Authors: Jillian Hart
“S-sometimes.” He choked out. “When I’m confused or I’m afraid of making a mistake, I look in my heart and I trust the Lord. He would never steer me wrong.”
“I know. I’m afraid that I might mix up what I think with what He’s trying to tell me.”
“What do you think He’s trying to tell you?”
“I don’t know exactly, but I’m trying to keep my heart open.”
“Good. That’s what I’m trying to do, too.”
Please, I need your leading, Lord.
He squared his shoulders, trying to decide if this was the right time to tell her about his mistakes and what they had cost him. But how?
Help me find the words, Father.
None came. He was still searching for them when her phone rang. Rebecca rose gracefully from the couch and checked her cordless.
“It’s Danielle,” she explained. “It’s probably about Tyler’s birthday tomorrow. Will you excuse me?”
“I’d best get home anyway.” Maybe there would be a better time, he reasoned. There was no longer any doubt. He wanted a future with her. He had to tell her about his past. The real question was how? And when?
He would trust in the Lord to find the right way and the right time. His heart and his future and Rebecca’s trust in him was at stake.
When I’m confused or I’m afraid of making a mistake, I look in my heart and I trust the Lord.
Chad’s words stayed with her through the night and into the next day as she joined her family at her grandmother’s house in the country. The trouble was that her heart was bruised and no longer exactly whole. She didn’t know what it was telling her. It was like driving through fog; she couldn’t see a thing.
“What do you think?” Caleb asked from the bench on Gran’s back patio. “Red?”
She eyed the balloon bouquet tethered by the ribbons she had been tying. “Definitely red.”
“You got it.” He chose a red balloon from the package and filled it with helium. “You look a million miles away. Lauren gets that look when she’s remembering our wedding plans.”
“Oh, I know where you’re going with this.” Rebecca rolled her eyes, holding back her laughter. “I expected better from you, Caleb.”
“I know, but a guy gets curious, too.” He tied off the balloon and handed it to her. “I hear things, I’ve got to admit. There might be one more wedding in the McKaslin clan before year’s end.”
“Oh, and who exactly would that be?” She couldn’t resist. “I didn’t even know Spence was dating.”
“Ha. That’s a good one. Did you hear that, Spence?”
“I heard it.” Spence’s deep baritone sounded unusually disgruntled. “Why would you say something like that, Becca? You know good and well what I think about marriage.”
“That it’s one happily-ever-after you’re pining away for?” She laughed; she couldn’t help it. She was in an exceptionally good mood.
“A fairy tale, that’s what it is.” Spence frowned over the barbecue where he was squeezing lighter fluid onto the briquettes. “A foolish notion women get into their heads so some poor sap can buy them a house and pay their bills.”
“Poor Spence.” She tied the ribbon’s knot tight on the balloon. “You really don’t believe in true love, do you?”
“No. Never. Absolutely not.” He struck a match and tossed it into the barbecue. Flames erupted. “Only a fool believes in something like that.”
Interpretation: I wish I could.
She knew how Spence felt. She took another balloon from Caleb and tried to ignore the ache of her lost dreams that seemed so foolish now. How had she let herself believe so much in the wrong man? Was it because she wanted to believe in a fairy tale? Or because she didn’t? She had fallen for an apparently perfect guy and when he hadn’t been, she had been afraid it was her fault. That she wasn’t trying hard enough. That she wasn’t enough. Then every time he was good to her or kind to her, it was proof that he was as committed as she was. That was one pattern she refused to repeat again.
“That’s a little harsh, isn’t it, Spence?” Caleb chuckled. “Otherwise, you’re calling me a fool.”
“Now I never said that directly.” Spence scowled less. He wasn’t a man given to mirth. “You know I’m happy for you and Lauren. She’s a good kid. She needs someone like you.”
“And I need her.” Caleb tied off another balloon. “Rebecca, think this is the last one? I must have blown up a hundred or so.”
