Heven & Hell Anthology (Heven and Hell) (23 page)

“There used to be.”

“There used to be something between you and Callum.” He countered without heat.

My stomach dropped about two inches at the mention of the man for which I gave up heaven. “Callum is dead,” I said tightly.

“And if he wasn’t?”

I pulled away and put some distance between us. I wasn’t about to tell Cole that even if Callum were alive I would still be drawn to him. I wasn’t about to admit that my heart never beat for Callum the way it does for him right now.

“So he was it for you, huh?” Cole said, mistaking my silence for something it wasn’t. “He’s always going to be between us.”

“Callum isn’t between us,” I said, hating the idea that he would think my heart could belong to anyone but him. “You…” I glanced at him and he arched an eyebrow, almost daring me to finish my sentence. “You’re the only one I see.”

Something in his eyes flared and he stepped toward me, but I stepped back and shook my head.

He sighed. “I’ve just been spending some extra time with Kimber. Being trapped down there… in hell…” He glanced up. “She needs me right now.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to say anything else about Kimber.

“I didn’t come here to talk about Kimber. Or Callum,” he said. “Our conversation last night was interrupted and I want to finish it.”

“What’s the point?” I said, going back over to chop more carrots. “It won’t change anything.” The knife made a loud banging sound every time it hit the cutting board.

He came up behind me and took it out of my hand, tossing it in the sink. “Then it won’t matter what you tell me, will it?”

“Being with me will taint you!” I burst out. If he wanted the truth so bad, I would let him have it. Being this close to him was painful so I decided to tell him what he wanted so he would go.

“Taint me?” he asked in a way that made it seem silly.

I sighed. “You’re a Supernal Being, Cole. That means that when you die, you’ll get to keep your body. You might even be assigned a job, by God.”

“And?”

“And being with me—a
fallen
angel—will taint you. It could get you stripped of your body, possibly even cast from heaven. Your entire eternal life is at risk.”

“They would kick me out of heaven for loving you?” he asked incredulously.

“It’s possible.”

“So you don’t know?”

“I got kicked out of heaven for loving the wrong person,” I snapped. He made it sound like I didn’t know anything.

“But you weren’t supposed to love anyone other than God. You weren’t considered a human.”

I moved past him out of the kitchen and toward the couch. This room seemed awfully small all of a sudden.

“I might be a Supernal Being, but I’m also a human. Aren’t humans allowed to love?”

“Not me!” I cried. “You aren’t supposed to love me!”

“Well, that’s too damn bad.” He took a few steps so he was standing right in front of me. I refused to look at his face. Instead, I stared into the solid wall of his chest. “Because I already do.”

A sound, could’ve been a sob, broke from my chest, and I think I might have swayed a little on my feet. He reached around me and pulled my braid over my shoulder, sliding off the band at the end and tossing it away. Slowly, he worked his fingers through the hair until it twisted free and fell in heavy waves around my shoulders. I could hear nothing in the room but the sound of my own heart pounding erratically in my chest. It filled my ears and drowned out every other sound.

Then he buried both hands deeply into the waves, almost as if he were trying to tangle his fingers in the mass so I couldn’t get away, and then he tilted my head up so I had no choice but to look at him.

His voice was soft, like he was confiding a secret that no one else knew, when he said, “You cannot stop me from loving you, Gemma. I already do. I love you so much that sometimes I can barely see.”

My eyes closed, shutting off the way his searched mine, because if I looked at him one moment longer, I wasn’t sure what I would say. His lips captured mine and I surrendered beneath them. He was warm and insistent. The way his lips moved over mine built some kind of delicious pressure somewhere inside me, and it drove me closer. I wanted closer.

He made a sound in the back of his throat as he untangled his hands from my hair and wrapped them around my waist, lifting me up so my legs could wind themselves around his middle and my hands could bury themselves in the softness of his hair.

The passion that erupted between us was unlike anything I’d ever known, and I would never be the same again. When I could think again, I would realize that I would never again miss my wings, I would never again miss heaven, because this kiss, his hands, his skin, and his body were the only things I would ever want again.

I didn’t even know we were moving until he sat down on the couch, with me firmly in his lap and my legs still locked around his waist. He never, not once, stopped kissing me, and the way his tongue tangled with mine made something inside me sing with delight.

