Here for You (25 page)

“Sure.” Ian’s eyes watered. “It went down the wrong pipe.”

“When’s the last time you saw him?”

“Who?”

“Your father. Really, Ian, I’m usually the forgetful one.” Cole rolled his eyes. “Did choking on some water make you morph into me?”

“My father is on his way. Right.” Ian glanced at the restaurant entrance. Not the time to share with Cole his epiphany. He loved Cole. It was a fact. Ian nodded thoughtfully, turning it around in his mind, accepting it. He took a second, more cautious sip of water. Then he answered Cole’s question about his father.

“Last Thanksgiving. I try to go back once a year. I’m looking forward to visiting with him.”

“I’m sure. What’s he like?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Ian shrugged. “It’s hard to explain to somebody else.”

Ian thought back on his childhood. Either he was ignored or he was being reprimanded for not being as well behaved as his much older siblings. Weren’t all kids meant to be loud and goofy and grubby? Not in the Stark household. It had all been silent and orderly, especially when his parents brought home their work.

Ian checked his phone for messages. They waited for another fifteen minutes, then he told Cole to eat.

“I’ll wait.”

“No, let’s get started on the buffet.”

“You don’t think….” Cole looked away. “He’s hurt or anything bad?”

Ian squeezed his arm. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

They piled some salad on their plates and went to the soda area. That’s when Ian’s cell buzzed.

“Sorry, son,” his father’s voice boomed out. “Business got tangled here.”

“That’s all right. How far away are you?”

“Well, um, that’s the thing. I’m still stuck in Fort Lauderdale. And my flight leaves in a few hours. I know you’ll understand if I simply stay here once my business concludes. Not really logical to race back and forth, is it?”

“No, sir. But….”

Cole watched him with concern and tried to smile at him. “I haven’t seen you in some time. You don’t have any other trips to Florida planned, do you?”

“We’ll catch up sooner or later. Everything is going well, right? The practice is good. Have you made a profit yet?”

“I’m paying my bills.”

“Good, good.” His father’s voice was already growing distracted. “I’m sure it will become something worthwhile for you eventually.”

“It’s already worthwhile, Dad. I’ve helped some people and just last week I had a case—”

“Good, good. I’ll pass it all along to your mother. She worries.”

“Does she?”

Ian pressed his lips together. He didn’t want it to hurt. It was the usual behavior. Why did it always have to hurt?

“I love you, son. We will definitely make sure to see each other soon.”

“Right…. Love you too.” If only his father’s version of love weren’t so meager. Cole had shown him that affection didn’t have to be contained and it wouldn’t make him less, it would make him more.

Cole touched his arm. “You okay?”

“Sure. Let’s get some more food.”

Cole ate chili while Ian picked at a slice of pizza. He also kept shooting Ian worried glances, which Ian ignored.

“Do you want to talk about it? Why didn’t he come?”

“Nothing to talk over, Cole. It’s no big thing. It was work. He got tied up.”

“And he can’t spare you an hour?”

“It’s business,” Ian explained. “That’s the way it is. You can’t always say no to your clients, even if they are unreasonable. You asked what he was like. This is what he’s like.”

“Oh.”

Ian didn’t like hearing the note of pity in Cole’s voice. “I’m fine with it. A little disappointed, but fine. I understand why he told work yes.”

Only, Ian didn’t understand why his father never said no, never put Ian first, not once. He had so many excuses, so many years of letting Ian down. Ian met Cole’s eyes, worrying his tongue over his bottom lip, and hesitated.

“What?” Cole asked. “What is it?”

“I….” Ian’s cheeks heated, but he forced the words out quickly. “You don’t think I’m like him, do you? My father?”

“No, of course not!” Cole replied instantly.

“You never even met him,” Ian said with a wry smile.

“So? I know how you are, Ian. And you’re not like him.”

“I could have been… if I wasn’t gay. Or if I’d have stayed in my safe, profitable firm, doing what he expected. Even still, I worry about morphing into him,” Ian admitted. “I can work a lot too.”

“True, but you never make work the center of your heart. You pick clients who have cases you’re passionate about, and it’s great to love your work. I can see how much you enjoy it.”

