Michelle stared at me. I hadn’t really noticed until that moment that we’d stopped moving. I looked at her, trying to look as sincere as I felt.
“Listen, when we were kids you were always the prettiest girl at school. Everyone loved you, and you were every guy’s first crush. I’ve always been jealous of the fact that you didn’t even have to do anything to get people to like you, and it hasn’t been fair how I’ve acted, but you’ve got to understand that any time I’ve ever said anything mean to you about your looks or anything else…it’s just because I’m totally jealous of you. And I’m just really sorry.”
“Bridget,” Michelle started, looking confused, “I don’t know exactly what I should say, I mean…since when?”
“Like, forever? Look, it’s just that I did hear you the other day when you said you were feeling insecure, and I just want 1 8 8
P A I G E H A R B I S O N
to do anything I can to show you that you completely don’t need to be.”
She looked at me intently for a moment, before looking down at her tennis shoes.
“Bridget, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
I nodded encouragingly, hoping that she would confide in me.
“It’s kind of hard to say, I guess.” She looked at me. “But I just don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
My breath caught in my throat. I had no idea what to say.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised. She was just telling me what she’d probably been advised by any
better
friends to say sooner.
I remembered how she’d felt watching me at my party. It wasn’t quite admiration, and it wasn’t bitterness. It was more like an entirely objective observation. She had noticed how people felt about me, and she knew how people acted around me. Or used to. She knew about my effect on people, but it didn’t stretch to her.
I also realized that I really was used to things working out the way I wanted them to. It wasn’t that I asked for money and it rained from the skies or anything. Only that things usually went my way. If I needed a favor from someone, I usually got it. I’d been told no before, but it didn’t matter because I always knew I’d get a yes in the end.
But it wasn’t going to work this time. She wasn’t just going to accept my apology and say that she understood. We weren’t going to plop down on the grassy hill we stood on and talk about how to get her through her bulimia. There wouldn’t be any hand-holding. There wouldn’t be any crying. And it looked like there wouldn’t be any regret on Michelle’s end.
1 8 9
I nodded and stood there like my feet were planted in the ground, and she walked away, headed toward the track.
I looked up to see her running her hands through her hair, the way she did when she was confident. She wasn’t standing up with her stomach sucked in and her shoulders in a shrug.
She strode confidently across the field.
I smiled. Maybe I did get what I wanted.
After gym class, which had that awkward post-breakup feel that seemed to give me a taste of how the rest of the year would be if I were to be there, I went to the main office.
“I need to speak to the headmaster. Please.”
The secretary nodded, and picked up the phone. After a brief moment of lowering her tinny voice and looking in-discreetly in my direction, she told me to have a seat in the waiting room and he’d be with me momentarily.
I nodded and marched over to the chairs I was so accustomed to.
Sure enough, Vince, the guy who was always there, sat in his usual seat.
I drew in a deep breath, keeping the words
How are you ever
in class long enough to get in trouble
in my mouth. I smiled curtly and sat down in the seat that I figured gave me the least eye contact with him.
“What’re y’in for?” he asked suddenly.
“Um. I just have to talk to Ransic about some stuff.” I looked at my hands quickly, wishing I’d brought a magazine, and then realized that the boardroom wasn’t exactly lousy with them.
“Gotcha.”
I bit my lip uncomfortably and decided to take another step toward being a more caring person.
“What about you? What are you, um, in for?”
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P A I G E H A R B I S O N
“Oh, I dunno, I f lipped over some kid’s lunch tray.” His voice was gruff, and he sounded almost exactly like my dad’s mechanic friend. He may as well have been saying, “Oh, I dunno, it’ll take y’a couple hundred, maybe a thou.”
“Why?”
“Dumbass walked right in fronna me.”
I thought for a moment of whether I should ask my next question. I decided I should. “So what?”
“So what?” He put his hands on his thighs and leaned toward me. “So what? I hate when people don’t watch where they’re goin’.”
I nodded, as if I understood, and pointed my gaze toward the wall to my left. I heard him chuckle, and turned back to look at him. “What?”
