Suddenly it seemed obvious that the best thing I could do was just disappear. It was stupid to have come here. I was rapidly feeling more and more embarrassed for having come at all, and like I couldn’t get out fast enough. I stood up to leave. And then, of
course,
out he came.
“Hey!” he said, oblivious to my thoughts.
“Hey. Great game, you were really on fire. I couldn’t
believe
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P A I G E H A R B I S O N
you got that fumble earlier. And that interception! Man, you were like freaking Larry Fitzgerald out there.”
He grinned. “Thanks.”
I tried to smile, but instead my eyes and throat began to burn with stupid, poorly timed tears. I tried to hold them back, but I could feel my smile turning into something else.
“Whoa whoa whoa! Bridget, what’s goin’ on?” His smile died away quickly as he saw my face. He dropped his duffel bag on the ground and put a hand on each of my cheeks. Then, in the way that being with someone comforting always seems to, it became impossible to hold back my tears.
I was crying about everything. The bliss of him and me, the despair of breaking up, the fool I’d made of myself f lirting with his friends when we were together, the embarrassment of how I’d been prancing around for the last year and a half, the pain I felt for everyone I’d hurt or insulted and even the fact that I was crying. I was selfish to be here, and especially to be
crying
here. He just won a huge game, and I was here only to bring him down.
I breathed deeply and tried desperately to regain myself.
Not to force some illusion of strength, but because I truly was mortified that I’d ever thought this was a good idea.
When I spoke, my voice was an octave higher than usual, and my words were poorly formed. “It’s nothing! Please…”
“Come on, Duke, I’m not a moron. Tell me what’s going on.”
I sniffed and glanced up at the clock. Eleven-fifty-six. He wasn’t going to let this go, and it was no time for games. I had to just do it.
“Okay, fine.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve had a revelation.
I
have
been a moron. Total moron. And I just wanted you to know that…um…I know that, too.”
2 1 5
My words were jumbled. Nothing like the eloquent, ar-ticulate speech I’d had planned out in my head.
“Where is this coming from, Bridget?”
“Just…okay, Liam, I know what happened with us. I changed. I’m not really sure why, but—” another glance at the clock—four minutes left “—I did change, hugely. I became a selfish girl, and all of my values and priorities changed for the worse. It doesn’t matter why anymore. I just want you to hear me say I’m sorry. Even if you don’t want to accept that, and you have every right to
not
accept it, I just want you to see me here, right now, and hear me when I say that I’m back and that I’m so, so sorry. I ruined all of my friendships and a lot of other things in my life, all with my own hand. But I also ruined us by doing that. And I’m so sorry, Liam. I’m so, so sorry. But I mean, seriously, you probably don’t even care, and I also understand that…”
The last half of my messy monologue was said through full-blown, humiliating tears, as Liam watched me curiously, wiping them away with his thumb and listening intently. I looked at his face, taking in his features. Another look at the clock. It was eleven-fifty-seven.
“But now I have to go.” I turned on my heel and started running.
I must seem positively out of my mind,
I thought.
“What do you mean you have to go?” He jogged after me.
“I just have to, Liam, please just stay there!” I ran across the field, my heels catching in the thick grass as I did. Hopping on my right foot, I threw off my left shoe, and then vice versa.
I threw them on the ground and ran toward the concessions stand. My face, stinging from my wet tears, turned colder in the freezing wind.
I really hoped that I would just disappear at midnight. It 2 1 6
P A I G E H A R B I S O N
would be weird, but not as weird as it would be if I said I had to go and then I ran behind a shack to die as if on cue.
I heard Liam’s footsteps get closer to me. Stupid to think I could outrun the team’s MVP. He wrapped a hand around my shoulder and hurried in front of me to stop me from running.
I stopped, breathing hard. I looked behind him at the scoreboard that told me I was two minutes away from whatever was going to happen.
Liam dropped my shoes on the ground and looked very seriously into my eyes.
“Bridget…”
I shook my head frantically and gazed back at him. I felt excruciatingly tense and now, more than ever, tremendously heartbroken.