“Yes, but….” Ian swallowed hard. “If I ever seem to put you below in importance, Cole, I want you to kick my stupid ass. Because I—you know that I—” Ian felt a burning behind his eyes. What the hell? He felt so emotional suddenly. His voice roughened. “Just tell me the truth, okay?”

Cole leaned in. “Okay, the truth is you do work hard and make it a priority in your life. But I fucking admire that. And the bigger truth is that you also dropped everything whenever I’ve needed you. I’ve never felt second, Ian, not once.” Cole laced his fingers with Ian’s. “You’re
not
your father.”

Ian nodded, managing a small smile. “Thanks.”

Cole didn’t let go of his hand. He kissed Ian’s fingers one by one. “Want to know something else? I wrote a story this week, and I actually liked what I wrote. I’m thinking of sending it out to a publisher. I don’t know what will happen. But I never would have found the courage to consider that without all your encouragement.”

“Send it today. They’ll take it. You’ll get published soon, you’ll see.”

“Today? Um—I’ll send it soon. I will. But I want to polish it first. Anyhow, even if they don’t like it? I’m happy.” Cole shot him a slightly worried look. “Are you happy… with things?”

Ian smiled. This time a real, true smile. “I’m happy.”

A
S
THEY
walked out of Sweet Tomatoes, heading for the parking lot, Cole suddenly halted in his tracks.

“What is it?”

“Look there.” Cole smiled widely, his eyes sparkling. “Ian, want to do another item from your bucket list?”

Ian raised his eyebrows questioningly before he saw the storefront of the tattoo parlor.

Cole had dragged Ian along the street, pulling him along. “How perfect is this? It’s like kismet.”

“Wait a second, wait. I haven’t researched this place at all!” Ian protested. “What if they had health issues? What if the floors are dirty?”

“Oh, stop it. Come on!”

Ian felt a thrill go through him as they walked inside. He did still want that tattoo.

“Put it somewhere your father can see it,” Cole advised, his eyes dancing with mischief.

“That’s not why I wanted one.”

“I know. But it’s a bonus.”

Ian’s mouth quirked. “True.”

Ian did note that the small tattoo parlor looked clean and well maintained. Pictures of people with various ink were framed on the walls, but otherwise it could be a doctor’s office. It had potted plants in one corner and an area for refreshments. They talked with the receptionist about how long it would take and made an appointment for Ian to come back in two days’ time.

“I’m proud of you!” Cole hooked an arm around him. “For you this is spontaneous.”

“Well, I am going to check out the references and the place on the web. But thank you.”

“What are you getting?”

“What do you think? I could get something legal—a scale of justice or a judge’s gavel?”

“Hell no. To both. Too damn boring. Maybe an animal?” Cole pondered. “You’d look hot with a snake or an eagle.”

“I don’t know…. Hot? Really?”

Cole licked his lips and gave Ian a saucy grin. “I think you’re hot whatever you get.”

Warmth hit Ian dead center in his chest at the look in Cole’s eyes. There was desire, clearly, but also a tenderness about his flirtatious look. “Thanks for coming with me to make the appointment. I might have backed out. I still might.”

“I’m glad I did. And you won’t change your mind.”

“We’ll see. But I’m grateful to you.” Ian arched his brows. “Want me to show you exactly how grateful I am?”

Cole grinned wickedly. “Uh-oh. I know what you’re thinking.”

“Oh, do you?”

“God, I really need to go! Tomas not only needs the truck, but crap, I kind of left him in the middle of a big mess of boxes and—” Cole broke off. “Oh, I totally forgot. I have something really important to show you!” He dug into his pocket.

“Whatever it is, Cole, can’t it wait?” Ian made a frustrated noise.

“No, no, it can’t. I want to see what you think about this. I need some guidance. I meant to tell you about what we found in Brendan’s room. Jesus, Ian, you’ll be surprised by this.” Cole waved a letter at him.

Ian took it slowly and scanned the contents, then paled.

W
HEN
I
AN
went silent, still staring at the letter for Brendan’s brother, Cole began to pace up and down the street a little. He turned to Ian. “It’s a shock, right? I was stunned too. I can’t imagine why Brendan kept this from me.” Cole’s stomach clenched. “I trusted him with everything.”

