned my stomach. Now I knew it was all because of me. People had died, illorum fighting to protect their angelic trainers had died, because of it. Because of me.

My head spun, and my breakfast shot up the back of my throat. I turned away, swallowed it down, and tried to settle the guilt churning through my stomach before anyone noticed.

I turned my thought from the memory and snagged my Fallen lover’s attention. “Bar? Abram wants me to meet him at a bar?”

Eli’s brows drew tight. “Yes.”

Without another word, he put the image of the place in my head. With my angelic powers, it was all I’d need to find the bar and Abram. “What’s he want? Is he okay?”

Eli rolled his shoulders, broadcasting his irritation. “I couldn’t tell you. But it’s not the first time I’ve been left in the dark. Until I turned that corner I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. Imagine my relief to find you here, alive and well and entertaining a seraph in your place of business.”

My skills had grown strong enough that I’d learned how to close my mind, not just to Eli, but to everyone. I couldn’t stand the thought of Jukar or one of his flunkies snooping around in my head. So I kept my mind locked up. My default mindset was no guests allowed.

Up until Jukar shoved my arm into a pot of angel power, Eli could still push his way in if he wanted. I wasn’t so sure anymore. I didn’t want to think about it. For the most part, though, I was strong enough that almost no one could read my thoughts without my permission.

It turned out to be an unexpected benefit. At least the ability had made it possible to keep my promise not to let Eli know about my agreement with Michael. I hated keeping him in the dark, but I hated Eli suffering his punishment more. According to Michael, so did Eli.

I glanced at Amon, hating that Eli was doing this now in front of him. “Amon, um…”

Amon actually sighed in obvious relief. “Right. Yes. I should be going.” The demon turned back to me. “Please remember what I told you. It’s destiny.”

I nodded, smiling through the cold sweat that chilled down the back of my neck and across my forehead. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“I have to go to Liam before he aggravates that witch into making only parts of him invisible.” He glanced at Eli. “Good seeing you.”

Eli nodded, trying for a smile again, but the attempt wilted almost instantly. Amon waved to me before racing off so fast he almost vanished.

“I was worried,” Eli said before I could turn back to him.

I slipped my hands into the pockets of my jeans and faced him. “I’m sorry. I…I needed to think and I just couldn’t—”

“Couldn’t think in your own home?”

“Right.”

“Why not?”

I met his eyes. “Because I knew you’d be there.”

His throat worked a hard swallow, and he looked away, glancing into my shop, eyes narrowing on the angel mooning over my business partner. “You have a new friend?”

“No. Well, yeah, but it’s not—I mean, he doesn’t have anything to do with…”
Oh screw it.
“He’s dating Sadie.”

Eli’s attention snapped back to me, brows a tight, worried knot. “He’ll fall.”

I nodded, glancing through the glass at the couple. “Probably.”

“He has to be warned.” Eli moved to step around me.

“Whoa, wait. You can’t.” I put a hand on his chest, stopping him. “Eli, you’re a Fallen. He won’t listen to you. He won’t listen to anyone.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Would you have listened if someone had warned you?”

His gaze narrowed. “I have to try.”

“Why? Because you know how much he’ll regret it?” The words came out sharper than I’d intended, turning the question into an accusation.

Confusion flashed through his eyes, changing his expression. “No. That’s not… Emma Jane, I’ve told you I could never regret being with you.”

“Really?” I stepped closer, my conversation with Michael whispering in the back of my mind. “If you’re truly happy with me, why do you still pray for your brothers to forgive you for being with me?”

His face paled, jaw going slack. “Not my brothers.” He was dead serious. “I pray to
Father
. Every day.”

“Oh. Right. My bad.” My stomach knotted. “You beg
God
to forgive you for being with me.”

He stared at me, his expression still serious. After a few seconds of thought he asked, “Who told you that?”

My mouth snapped shut.
Shoot.
Had I just given my secret double agent life away? I played it cool, and gave him a nonchalant shrug. “Doesn’t matter how I know, I just do. It’s true, isn’t it? You pray for forgiveness.”

“Yes.”

An invisible hand squeezed around my heart, and I let out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

“I can’t stop loving Him. I never will. I talk to Him every day. He doesn’t talk back. But I do ask Him to forgive me. I beg Him for understanding.” Eli slipped his hands into the pockets of his duster, his gaze dropping.

“Uh-huh.” I knew I nodded like a bobblehead. I couldn’t stop. I was too busy trying not to cry. “I get it. It’s okay.”

“I ask Him to forgive me for loving you more than Him. To understand I can’t stop loving you. To understand I don’t want to.”

I stopped nodding. “What?”

He stepped closer and put his hands on my shoulders. “Who have you been talking to, Emma Jane? This isn’t you. Where does this uncertainty come from?”

I’d had enough. Michael had lied to me and manipulated me, using my worry for Eli to keep me in line. Eli had been praying but not for the reasons Michael had said. He’d used my fear to make me lie to the one person who would have never lied to me, the one person I could trust. I was done.

