Hey There, Delilah... (16 page)

“
Are you sure? You are welcome to stay,” she offers.

“Thank you, but
I am sure. In fact, why don’t you take the rest of this week off?”

“
But it’s only Monday,” she confirms.  Maybe she thinks I can’t get along without her. Or maybe she is concerned for her job.  Why do I have the need to affirm her feelings? God damn it, she is turning me into a pansy ass!

“
You need to spend time with your dad and make sure he is squared away. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I don’t want to see you step foot in the office until next Monday.”

“Thank you, N
ick. For...for everything. Have a great week.”

“
You, too, Delilah. Thank you,” I say with a slight stutter and shy smile. “It will be a rough week without you.” I wink as I head out the door.

What the fuck was that! Why the fuck did
I just wink at her? And why the hell did I stutter? Women don’t make me uncomfortable. I don’t get nervous around them. It is still just good old frumpy Delilah. Shit! What am I supposed to do about my standing Saturday night date with LaLa…I mean Delilah? I think I am going to hyperventilate!

Anyway, i
t was just a kiss, right? Yep, nothing to it. Just a kiss. I felt nothing. I was just comforting her in her time of need. I felt nothing. But it was also LaLa. And with her, I always feel something. There’s no denying our connection. Nope, I felt nothing.
Yeah, right, buddy. Then why do you keep repeating it? Who are you trying to convince

I still can’t believe that I
have been fucking Delilah this whole time! How have I not figured it out sooner? I mean, now that I know, it seems so blatantly obvious - the way she smells, her eyes, those lips, her laugh, the tattoo. All of those things reminded me of Delilah at the time, but I didn’t think it was actually her! I should have known when no other woman was able to get me hard, other than the two of them… er… other than Delilah.  Un-fucking-believable! And now she knows all of the personal and embarrassing shit about me that I would have never told her had I known it was her. Jesus fucking Christ! What am I supposed to do now? I can’t tell her that I know, and I can’t keep seeing her. But just the thought of not being with her again hurts my heart. I have been so confused by my feelings that have been developing for both Delilah and LaLa, but I’m even more confused now that I know that the two women who I have been having feelings for are actually the same freaking woman. That blows my fucking mind!

And now I have to deal with the fact that today
is the first day Delilah will be back at work since we’ve kissed, and since I found out that she is in fact LaLa. I am completely unsure how to act. I don’t want her to think anything is up, but I don’t want her to think that the kiss we shared has changed our relationship, because it hasn’t. She’s still my secretary and I’m still her boss. That’s how it’s going to stay.

As I walk down the hall toward Delilah’s desk, I see that she is sitting there looking at whatever file is open on her desk. She looks sullen, and I can’t really blame her, she just lost her mother a couple
of weeks ago. Her shoulders are hunched and she has her chin propped up in her palm. I stop in front of her and clear my throat.

“Hey there, Del
ilah, doing okay?” I ask softly, hoping my greeting, which has become our running inside joke, lifts her spirits a tad.

Delilah immediately straightens and looks up at me with wide eyes
, completely unaffected by my salutation. “Oh, Nick, I didn’t even hear you walk up,” she rambles as she grabs the cup of coffee in her right and holds it out toward me.

“Thanks,” I say, taking the coffee. “Are you sure you’re ready to be back?”

Delilah nods. “I’m fine. I can’t stay home another day, makes things worse,” she croaks.

Oh
, God, please don’t cry! I can’t handle it when she cries, it breaks my heart.

“
Okay, if you’re sure,” I say and start for my office.

“I’m sure,
” she says resolutely.

“Alright, grab a note pad then,
we have work to do,” I say before disappearing into my office.

Delilah follows a minute
later. She quietly sits down in the chair in front of my desk. I can tell she’s not all here. Her eyes are downcast and her shoulders are hunched again. I feel the urge to snap at her to straighten up, but I bite my tongue - she’d probably end up crying. I watch her for a moment, and I feel my desire rise. Everything about her turns me on now. Not only does she have an incredible body that I’ve come to know very intimately, but she is also smart, funny, honest, giving, and kind. She is my perfect woman. Fuck. Me.