There were so many balloons, they blotted out the swatch of sky between the patio railing and canopy of trees. “I think we can call it good. I’ll distribute them around.”
“Great.” Caleb stood up from the bench and stretched. He’d been sitting there a long time.
As she unwrapped a handful of balloons from the railing, she thought about the friends thing, how her sisters, Marin and Lucy had said true love was based on friendship. She remembered long ago Lauren saying the same thing about when she first fell for Caleb. They had just meshed, she’d said at the time. He’s the best friend she’d ever had.
It was sort of too late to rethink her friends clause with Chad. She knotted the dozen ribbons in her hand around the back of the birthday boy’s chair. Across the patio table she saw Aubrey and William on the far side of the yard gathering roses from Gran’s incredible flower garden.
Dark-haired William was holding the shears and leaning close to clip the flower Aubrey braced for him. They looked so sweet and happy together. He clipped the bud and laid it in the small basket she carried over her arm. She blushed prettily. The look they shared was a deeply loving one. She knew if she were to ask Aubrey, her sister would say the same thing. We’re best friends first.
Rebecca sighed. Maybe her friends idea wasn’t so smart. Her phone jingled. A text message from Chad? Her heart leaped and a quiet, deep joy rushed into her soul. She knew there was only one explanation for that, but she decided to stay in denial for a while.
How goes the party?
We’re waiting for the birthday boy. Missed U at church. She typed and sent and, when she heard footsteps coming around the corner, slipped her phone into her pocket.
“What has put such a smile on your face?” Mom wanted to know as she held out her arms wide. “Oh, baby, it’s good to see you.”
She stepped into her mother’s hug and held on tight. “It’s good to see you, Mom. You’re looking tan.”
“We’ve been having a high time.” Mom stepped back and took Rebecca’s hands, appraising her with motherly care. “You look beautiful and happy, and here I worried that all that nonsense with Chris would bring you down, sweetie.”
“I’m fine. It’s over. I’m glad you two didn’t come home on my account. Hi, Dad.” Her heart warmed as it always did for her dad. John McKaslin gave her a shy kiss on the cheek. He’d always been shy when it came to showing affection, but his heart was big. “How far did you two get this time?”
“We spent way too much time nosing around antique stores in Wyoming.” Dad’s gruffness was feigned. His eyes were twinkling. “You know Dorrie and antiques.”
“I got some great new Depression glass pieces for your set and the one I started for Lauren.” Mom looked so pleased. “Oh, there’s Spence. I’ve got to go torture him with a great big hug.”
“I’ve got to get these balloons put up before Tyler gets here.”
“I’ll torture him and be back to help.” Mom traipsed off. “C’mon, John. You need to talk to Spence. He looks peaked. He’s working too hard.”
“I’ll talk to him,” Dad promised as he trailed Mom.
Rebecca watched the people she loved. Spence was feigning indifference, as if he didn’t need a hug from his parents. Mom began fussing over him, smoothing his hair which she said was too long, pinching his cheeks and commenting on his health. Gran pattered out of the back door with a small covered tray.
“This looks so festive, Rebecca.” In a lemon yellow pantsuit, lovely as always, Gran gave an approving smile. “Tyler will be so pleased. Dani called to say they were on their way. Ava isn’t here with the birthday cake yet.”
“I’ll call her and see what’s keeping her.”
“That would be a help, dear.” Gran set the tray on the table and began fussing with the place settings.
Rebecca tied the balloons on the fencing that bordered one edge of the patio and pulled her phone out of her pocket. Just as she was about to dial, a text message came in. Of course she had to read it. She didn’t want to admit that she missed Chad. Missing him. There was no rationale for that.
Can’t wait for our ride.
Uh-oh. She tried not to listen to the voice of doom whispering in her ear. She wanted to stay in denial about what was happening to her heart for a little while longer.
Me, too, she typed. It was much less than she felt. Much less than she wanted to say. And all at once so much more. She felt as if she were taking the first step off the edge of the Grand Canyon. Foolishly marching ahead when any smart person would take a huge jump back and stay safe on solid ground.
