Her Texas Family (17 page)

Excitement.

He wanted to talk to them. Why not now? Waiting wasn't going to get him any closer to having Lucy in his life. Graham was done tiptoeing around them. They had to be able to talk calmly and work this out.

He left his place in line and strode over to them. “Phillip, Belinda.” He greeted them with stiff hugs. “Could I speak to you outside for a minute?”

They nodded, looks instantly changing to concern. Once outside, Graham fumbled for words. Perhaps he should have given himself some time to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it.

“Where's Mattie?”

He hadn't thought about that question being asked so quickly, though it made perfect sense. “She's...using the restroom.”

“Oh.” Belinda nodded. “And is her arm okay? How's she feeling?”

“She's doing well. We went to late church. She wanted to go, I think to show off her cast.” His mouth quirked at that, but he quickly came back to what he wanted to talk to them about. “But Mattie's not in the restroom by herself.”

Now their faces twisted with confusion. And really—he resisted an eye roll—he could have come up with a better intro than that.

“She's with Lucy.”

Phillip glanced to his wife, then Graham. “Isn't Lucy done working for you?”

What did that have to do with anything? “Friday was her last day. Hollie comes back on Monday.”

“Then why is Lucy here with you? You're not holding up your end of the deal. You said after Lucy stopped working for you, she'd be out of your life.”

Graham choked on his breath. Scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “I never said that. You assumed. That was never part of our deal.”

“Grandpa, Grandma!” Mattie's squeal echoed down Main Street. She flew by Graham in a blur, lurching into her grandfather's arms. He chuckled and began asking Mattie questions about her arm as Lucy stopped next to Graham, confusion marring her brow.

“What did you just say about a deal? What's going on?”

Panic filled his mouth with a metallic taste. This wasn't going according to plan. Not that he'd had a great one of those when he'd stepped outside in the first place.

Graham needed to talk to Lucy. Alone.

He tried to steady his voice, though it didn't obey. “Phillip, Belinda. Can you take Mattie inside and order?”

The couple stared, their wounded looks flashing between him and Lucy.

“I'll be right there. Please.”

After what felt like an hour, they acquiesced. Graham waited for the restaurant door to shut before facing Lucy.

He reached for her hand. Held on. “Remember when the Wellings were upset the night they came over and you were there?”

She nodded.

“They were concerned about me dating.”

“You said that.”

A sigh rumbled through his chest. “But I didn't tell you the rest of it. They said if I dated you, they'd walk out of Mattie's life. And I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't let her lose another person. And so I promised not to date you.”

She pulled her hand away from his as though his touch scalded. “You...you made a deal over me?”

“It wasn't like that.”

A wounded sound tore from her throat. “Did you or did you not make an agreement with them about me and then not tell me about it?” Though quiet and controlled, her words pierced like a knife.

He wanted to lie so badly. He needed time to explain. Needed her to stop looking at him with so much hurt bursting from her blue eyes. “Yes, but you have to understand—”

“I understand.” Her wooden response slayed him. Tears glistened, but she blinked them away, replacing them with a vacant look that scared him even more. “I knew I wasn't good enough for them. But I had no idea you felt the same way.”

“That's not true.” Graham's world was spinning out of control. “You know I don't think that way about you.”

“If you were willing to use me as a bargaining chip, then yes, you do.” Fingertips pressed against her lips. “And I had to go and fall in love with you.”

What?
His throat constricted, but she didn't give him any time to deal with that comment.

“I'd wanted to tell you, wanted you to know how much I felt for you even though I knew you couldn't say it back to me.” Her eyelids momentarily shuttered. “Now I know why.”

His fingers itched to reach for her, to hold her there. Knowing she wouldn't tolerate his touch, Graham fisted his hands by his sides.

“I was going to tell you that you should move on without me. I wanted you to be happy. To find someone they approved of.” She motioned toward the restaurant. “I'd hoped you wouldn't go back to the place you were in before, that you'd get married and have more kids.” Her head shook as though she could wish away the pain written on her face. “I knew better. I knew better than to fall in love.”

She took a step back.

He panicked. “Lucy, please listen to me. I didn't know what else to do. They didn't give me any choice. I couldn't—”

“Goodbye, Graham.” She turned and walked away. With each step, a piece of him crumbled.

“Wait!” he called out. “Your keys. We need to get them out. At least let me drive you—”

She whirled in his direction, what felt like miles of sidewalk separating them. “Don't worry, noble Graham. I'll take care of it myself.” Her shoulders straightened, mouth weighed down with sadness that resonated in his bones. “I always do.” She sounded hollow. No tears. No yelling at him.

