Authors: Jillian Hart
“I completely understand.” She waved away her own question. “Enough said. What you and I need to do is to focus on the present and move beyond the past. Leave it where it belongs. Deal?”
“Deal.” He blinked. He was still trying to work up the nerve to be wholly honest with her and now another opportunity had passed. Now he had another problem: he didn’t want the evening to end. Since there was no more reason to stay, he grabbed the bag.
“Thanks for cooking. You are a good sport, Chad.”
“An agreement is an agreement. It was my pleasure. Are you up to a rechallenge next week?”
“I’m looking forward to it.” She hesitated at the door, seeming happy. No, it was more than that. She radiated goodness and joy.
His chest cinched up tight. Emotion too sweet to name all but lifted him off the ground. It had to be clouds he was walking on as he hiked onto the grass, walking backward so he could keep sight of her as long as possible. “Good night, Rebecca.”
“Good night.”
They were officially friends now. Eating dinner together. Helping other friends together. Going to church activities together. The sun seemed to shine more brightly when she gave him one last smile before heading inside. He was definitely in a whole lot of like with her.
God willing, he wasn’t about to get his heart broken. He crossed the lush green grass and skirted the wooden wall that separated her yard from his. The phone in his pocket buzzed, and he checked the screen.
Dinner tomorrow night? Rebecca had texted.
Something told him he knew what she had in mind. He dropped into one of the plastic chairs on his patio and typed an answer. Is it burrito buffet night?
Her message came back almost immediately. Yes!
Then count me in, he typed.
The sliding door opened behind him. It was Ephraim back from dinner at his parents’ with a plastic-covered plate in hand. “Hey, got my laundry done. Mom sent me home with some brownies.”
“That was nice of her. How are your folks?”
“The same. What’s going on here? I’m gone for a few hours and I come back to find you grinning ear to ear. And texting someone. A young woman, maybe?”
“Maybe. So, do you want to tell me about our neighbor—”
“Rebecca? There’s nothing else to tell. You
really
like her, don’t you?” Ephraim took the other chair and they stared out at the lawn, the shrubbery and the opposite patio in companionable silence. He unwrapped the plate and wedged it onto the plastic footstool between the chairs that served as a table. “Don’t want to tell a lie, huh?”
“Not sure what I can say that won’t either be a lie or incriminate me.”
“Understandable.” Ephraim took a brownie.
“You know how it is. The other morning you mentioned the neighbor on our other side.”
It was Ephraim’s turn to choose a moment of silence before he answered. “Two college girls live there. Elle and Sydney.”
Maybe Ephraim wasn’t aware that his voice deepened when he said Elle’s name. Chad took a brownie and bit into it. “Elle and Sydney. Are they nice?”
“Yep.” Nothing more.
“What’s Elle like?”
“I thought you liked Rebecca.” Ephraim used a diversionary tactic.
“Ah, but there’s a greater question. Does Rebecca like me?” And an even more gigantic one. Would Rebecca understand when he told her the whole truth about his past? Or would she see it as a deception, a secret he had kept hidden from her the same way Chris had done?
His stomach twisted up. He couldn’t shake the troubled feeling gathering like a thunderstorm in his chest.
“I think she likes you,” Ephraim answered.
“As a friend.” That shouldn’t depress him, but it did. Chad bit into the moist crumbly brownie and reflected on the day. It had been a great one, and all because of her. Friendship could turn to more. He was going to stay hopeful for that.
“She’s probably just a little gun-shy.” Ephraim polished off his brownie and helped himself to another. “You just need to show her that you’re nothing like that other guy, that’s all.”
Gun-shy, sure. That he could understand. “D-do you think she will bolt when she learns I’ve got a record?”
“Hard to say. You won’t know until you tell her.” Ephraim lowered his voice. “She’s a nice girl. I think she might be sympathetic. You were fifteen and going through a hard time.”