Finally, he pulled back but kept his forehead against mine and he smiled, then came back to kiss me again. After a few moments he pulled my head back and looked at me. “You’ve got to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I’ve seen better,” I told him, staring back.

He grinned and pressed another swift kiss to my lips. “I will never get tired of kissing you.”

Something inside me went cold. He felt the change in me and in the air around us because his eyes narrowed.

“Did you hear nothing I just said to you?” I asked.

“I heard everything. It’s nothing.” The muscle in his jaw clenched.

“Your eternity is not nothing.”

“You don’t even know if I’ll be punished.”

“Would you take that chance if our roles were reversed?” I asked.

He growled. I knew he wouldn’t.

“Then you can’t ask me to do that to you.”

“I’m not asking you.” His fingers on either side of my head tightened.

I reached up and covered his hands with mine. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me if we spent a few years together here on Earth and then you died and were stripped of everything?”

“A lifetime,” he said.

“A lifetime?”

“Not just a few years, Gemma. I’m going to be with you for a lifetime.”

I wanted to weep. To curl up in a ball and let sorrow overtake me. “You don’t understand,” I said, lowering our hands until they were clasped between us. “A lifetime seems like a long time to you, but it isn’t. It’s the blink of an eye. Eternity… that’s a long time. You have no idea how long it really is.”

“I don’t care.”

“I know,” I whispered, untangling one of my hands and running it through his dark hair. I committed the feel, the texture, and the sensation of being with him like this so I could carry the memory after he was gone.

“Tell me,” he rasped, looking up into my eyes. When I said nothing, he shook me. “Tell me,”

I wanted to. The words were right there and I was sure he could feel them between us. I shook my head.

He caught my chin in his hand. “Not saying it doesn’t make it untrue.”

He was right. I, more than anyone, knew the power of God, and I knew he could see right into my heart and know the truth with absolute clarity.

“I love you,” I whispered. The words actually hurt to say, but I figured giving him this was the least I could do because I still couldn’t give him what he really wanted.

He pulled me to him once more, but this time his kiss was less ferocious and demanding, more tender and soft. It was if he thought I was a piece of glass that might shatter beneath his touch so he handled me with the utmost care.

Tears pricked the backs of my eyes and I tried to keep them away so he wouldn’t see. He pulled back, cupping the side of my jaw with his hand. “Why the tears?” he rasped.

“I won’t do it to you, Cole. I can’t.”

He frowned. “But it’s already done. You can’t take back those words. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not going to take them back. I meant them.” I smiled briefly, touching the side of his face. “But I still won’t be with you.”

His entire body stiffened. “You won’t be with me.”

“Maybe by resisting me, by resisting us, your eternity will be saved.”

“I don’t give a damn about my eternity!” he shouted.

“Someday you will.”

He gripped my arms and moved like he was going to stand, like he was going to shove me away, but then he stopped. The next thing I knew I was being pulled closer, his hand was pushing my cheek into his chest, and his arms were locking around me.

I didn’t try to get away. I relaxed into him and let him hold me, knowing it would be the last time. We didn’t bother talking. It would’ve only been an argument. We sat there in silence and I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart as he pulled his fingers through my hair.

We probably sat there for an hour or more. The sun had long gone down and the room had turned dark. Finally, his voice cut through the quiet. “You expect me to walk away from you.”

“Yes.”

“I won’t.”

“Then I’ll leave.”

Something rumbled through his chest against my cheek. “You would do that to my sister? To Sam?”

“I don’t want to. I saw Sam last night. I think they need us.”

“Yeah. Yeah, me too,” he said, pulling his fingers through my hair once more. I didn’t mean to, but I snuggled closer.

He sighed a heavy sigh. “Stay. Help my sister find her mom, set the trapped souls free, and keep an eye on Riley.”

“And?”

“And I won’t push you. I won’t show up here and force you to tell me how you feel. I won’t kiss you every time I see you.” He paused. “Even though I’ll want to.”

It was exactly what must happen, but it was awful. I nodded against him.

We lapsed into silence once more, neither of us moving, neither of us speaking. His phone rang, but he ignored it. Then it beeped and he ignored that too. My heart felt heavy because I knew our time tonight was over. I knew that once he stepped out that door, the feelings between us would no longer matter.