Her Accidental Boyfriend: A Secret Wishes Novel (Entangled Bliss) (13 page)

His hand captured hers, keeping her at his side. “I…I want you to come with me.”

This time sincerity sounded in his voice, and Kagan would drop everything to go with him. No one ever asked for her help. Ever since her mom had died, people were cautious, like they didn’t want to involve her in their problems because what she’d suffered was worse. So they made light of their troubles and thought sparing her was better than letting her in. Even Charlotte treated her with kid gloves when something bothered her.

“Let’s go.” She gave him a tight, reassuring smile and squeezed his hand.

That’s when she noticed his palm was clammy and she wondered if she’d made a mistake by agreeing to go. He’d said he wanted her with him, but that wasn’t it. He needed her to go. She’d longed to feel needed, but getting even closer with Shane would cost her.

Because she didn’t think she’d ever be able to tear herself away.

Chapter Ten

Shane had no idea what the hell he’d been thinking asking Kagan to come with him to pick up Mia. All he knew was that he hadn’t wanted to leave her. He couldn’t watch her go when everything inside him screamed for her to stay.

Mia
.
Fuck
Tonight she needed his help.
I’m sorry to bother you,
she’d said.
But my car broke down just outside Cascade on my way back home, and I was hoping you could come get me. There’s some huge accident and pileup on the main highway back to Portland and there’s no tow trucks available.

His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight he’d probably cut off the circulation to his fingers. He sped down the deserted streets like a racecar driver on his last lap. It was nearly midnight, and Mia was alone on the side of the road with a broken down car.

“Shane?” Kagan put a hand on his arm. “You okay?”

He glanced at her and his overactive nerves cooled some. Her soft voice and caring eyes worked like magic to tell him everything would be okay. Nothing would happen to Mia.

But…

But when Kagan learned about his ex-girlfriend, would
he
be okay? In some twisted way, he must have wanted the truth to come out. What happened years ago still festered inside him and maybe, just maybe, Kagan wouldn’t hate him when she found out what he’d done to Mia.

And if she wanted nothing more to do with him afterward, then he’d accept that too. He’d go back to the way things were, back to being the town playboy without worry of hurting someone again.

“Yeah.”
No.

“You said a friend needed help?” She withdrew her hand and tucked it under her leg.

He shouldn’t have brought her with him. He clearly couldn’t think straight when he breathed in and her lavender scent was there, when he blinked and all he wanted to do was close his eyes and remember the look of desire on her face when he was lying on top of her. A rake like him didn’t get a girl like Kagan to look at him like he held the moon in his hand.

“Not just any friend.”

She turned away from him and looked out the passenger window. “Oh?”

“Her name is Mia. She was…she was my girlfriend in grad school.” He wiped his brow and told his heart to slow the hell down. “Her car broke down just outside of town, and she needs a ride home.”

“She lives here in Cascade?” Kagan leaned slightly forward and tilted her head to look at him.

“No. Portland. Shit. Maybe I should’ve told you that before I dragged you along. If you want I can—”

“No, it’s okay. I’m happy to keep you company. Will she mind that I’m here, though? You guys don’t uh, you know…”

“Hook up?” he managed to get out before swallowing the sick taste in the back of his throat. “No.”

Kagan stayed quiet, and it killed him wondering what thoughts swirled in that intelligent mind of hers.

Tell her. That’s why you brought her along
.

“Is that her?” Kagan said, pointing out the windshield to the blinking hazard lights on the side of the highway and saving him from talking.

“Must be.” Shane pulled over behind the stalled car. He’d barely put the car in park when Mia jumped out of the driver’s side and rounded the hood. Her eyes widened when she noticed Kagan. Kagan opened her door, said a quick “hi,” and moved into the backseat.

Mia tossed him her distant but cordial smile as she climbed in. “Thanks for coming. I wouldn’t have called except all my friends live an hour from here.”

“Don’t sweat it,” he said, even though sweat trickled down his back. “Mia, this is Kagan. Kagan, Mia.”