He wanted to go after her, to make her listen. He wanted to be the person she called when she needed help. But he'd ruined any chance of rescuing Lucy.
For the rest of my life?

Had he lost her forever? That goodbye had been full of finality. Graham shook off the thought because it was drowning him, snaking around his chest and squeezing until he couldn't breathe.

He got out his cell and texted Cash.

Your SIL is walking down Main near Adams. Needs help getting keys out of a drain.

The next bit was harder to type.

Won't let me help her.

She would have, five minutes ago. Before Graham had thrown away any hope of a future between them. He couldn't believe he'd failed her.

And the fact that she loved him...had loved him, at least. What was the point of doing life without Lucy?

Mattie.

He dug his fingers into his temples, but nothing quieted the humming pain that had taken over his body.

Mattie would be distraught. She loved Lucy fiercely. He'd done all of this to prevent Mattie from losing another person, yet now that was exactly what had happened.

He wasn't the only one suffering in this scenario.

His phone buzzed with a reply text.

Got it. Liv's on the way. Trouble between you 2?

A wry breath puffed out of him.

Something like that.

Cash's reply came quickly.

Been there, done that. Hang in there. Grayson girls usually come around.

Graham wanted to believe his friend so badly, but hope felt too far out of reach.

That was that. Olivia would help Lucy. Graham was no longer a necessary part of her life. He had been for about two minutes. And maybe it would have lasted if he'd handled things better or stood up to his in-laws earlier.

He should never have let things escalate the way they had. Though he still didn't have answers, he only knew he'd failed to figure it out before it was too late.

A failure. He knew the feeling well. He let it wrap around him, accepting the blame he deserved.

All of those things Lucy had said about him moving on and not going back...getting married. Having more kids.

What she didn't know—what she would never know now—was that this time he didn't need a few hours to process. He already agreed with her. He
was
meant to do all of those things. He was just meant to do them with her.

Chapter Seventeen

O
livia paused in the doorway to Lucy's bedroom. “Any chance you've stopped wallowing between the time I walked out of your room five minutes ago and my return?”

Considering that it was Saturday evening and Lucy was still lounging in bed dressed in orange striped pajama pants and a white long-sleeved T-shirt, the answer to Olivia's question should most likely be no.

“I'm not wallowing. A girl should be able to stay in her pajamas all day if she wants to. It's not a crime. And who even uses that word anyway? Wallow. It sounds funny. Like something a fish would do.”

Her sister dropped onto the other side of the bed, facing her. “Fish don't wallow. They swim.”

“Enough with that word! I hereby ban all words that start with
W
for the rest of the night.”

“Oh, Lulu.” An amused sigh slipped from Olivia. “You're definitely snarky enough to drive any man away.”

“Hey! I didn't drive him away. He made a deal over me.” A new ache started in Lucy's chest, right next to the wound that had been ripped open last Sunday. “Like I was a chess piece,” she whispered. “Or a business merger.”

“Yeah. I'm not a big fan of that, either. But don't you know him better than that? Don't you think he had reasons? I agree he shouldn't have done that, but he was just trying to protect Mattie—”

“I get that part of it.” Lucy would do anything for Mattie, too, so she understood Graham had been put in a hard place. “But how could he not tell me? How could he have an agreement with them about me and not say a thing? How could he trade me like that? I just feel...”

Used. Worthless.
Lucy swallowed the words. “I knew I wasn't good enough for the Wellings, and that was hard enough. But Graham?” Those annoying tears she'd been fighting all week tried to return, but she blinked them away.

Enough of this. So she'd been hurt. She needed to pull herself back together. And she certainly wasn't going to admit she was doing the
W
word her sister had mentioned.

How could Lucy miss something so much that she'd never had? It had been six days since that awful moment with Graham and his in-laws, and she hadn't seen or heard from him since. And since she no longer worked at his office...not a glimpse of him all week.

Six days somehow equaled a year in her math world.

She was mad at him and she missed him all at the same time. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted him to show up on her doorstep and kiss her, to hear him say he'd fixed everything with his in-laws and he was a jerk of the biggest sort.

But even if he did all of those things...she still couldn't let go of how she'd felt in that moment. He'd made her feel like the yucky stuff that had been sticking to her keys when she'd finally retrieved them from under the grate.

How could she just forget that?

It would be like forgetting about Mattie, and Lucy knew after this week that was something she could never do.

The spring dance session had ended after last week's recital, so she hadn't seen Mattie since the confrontation with Graham. Lucy missed the girl and was desperate to know if she was okay.