“That’s no excuse. I wish it was, but it’s not.” Chad took another brownie and thought while he chewed. He’d known exactly what he was doing back then; he had wanted to do something, anything, to escape the pain of his parents’ breakup. Stealing a car for a joyride had been sheer escape, that was for sure. And the friends he had been with assured him they did it all the time—no problem, they had never been caught.
God had surely been watching over him that day, otherwise where would his need for recklessness have taken him? Being arrested and paying for the crime he had committed was one of the best things that had ever happened to him, because it changed the direction of his life.
But would Rebecca see that? Would a young woman with the sheltering love of her family, with her wholesome upbringing and her sweet nature, understand that he was more than the sum of his mistakes, that he was not the kind of man who made them a second time?
Only time would tell. That was the hard part.
“I had the best time tonight.” Rebecca tucked her cordless phone between her chin and her shoulder and wandered down the hall. An hour hadn’t gone by since she and Chad had parted ways and already two of her sisters had called. Danielle had heard from Ava that there was a new man in her life and now here was Katherine calling for the scoop. “It was friendly. That’s it. We’re friends.”
“Friendship can lead to something more.” There was a note of happiness and hope in Katherine’s gentle voice.
It was the hope that was hard to face. She knew her family wanted the best for her, but right now a relationship was far from the best thing. She wanted peace and safety. “In this case, it can only lead to more friendship.”
“That’s what I’m saying. That’s what Jack and I have. It’s the deepest kind of friendship based on love and respect.”
That was hard to argue with. There was no way she could say that she wasn’t ever interested in that kind of an amazing relationship one day, but not for a really long time. “I’ve been in a long-term relationship. I’ve been dating Chris since I was in high school. I want to take a breather.”
“Uh-huh. Sure. But remember this, good things happen to good people, and I have a feeling that something really wonderful is going to happen to you when you least expect it.”
Rebecca rolled her eyes. “You have been talking to Ava. She says love happens when you least expect it. You are both right, I’m sure, but I don’t want love right now. I want to spend some time and figure out my life. I want to enjoy being young and single because one day I hope to be you, Katherine.”
Her laughter was soft and merry. “I’m pretty happy. I want this joy for you one day, too, sweetie.”
She knew. That was why her sisters’ constant nosiness was really the nicest thing. For almost as long as she could remember, she had been surrounded by the people who loved her most. Maybe that was why things didn’t work with Chris. She assumed that he would be unconditionally loving and devoted to her, but he wasn’t. That’s the way she expected love to be. Love had not meant that in his view.
“Now, tell me more about this Chad.”
Here it came. Rebecca stepped into her bedroom and grabbed her Bible and her study book from the nightstand. “He belongs to our church, he volunteers at the day camp program, and that’s all I’m going to tell you.”
“He must be nice if you like him.”
“I wouldn’t be
friends
with him if he wasn’t.” She couldn’t help laughing. Her sisters. She shook her head. What was she going to do with them? First off, she was going to give thanks for them as soon as she could. “I think it’s time we talked about you. How are you doing? Do you need anything?”
“I’m great, although time has never passed so slowly. There’s so much to do to get ready for this baby, and I’m sitting here with my feet up.”
“That’s why you have us, you know. I’m happy to do anything for you.”
“I’m fine. Just a little frustrated. I want time to move faster so this baby will be here safe and sound and Jack and I can dote on him.”
“I want that, too.” Rebecca heard her cell phone chime in the other room. Chad leaving a message? And why was she hoping so?
“Oh, I’ve got Aubrey calling in. I’d better take this. I need to get their flight information,” Katherine said.
“Okay. Bye.” She hung up just in the nick of time because she feared Katherine was going to turn the conversation right back around to Chad.
Her family would come to understand in time when they saw she meant what she said. She had plans that involved keeping her heart safe, thank you very much.
She hung up the phone and headed toward the living room. Her cell was on the coffee table where she’d left it, with a new next message. Okay, she didn’t have to read it right away, did she?
