Here to Stay (30 page)

Trying to calm down, Mandy paced in tight circles. Then she went to get the rest of her purchases out of the car, looking up and down the sidewalk, hoping to see her brother as she collected the bags.
Nothing
. Fury welled within her. When she returned to the house, she didn’t bother to put away the food. Instead she tried Zach’s cell and got no answer. Then she called St. Matthew’s hospital to see if her brother had been taken in for emergency treatment.

Mandy was home by the time Luke and Zach returned. She stood on the front porch, arms tight around her waist, right foot tapping the concrete, eyes shooting daggers. How she managed to look beautiful when she obviously wanted to rip his head off, Zach didn’t know. In the sunlight, her hair glistened like polished brass. Her tidy figure was shown off to perfection by dark blue slacks and a silky blouse the color of an orange. In the breeze, the supple cloth clung to her breasts.

“The shit’s about to hit the fan,” Zach murmured to Luke. “Your sister is on the porch, and if she had a gun, I think she’d shoot me.”

Luke’s head came up. “Why’s she pissed at you? The walk was my idea.”

Zach fell in behind Luke and the horse as the pair made their way up the narrow walk to the house.

“Where have you
been
?” Mandy cried when they were about fifteen feet from the steps. “I hire a sitter, and you just take off? She wants to charge me for the whole five hours. That’s fifteen bucks an hour, Mr. Pajeck. After you left, she finished out the hour, and apparently all she did during that time was eat! The leftovers I hoped to serve for dinner are
gone
. Maybe you’d like to cook tonight, Luke. I’m behind on my work!”

To Zach’s surprise, Luke straightened his shoulders. “Maybe I would. Like to cook, I mean. You’ll have to teach me how first, so you’re stuck for tonight. But I’ll get there.”

Mandy’s lips parted as if she meant to say something else, but nothing came out. She stared incredulously at her brother for a long moment. Then, with crisp authority, she said, “Get into this house,
now
.”

Luke thrust out the harness handle. “Here, Zach. Thanks a lot for the walk.”

“You’re more than welcome,” Zach replied. “Call me anytime. It was good training for Rosebud.”

“Hello?” Mandy descended the steps to grab her brother’s arm. “There will be no more walks unless I give the okay, and I do
not
feel so inclined.”

“I can go for a walk any damned time I want!” Luke objected. “You’re not my boss!”

Mandy shot a cutting glare at Zach. “Two hours alone with you, and just listen to him! I was afraid this would happen—that you’d fill his head with crap.”

“He didn’t fill my head with crap! Damn it, Mands, calm down. It was just a
walk
.”

“In the house.
Now!
” Mandy cried. “I’ll deal with you later.” She drew her brother toward the steps. Looking over her slender shoulder, she met Zach’s gaze. “I’d like a word with you. Let me get him settled, and I’ll come back out.”

Zach didn’t look forward to having a
word
with her, but he’d never been one to run from a confrontation. And in this particular instance, he had a few things to say himself.

Mandy was gone only a few seconds. When she stepped back onto the porch, she slammed the door so hard the window frames shuddered. Glorious hair drifting in the breeze, she marched past Zach toward his SUV. Then she turned and waited for him.

Zach put Rosebud in the vehicle. When he swung around, Mandy wagged a slender finger under his nose. “Don’t you
ever
take my brother
anywhere
again without my permission. You’re lucky I didn’t call the police and file charges!”

“You’d have looked pretty silly trying to file charges. He called me, not the other way around. If he wants to take a walk, he’s an adult, and that’s his decision to make. He’s not a baby, Miranda. Isn’t it about time to let your brother grow up?”

Her lips went white. “I know my brother far better than you do, sir.”

“Really? Are you aware that Luke blames you for blinding him and that he’s been playing you for years, pretending to be helpless to punish you?”

Her eyes filled with tears, and her mouth began to quiver. “Yes,” she admitted. “Luke blames me for the accident. Why shouldn’t he? It was my fault.”

Zach had been immersed in the Pajeck family dynamics for more than two hours, and his patience was wearing thin. “That is such a load of crap. You need to see a shrink almost as much as your brother does.”