“There isn’t enough time. Please just let me go.”
One minute left.
I wanted to turn and run. I didn’t know what would happen if I didn’t. I didn’t know what Liam might witness if I didn’t run. What if I exploded, or something equally ridiculous?
But something kept me standing there, unable to move.
My feet seemed magnetized to the cold, hard earth.
Within a second, it all changed. One of his hands wrapped gently around the back of my neck and the other went to my waist, pulling me toward him. Then his lips were on mine.
My mind went blank. All I could feel was Liam. For that moment, there was no fear, no regret and no sadness. After all I’d learned about myself, that moment was more than I deserved.
I felt the familiar sensation of the world falling away, and I pulled away from him, terrified that this was it.
I was dying. I was sure of it.
But when I opened my eyes, all I saw was the mystified 2 1 7
expression on Liam’s face. I looked behind him to see the score board. It was 12:01.
What?
“What time do you have?” I asked Liam.
He looked curiously at me, and then down at his watch.
“Same as up there. What’s wrong with you, Bridge? You’re acting crazy.” He didn’t sound angry, just worried.
“But I—I’m supposed to be gone!” I stammered. “I figured that at the very least I’d be back in the boardroom.”
“Boardroom? What are you talking about?” Liam asked.
“But Anna said that they had to deliberate…and that she’d see me…”
“Who’s
Anna?”
I turned to him. “Who’s Anna?” I repeated. “What do you mean? You know Anna, what are you talking about?”
Liam looked truly confused. “I don’t know an Anna. Last Anna I knew was in, like, first grade, and she was only there for a year. Who are you talking about?”
“The new girl, Anna Judge!” My voice was high-pitched and hysterical.
“New
girl?”
“Liam, did you hit your head out there?”
He laughed. “No. Are you sure
you
didn’t? I know it can get rough in the stands.”
“Um. I don’t know, maybe I did,” I lied, still unable to process the fact that I was still there, and that Liam didn’t know who Anna was.
Liam knelt on the ground in front of me.
“Here, give me your foot before it falls off from frost-bite.”
In a daze, I lifted the foot he was touching. He slipped it into one of my shoes, and tapped my other ankle.
Once I was back in my shoes, he stood and held out an arm.
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P A I G E H A R B I S O N
“Ice cream at my house? You still haven’t seen
Animal House
yet, have you?”
I shook my head. “No, not yet.”
“All right, let’s do it.”
We set off toward the parking lot, arm in arm. And then I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.
It was Anna, and she was smiling. My heart sank. I wasn’t going to disappear. Anna was either going to take me with her or kill me. I felt stupid for having ever thought that I might get away with living.
She crooked her finger, beckoning me to come to her. Then she backed up into the darkness.
I unlinked my arm and walked to where I’d just seen her.
“Hey—” Liam called, and I heard him take a step toward me.
“No, no, wait one sec.” I held up a hand and then walked into the darkness where she’d been.
There she was. She was wearing a black cloak with a wide hood, the kind I’d seen only in old movies.
“So, what now?” I asked, my heart pounding. I was terrified that she was going to tell me to come with her.
“You’re okay for right now,” she said, and raised an eyebrow.
Relief washed over me. “Thank you…” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Be good, Bridget.” She smiled, and glanced behind me at Liam.
I turned to where she’d looked, and saw him coming toward me.
“Man, you must have hit your head hard. You ready to go now?”
I looked back for Anna, and she wasn’t there.
“But
she—”
2 1 9
A movement in the dark again caught my eye.
It was Anna again. She held a finger to her lips to shush me, and then she winked and walked away.
And I knew I’d gotten a stay of execution.
It was over and I had lived.
“Aaand, I’ll drive?” He smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
I didn’t know how long I had left, or when or if I’d see Anna again. All I knew was that, until that happened, I wanted to deserve my life.
I still had plenty to make up for.
* * * * *
ISBN: 978-1-4268-8448-1
HERE LIES BRIDGET
Copyright © 2011 by Paige Harbison
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