“Well, I dunno, I guess I just think it’s funny. You. Me.”
I let out a derisive snort. “What about—” I hesitated, not wanting to use the word
us
“—you or me?”
“Well, I guess we’re kinda runnin’ the same game here.
Don’t you think?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I tried to say it with that
“end of the conversation” tone, but it didn’t work.
“Well, you keep all the girls in line, and I do the same for the dudes. And the freshmen.”
“What are you
talking
about?”
“Haven’t you noticed what happens when you walk down the hallway? Do people jump outta your way, not wantin’ to mess with you?” He beamed at my blank expression, as if it was what he’d expected. “Yeah, they do, I’ve seen it. “
I gawked at him, not wanting to admit that this guy had me pinned.
“But I still don’t think that makes us alike. No offense, but you just bully everyone. I don’t do that.”
“Hey, you might not take money from ’em, but you do even 1 9 1
more than that.” He leaned back and shut his eyes, signaling that he was finished talking to me.
But I was pulling out the bitch card once more. “Hey, Vince.” He opened his eyes, and I fastened the expression I’d mastered for this sort of thing. “I get what you’re saying. It’s not just the girls who listen to me. So here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to stop. Stop messing with people. It’s been pissing me off for a while, and I’ve had enough. If you f lip over any more lunch trays, or steal any more money—”
I smiled as cunningly as I could “—then you’re going to deal with
me.
”
“Yeah? What are you going to do to me?”
“Oh, I’ve got a plan. And I know you’re fond of this school, considering how long you’ve been here. So, really, if you don’t stop? You’re going to find yourself repeating your senior year at the local public school.” One last jab. “Plus, you’re just annoying, you’re not even scary.”
I was just winging it, and was terrified he was going to call me out. To tell me I was full of it, and that he wasn’t afraid of me. Instead he just sat back in his chair again and shut his eyes.
But there was the smallest of creases between his eyebrows that told me that just
maybe
I’d done something right.
But as I sat there, my heart sank as I realized that maybe he was right. I might
not
take their money, but I did take their self-esteem. My heart sank lower as I thought of Mr. Ezhno and his job—that was unquestionably worse that what Vince did. I was taking so much more from Mr. Ezhno than just his money.
Maybe Vince and I
were
the same. Only he was even further along than I was—because at least he
knew
what he was, without being told by some mystical judge in a boardroom.
That thought put everything into perspective, even more than the thought of my life being on the line.
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P A I G E H A R B I S O N
After fifteen minutes, the headmaster called me into his office. The look on his face told me very clearly that he didn’t want to deal with me anymore.
“Sit.” He spoke shortly, pointing half heartedly toward the chair he was passing.
I sat obediently and waited for him to sit down.
“Listen, Mr. Ransic, I have a few things to tell you. And I don’t really know how—”
“Just say it, Miss Duke. I’ve got things to do here, and I don’t need you quibbling over how to perfectly phrase your newest problem.”
Something in his voice made me picture him getting home from work, throwing down his briefcase and talking to his girlfriend about what a stressful day he’d had. I pictured her asking what had happened. He would sink down into an armchair, and talk about “this
girl
” at school with all these
problems.
I shook the scenario from my head and started with what had happened with Brett.
“Okay, so Brett Cooper didn’t do anything wrong.”
The headmaster drew in an exasperated breath before asking, “Pardon?”
“Brett wasn’t the one who was cheating, I was, and I just said everything I said because I didn’t want to get in trouble.”
He looked like he was trying to remember the details of the incident.
“Look,” I said, “I just don’t want him to get in trouble. I lied, and he shouldn’t get in trouble for it.”
“What are you up to, Miss Duke?”
“Nothing. Really. It’s just that what I did was wrong, and I feel bad about it. So can’t you just, like, un-suspend him or something?”
1 9 3
He studied my face, looking for an explanation for my sudden honesty.
“Look, Miss Duke, I don’t know why you’re saying this, but he’s already on his first day of suspension, and there’s really not much I can do.”
