She put her fingers to his lips. "That wasn't a gasp of fright. That was one of those oh-my-god-that-feels-so-good gasps."
"Oh." Niall's hand stroked her bare upper arm, sliding from her shoulder all the way down to her wrist. "I should have asked before kissing you."
"Probably."
"But I got wrapped up in the moment."
"I'm glad."
"Me too," he admitted with a nervous laugh. "May I kiss you again, Cruz?"
"Oh, please." She reached for him, letting her hand grip the back of his neck as she tugged him down for another kiss. This time she was in total control. Niall's hand stayed on her arm and never strayed. She loved him for that. He wasn't greedy and maintained perfect restraint as Cruz acclimated to the once familiar but now so foreign feeling of being kissed.
A low groan escaped his throat as she darted her tongue between his lips. Her long-buried primal side desperately craved the sensual dance of a French kiss. As the kiss deepened and reached near frantic heights, Cruz started to ache for something more, something she'd worried she never again desire.
But it was too soon.
She needed some more time to adjust to intimacy. Rushing into something with Niall, no matter how badly she wanted it, was a sure recipe for disaster. His emotional wellbeing was just as fragile as hers. Rejection would hurt him badly, even if it was unintended and a natural response to the kind of trauma she'd experienced.
She slowed the pace of their mating mouths and eased off the never-ending kiss. Their foreheads touched and panting breaths mingled as they clung to one another in the darkness. She'd never imagined she'd find this kind of healing in the arms of the cowboy who had so scared her that first night. Somehow he was everything she needed and more.
"That was nice." She'd finally calmed down enough to trust her voice.
"Not too much?" Concern was evident in his husky tone. "I don't want you to feel pressured. I want you to know whatever this is, whatever we're becoming or not becoming, is all your choice. I'll go as far as you want. If this is it, these kisses, that's okay with me."
His sweet words made her belly wobble. "Thank you for understanding, Niall."
"If anyone should be saying thanks, it's me. You didn't have to come in there. You could have barricaded yourself in your room and let me scream and holler until I woke up but you didn't." He pressed a grateful kiss to her forehead. "You're going to be an amazing mother, Cruz."
"I hope so," she said, touching her belly self-consciously. Feeling comfortable with Niall, she confessed, "I worry about the baby sometimes."
"Because of his paternity?"
She nodded and then remembered he couldn't see her in the dark. "Yes. I had a not-so-supportive friend remind me that bad genes tend to breed true in animals so I shouldn't expect anything less from the baby."
"That so-called friend of yours is a monster for saying something like that." He cupped her face with his rough hand. "It's not true, Cruz. That baby is a blank slate. He's only known love from you and that's all he'll know once he's here. You're a strong woman and he's lucky to be raised by you."
"What if I'm not enough?"
"You won't be alone, Cruz. You'll have Carlos and m—" He stopped abruptly but she'd heard the beginning of the word
me
. "You'll have lots of support. Felix is going to grow up to be a good man. You'll see."
Cruz wanted to ask him about that slip he'd just made. A flutter of excitement and hope awakened within her. Was Niall starting to feel for her what she felt for him? After what he'd been through with Marlene, it had to be a scary prospect for Niall to consider caring for another pregnant woman and child. Even though she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, she refused to push him right now.
Niall scooted farther away from her and gently pressed on her shoulder. "Roll onto your side, sugar."
Hearing him call her a pet name left Cruz giddy. She did as he asked and almost swooned when he snuggled up to her back. His arm curved protectively around her big belly, his hand spanning the front of her bump and giving a reassuring pat to the baby who seemed to have finally settled down. Niall's lips ghosted across her collarbone. "Good night, Cruz."
"Night, Niall." She closed her eyes and reveled in the secure sensation of being held in this man's arms.
Oh, yeah. I could get used to this.
9
Chapter Nine
Dry grass crunched beneath Niall's boots. He slowly walked the perimeter of the hunting cabin and checked the carefully hidden alarm sensors. Last night, while Cruz had been asleep in the front seat of his truck, he'd popped open the panel in the back of the bedroom closet and switched on the alarms. He was glad she hadn't seen him. Her anxiety levels were already through the roof, and Niall worried that letting her in on the truth about the safe house might put her and the baby at risk. He wanted her calm, cool and relaxed. Well—as relaxed as she could be, all things considered.