“They’re here!” came a cry from inside the house. The back door slapped open and Ava emerged carrying her cake board and the colorful dog-shaped cake she had baked just for the occasion. Her husband trailed after her, holding her bag, her purse and her cake-decorating case.
Rebecca grabbed another handful of balloons. As Tyler raced around the corner and into sight, hopping with excitement, she joined in the rousing rendition of the happy birthday song. But where were her thoughts?
On Chad and awaiting his next text message. What was she going to do about that?
W
hen she pulled into her driveway, Chad was waiting for her with his top-of-the-line mountain bike glinting in the evening sunshine. She hit the remote and seeing the welcoming smile on his face filled her with an entirely new emotion. She had never felt it before. It swept through her heart and brimmed over into her soul. It was like holding peace in the palm of her hand.
She lowered the window. “Hey, buddy. You look ready and revved to go.”
“You said you were on your way. I didn’t want to waste a minute of this evening. Tomorrow is back to work, you know. I’ll be worn out from the kids and I won’t have energy for a long ride.”
“Tell me about it.” She’d had the best fun exchanging text messages with him throughout Tyler’s party. Seeing him brought home exactly how much she liked him—no, cared about him. She had to be honest with herself. She cared about him very much. “How did your aunt’s cake turn out?”
“After my cousins ran by the oven playing baseball you mean? It was flat as a pancake but it tasted great.” Chad grinned at her. “It’s my belief that chocolate frosting will make anything better.”
“I like the way you think.” She smiled and he did, too. It was like a little connection between them, something more than a smile. They were one the same wavelength. Seeing him was like the best thing that had happened in a very good day. “I’ll just—”
“—pull in and get changed.”
He finished her thought perfectly. “I will get your bike down from the hooks and check your tire pressure while I wait. How about that?”
“That would be great.” She drove into the shade of the garage, her thoughts jumbling. This man seemed way too good to be true.
She thought of her sisters today and how happy everyone was. Aubrey and William, inseparable, alight with joy expecting their first child. Ava and Brice, how they seemed to be able to finish each other’s sentences. Katherine and Jack and their gentle loving regard for one another. Danielle and Jonas, how connected they were with those tender looks and kind words and their abiding love. Lauren and Caleb, so alike down to the soul. Even Mom and Dad with their strong love, always knowing what the other one needed before it was spoken.
They made it seem as if everything that was too good to be true was real, after all.
A little hope crept into her soul. She climbed out of the car and fetched the plastic containers from the backseat.
“Cookies and birthday cake,” she explained. “I felt bad that you were left out. Especially considering the demise of your aunt’s much-awaited sponge cake.”
“I appreciate that.” He chuckled. The width of the car separated them, but they seemed closer than ever. “That will give us something to snack on later.”
Us. She didn’t miss that. She closed the door. “I’ll just take these in with me, then. I’ll see you in a few.”
“It’s hot out there. Don’t forget to bring a water bottle.”
“I won’t.” She knew she was smiling wider than was humanly possible because of the way her face felt stretched. Her soul did, too.
Joy followed her into the house where she changed into a pair of denim shorts and a T-shirt. She slathered on sunblock and grabbed a baseball cap, working quickly so she could get back to him.
As she rinsed and filled her water bottle, she could hear faint sounds coming from the garage. It sounded as if he were filling her tires with the hand pump that had been on the shelf next to the bike hooks. She had never realized what a comfort it was to have a guy around who would volunteer to do things for her.
That made it harder than ever not to care about him more, especially when she opened the garage door to lock up and there he was, checking the tire pressure, kneeling on the cement floor looking like her deepest, most secret dream. He had a broad-shouldered competence, as if he could handle any burden. He looked up from his work with an easy grin—he was always in a good mood. He always had a smile to offer her.
Her heart swelled. She was in huge trouble. It looked as though her friend-only clause had backfired.