My mind wanders back to Saturday when LaLa…I mean…Delilah and I were last together. Damn, the things we did together. I stifle a shudder. Thank
God I’m behind my desk because my dick is remembering, too, making my pants uncomfortably tight in the groin area. I remember every little detail about her - what she tastes like, the sound of her moaning, how amazing she feels when I’m inside of her. Ahhhh! I have to stop, or I am going to jump over my desk and attack her.

I take a deep breath to try
to calm myself, but all I get is a whiff of Delilah’s incredible scent, that damn lotion that she wears. It drives me insane with lust. I can’t do this right now. I need to get my head on straight before I can be this close to her.

“You know what, Delilah?
Let’s do this later. I’m not ready yet, sorry,” I say, shuffling through files on my desk, pretending to look unorganized.

Delilah glances at me and nods. “Okay, Nick. Just let me know when you’re ready,” she says quietly as she stands and heads for the door.

“Shut the door behind you, please,” I call just before she walks out.

Delilah does as she’s told
, just as she does in bed, and closes my door. I sigh heavily and scrub my jaw roughly. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can’t get rid of her; she’s great at her job, and I need her. There has to be a way for me to work with her without constantly thinking about kissing her or fucking her. As of right now, though, I am blind to it. 

♫♩♫♩♫♩
♫

I frown down at the text message that just came in, shaking my head in disbelief. Dammit! I am already dressed, Charlie is on her way over, and now Nico is cancelling on me, again.  That’s two Saturdays in a row now, with no explanation, and I don’t know what to think. Has he just had some things come up, or did I do something and he doesn’t want to see me anymore? His texts during the week have also become few and far between, making me think it’s the latter - that he just doesn’t want me anymore. Maybe he found another woman that he likes better than me.

My
emotions are all over the place. I’m hurt, angry, and disappointed. Then to top it all off, Nick has been acting strange, too. He has become distant and short with me. He barely spoke to me this whole week, and I don’t know what to think about that, either. Does it have something to do with his “perfect match” chick? Is he getting tired of me? Did I do something wrong? Is he planning to fire me?

Charlie suddenly appeared next to me. “Hey,
chica.  You ready to go?”

I jump and scream
at the sight of her, pressing my hand over my pounding heart. “Jesus, Charlie! When did you get here?”

“About a minute ago,” s
he says with a shrug. “Are you ready?”

“I’m not going. 
Nico cancelled on me again,” I mutter, dropping down to sit on the end of my bed.

Charlie frowns down at me. “Really?”

“Yeah, I think it’s over.” I sigh.

“No, don’t say that.
Maybe he’s having personal problems that you don’t know about,” Charlie says reassuringly and sits down next to me.

I shake my head. “No, I can feel it. He’s done with me and moving on to the next woman. This was only s
upposed to be a one-night stand anyway. I don’t know what I was thinking letting it go on for this long, and letting my feelings get involved.”

“LaLa, you don’t know for sure,” Charlie says, patting my thigh.

I sigh heavily, trying to let Charlie’s positive attitude overpower my negative, but it’s not really working. I feel like my life is falling apart - first my mom dies, now Nico is dumping me, and Nick is probably going to fire me. I can’t stop the tears that suddenly well up and start spilling over.

“Aw, LaLa, don’t cry,” Charlie murmurs and pulls me into her arms.

It’s too late to stop it, so I grab onto my best friend as I cry my eyes out. And it’s one of those ugly cries that you can only do in front of your mom or best friend.  But I don’t have a mom any more, and the sobs continue to rack my body. After a few minutes of letting it all out, I feel completely empty. After the last few weeks, I can’t even believe I have any tears left to shed. I quietly extract myself from Charlie and head into my bathroom. I blow my nose and remove my makeup. Going back into my bedroom, I change into a pair of yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt; all the while, Charlie sits on my bed and frowns at me.