Perimeter check complete, Niall turned back toward the cabin. He silently admitted that he'd deliberately taken his time walking from sensor to sensor. Conflict raged within him. He was playing with fire and was bound to get burned. Yet he couldn't stop himself. He wanted Cruz. He wanted her with every fiber of his being.
Last night with Cruz had been more powerful than anything he'd ever experienced. The way she'd held him had left him reeling. He'd sought comfort in her warm arms and she'd gladly given it. At first, he'd been afraid to show her how desperately he needed her touch but she'd gained his trust as easily as a cowgirl calming a skittish horse. Part of him had been waiting for her to pounce on his vulnerability. During his abusive childhood, Niall had learned to keep his deepest, darkest secrets buried. Those kinds of things were ammunition in the right hands.
But Cruz hadn't ridiculed him. She'd done just the opposite. She'd built him back up, helped him see that there was hope, that he wasn't irrevocably broken. He'd woken up this morning with the realization that he had to change. It was time to man-up and get back into therapy.
"Hey!" Cruz looked up from the laptop and smiled at him as he entered the cabin.
"Hey." The delicious scent of that pot roast in the slow cooker filled his nose. He ignored his grumbling belly as he closed the door and cast another glance at Cruz. It didn't look as if she'd moved the entire time he was gone. "I thought you were going to take a shower and relax?"
She waved her hand dismissively. "I got busy and had a breakthrough."
"You're going to have a breakdown," Niall warned as he came to stand behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders and kneaded her tight muscles. "You have to rest, Cruz. You're under a lot of stress. You need to think about the baby, okay?"
"I know." Her voice had gone soft. She relaxed into his massaging hands. "Oh! Right there!" She made a low groan that inspired some truly dirty thoughts. "That feels fantastic."
Heat streaked through Niall's groin. His fingers itched to show her how truly fantastic he could make her feel. He eyed the window and the dusky sky. Soon it would be dark. He had a sneaking suspicion things were going to get a bit tricky when bedtime came around. Already, his cock stirred to life and pressed almost painfully against the fly of his jeans. He'd promised Cruz she'd be in control of whatever happened or didn't happen between them. He had a feeling he was going to be taking a long cold shower in a few minutes.
"Niall?"
"Yeah, sugar?" Or maybe not, he thought hopefully. Maybe she was entertaining the same thoughts.
"I was thinking about Jolene."
His cock deflated almost instantly as his arousal plummeted. "Jolene?"
Cruz twisted in her chair. He let his hands drop from her shoulders. She had that look on her face he'd come to recognize as her thinking face. "She doesn't add up."
"How so?" Niall crossed to the nearby cabinets and pulled down two plates. "You want salad with dinner? I grabbed a bag while I was at the grocery store earlier."
She shook her head. "Pot roast and veggies are fine." She rose slowly and stretched carefully. "You know what I don't get about Jolene?"
He dished food onto plates. "No idea."
"How did she know Carlos was undercover? I mean, the only people who know about Carlos and me are people who knew us before he went undercover with DEA. You, the rest of the unit, our neighbors from various military bases. No one I work with now has ever met Carlos, and I've been at UT for four years. So how does she know? What are the odds of her knowing someone Carlos and I have in common?"
Niall's hands stilled. He hadn't even considered that when Cruz had told him about her run-in with Jolene at the payphone. He'd been more concerned with getting her off the ranch quickly. "Not high, I'd imagine."
"Exactly," Cruz replied. "So that leaves two alternatives."
"And those are?"
"Well she's friends with someone at the DEA, someone who knows one of Carlos's handlers." Cruz closed the laptop and moved it to the edge of the table. "That doesn't bode well for Carlos or any other undercover agent. Someone over there has loose lips."
"And the other alternative?" Niall slid their plates on the table and went back for some silverware.
"She's on the cartel’s payroll."
Niall almost dropped the forks clutched in his hand. "What? You're crazy!"
Cruz squared her shoulders as if ready to fight. "I'm crazy? Are you serious? Your girlfriend is the nut."