She sat down on the couch and set her books on the cushion beside her. It was a lovely room. Katherine had left most of her furniture behind when she married Jack, since his house was fully furnished. Rebecca had always felt comfortable in this place, and now that her own things were here, too, she felt settled. Part of her would always want the dream of a husband, kids and a roomy house for all of them, though for now, she was cozy. She loved this condo, but maybe it was time to start deciding what she wanted besides the dream.
Good friends had to be one of those things, so she reached for her phone.
Thnx for the great evening.
That made her smile. Thnx for the great company.
His answer zipped right back. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Me, too, she typed, smiling all the way down to her soul.
“S
o this is a burrito buffet.”
Rebecca grabbed a tray and a plate and took her place in line. “It’s build your own. Don’t tell me you have never built your own burrito before.”
“Can’t say as I have. I hadn’t realized I was lacking in some important basic skills.”
“It’s a good thing you’re hanging with me.” She set the tray on the metal bars and waited her turn to choose a tortilla. “I take it you didn’t go out for burritos in Oregon.”
“Not like this.”
“Oh, so you normally hang out at ritzier places?”
“Yes. My parents tended to drag me to the nicer establishments.”
“I’m starting to get a better picture of the real Chad Lawson.” Rebecca grabbed the tongs and lifted a giant-size spinach tortilla and dropped it on her plate. She handed Chad the tongs and noticed his appalled look. “Don’t worry. I didn’t mean that in a bad way.”
“Well, I just don’t want you to get the wrong impression.”
“What wrong impression?” She scooted her tray down to the choice of meats and ladled spicy chicken into the center of her tortilla. “You’re not a bad guy.”
“Oh, thanks.” He grinned, showing his dimples. “But I’ve made my share of mistakes. I’ve told you that.”
“Yes, I believe the term you used was whopper.” She returned the spoon and reached for a ladleful of black beans. “I’m getting more and more curious about you, mister. I’ve told you all about my past dating woes and you know about my family. Once again, I don’t know enough about you.”
“What is it that you specifically want to know?” He spooned beef onto his flour tortilla.
“Why haven’t you told me that you come from a privileged background?”
“I’m not too sure about the privileged part. That’s a matter of perspective.” He pushed his tray next to hers and filled a serving spoon with shredded cheddar. He looked uncomfortable. “My dad owns a software company—it was my grandfather’s really.”
“A big company or a small company?”
“Try huge.”
She pushed her tray down to the garnishes and chose little paper cups of cilantro and salsa. “My grandparents own a lot of commercial land in town. Grandpop has passed on, but Gran is still with us. She’s what some people would consider rich. But my family isn’t.”
“Mine is.”
“And you?” Why did she ask that? She hadn’t meant to. The words had just popped out. It wasn’t any of her business.
“That would be an affirmative.” Chad took her tray along with his. “I’ll go look for a table. It’s really packed in here.”
“College kids get a discount,” she explained.
They grabbed drinks at the beverage station. She filled the plastic cups and carried them ahead of Chad through the crowd in search of a table. They got lucky. A couple was just leaving and they snagged a booth along the bank of windows, which was relatively private.
It was nice and companionable being with Chad. She felt more relaxed and at ease with him than ever. Surely this was a sign that they really were good friends. If she worried about what her sisters had said about friendship and love, she had to disregard it. For the first time in her life, being with a guy felt right. She and Chad just seemed to click.
As she said grace, she added a silent word of gratitude for Chad’s friendship—for it was friendship and nothing more.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she said as she tore the paper from her straw. “But why are you here instead of some fancy Ivy League school?”
“It’s complicated. I wound up missing a year and a half of school. I graduated six months late.”
“What happened?”
“Remember those whoppers of mistakes I mentioned? It was one of those.”
His eyes darkened when he was sad, she realized. “At every moment of our lives, we get a chance to do what is right. If we choose one thing, then our lives go in one direction. If we choose differently, then it goes in another.”
“Exactly. It’s called free will.” He cut into his burrito and took a bite.
