Her Brother's Keeper (21 page)

Charlotte knew she was being disciplined, although she'd never had anyone do it without yelling and hitting.
Lena was mothering her, and Charlotte wished more and more that she could just stay in this bubble of love forever.

“God's love is more powerful than any misgivings we might have about righteousness, ours or others',” Lena said. “The best thing that you can do for that woman and her child is to pray for them.”

“And ask for what?” Charlotte blurted out without thinking. But her hands throbbed, and now Lena's words were making her feel even worse. Not to mention that simmering on the back burner of her mind was how much of her conversation with Ryan that Jacob had heard.

“You ask for God's grace, for His mercy.” She cupped Charlotte's cheek. “You should ask for that in everything you do.”

A tear rolled down Charlotte's cheek. “Lena . . .”

“Ya?”

Charlotte sniffled, unable to choke back the tears in her throat. She put her arms around Lena's neck. “Thank you for having me here.”
I love you
.

Following a long nap, Charlotte joined the family for supper. As much as she loved the homemade bread, even a warm, buttered slice wasn't enough to cheer her up, and she was keenly aware that Amos was watching her. Several times, she'd made eye contact with the head of
the household, but he'd scowled and looked away. She'd tried to connect with Jacob, but he wouldn't look at her, adding to her worry that he'd heard enough of her conversation with Ryan to implicate her entirely. Did Lena and Amos know that Jacob was sneaking out at night? Maybe that was her ace in the hole.

Charlotte's thoughts were starting to carry her back to the real world. Even though she'd notified the editors she worked with that she would be taking a month's vacation, she'd started getting requests via e-mail to schedule more jobs for when she returned, which meant her time here was coming to a close if she planned to stay employed.

She couldn't stay in Lancaster County forever. She'd been paying her bills on her cell phone, and Ryan had checked on her apartment a couple of times, but sadly, life had gone on without her with barely a notice. She'd put away money over the past few years, so she wasn't at risk of depleting her savings. But she was going to prolong her stay a little longer, pretend to be a good person and a part of this family. Plus, she still had one more person to talk to before she left. Charlotte had to confront Edna Glick.

Charlotte also wanted to talk to Hannah about several things, so she struggled through supper and Amos's glares, biding her time. After supper, she helped Lena and Hannah clean the kitchen as best she could with her injured hands, something she hadn't been very good about doing in the past. Devotion time was forthcoming,
so she asked Hannah if she wanted to sit on the front porch for a while to enjoy the cooler weather.

“Is there something you want to talk about?” Hannah kicked her rocker into motion with her bare feet. Charlotte had put on some socks earlier in the day. She'd loved the freedom of walking around barefoot when it was warmer, following Hannah and Lena's lead, but the wood floors were cool in the evening now.

“Your father is really mad at me. I could see it on his face all through supper.” Charlotte hadn't realized until this evening how much Amos's approval mattered to her. She crossed one leg over the other and settled into a gentle rocking. Pulling snug the sweater she borrowed from Hannah, she looked at the clear sky filled with thousands of stars. She would miss this, too, when she went home. The only twinkling lights she could see at home were flickering atop the high-rises surrounding her apartment building.

“I think that with each generation, we tend to get a bit more liberal about some things, but violence of any kind is still looked down upon, and
Daed
especially doesn't like it.” Hannah turned to her and smiled. “Thankfully, you didn't go after the woman, but he knows this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't approached her. But he will get past this, Mary, so please don't worry about it. How are your hands?”

Charlotte glanced at her bandages. “I think your mom's miracle mush actually helped.”

Hannah smiled. “Surprisingly, it always seems to.”

They were quiet for a few moments. Charlotte had several things on her mind, but she was sorting her thoughts into an order that made sense.

“Did you ever want to leave here? I mean, you had the opportunity when you were a teenager, right? Since I was older when I was baptized into the faith, I'd already experienced the world, so it wasn't really an issue.” Her lies were festering like an infection, and there was no chance of healing until she came clean about everything, and even then . . . she wondered if there would be scars. She thought again about Jacob. She was going to have to find out exactly what he'd overheard, if anything.

Hannah shook her head. “
Nee
, I never wanted to leave.
Mamm
and
Daed
gave me a chance to experience some of the
Englisch
world, but
Daed
also kept a firm hand on what I did. He is stricter than some of the other fathers in our district, but he doesn't seem as strict with Jacob as he was with me.”

“What is it that made you stay?” Charlotte twisted in her chair to see Hannah, shading her eyes from the setting sun to her right.

“What is it that made
you
stay?” Hannah raised one eyebrow as she threw the question back at Charlotte.

Charlotte sighed, wondering if there was a version of the truth she could offer up since she was so tired of all the lies. “It's safe here,” she finally said. Even though Hannah had told her that family violence and other
unpleasant acts happened even within the safety net of their community.

“You mean, it's safe in your district in Texas? Or you feel safer here, with us?”

Charlotte scratched her forehead. “Both,” she said. “Safer than on the outside—in the English world.”

“I wouldn't think that's enough to convert.” Hannah obviously had as many questions as Charlotte. “I can understand you wanting to be away from your
mamm
, to start a life free of abuse, but surely there were chances for you to do that in the
Englisch
world.”

Charlotte needed to get away from this conversation thread, to ask Hannah what she really wanted to know, but she responded with another lie, a fib that she wished was true. “I wanted to find a more spiritual life, to have a true relationship with God.” In her mind, she tried to justify what she'd just said by using the relationship she was finding here and now.

Hannah smiled. “Kind of like Ethan.”