“You can still go if you want
to, Charlie. I’m going to go eat a tub of ice cream and watch TV,” I tell her as I head out into my living room.

Charlie follows me. “I’m not going if you’re not.”

I shrug. “Suit yourself.”

I go into my kitchen, open the freezer and pull out
a carton of Rocky Road. After shutting the freezer, I grab a spoon and go back into my living room, where I plop down onto my couch and grab the remote. I turn the TV on and flip through the channels to try to find something worth watching. I stop on the DIY network to watch
Holmes on Homes
, one of my favorites. No one can work a pair of overalls like Mike Holmes.  I open my ice cream and dig in.

“Do you want me to stay?” Charlie asks quietly.

“If you want to, but don’t expect me to be much fun,” I answer around a mouthful of chocolaty goodness.

Charlie disappears, returning seconds later with a spoon. She flops down next to me in her little purple dress and shoves her spoon into
my
drown-in-your-sorrows ice cream. I stare at her as she sticks a spoonful of Rocky Road into her mouth, her attention on the TV. I just snort to myself and shake my head. That’s my Charlie.

♫♩♫♩♫♩
♫

My weekend sucked ass and I have no doubt that the rest of the week is going to suck ass
, too. I feel like a complete dick for cancelling on LaLa - I mean, Delilah – for a second time, but I just couldn’t meet up with her, not while knowing who she really is. I show up for work on Monday in a shit mood. I take my coffee from Delilah without a word, go into my office, and shut the door. I set my bag down next to my desk and drop heavily into my chair. I glance up as I roughly scrub my hand over my jaw to see Delilah watching me warily through the window. Shit. She probably thinks I’m mad at her or something. I sigh and wave her in. Delilah stands and opens the door, popping her head in.

“Yes, Nick?” s
he asks quietly.

“
Come in and sit, please,” I say, taking a deep breath and letting it out quickly.

Delilah does as she is told
, as expected, and waits patiently as I build up my courage and push away my pride. “I’m sorry, Delilah,” I say softly.

De
lilah frowns hard. “For what?” she asks somewhat nervously.

“For being such an ass lately.
I’m just having some personal issues. I don’t mean to take them out on you,” I say sincerely.

Delilah lets out the breath she was apparently holding. “Oh
, thank God. I thought you were going to fire me.” She breathes.

It’s my turn to frown at her. “What? Why would I do that? You’re the best secretary
I have ever had.”

Delilah smiles slightly. It’s the first smile I’ve seen on her
in weeks. “Thank you,” she says, “I really needed to hear that right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?” I ask warily.

“Oh, it’s nothing you’d want to he
ar,” she answers, waving a dismissive hand.

“Tr
y me. Maybe I can give you a different perspective,” I say. Why the hell am I trying to get her to talk to me? I’m supposed to be distancing myself from her.

Delilah lifts her eyes and looks into mine.
I really miss looking down into those hazel beauties of hers while I...
Focus, Santino!
  “I just…I was seeing this guy, and I thought everything was going really well, but he just cancelled our last two dates we had set up and he kinda stopped talking to me.”

I swallow hard.
That’s not what I thought she was going to talk about. “So, forget about him. He’s obviously not worth your time,” I say, trying to tell her what she needs to hear.

“Bu
t everything was going so great. I just don’t understand what went wrong or what I could have possibly done to push him away. I really thought I was falling in love with him,” Delilah says sadly.

Love? Did she really just drop the L-bomb? I try to swallow but my mouth has gone dry. How could she possibly be
falling in love with me? I mean Nico.  She has never even seen his…my…oh, what the fuck! My face! Nor has she ever heard my voice. How can she be falling in love with someone simply by talking to them through text messages and emails, and fucking them once a week?