“What?”

“That canning accident wasn’t your fault. You were only fifteen, barely old enough to be looking after yourself. Home canning is dangerous. Not only jars can explode. Pressure cookers can, too. Your father was wrong to blame you for Luke’s accident. It was his fault, not yours.”

She jutted her chin. “What do you know about it? You weren’t there. And it’s none of your business, anyway!”

“I’m making it my business.”

“By whose invitation?”

“Luke’s! He’s not a child anymore, and he understands a lot more than you give him credit for. This afternoon, he talked to me about turning over a new leaf. Question is, will
you
allow it? Or do your feelings of guilt have you so messed up emotionally that you
want
Luke to depend on you for every damned thing? Great way to do penance, right, Mandy? Devote the rest of your life to him, give up everything for him. Well, news flash. You’re not just screwing up your life. You’re screwing up
his
.”

She jerked as if Zach had slapped her, and he immediately wished he could call back the words.

“You don’t know anything about us!” she cried. “I don’t want my brother to be helpless! If that were the case, why would I have inquired about Rosebud? I want him to lead as normal a life as possible, but Luke has always refused to cooperate! Do you think this is
fun
for me? That I
enjoy
having no freedom? Every time I leave him, except to do grocery shopping and run errands, something horrific happens. It’s true that my entire life revolves around Luke, but if you think I
choose
for it to be this way, you’re out of your ever-loving mind!”

Zach felt as if he’d just stepped off into a hole, that awful, bottomless sensation that always came over him when he expected to find solid ground and met with empty air instead. He really,
really
wished he’d had the good sense to keep his mouth shut.

She whirled to return to the house. “To think I meant to phone you this afternoon and apologize for
my
bad behavior at the barbecue! Ha! On my worst day, I’ve never come close to being as obnoxious as you just were. I think we’re even!”

“Mandy, wait. Please.”

“Go to hell,” she tossed over her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he called after her. “I had no right to say those things to you. I’m sorry.”

She stopped and spun to face him. Tears glistened on her cheeks. “Penance?”

Zach swept off his hat and slapped it against his leg. “That was a rotten thing to say. It’s not your fault that Luke has insisted on being mollycoddled, and I can’t blame you for giving in. When you love people, you’re there for them. He needs you, probably more than we realize. He tried to talk with me about that, and I gave him the best advice I could. But I’m not qualified to counsel him. He needs to see a professional.”

Her eyes blazed like firelight reflecting off water. “How
dare
you take him away from this house without even leaving me a note! He’s nineteen. I’ll give you that. But he’s also my brother, my
blind
brother. I didn’t know what park you went to—or if you even went to a park. I had no idea how long he’d be gone, if he was safe,
nothing
.” She splayed a hand over her heart. “I was scared to death! I tried to ring your cell. No answer. I even called the hospital!”

Zach had turned off his phone during the walk, not wanting any calls to interrupt his time with Luke. “Surely the sitter explained to you where Luke and I had gone.”

“She said she wasn’t sure which park you’d gone to, and she was so angry about Luke leaving while he was in her care that all she wanted was her money.”

Zach felt awful. Being of age didn’t give anyone the right to make someone else worry. “Ah, Mandy, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have left a note.”

If she heard his apology, she zoomed right past it. “As for taking him to a counselor? I’ve taken him to see professionals so many times I’ve lost count! Thousands of dollars down the drain.
Thousands
.”

“I know. He mentioned that, too.”

She wiped her cheeks with the back of her wrist. Zach saw some of the tension ease from her body. “I can’t believe he talked to you about any of this. He never does with me.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to unload on someone you don’t know very well. Less risky.”

Her shimmering gaze sought his. With visible effort, she struggled to calm down and collect her composure. Zach guessed she’d registered his apologies, after all. They hadn’t completely smoothed her feathers, but at least she no longer looked totally beside herself. “What all did he say?”

Zach sighed and thrust the hat back on. “I’m not at liberty to tell you everything, Mandy. I’m sure he trusted me to keep some of it confidential.”

“In order to help him, I
need
to know.”