Perfect.
Now Charlotte didn't have to figure out a way to start a conversation about her brother. But so much had happened, she wasn't sure if she could hear any more without crying.

“Ethan was a surprise in so many ways,” Hannah said, looking out over the green, lush yard. “When we first met, I could have never imagined that he would be interested in me, in being baptized into our faith, or in marrying me.” She paused, a faraway look in her eyes.
“Ethan was funny. He made me laugh. And he was very compassionate, about people, animals, strangers, and causes. I fell in love with him very quickly.” She blinked her eyes a few times. “But he was his own . . . hmm . . . I think the
Englisch
say it like this . . . he was his own worst enemy. Ethan was hard on himself. He never expected anyone else to be perfect, but he seemed to demand it of himself. And sometimes, when things didn't go like he thought they should, he would get very sad.”

“I hope you will find someone else,” Charlotte said, it being the most truthful thing she'd said all day.

“I hope so too.”

They both turned toward the door when the hinges on the screen creaked. Hannah stood up and pulled the screen door wide so Jacob could maneuver his telescope onto the porch, then Hannah helped him carry it down the steps. Luckily it was on rollers, and Jacob pulled the telescope out to the middle of the yard, citing something about a planetary alignment later in the night. It wasn't even dark yet, but Lena would be calling them in for devotions soon.

“Mamm
hates that thing,” Hannah said with her hand to her forehead, blocking the sun's rays. “Jacob is so interested in anything to do with space,
Mamm
is fearful that he will leave the community to pursue his interests.”

Charlotte watched Jacob setting up and positioning the telescope. It was as big around as some of the trees in the yard and about four feet tall. Charlotte assumed he'd saved quite a bit for the purchase.

“Um . . . Isaac drove me by your fiancé's house—by Ethan's house.” She kept her eyes on Jacob, forcing herself to sound casual.

Hannah leaned her head back against the rocking chair and sighed. “I avoid driving by there since that is where Ethan took his life, but maybe I shouldn't. We also had some wonderful memories there.” She glanced at Charlotte and smiled. “One of the first things we did was to put out bird feeders. Ethan loved anything that flew. Birds, butterflies, and even bats. He had a small bat house, but I made him put it on the far side of the yard. Bats aren't my favorite of God's creatures, but Ethan found them fascinating.”

Charlotte smiled, knowing this to be true. Especially about the butterflies.

Hannah scowled. “His sister owns the house, but I don't even know if she knows that.”

Charlotte's breath caught in her throat. “Oh,” she managed to say.

“Ethan had the papers drawn up to deed it to his sister before he died. He said that once we moved to our new
haus
, he was hoping it would force her to come for a visit, to either sell the house—or stay awhile and get to know everyone. But we didn't go out of our way to tell her. And maybe that was wrong of us because Ethan loved his sister. But she was awful to me and my family after he died. I already knew that Ethan wanted to be buried here, but when we tried to explain that, the next
thing we knew, she had the lawman threatening us if we didn't allow his body to be sent back to Houston.”

Charlotte felt a muscle flick in her jaw. “She probably just loved her brother and wanted him buried close so she could visit him.” She hoped Hannah couldn't see her lip trembling.

Hannah shrugged. “I guess. I think she should have thought about what her
bruder
would have wanted though.” She paused, tapping her chin. “Ethan's sister wasn't happy with his choice to convert his faith, so I'm sure she wasn't happy that he was planning to marry me either. He'd asked her to visit several times, but she declined, and that hurt him. He very much wanted to have her in his life even though she was
Englisch
. But he said she had a lot of problems.”

The hair on Charlotte's neck began to prickle. “Like, what kind of problems?” Even though Charlotte was still trying to adjust to the fact that she owned the little blue house, she couldn't imagine what Ethan might have told Hannah.

“He just said she was bitter, misdirected, and didn't have any faith.”

Charlotte grunted. “How could he know that? She might have had all kinds of untapped faith that she just didn't understand.” She quickly looked at Hannah, regretful of her revealing outburst.

Hannah frowned. “
Untapped
faith? What is that?”

Finally. A chance to tell the truth.
“When a person
knows there is something else out there, a deity, a reason for living, but they've never been educated in a way to understand that it's God.” She wondered if Hannah would get it. “That's how it was with me before I became Amish.”
Okay, so a tiny lie at the end.

“I don't know. I wish I could have known her since Ethan loved her so much, but it was clear that she didn't want anything to do with us.” Hannah sighed, raising her shoulders, then slowly lowering them. “And maybe it's for the best. I don't think I would have liked her.”

“Why? Just because she wanted her brother's body returned home?”

Hannah turned to Charlotte. “This
was
his home.”

Charlotte had to give her that, but her mind was awhirl with other thoughts.

“His sister asked all kinds of questions after he died, and maybe I should have done more to help her find peace,” Hannah said before she sighed. “But I didn't understand either. Ethan would get depressed, feel better, then get sad again. But we'd been happy for a long time. I wrote her back that I didn't know why he had taken his life, and when I saw phone calls coming from a number I didn't know, I just didn't answer.

Glancing at Hannah, Charlotte fought the bitterness trying to worm its way into her emotions, but she really couldn't blame Hannah for thinking she wouldn't like Ethan's sister. Charlotte didn't like herself sometimes. But things were changing, and she was looking forward
to putting the past behind her, making a full confession about all the lies, and basking in the new friendships she'd made here. Thankfully, the Amish were a forgiving bunch. She might not see them as often as she'd like, but at least she'd be able to call and write letters. Charlotte was also encouraged about her developing relationship with God, and thankful that it was something that would travel home with her. And then there was Ryan . . . she wondered where that connection might lead as well.