“Love? Really?” I croak. “What do you love about him?”

Delilah shrugs. “It’s hard to explain. It’s the way he touches me. God, I can’t believe I’m even telling you this. He’s gentle and affectionate and he seems genuinely interested in me, or he was.” She sighs deeply, unable to make eye contact.

“Is he a good looking guy?
I mean, are you attracted to him?” I ask curiously because she hasn’t said anything about my looks yet. I always figure that’s what women look for most in a guy – rich, handsome face, and a rock hard body.

Delilah shrugs one shoulder. “Yeah,
of course, but that’s not what draws me to him. Like I said, it’s hard to explain. We have this…connection. He tries to come off strong, but I know that it’s all an act, that he is actually pretty vulnerable. And we seem to have meaningful conversations, and share deeply personal stuff easily. I find myself needing to be there for him, to help him, to love him. I can’t wait until the next time we are together, while we are together. If that’s not love…” she trails off, looking defeated.

I sit there in sil
ence, digesting everything she has just said about me, even though she still doesn’t know she’s really talking about me.

Delilah
then laughs bitterly and shakes her head. “I’m such a fool for thinking that I could land a guy like that. He probably just got tired of me and has moved onto the next piece of ass without even a thought in my direction.”

Her self-deprecation ignites my anger. “Hey! Don’t talk about yourself like that. It’s his loss if he can’t see how great you are,” I say before realiz
ing that I am talking about myself. Dammit, I am an asshole.

Delilah shrugs again as if she’s not convinced then gets up and heads for the door. “Call me if you need anything,” she mutters before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

I stare at the back of her head as she sits down and starts working on whatever is in front of her. Love. The word keeps echoing in my head. My heart flutters at the thought that she is, strike that, was falling in love with me. I still don’t understand how it’s even possible, but right now, that doesn’t even matter. What matters most is figuring out the answer to the million-dollar question… am I falling in love with Delilah?

The day
just drags on, and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Delilah has been in and out of my office all day, leaving me with wafts of her delicious scent. She looks completely miserable, and the urge to pull her into my arms and kiss away her pain is becoming almost unbearable. I hate that dejected look in her eyes, and I hate even more that I’m the cause of it. Thankfully, she doesn’t know that, yet. I don’t know what to do because she will inevitably figure it out.  And I don’t want to be around when she does. I mean, I do want to tell her who I am, but then I will have to face questions that I am not ready to answer. Questions like, “Am I falling for her, too?”  Because if I am honest with myself, I’d say yes - I’m not, though…honest, that is - I’m a lying bastard and plan on staying that way.

I spend the next few hours torturing myself, but let’s face it, I deserve it. Later that afternoon, t
he intercom on my phone beeps and Delilah’s sweet voice fills my office.

“Nick, Calvin is here,” she says.

I look up from the file on my desk to see Calvin standing in front of Delilah’s desk, smiling his normal flirty smile. How did I miss the big black dude walking up? I should have at least seen him out of my peripheral. Damn, I’m really out of it today. I get up from my desk, button my suit jacket, and head out to greet Calvin. My true intention, clearly, is to get him away from Delilah as soon as possible. She is feeling self-conscious about her break up with, well, me, and she could fall prey to the attention of another good-looking man. This will no doubt set me off.  No rebounding with Calvin on my watch.

However, w
hat he did next was so devastating, so calamitous, so catastrophic, that I don’t think I will ever forgive him. He smiles when he sees me and takes a couple steps toward me, meeting me right next to Delilah’s desk. He gives me a man hug, clasping hands and bumping my shoulder with his. He then says the dreaded words that will forever haunt me.

“Nico, my man, where were you Saturday?”

I swear to God, time froze. My heart stopped and I thought my breakfast was going to come back up. I slowly turned my head to look at Delilah. I found her staring at me in utter shock. Someone please kill me! I am in so much trouble right now.

♫♩♫♩♫♩
♫