“Hi Mia. It’s nice to meet you.” Shane heard her seat belt click into place.

“Hi,” Mia said, the word terse. She did, however, relax against the seat like she was grateful for his arrival.

He put the car in drive. “So what were you doing out this way?”

“I had a business dinner at The Duchess.” She rolled her head to look at him. “Nice job there.”

“Thanks.”

Uncomfortable quiet filled the car after that. Shane tried to come up with something to say, but having these two women near each other—near him—did some mind whiplash thing and hell if he knew what to say without stirring up something he might regret later.
Dumbass.
He could use some Freudian shit from Luke right now to figure out why he’d put himself in this position.

“Mia, are you also a project manager?” Kagan asked, breaking the silence and jerking Shane’s attention over his shoulder.

She smiled at him. A tiny perfect-lips-pressed-together smile that said he could trust her.

With everything.

“I’m a corporate communications manager. You?”

“Waitress.”

Mia huffed under her breath like she thought Kagan beneath her. Shane’s blood boiled. There was no comparison. And never had it been made more clearly than right then. Kagan’s intelligence, determination, and unselfishness far outshined anyone else’s. The reason Shane had never been all-in with Mia? She had an agenda, and he’d never really been sure where he fit. Certainly, she’d never supported his aspirations without considering how they affected her.

“Kagan also designs jewelry,” Shane said. He toyed with the leather around his wrist, still in awe that she’d made it for him.

Her gaze met his in the rearview mirror. His skin heated with the warmth and appreciation he saw.

“Good luck,” Mia said, without even a hint of sincerity in the words.

Kagan didn’t seem to mind and made polite small talk the rest of the way. Mia thawed, and Shane cut her some slack. Maybe she was just as uncomfortable as he was and really, it had taken some courage for her to call him for help.

His admiration for Kagan, though, grew a thousand-fold as she talked about Cascade and broke through Mia’s tough exterior with questions about Portland’s restaurants and the best shopping places. At one point Mia turned around and Shane had a feeling Mia was wondering exactly who the woman was sitting in the backseat.

They got to Portland and Mia gave directions to her place.

“Thanks again, Shane,” Mia said, opening her door once they’d arrived at her condo. She gave a quick glance to Kagan. “I’m sorry I interrupted your night. Nice meeting you, Kagan.”

“Take care,” Shane said, relieved Mia was back home, safe. His blood thinned, back to thumping briskly through his veins.

“Good night.” Kagan hopped back into the front seat, her sweet voice filling the space around him.

As soon as Mia was inside her building, Shane took off. Whatever had prompted him to ask Kagan to come along tonight rose back to the surface. “I want to tell you about Mia.”

“Okay.” She was looking at him, but he kept his eyes on the road, afraid he’d change his mind if he turned his head and realized he could blow his friendship—his everything—with the one woman who had somehow gotten past his barriers.

An all-night diner sign flashed in black and white up ahead and five minutes later they were seated in a vinyl booth, his thigh alongside hers, their forearms touching atop the table and their pinkies playfully swiping.

Touch made admissions less hard to swallow. Or so Shane’s mom had said during his childhood when she’d hold his hand as he confessed his latest shenanigan.

God, he hoped that were true tonight.

A waitress poured them each a cup of coffee and when they declined anything else, scooted back behind the counter to check on the only other customer in the place.

“You don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to, Shane. Believe me, I know how hard it is to confess things.”

“You’ve opened up to me and I want to reciprocate.”
Or maybe I’m falling for you and if I want any hope of you falling back, you need to know how I’ve screwed up.

“That’s not a very good reason.”

“It’s not?”

“No. This isn’t supposed to be for my benefit, but yours. If you’re going to feel worse for telling me about you and Mia, then don’t tell me. What you did in the past is your business. I don’t need to know it to like you.”

He swallowed hard. With Brett hanging around ready to snatch Kagan up, why did he want to do this? Why take the chance of ruining the good thing they had going? His past could stay there, he could kiss her again, and they could rocket back to the heady sensations that had ricocheted between them on his couch.