Was Mattie and Graham's relationship with the Wellings intact? And why did Lucy care so much? The couple had been nothing but horrible to her, but still, she didn't want anything to stand between them and their granddaughter.

Maybe tonight, after Olivia left, Lucy would go over to Graham's to check on Mattie. Make sure things were okay between her and the Wellings. And if they weren't? Lucy would march over there and set the couple straight. Forget hiding out. Nobody put Lucy in a corner. It was time to hit the dance floor again. Just minus the partner she'd hoped to have.

Except...before Lucy stormed over there attempting to fix everything herself, she would pray about it. It still might not be her first instinct to stop and ask God for help, but she planned to train herself the way a person would train a puppy.

Olivia would probably start studying numerous devotionals, verses and books, but Lucy had trouble with all that. One word seemed possible for her. So one word was what she'd chosen. It was the one that had been knocking her over the head for the past few weeks, and she'd finally recognized God's direction.

Ask.

And so she was working on it. It had been a long time coming, this change in her. But she'd finally hit bottom. Finally realized she couldn't do everything on her own. A simple paper sat on her nightstand, the word
Ask
scrawled in her handwriting. Her reminder to do exactly that. And each morning for the past week, Lucy had paused before doing anything else in her day and asked God for help.

Her prayers weren't eloquent. They were more the accumulation of many years of thinking she could handle it all herself. And the new realization that she couldn't.

Some days, she didn't even know what she was asking for.

Maybe God preferred it that way, without all of her suggestions and solutions added in.

“You've had a week to process,” Olivia said, breaking into her thoughts. “What are you going to do now? You can't keep living like this. Don't you think you need to forgive Graham even if you two aren't together?”

Lucy scooted farther under her covers. “I didn't bug you when you were a mess over Cash.”

“True. But Janie did. She was all over me about it.”

“Even if I do forgive him, that doesn't change anything between me and the Wellings.” She sighed, though it came out as more of a wheeze. “I feel strange.” She rubbed a hand over her throat. “Kind of itchy or something.” Of course, with the amount of weird things they'd eaten tonight—total junk-food nation—she could very easily feel sick.

Or it could be the fact that she'd lost the man and the little girl she loved. For a second, at the restaurant, she'd let herself believe.

Believe she and Graham had a chance of making things work.

Believe she could be mom material.

Why had she got so involved? When she'd moved here, she'd had a plan, and it hadn't looked like this. There was a reason she didn't do serious. Because it stinking hurt.

The first time she'd met the Wellings, Lucy should have started distancing herself from Mattie and Graham.

“Lucy.” Olivia leaned forward. “I think you're breaking out in hives. Are you allergic to something we ate tonight?”

“How should I know? We ate a bunch of junk and then topped it off with dessert. Who knows what was in all of it?”

Her sister's brow creased. “I think you need to go to the hospital.”

“What? I'm fine.”

“You're not fine. Does your throat feel tight, like you can't get air through?”

“Maybe.” Panic began to beat in her veins. “Yes.”

Olivia was already running from the room. “I'm grabbing you some Benadryl in case it helps. Let's go!”

Lucy should call Graham. He'd know what to do. But, then again, did he even care? It wasn't as if she'd heard from him this week. She didn't need him or his help. She pushed off the covers and popped out of bed, causing the paper from her nightstand to flutter to the floor.

Ask.

The blatant reminder was just what she needed. Lucy might not have Graham, but she did have God. And He could handle every request she sent His way.

Including her strange combination of symptoms: hives, a swollen throat and a broken heart.

* * *

“So, you've been bright and full of sunshine this week.” Graham's father handed him a dish he'd just washed, and Graham dried. “Reminds me of that stage you went through in high school when you turned caveman and stopped talking to us for a year. Then one morning your door opened and you were back. It was the strangest thing.”

The serving dish clanked as Graham stacked it in the cupboard. Maybe he could just pretend not to hear his dad talking.

“Have you decided what you're going to do?”

Then again, maybe not. “No.” Frustration seeped out in a deep sigh. “What can I do? Lucy's mad at me and I deserve it. I was a jerk to have an agreement with the Wellings and not tell her what was going on. Phillip and Belinda are upset and barely speaking to me, though thankfully they are still talking to Mattie. How can I choose? Not that Lucy would even have me at this point. My hands are tied. If I fight for Lucy, Mattie misses out on a relationship with the Wellings. If I choose the Wellings, Mattie and I both miss out on a relationship with Lucy.”

There were a lot of bad things about this situation, but the worst part was that both of his girls were hurting and Graham couldn't fix it. That he'd caused it.