Niall gritted his teeth. "She's not now nor has she ever been my girlfriend."
"Then why won't you accept the fact that she's probably a dirty cop?"
"Because she's a damn good cop, Cruz."
"Too good," Cruz retorted. "I mean, really, Niall? It never seemed weird that she nabs all those drug busts? I checked the online archives for the local paper in Eldorado. Do you have any idea how much coke and pot she's intercepted?"
Unease filtered through him. "I hadn't ever really paid attention. I'd see her picture in the paper but I rarely read the articles."
"You should have," Cruz replied rather snippily. "There's lucky and then there's
lucky
, Niall. I'd bet dollars to donuts she's on DLG payroll. They're supplying her with info about rival cartel shipments, about Reynosa drugs, and she intercepts them."
"Why DLG payroll?"
"I checked the mug shots from the men picked up during those busts. Most of them have that crown tattoo on their necks, the same one Carlos has now." She touched a spot on the right side of her neck. "It's big and bold and the cartel insignia."
Niall flopped down in his chair and considered what Cruz had just said. The idea that he'd been bamboozled by Jolene didn't sit well with him. In fact, it straight-up pissed him off! How the hell had he been that blind? God, but he was getting soft in his old age.
"You're upset, aren't you?" Cruz watched him carefully.
"Not at you," he said, hating the slightly worried look in her eye. "With myself."
"You should be," she replied matter-of-factly and picked up her fork. "I mean, how dare you make a mistake! And you call yourself a spec-ops soldier!"
Niall caught that impish grin of hers and snorted. "Okay."
Cruz squished a red potato with her fork and mixed it with the thin gravy from the pot roast. "If you ask me, Jolene's got a touch of the sociopath in her. Probably why everyone in town thinks she so sweet and nice. Anyone who gets on the wrong side of her sees the real Jolene, though. You know, the Jolene who puts rattlesnakes in trucks."
Niall swallowed his mouthful of food. "We don't know that was her."
Cruz's eyebrows arched. "Would you like to take bets? I'm pretty sure the odds are in my favor."
"Yeah, I'm sure they are." Niall exhaled roughly. "This complicates matters, Cruz." Niall thought of the knife and shoes. Was that just a message from a deranged Jolene or was it a message from the people who paid her? "If she's affiliated with the De La Garza outfit, she's potentially tied in with El Alacrán."
"Then it's a good thing we left your place, Niall. We'd have been sitting ducks out there."
He didn't deny her assessment of the situation. Instead, his thoughts turned to Carlos. His old friend needed to be warned. "I'll be right back."
Niall left the table, picked up one of the burner phones and headed into the bedroom. Safely inside the bathroom, he retrieved the slip of paper from the hidden panel in his wallet and dialed Carlos's private line. He let the phone ring three times before ending the call. Less than a minute later, Carlos called him back.
"Carlos, we've got a problem."
* * *
Cruz rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck. The figures on the screen were starting to blur. She'd made some headway on the code but still had a few hours of work ahead of her yet. Algorithms, mapping, functions and finite sets—she was in her element and loving every minute of it. Thinking of how morbid it was to find pleasure in solving a cipher that had caused the deaths of two people, her spirits dampened considerably.
If she'd been in Austin, this wouldn't have taken nearly as long to solve. The math department had scads of computers and limitless access to programs made for deciphering and decoding. Isolated out here in a hunting cabin, she had to do most of the work by hand.
"You still working?" Niall emerged from the bedroom after a quick shower and change. Her gaze moved down his pajama-clad form and lingered on his bare toes. He had nice feet for a man.
"Not for much longer," she promised, certain he was going to launch into his get-some-rest spiel. "You heading to bed?"
He joined her in the kitchen and stroked her neck. "No, I thought I'd sit up for a bit."
Cruz barely registered his words. She was so focused on the sensation of his big hands moving across her skin she could hardly think complete thoughts. It stunned her how quickly she'd come to crave his touch. It took every bit of her self-control not to edge closer and brush her cheek against his stomach.
She'd seen a different side of Niall last night. Beneath that rough, gruff exterior was a vulnerable man who'd been so cruelly treated by his parents and a woman who should have known better. He didn't deserve any of that. He deserved someone who would appreciate him.