Authors: Jill Lynn
She wished she could explain, but she didn't want to add to Joshua's grief by telling him the truth about the man her husband truly had been.
“Hold this,” he said as he ducked from under the umbrella. Motioning for his daughter to take Sammy's hand again, he led them around the buggy. Rain struck him, but he paid no attention. He opened the door on the passenger side. “You probably want to put something on the seat to protect the fabric.”
“
Danki
, Joshua. That's a
gut
idea.” She stretched forward to spread the dirty cloth on the seat. She shouldn't be surprised that he was concerned about the buggy, because he worked repairing and making buggies not far from his home in Paradise Springs. She stepped back while Joshua swung her son up into the carriage. If he noticed how Sammy stiffened, he didn't say anything.
Once Sammy was perched on the seat with his two fingers firmly in his mouth, Joshua drew the passenger side door closed and made sure it was latched so her son couldn't open it and tumble out. He took his daughter's hand before they came back to stand beside her.
Rebekah raised the umbrella to keep the rain off them. When he grasped the handle, she relinquished it to him, proud that she had managed not to shrink away. He smiled tautly, then offered his hand to assist her into the buggy.
“Be careful,” he warned as if she were no older than her son. “The step up is slick, and you don't want to end up as muddy as Samuel.”
“You're right.” She appreciated his attempt to lighten her spirits as much as she did his offer.
Placing her hand on his palm, she bit her lower lip as his broad fingers closed over it. She'd expected his hands to be as chilled as hers, but they weren't. Warmth seeped past the thick wall she'd raised to keep others from discovering what a fool she'd been to marry Lloyd Burkholder.
Quickly she climbed into the buggy. Joshua didn't hold her hand longer than was proper. Yet the gentle heat of his touch remained, a reminder of how much she'd distanced herself from everyone else in their community.
“
Danki
, Joshua.” She lowered her eyes, which were oddly almost even with his as she sat on the buggy seat. “I keep saying that, but I'm truly grateful for your help.” She smiled at Deborah. “
Danki
to you, too. You made Sammy giggle, and I appreciate that.”
“He's fun,” she said, waving to him before running to another buggy farther along the fence.
“We'll see you back at
Mamm'
s house,” Joshua said as he unlashed the reins and handed them to her.
She didn't say anything one way or the other. She could use her muddy son as an excuse not to spend the afternoon with the other mourners, but she didn't want to be false with Joshua, who had always treated her with respect and goodness. Letting him think she'd be there wasn't right, either. She stayed silent.
“Drive carefully,” he added before he took a step back.
Unexpected tears swelled in her eyes, and she closed the door on her side. When they were first married, Lloyd had said that to her whenever she left the farm. He'd stopped before the end of their second month as man and wife. Like so much else about him, she hadn't known why he'd halted, even when he was sober.
It felt
wunderbaar
to hear a man use those commonplace words again.
“Go?” asked her son, cutting through her thoughts.
“Ja.”
She steered the horse onto the road after looking back to make sure Joshua or someone else wasn't driving past. With the battery operated lights and windshield wiper working, she edged the buggy's wheels onto the wet asphalt. She didn't want to chance them getting stuck in the mud along the shoulder. In this weather it would take them almost an hour to reach their farm beyond Bird-in-Hand.
Sammy put his dirty hand on her cape. “That man was mad at me.”
“Why do you think so?” she asked, surprised. From what she'd seen, Joshua had been nothing but friendly with her son.
“His eyes were funny. One went down while the other stayed up.”
It took her a full minute to realize her son was describing Joshua's wink. Pain pierced her heart, which, no matter how she'd tried, refused to harden completely. Her darling
kind
didn't understand what a wink was because there had been too few cheerful times in his short life.
She had to find a way to change that. No matter what. Her
kinder
were the most important parts of her world, and she would do whatever she must to make sure they had a
gut
life from this day forward.
* * *
Joshua walked into the farmhouse's large but cozy kitchen and closed the back door behind him, glad to be inside where the unseasonable humidity didn't make everything stick to him. He'd waved goodbye to the last of the mourners who'd came to the house for a meal after the funeral. Their buggy was already vanishing into the night by the time he reached the house.
He was surprised to see only his younger sister Esther and
Mamm
there. Earlier, their neighbors, Leah Beiler and her
mamm
, had helped serve food and collected dishes, which they'd piled on the long table in the middle of the simple kitchen. They had insisted on helping because his older sister Ruth was having a difficult pregnancy, and her family had gone home hours ago.
The thought of his pregnant sister brought Rebekah to mind. Even though she was going to have a
boppli
, too, she had no one to help her on the farm Lloyd had left her. He wondered again why she hadn't joined the mourners at his
mamm'
s house. Being alone in the aftermath of a funeral was wrong, especially when she'd suffered such a loss herself.
Take care of her, Lord
, he prayed silently.
Her need is great at this time.
A pulse of guilt rushed through him. Why hadn't he considered that before? Though it was difficult to see her because she brought forth memories of her late husband and Matilda, that was no excuse to turn his back on her.
Tomorrow, he promised himself. Tomorrow he would go to her farm and see exactly what help she needed. The trip would take him a long way from his buggy shop in Paradise Springs, but he'd neglected his obligations to Lloyd's wife too long. Maybe she would explain why she'd pulled away, her face growing pale each time he came near. He couldn't remember her acting like that before Lloyd died.
“Everyone's gone.” Joshua hung his black hat on the peg by the door and went to the refrigerator. He poured himself a glass of lemonade. He'd forgotten what dusty work feeding, milking and cleaning up after cows could be.