“I don’t know. Maybe, and this is only a guess, maybe it was because he didn’t want to hurt you? Brendan used to say you thought of him like a brother, maybe,” Ian suggested quietly, “he worried if you found out he had a biological brother out there, you’d be upset?”

“I would not! I’d have understood, supported him. Hell!”

His hands balled up in fists. But even as he denied it, a part of Cole knew it to be a big fat lie. He drew a deep breath in. God, he felt resentful, and for all the reasons Ian named. He’d worked so hard to build a family for himself, would the appearance of a “real” brother in Brendan’s life have pained him?

Yes, damn it, it hurt.

“Brendan was probably waiting for the right time to tell you, Cole, that’s all.” Ian’s voice turned soft and soothing. “Don’t let it make you feel as if you didn’t know him or he didn’t love you like a brother right back.” Ian touched the back of his shoulder.

Cole leaned against Ian. He shut his eyes. “I’ve fooled myself about things. Marc and Tomas are not brotherly, whatever the hell they are. And River and Brendan were not brotherly either. And we care for each other, I know that part is true and real, but I’ve… I saw it all the way I wish it could be.”

“Nothing’s wrong with that. We all do it from time to time.” Ian hesitated. “And I’ve got something to tell you. I should have—I’m not going to make excuses. I’ve been keeping something from you too. I knew about Brendan’s brother. Not about the letter or anything, but I knew of the brother’s existence. I have known for some time.”

“No.” Shock surged through him. “You didn’t.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. But I thought—I wanted to spare you more pain.”

“How did you know? About his brother?” Cole asked the question, but inside he felt hollowed out, numb.

Ian swallowed, looking concerned. “I learned it from my client, Maddie. The one Brendan saw the day of his accident. He told her about it.”

“Why would he tell her?”

“She was adopting a baby, and I suppose it coincided with Brendan’s struggle over the letter. Sometimes it’s easier to confide in a stranger…. I don’t know. Please, Cole….”

“Please what?”

“It’s a small omission. I won’t do it again.” Ian held his hands out in front of him, helplessly, beseechingly.

Cole stared into Ian’s troubled eyes. But he refused to be swayed by the regret he read there. Cole shook his head. “You knew all this time and didn’t tell me? Didn’t it occur to you how much I’d want to know? Brendan is important to me!”

“He was important.”

“That’s what I said!”

“No, Cole, what you said is—”

“So what?”

Ian shook his head. A silence surrounded them, and Cole’s stomach flip-flopped. Ian’s gaze bore into his. “So that only proves how raw you are inside, how difficult hearing all this is.”

Cole reared back. “You think I couldn’t handle it? Is that it?”

That hurt. Not only his ego—it had hurt deep inside.

“No.” Ian’s voice sounded equally strangled and tense. “Don’t jump to conclusions.”

“I’m jumping to conclusions? What about you? Assuming I shouldn’t know that Brendan has a brother?”

“I’m—you’re right. I should have told you sooner.”

“Yeah, damn right you should have!” Cole turned away.

“Where are you going? Let’s talk this out.”

“No. I need some time alone to think.”

“I made a mistake. I wanted to protect you, not hurt you. You were in so much pain about Brendan…. Look, you still are!”

“Brendan was my friend! He would have told me this! He just died first!” Cole shouted, drawing a few looks from people passing them.

Confusion swamped him. Would Brendan have told him? He hated being unsure. Cole pushed that away and concentrated on Ian. “But what about you? You had lots of chances to speak up. How long have you known? Were you ever going to tell me? You call it a mistake, but I call it a deliberate deception! Like I can’t be trusted. Like I’m a fucking kid!” It hurt that Ian was turning this all around on him, like it was his fault. Cole had trusted Ian, and all this time he’d held back.

“That came out wrong. Let me explain again—”

“I don’t want explanations.” Cole covered his eyes with his hands. “You’re fantastic at explanations. I have no doubt you’ll continue to turn it all around until I’m apologizing to you. All I ever wanted was somebody to trust, somebody like—”

“Somebody like Brendan?” Ian’s voice sounded flat.

“No! But someone who trusts me, and… believes in me.” Cole stopped before he said “love.” “I thought you’d be upfront with me, Ian. Share things with me, important things. Not hide them.” The way Brendan had. Hiding his brother. Hiding that he was with River. What other secrets was Ian hiding?