“You look ready to hit the road.” He straightened up, pump in hand, and returned it neatly to its shelf. “I didn’t know if you had a route in mind. I’ve ridden north of the city, since that’s where my aunt and uncle live, but that’s a little far from here.”
“I happen to have a few suggestions.” She locked the door behind her and slipped her door key into her pocket. She grabbed her helmet from the hook and put it on. “I used to belong to a bike club back when I had much more time than I do now.”
“Then you know all the best rides.” He pushed her bike out onto the driveway. “Okay, you pick.”
“How about we head toward the university and out past the museum?” She hit the garage door button and took off at a sprint. She hopped over the sensors and took her bike from him. “There’s a back road that goes on forever into the prettiest country around. And it’s not too hilly.”
“Sounds perfect.”
When he smiled, she realized that her heart did, too. Perfect. Yes, that was the word. She put her foot on the pedal, gave her bike a push and hopped on. She led the way through the complex and down the residential streets, knowing Chad was a few paces behind her, a welcome companion on this illuminating day.
“I need a time-out.” Chad called out at the base of the hill.
Up ahead of him, Rebecca’s foot came down and she glanced over her shoulder at him. “You just don’t want to climb another slope.”
“I timed my request perfectly, if I do say so myself.” And he wasn’t ashamed of it. He swung to the ground and nudged the bike far onto the gravel shoulder. There hadn’t been much traffic on this forgotten country road, but it was better to be safe than sorry. “I thought you said this way wasn’t hilly.”
“I said not
too
hilly.” She hung her helmet on her handlebars. “There’s a difference.”
“Great.” He laughed. Laughter came easily whenever he was around her. He took off his helmet and unhooked the bottle from his bike frame. He took a long pull of water. “It’s been a while since I’ve put in this much cycling.”
“You mean you spend time at the gym, and that’s fine, but there’s nothing like getting out on the road for a tough workout.” Rebecca had her water bottle in hand and she hopped across the shallow ditch to the grassy meadow beyond. “I’m glad you wanted to stop. My muscles are jelly. I have to admit I didn’t want you to think I was a wimp, so I’ve been pushing a little harder than I’m used to.”
“It’s catching up to you, huh?”
“Is it.” She dropped into the soft grass, framed by wildflowers.
He’d never seen anything lovelier. Tender feelings rose up within him and floated like clouds in the sky. He sat down beside her in the soft grass. “It’s catching up to me, too. I’m impressed with you.”
“With me?”
“You’re a powerhouse. My quads were jelly about two miles ago.”
“Sure.” She didn’t look as if she believed him, but she blushed. “It’s nice of you to say. You don’t seem to mind if a girl can keep up with you.”
“I don’t. I like that we’re compatible.”
“Me, too.” She smiled. “I haven’t been biking in a long time. It’s been tough finding someone who thinks a twenty-mile ride on a ninety-degree day is fun.”
“I take it you didn’t do this often?”
“I usually go by myself.”
Ah, not with the ex. Chad didn’t know why that mattered to him, but it did. “So, now that I know this about you, I have to ask. What else do we have in common?”
“I don’t know.” She popped the top of her water bottle and took a dainty sip. With the pink baseball cap shading her heart-shaped face and the blush of heat and happiness on her cheeks, she looked adorable. Simply adorable.
The tenderness in his chest intensified a notch.
“You know I love swimming and volleyball.” She took another sip of water and set her bottle aside. “I’m fairly decent when it comes to baseball and basketball.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.” He braced his arms and leaned back a little, delighting in watching her. “I’m fond of baseball and basketball, too. What’s a little-known fact about Rebecca McKaslin?”
“One of my favorite hobbies is cross-stitching.”
“Sadly, I can’t say the same.” He loved it when they laughed together. “I like to hang on my computer.”
“I should have known you were a computer geek. You hang out with Ephraim.”
“True. I’m minoring in computer science. Do you have a computer?”