“What are you talking about? You’re the headmaster, you can do whatever you want!”
I gazed at him with hopeful, wide eyes. He looked skeptically back at me.
“Do you realize that you’re going to be punished in his place? That this isn’t going to be some act of kindness you’re doing, and it won’t all just go away?”
I held back a
duh.
“Yes, of course.” I nodded stoically.
He shook his head and took off his glasses.
“You said there were ‘some things’ you wanted to discuss.
Is there something else?”
“Mr.
Ezhno.”
“What about him?”
“He’s been fired, right?”
“Mr. Ezhno will no longer be teaching here,” he confirmed, looking as though he was choosing his words carefully.
“Right. Well, that’s my fault, too.”
The headmaster put his elbows on his desk and his face in his hands, the way he had when I’d seen him through Brett’s eyes.
“What?” he said into his hands. I could hear his annoyance, even though his voice was muff led.
“Um. My friends misconstrued something I said…and really, Mr. Ezhno hasn’t done anything wrong at all.” I raised my hands and contorted my face into an expression meant to read
So, really, it’s all just a big misunderstanding!
“Miss Duke, this is all seeming a little far-fetched for me.
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P A I G E H A R B I S O N
How am I supposed to believe everything you’re saying when part of what you’re saying is that I shouldn’t believe anything you’ve said?”
“Because it makes no sense for me to lie about having done these things! I’m only getting myself into trouble. You
know
it’s not like me to do that if I don’t have to.”
He opened his mouth and then shut it again.
I scooted to the front of my chair.
“Okay, listen, I know this all sounds really weird, but you have to just help me fix this. I did all of this stuff wrong, and people’s lives are being
ruined.
Brett and Mr. Ezhno shouldn’t have to get in trouble just because of me.”
“Well, of course not.”
“Right,” I said, taken aback by his vehement agreement.
“Um. So, if you could just fix this stuff with Brett, and then if you could just hire back Mr. Ezhno, that’d be awesome.
At this point
you’re
the only one who can help me to make it right.”
I knew it sounded ridiculous asking for so much, and I knew he knew it, too. But he looked at me and nodded.
“Fine. But you’re in trouble, Miss Duke. You must understand the gravity of what you’ve done. This is serious. You’ve put Mr. Cooper, Mr. Ezhno and myself in a real spot.”
“I realize that, and I’m sorry. If there was something I could do to take it back I would. Or if there’s something I can do to help
now
I will, but I don’t know if there is. Besides what I’m doing, I mean.”
He looked like he couldn’t think of another solution, either.
“All right, well, I suppose you’re right. There isn’t much more you can do. But, I’m telling you, Miss Duke…” He looked me in the eyes and held up a finger. “…there will be disciplinary repercussions for what you’ve done. Finish out 1 9 5
the day and come back here in the morning with a parent or guardian to sort out the extent of it. Stop at Miss Talley’s desk and she’ll give you a pass to class.”
I nodded my head and stood to leave. I stopped at the door as I noticed that the wood-paneled walls looked almost identi-cal to the ones in the boardroom.
“Is there something else? Hunger in the third world? Was that you, too?”
“Oh. No, sorry.” I took one last look at the wall, then went to Ms. Talley for a hall pass that I might or might not need where I was going.
C H A P T E R F I F T E E N
The day continued on in a strangely normal way. I spent the whole time feeling like I could be snatched out of reality and taken to Anna’s boardroom at any moment, but in the meantime I had to continue to do everything I could to help the people I’d hurt.
It rained heavily as I drove—slowly and carefully—home from school, my windshield wipers working furiously to keep the rain from obscuring my vision. Once home, I was relieved to see that Meredith’s car was in the driveway. I parked quickly and pounded up the front steps.
“Meredith?” I called the second I walked through the door.
It felt strange calling her name, and I wondered if I’d ever actually shouted it this eagerly before.
When I found her she was in the basement with Todd, the ever-present interior decorator. He was wearing a lime-green polo shirt with a pair of butt-hugging jeans, and a pair of what looked like alligator-skin shoes. Neon green.