“Then I suggest you ask Luke.” Zach rubbed his jaw. “I apologize for sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong, but the information came to me uninvited. And sometimes standing on the outside looking in gives a clearer view of a situation. My first instinct was to try to help.”

“And your view of the situation is?”

Zach dug at the grass with his boot heel, thinking that he was so much like his father, it was scary—plainspoken, slow to collect his thoughts, and a habitual dirt kicker when he got upset. He glanced up. “Do you really want to hear my take?”

“I won’t know until I hear it.”

Zach stared past her at the house for a second.
What the hell
. He’d already stuck his foot in his mouth. “I think your father is a heartless bastard who played both you and Luke like well-tuned fiddles. He made you believe you were to blame for the accident, and in turn, he convinced Luke of the same. Step back from it, Mandy. Look at it square-on. He drove a wedge between you two. What’s worse, he
intended
to do it. I think you
have
sought absolution for the accident by catering to your brother. Who wouldn’t? He’s blind, for God’s sake, and you feel responsible because your father
made
you feel that way. You didn’t know that pressure cooker would get the jars so hot they could explode if cool air hit them, did you? Well, did you?”

“I—No.” He barely heard the reply.

“Well, there you are. You didn’t know what could happen. He told you it was your fault because he didn’t want to man up to the fact that he’d dumped adult responsibilities on a kid without ever making sure she knew how to handle them. How can you make it up to someone when you’ve robbed him of his vision? By sacrificing, by being there, by always going the extra mile, that’s how. Don’t you see, Mandy? The man may be in prison, but he’s still inflicting pain, and you and Luke are so caught up in it, you’re both lost in the maze.”

She blinked and looked away. Then she cupped a hand over her eyes.

“That canning accident wasn’t your fault. Jars just explode sometimes. Your father should never have allowed a fifteen-year-old girl
near
a pressure cooker. It was dangerous for you, too. And if anyone is to blame for the loss of Luke’s sight, he is.”

Hand still over her eyes, she shook her head. The slump of her slender shoulders filled Zach with an unreasoning yearning to close the distance between them and catch her close in his arms.
Not a good plan
. He remained where he was.

“Before I finish mucking this up,” he added, “let me say one more thing. I’m sorry I opened the wine the night of the barbecue. I didn’t know your dad was an alcoholic. Now that I do, I’ll never drink around you two again. You’ve got my word on it.”

She drew down her hand to gape at him in startled amazement. “I can’t
believe
he told you about Dad. What other family skeletons did he drag out of the closet?”

“None that made me think less of you,” Zach replied. “In fact, I came away from the conversation thinking you’re one of the best sisters on record.”

“You just said I was a sister who feeds on her brother’s helplessness. Make up your mind, Mr. Harrigan.”

Zach winced. “I never meant it to come out that way.” He took another dig at the grass with his boot. “Can we back up and start over?”

She fixed a questioning gaze on him. “What do you mean?”

With a sigh, Zach tried to compose his thoughts before he spoke. “I’m just seeing such a change in Luke, is all. He’s coming to love Rosebud, and it’ll be a horrible shame if either of us stands in the way of that relationship. This isn’t about me, and it isn’t about you. It should be only about Luke. Can we both agree on that?”

Tears filled her eyes again. “That’s why I was going to call you this afternoon, because I feel the same way. I can’t allow my personal feelings to mess this up for my brother.” She searched his eyes. “Do you mean it about not drinking? That’s the biggest concern I have. I don’t want my brother to be around it, and I can’t stand to be.”

Zach nodded. “My word is my promise.”

She ran a hand over the buttons of her blouse. “Then I suppose Luke can see Rosebud again. They are forging a bond. We shouldn’t stand in the way of that.”

Zach touched the brim of his hat in farewell. “I’ll call to set up a time for Luke to visit the ranch again, then. Rosebud is familiar with the layout there. I think it’ll do Luke a world of good to go walking with her by himself.”

With a hesitant edge in her voice, she said, “That sounds good.”

Zach turned away and then spun back. “One more thing. Would you give me permission to take Luke on another outing soon?”