“Yes, and it’s tricky. Even when you think you’re doing the right thing, it can turn out wrong.”
“Yes. I can see you understand that.” It meant a lot. He was grateful that she was compassionate. Maybe there was a real chance. It was more than hope, he realized, it was a wish rising up from his soul. “Although I can’t believe you have made any whoppers.”
“Believe it. One is Chris.”
“You loved him.” Chad set down his knife and fork. He no longer felt hungry. He had forgotten about everything but the woman in front of him. Not even his worries remained. There was only her sweetness and her beauty. “You’re afraid of making the same mistake again.”
“Yes.” No one—not her other friends and not even her sisters—had understood that. “I don’t want to get hurt. Do you think a person is destined to keep making the same kinds of wrong choices? Or do you think that a person can break the patterns of her life?”
“I definitely believe in second chances.”
His opinion mattered to her. She felt a little better. “That’s what I want to believe.”
“It’s true. God may have given us free will, but He is the first one to forgive us when we make mistakes.” He looked wise, as if he spoke from experience, as he leaned a little closer. His expression was intense but compassionate, too. “Believe me, I know. There is no destiny other than the one God has for you and the one you choose.”
He made her feel one hundred times better. The burden she had been carrying on her shoulders over Chris and over the worries of her real father faded away. She took a sip of lemonade. “You are going to make a wonderful pastor.”
“I’m glad you think so. I’m not so sure.” A little humble and maybe a little self-conscious, he gave her a small shrug before he took another bite of his meal.
She was absolutely beyond a doubt sure that this friendship was one relationship she would never regret.
She led the way down the long corridor to the only open door at the very end of the hall. Voices murmured through the walls of other classes and groups who were meeting, giving her a satisfied feeling. This church and its buildings were some of her favorite places.
“I grew up here,” she told Chad in a low voice. “Right across the hall is where I used to have Sunday school when I was itty-bitty.”
“It must be something to have roots like you do. Not only with your family, but with your church family right here.”
“You didn’t grow up in that way?”
“Hardly. My parents aren’t disbelievers, but they aren’t believers, either. We always attended Christmas Eve and Easter services when I was a kid. I think I would have liked being part of something bigger than myself, even back then. I love Sunday school, and the summer day camp is a blast even as an adult.”
“I think so, too.” She led the way into the empty classroom. “I would do it year-round if I could. How did you find your faith?”
“One night when I was down, and I mean really down, I felt so alone and it was the most horrible pain. I remembered something far back from one Christmas service. The minister had spoken on a passage and I remembered it. He said nothing is impossible with the Lord. I was out of hope, I was out of luck, and I was terrified. I figured that was a pretty impossible situation and I prayed. That night I gave my life to God and started new.”
He stood there in the doorway with his shoulders straight and his baritone rich with sincerity like a perfect face of faithfulness. Her heart fluttered. Yes, it was very hard not to absolutely adore him—in a friendly way, of course.
“I’m glad,” she told him. “I’m sorry you went through such a hard time. Maybe you will tell me about it some time. I’m very glad that you have been led here. I really need someone like you in my life.”
“Funny, I feel the exact same way about you.” His grin was lopsided, maybe a little sad, as he looked around the room. “Wait, I should have asked this earlier but this isn’t a singles’ group, is it?”
Rebecca slid her bag onto a table top. “Would you panic if I said yes?”
“I’m debating it.” His dimples cut into his cheeks. He was dashing in his black cotton shirt and worn jeans as he scanned the large classroom. “No one’s here yet.”
“We are, and besides, we’re early.” She pulled her study book and Bible out of her bag. “We can share, if you want. I was going to drop by the bookstore on my way home. I could pick up another copy for you.”
“Why don’t I tag along?”
“I wouldn’t mind the company.” She slipped her bag beneath the table.
“Great.” He settled in the chair next to her. “Do you always arrive early?”
“Yes. I don’t like to be late. We haven’t talked about why you decided to be a youth pastor. That’s a serious calling.”