“Yes, but I mostly use it for school, which means it’s on summer break, too. I suppose you’re one of those people who are brilliant enough to actually tell your computer what to do, instead of praying that it works at all, like me.”
“I don’t know about that. I’ve done my share of praying. How did the birthday bash turn out? Your text messages left out a lot of details.”
“Tyler was in seventh heaven. He got a ton of presents and best of all, my parents are back in town. He’s fond of his grandparents. Then Ava made a Dalmatian-shaped cake. It looked just like Lucky. Tyler was thrilled.”
“That’s what a kid needs. A pet to grow up with.”
“I think so, too. He’s a fairly new addition to the family, and Danielle is taking the adjustment in stride. Lucky actually has as much energy as Tyler does, so they are a good match. They are best friends already.”
“Best friends. That sounds about right.” Maybe he wasn’t thinking so much of Rebecca’s nephew as he was of their relationship. That’s where they were heading. That’s where he wanted things to go. He wanted to be best everything with her. Never had his future been so clear—or his heart.
“What are your aunt and uncle like?”
“They are the nicest people. When I was troubled, they were always the ones I could talk to. Every summer, their place was more home than my house was. When my dad took off, they became my refuge. The only place that was sane.”
“When did your dad take off?”
“Two days before my fifteenth birthday.”
“Ouch,” she sympathized. The breeze danced through her hair. She was graced by sunshine and she looked sweetly precious.
I’m in love with her. The realization struck him like a sudden blow. He took a shaky breath and let the truth settle in. Love. It came like a gift to his heart. It was a strength of emotion he had never felt before.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” She laid her hand on his.
Comfort filled him. “I got through it eventually. It was pretty tough for a while. For a time there I lost my way.”
“I’m glad your aunt and uncle were there for you. I’m glad you found your way.” Her eyes turned luminous. It was so easy to read her caring for him. “If you hadn’t, I doubt we ever would have met. And that would be a shame.”
His love for her stretched as wide as the sky and as strong as the Rocky Mountains, immovable in the distance.
Please Lord, he prayed, let her feel this way, too.
He had never wanted anything as much as her love.
“It surely would be,” he agreed, gathering up his courage. Maybe this would be the right time to tell her.
“I’m ready to go. How about you?” She grabbed her water bottle and took one last sip.
“Sure.” He had barely got the word out before she bounced up like a sunbeam and brushed bits of grass off her clothes.
The moment had passed. He grabbed his water and tried to think of how to bring up the subject. But she was already hopping across the ditch and crunching in the gravel toward her bike. She reached for her helmet.
Maybe there would be a better opportunity, he thought.
“Should we turn around?” She buckled on her helmet. “Or do you want to go another mile?”
“You decide.” He said those fateful words knowing full well she would ask him to pedal another mile uphill, but he didn’t mind. As long as he was with her, that was what mattered.
Beneath the outdoor umbrella of a coffeehouse near the university, Rebecca glanced over her shoulder to watch Chad. He was at the register paying for their drinks. How could it be possible that she was with someone like him? He had her father’s manners and her brother’s competence and yet there was something both familiar and different about him. Being with him just felt right, effortless. She could just be herself. It was a wonderful feeling. And terrifying.
Don’t think about what this means, she told herself. Maybe she should just enjoy this time with him.
“A strawberry Italian soda with whipped cream as ordered.” Chad set the tall plastic cup down on the little table. He was carrying a similar cup, different color soda.
“Blueberry?” she guessed.
“I have a weakness for blueberries.”
She would have to remember that. “My sister has this to-die-for recipe for blueberry scones. I could make some for you.”
“I wouldn’t say no.” He settled into the chair across from her. “You could throw in one of your cooking lessons. I could try to fry eggs and bacon. What do you think?”
“For dinner?”
“Sure. You name the night, and I’ll bring the groceries.”
“I’ll check my calendar and get back to you. My parents are in town and I don’t know what they’ve got planned.” She took a sip of the sweet creamy treat. “I’m going to have to bike another five miles to burn this off.”