Ever since losing Brooke he'd felt a sense of failure. Could he have done more? What had he missed? Now it all came rushing back. He wanted to fix this. He wanted Lucy
and
Mattie
and
the Wellings to be happy, but after a week of thinking, praying and begging God for guidance, he still didn't know what to do.

“I can't fathom losing a child like the Wellings did, and an only child at that. They must be hurting so much.”

“I know. That's why I can't hurt them more.”

The water sloshed in the sink, joining the sound of Graham's mom reading to Mattie in the living room. Being at his parents' house always felt comfortable, but tonight it only reminded Graham of what he'd begun to hope he'd have with Lucy.

A home. A family. A person. He just wanted another person meant for him. Was that so much to ask? According to the Wellings, and now Lucy, yes.

“Have you tried talking to them calmly? Outside of them finding you with Lucy?” His dad handed him a bowl.

Graham contemplated that question, a bit surprised by the answer. “No. I guess not.”

“Maybe you should try it.”

“Dad, they've been so...not themselves. So harsh about Lucy. I don't think that conversation would end well.”

Another minute went by in silence.

“Of course, you'll never know unless you try. Plus, I think part of their issue is that you never told them how you feel about Lucy. They just kept finding you with her after you said you weren't dating her.”

Exactly what Graham had hoped to talk to them about at the bakery before his life had crashed and burned for the second time. And now all he could think about was how Lucy would love that he'd just inadvertently thought a phrase from
Top Gun
.

“This conversation proves I share way too much with you.”

His dad chuckled.

But the man was right. Graham hadn't been honest with the Wellings. Not once had he sat down with Belinda and Phillip and been truthful about his feelings for Lucy—partly because he'd been too busy denying how he really felt.

All of this time, he'd blamed the Wellings for keeping them apart. And while they obviously had reservations about him moving on, Graham believed they were more wounded about missing their daughter than anything else. Each time they'd found him with Lucy—just like last week—it had come as a shock to them.

Things might be different if he'd changed his response to them. He could have said
I think I do have feelings for Lucy, but no matter what happens, you'll always be in Mattie's life
.

He could have reassured them instead of getting defensive.

Graham's phone buzzed in his pocket and he checked the screen. It was the after-hours answering service for the clinic.

He answered.

“Dr. Redmond, Bill Fitzer's son called and said his dad just went back into the hospital. They were hoping you could check on him. He knows he's not technically your patient, but—”

“I'll go. Thanks for letting me know.” After a few more details, they disconnected.

Dad dried his hands on the towel. “I heard. Go on. We'll keep Mattie.” He paused. “You're a good doctor, you know that?”

Where had that come from? “You're my dad. You have to say that.”

“You care, Graham. That's most of the battle right there. Not every doctor would go to the hospital during their free time to see a patient who's no longer their patient.”

“I guess.”

“You do know there was nothing more you could have done for Brooke, right?”

Graham's pulse stuttered.

“Everyone worked so hard to save her. Including you. You did everything you could.” His gaze held Graham's. “I've just felt lately like I needed to tell you that.”

Tears formed at the backs of Graham's eyes, but he fought them and won.

“You loved her well, Graham. It's okay to move on.”

“I want to, but—” He shrugged. First he had to figure out how to accomplish that.

“And when—” his dad paused, a small smile creasing his mouth “—or
if
you talk to the Wellings, you do have a secret weapon. A God who moves mountains and changes hearts. Even hardened ones. Mom and I have been praying over your relationship with Lucy ever since you met her.”

Graham rubbed a hand over his chest, heart thudding under his fingertips.

“Your mom had a feeling Lucy was the next one for you.” Dad grinned. “And this time I agreed with her. So just...don't give up yet.”

Suddenly Graham was incredibly grateful for his mother's intuition. Emotion gripped him again, and he cleared his throat before speaking. “Thanks, Dad. I'd better go.”

“If you need to stay out and take care of some other things...” His dad went back to doing dishes. “Go right ahead. Mattie will be just fine.”

An hour later, Graham stepped into the hospital hallway after finishing his visit with Bill and his family. Bill had started seeing a nephrologist to treat his kidney disease months ago, yet for whatever reason, he always wanted to discuss his treatment options with Graham.

And Graham was learning to accept that.

His thoughts ricocheted as he walked. He was alone. He could go talk to...anyone he wanted to talk to. Like a certain person he'd missed so much this week that a constant ache had weighed down his body, making him wonder if he was sick. He'd finally realized his symptoms were simply from missing Lucy.