“Remember those whopper mistakes I keep mentioning? That’s why.” There wasn’t sadness in his eyes or self-pity, but determination.
Impressive. She shifted in her chair, drawn to him. Yes, she was. Was it a crime? No, so she shouldn’t feel troubled by it. “You want to keep others from making mistakes?”
“I know what it’s like to have a family torn apart. I know what it’s like to go through some painful times and how easy it is to make a wrong decision out of pain or the need to escape it for a while.” Chad’s sincerity was unmistakable. “I want to be there for other kids and be a guide to help them in a good direction.”
“Was that something you just decided to do, or was it a deeper thing?” Rebecca stared down at the worn cover of her Bible. “How did you know?”
“One day it just hit me that I could help others, and use some of those mistakes in my life and turn them into good. It wasn’t a decision. More like a sudden knowing. A good fit. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“I’m glad for you. You seem sure of your path. I know it’s the right one for you.”
“You mentioned that you keep taking classes and hoping the Lord knows where you are going, right?”
“You remembered that?”
“Sure.”
“How rare. A man who actually listens.” She felt a warm tenderness come to life within her heart, and it wasn’t because of him, she thought. It was probably indigestion from eating a second burrito. “I give you high marks, Chad.”
“That means a lot. I would rather have your high marks than anyone else’s. You’re pretty great, Rebecca.”
“That’s nice of you to say, considering I don’t know what I want to do with my life.”
“Yes you do. You told me once, remember?”
“I want to take care of the people I love. That isn’t exactly a job title.”
“You never know. God is leading you somewhere. You should have more faith in Him.”
“I do. It’s me. I don’t have faith in me.” She covered her mouth too late to hold back the whole truth.
“I do.” He reached over and wrote a chapter and verse on her notebook. Proverbs 16:9.
“Proverbs?” She couldn’t recall the exact passage, but she knew she ought to. She flipped open her Bible to Proverbs. Her heart gave a hard thump.
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
“Follow your heart,” Chad told her, “and God will lead you.”
Other people started arriving, and while she greeted old friends and a few new ones and introduced Chad to everyone, his words stuck with her.
He had such a great time, Chad reflected as he followed Rebecca’s sporty red car through the sun-washed streets. White thunderheads were building up at the horizon, but they were far away. Nothing could mar the jewel-blue sky and the joy that had burrowed into his heart. Whatever this emotion was, he had never felt it before.
He whipped into a shopping complex’s parking lot. It might have been a fine place once in the fifties, judging by the architecture. He rolled his pickup to a stop beside Rebecca’s car and climbed out. Corner Christian Bookstore was written across the glass. It was hard to read with the glare of the low slanting sun. They walked beneath a striped awning to the front door.
“Be warned,” she told him. “Spence is probably still here. He’s always here. He’s always in a bad mood whenever there has been a book signing.”
“Your brother works here?”
“Remember I told you about my grandmother? She owns the buildings and the property. The bookstore used to be hers, too, then it was my parents’, and now Spence manages it for them.”
“I don’t suppose you have a trust fund, too?”
“No, do you?” Rebecca shook her head, scattering her soft brown curls. “Wait, don’t say it. You have a big trust fund, don’t you, and more money than you know what to do with?”
“I live simply. Money doesn’t buy happiness.”
“That’s true.” She shook her head at him, and he didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. He only knew that she didn’t treat him a bit different as she kept talking. “All I can do is apologize for Spence up front. His bark is much worse than his bite. I’m sorry.”
He opened the door and held it for her. “Sorry for what?”
“You’ll see. Maybe with any luck he won’t be in too terrible of a mood. Remember, he’s a good big brother.”
Chad stepped one sneaker inside the store and there was the man he recognized from Rebecca’s living room that one evening. Only this time the man seemed even taller and more intimidating. He was wearing an impeccable suit without a single wrinkle and a frown severe enough to scare children, had there been any in the store.