“Michael.” The name popped out of my mouth like a cork exploding from a bottle of champagne. And then everything else kind of gushed out. “He sent Liam to me after your fall with an offer. Said he had a way to undo it. He said I could earn back your grace if I spied on Jukar for him. If I fed him some kind of useful information, he’d make your brothers forgive you, and you’d be welcomed back into Heaven.”

His hands dropped from my shoulders, and I couldn’t tell if he was more shocked or hurt. “You agreed?”

“Of course I agreed. How could I not?” I stepped closer, but Eli backed away and something deep inside me shrank in pain. “Eli, he was going to get you back into Heaven. Make it like your fall had never happened. You’d be forgiven. You’d have your brothers back.”

“I’d be taken from Earth. Remanded to Heaven. Forever.”

I straightened and looked away. My cheeks heated. “There’s a price for everything. It’ll be hard at first for both of us, but you don’t belong with Jukar and his self-centered followers. You belong in Heaven. I did what I had to do to make things right.”

“Who asked you to?” His voice was soft but raw with the growing anger of a Fallen.

I lifted my gaze to his. “What? Eli, I did it for you.”

“No. You didn’t.” He slipped his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “You’d like to think you did, but this was more to ease your guilt. I didn’t want this. I
don’t
want this. It’s not even possible.”

“Michael said—”

“Michael will say whatever he must.” He cut me short. “His work is paramount. He is guided by divine decree. But, Emma Jane, the truth is his mistress and he can twist and turn her to fit his needs.”

“I know.” Good God, I knew better than most that angels take great liberty with the truth. “But he’s not lying about this, or twisting things. I can…I can feel it. You can go home again if you want it.”

“I can’t. At least not by Michael’s hand alone.”

“Eli, just listen to me—”

“It’s not up to Michael.” His broad shoulders rose and fell with a deep sigh, and he began again. “Michael is powerful, perhaps the most powerful of all seraphim. But he is only a seraph. My absolution is not his to give. Only our Father can welcome me home again. No one else.”

“And Michael has your Father’s ear,” I said.

Eli’s lips pressed into a flat line, and he shook his head, looking away. “It’s a fool’s hope.”

“But it’s possible. All you have to do is ask for forgiveness…and, y’know, stop sinning.” My face warmed.

He raised a brow. “Is that right? And by sinning you mean lying with you?”

I nodded, swallowing the sudden thickness in my throat. Just the thought of being with him, the way his tone warmed, the look in his eyes, made my body stir. Not good if we were going to stick to that no-sinning thing.

“And you’re all right with this? You no longer want to share my bed?” He stepped closer.

I shrugged, pretending it was no big deal. But what came out sounded more like desperate denial. “I mean, well…y’know…”

He stepped closer, his hands going to my hips, and my breath caught, my heart jumping in my chest. “Eli…”

“What if I don’t want to stop?” His voice washed over me, a soft, soothing caress. “What if there’s nothing more I want than to have you in my bed, to feel your body next to mine?”

“You’re only saying that because you don’t believe you can go back.” I couldn’t stop the stupid quaver in my voice. My mouth was so dry it was hard to swallow.

His arms slipped around me, big hands splaying at the small of my back, pulling me to him. He leaned down, whispering against my ear. “I say that because I want you in my bed. I want to feel your body next to mine. I want to feel my body inside of yours.”

I exhaled a shaky breath, and everything inside me melted. “That’s not fair.”

“No. It’s not.” His breath warmed against my neck, his lips pressing softly again and again, trailing kisses down to my collarbone. Each touch was like gasoline on a fire, and heat flamed through me, my mind spinning.

I knew I should pull away, make him stop. I couldn’t. I sighed, resigned to the inevitable. “Take me—”

My cell phone rang and stopped the words on my lips. Eli lifted his head as I dug the annoying thing out of my back pocket. I stared at the caller ID. It took three blinks before my brain could unscramble the letters. “Abram.”

Eli straightened. “You should answer it.”

Crap
. “Right.” I thumbed the answer screen. “Abram. Yeah. I’m on my way.” I hung up.

“This conversation isn’t over.” Eli caught my chin with the crook of his finger, making me look at him. “It’s not for you to promise my abstention. It’s not for you to decide what I’m willing to deny myself and for what reason. I made my choice knowing and accepting the sacrifices of that choice as well as the rewards.”

I stepped back, freeing my chin. “Yeah? Well, since my body is one of those rewards, I’d say I’m the one who should choose whether you get to enjoy it.”

He flashed a positively wicked smile. “Is that what you think? It will be fun persuading you to permit me my reward.”

Well, shoot.
What red-blooded woman could refuse a sexy angel? I was so screwed…if he had anything to say about it. “Right. Gotta go. Abram needs me.”

Thank God for the bad-good timing of little brothers.