“Could be you don’t like me at all once you hear what I have to say.”
Moron
. For some stupid ass reason he needed to get this off his chest.

“Nothing you say will make me like you less.” Her pinkie tightened around his.

“Promise?”

“What do you think I’m doing with my pinkie? Haven’t you ever pinkie-swore before?”

He chuckled. Damn, she was cute. “Sela made me do it once. We were playing catch and she thought she could throw the ball as far as me. She sailed one right through our neighbor’s window. I took the blame. She made me swear I wouldn’t change my mind or blackmail her later on.”

Kagan’s eyes twinkled under the bright white lights of the diner. “You wouldn’t do that, the blackmail…would you?”

“No. But putting a little fear into my goody-two-shoes sister was always fun.”

“I always wanted a big brother.”

“Not me.”

She laughed and focused her stare so intensely on his that Shane knew if he didn’t speak up now, he never would.

“Mia and I met our first week at business school. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but she was persistent and finally won me over. She was fun and smart and no other girls interested me as much as she did. I really did want to be just with her. But near the end of our first year of classes, she started getting more serious with talk of moving in together and planning our future after grad school. I wasn’t ready for that. Didn’t know if I’d ever be ready for that with her.” He slid a finger from his free hand along the rim of his coffee cup.

“So I started spending less time with her. I told her I needed some space and that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. She wasn’t happy, but she said she loved me and would wait for as long as it took. One night she had a cocktail party to attend and wanted me to go with her. I told her I’d meet her there.”

He lifted his gaze from the coffee to Kagan. She was watching him with simple interest. Nothing more. At least not yet.

“I had a hard-as-hell midterm that day and a buddy of mine wanted to go drink beer and shoot pool afterward, so I went. It was a Friday night and the bar was packed, the crowd fun. I forgot all about meeting Mia.”

Kagan took a sip of coffee with her left hand. She still had hold of his finger with her right. Shane pulled away.

“She left the party alone and had to walk two blocks to get to her car.” A chill crept up his neck, over the back of his arms. If he shut his eyes he might block the image of Mia’s battered face lying in a hospital bed.

Kagan put her hand on his forearm, and he lifted his lids just enough to see the contrast of her long, gentle fingers against his tense muscle.

“A guy came walking down the street at the same time. He’d gotten into it with his wife earlier and after beating the shit out of her, still had anger to spare on Mia.” Shane’s heart raced, it got hard to breathe. “He almost took it a step further, but a couple at the party came across them and pulled the guy off Mia before he could…”

Tears stung the back of his eyes. If he’d been there…if he’d kept his promise to meet her, she never would have been touched so brutally. So unfairly.

In his nightmares he always arrived too late.

“Shane,” Kagan whispered. “I’m so sorry that happened to Mia. But it’s not—”

“Don’t say it’s not my fault.”

She lifted her hand and moved it to his jaw so she could turn his face and once again look right at him. What he found in her eyes almost undid him. There was no judgment or disgust or blame. No. The only thing he saw was compassion.

“It’s
not
your fault. Sometimes bad things happen. Awful things. Things we wish we could change. But you didn’t hurt Mia, Shane. Some jerk did, who probably would have hurt someone else if he hadn’t stumbled upon Mia. It’s beyond horrible when something like this happens to someone you love, but it was out of your control.”

“That’s the thing. I didn’t love her. Maybe if I had, I would have been there, and I could’ve protected her. She was counting on me, and I let her down.” He turned his head, away from Kagan’s consideration. He didn’t deserve it.

“Whether you loved her or not isn’t the reason she was hurt.”

He let those words sink in.

“Why did you bring me with you tonight?” Kagan said.

That got his attention back. “I already told you.”

“You wanted me to meet Mia. You wanted to tell me what happened with her. Why? And don’t tell me it’s because you wanted to reciprocate stories. It’s more than that. Why me?”

He ran a hand over his head. It was because she was the first girl
ever
who shook his world and challenged his beliefs. It was because he wasn’t looking for someone until he found her and this pretend crap was driving him insane.