And hungry work. He picked up a piece of ham from the plate on the counter. It was the first thing he'd eaten all day, in spite of half the women in the
Leit
insisting he take a bite of this casserole or that cake. They didn't hide the fact they believed a widower with three
kinder
must never eat a
gut
meal.
“
Mamm
, will you please sit and let me clear the table?” Esther frowned and put her hands on the waist of her black dress.
“I want to help.” Their
mamm'
s voice was raspy because she'd talked so much in the past few days greeting mourners, consoling her family and Rose's, and talking with friends. She glowered at the cast on her left arm.
The day before Rose died,
Mamm
had slipped on her freshly mopped floor and stumbled against the table. Hard. Both bones in her lower left arm had broken, requiring a trip to the medical clinic in Paradise Springs. She'd come home with a heavy cast from the base of her fingers to above her elbow, as well as a jar of calcium tablets to strengthen her bones.
“I know, but...” Esther squared her shoulders. “
Mamm
, it's taking me exactly twice as long to do a task because I have to keep my eye on you to make sure you
don't
do it.”
“There must be something I can do.”
Joshua gave his younger sister a sympathetic smile as he poured a second glass of lemonade.
Mamm
wasn't accustomed to sitting, but she needed to rest her broken arm. Balancing the second glass in the crook of one arm, he gently put his hand on
Mamm'
s
right shoulder and guided her to the front room that some of the mourners had put back in order before they'd left. The biggest space in the house, it was where church Sunday services were held once a year when it was
Mamm'
s turn to host them. Fortunately that had happened in the spring, because she was in no state now to invite in the whole congregation.
He felt his
mamm
tremble beneath his fingers, so he reached to open the front door. He didn't want to pause in this big room. It held too many sad memories because it was where his
daed
had been waked years ago.
Not wanting to linger, he steered his
mamm
out on the porch. He assisted her to one of the rocking chairs before he sat on the porch swing. It squeaked as it moved beneath him. He'd try to remember to oil it before he headed home in the morning to his place about a mile down the road.
“Is Isaiah asleep already?” he asked. “When I was coming in, I saw the light go out in the room where he used to sleep upstairs.”
“I doubt he's asleep, though it would be the best thing for him. You remember how difficult it is to sleep after...” She glanced toward the barn.
His other brothers should be returning to the house soon, but he guessed
Mamm
was thinking of the many times she'd watched
Daed
cross the grass between the barn and the house. Exactly as he'd looked out the window as if Matilda would come in with a basket of laundry or fresh carrots and peas from her garden. Now he struggled to keep up with the wash and the garden had more weeds than vegetables.
Mamm
sighed. “What are you going to do, Joshua?”
“Do?”
“You need to find someone to watch Levi and Deborah during the day while you're at the shop.”
It was his turn to sigh into his sweaty glass. “I'm not sure. The
kinder
loved spending time with Rose, and it's going to be hard for them to realize she won't be watching them again.”
“Those who have gone before us keep an eye on us always.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “But as far as the
kinder
, I canâ”
He shook his head. “No, you can't have them come here. Not while you've got a broken arm. And don't suggest Esther. She'll be doubly busy taking care of the house while you're healing. The doctor said it would take at least six weeks for your bones to knit, and I can't have the
kinder
at the shop for that long.”
Levi and Deborah would want to help. As Esther had said to
Mamm
, such assistance made every job take twice as long as necessary. In addition, he couldn't work beneath a buggy, making a repair or putting it together, and keep an eye on them. Many of the tools at the buggy shop were dangerous if mishandled.
“There is an easy solution, Joshua.”
“What?”
“Get yourself a wife.”
His eyes were caught by the flash of lightning from beyond the tree line along the creek. The stars were vanishing, one after another, as clouds rose high in the night sky. Thunder was muted by the distance, but it rolled across the hills like buggy wheels on a rough road. A stronger storm than the one that morning would break the humidity and bring in fresher air.
Looking back at his
mamm
, he forced a smile. “Get a wife like that?” He snapped his fingers. “And my problems are solved?”
“Matilda died four years ago.” Her voice was gentle, and he guessed the subject was as hard for her to speak about as it was for him to listen to. “Your
kinder
have been without a
mamm
, and you've been without a wife. Don't you want more
kinder
and the company of a woman in your home?”
Again he was saved from having to answer right away by another bolt of lightning cutting through the sky. “Looks like the storm is coming fast.”
“Not as fast as you're changing the subject to avoid answering me.”
He never could fool
Mamm
, and he usually didn't try. On the other hand, she hadn't been trying to match him with some woman before now.
“All right,
Mamm
. I'll answer your question. When the time is right, I may remarry again. The time hasn't been right, because I haven't found the right woman.” He drained his lemonade and set the glass beside him. “From your expression, however, I assume you have someone specific in mind.”
“
Ja
. I have been thinking about one special person, and seeing you with Rebekah Burkholder today confirmed it for me. She needs a husband.”
“Rebekah?” He couldn't hide his shock as
Mamm
spoke of the woman who had remained on his mind since he'd left the cemetery.
“
Ja
, Rebekah. With a young son and a
boppli
coming soon, she can't handle Lloyd's farm on her own. She needs to marry before she has to sell out and has no place to go.”
Mamm
shifted, then winced as she readjusted her broken arm. “You know her well, Joshua. She is the widow of your best friend.”
That was true. Lloyd Burkholder had been his best friend. When Joshua had married Matilda, Lloyd had served as one of his
Newehockers
, the two male and two female attendants who sat beside the bride and groom throughout their wedding day. It was an honor to be asked, and Lloyd had been thrilled to accept.
“Rebekah is almost ten years younger than I am,
Mamm
.”