Hidden Barriers (11 page)

I leave after being ignored for nearly a half hour while Sam and her brother take a trip down memory lane without even so much as an introduction. I know she adores her brother and doesn’t see him often, but still, if that were my sister and me, I wouldn’t have just ignored her existence.

The minute I step through the front door and slam it behind me, Nick knows better than to ask how things went with Sam. I grab the first beer I find in the fridge before retreating to my bedroom, shutting the door and cranking up the media player on my tablet. The Black Keys’ haunting lyrics permeate the walls of my room as I change into my fleece lounge pants and hoodie before falling back onto the bed.

Sucking back on my beer as I search through my phone, I type out a quick text to Jeremy to see how things are going with his professional hockey career and let him know how Emily was when I saw her earlier today.

I throw my phone to the side as I take another pull of my beer before lying back to shut my eyes. Nothing seems to allow me a chance to calm down at the moment. Usually beer and music do the trick after a long night at work. If those don’t work, a long run helps, but it’s too late for that.

Something about this girl is unnerving to me. What is it about her that causes me to want to change my ways? I don’t date or do relationships. I haven’t since I split from Sue nearly ten years ago. Fucking Tarryn has replaced the void for almost five months. As much as I hate to hit up that bitch tonight, maybe I need to in order to fix whatever is screwing with my head right now. Reaching over for my phone, I type out a short text to Tarryn to see if she’s down for a booty call. Just as I hit
Send
, I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

“Fuck off, Nick!” I yell over the latest song playing on the tablet.

I hear the door creak open as I roll over to give Nick a piece of my mind, but it’s not his eyes that stare back at me. Instead, I’m gazing into those big brown eyes of hers. We silently stare at each other, not knowing quite what to say. I’m not even sure why she’s here in my room.

She shuts the door behind her as she moves a little further into the room. After swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I rest my elbows on my legs and stare at my hands in front of me. “Why did you ignore me back at the bar, Sam? I waited for a half hour, and you forgot I was there.”

“Josh, please let me explain.”
“I thought we could at least be friends, but I took a chance and asked you out on a date. Do you even know what that took for me to do? You’re not the only one with a past, Sam. I get that you still haven’t told me about what haunts you, and that’s fine. But, there is something about you I want to get to know so bad, that for the first time in nearly ten years, I asked a girl out again. That girl walked away and blew me off.”

Sam’s face struggles to understand my statement. Right now, I can’t explain to her that for the last ten years I’ve done nothing but bang random chicks on occasion. If she found out this bit of information at this stage, she’ll assume I’m nothing but a playboy who is only using her to get my dick off.

Looking up at her face, I notice as mascara runs from her eyes down her cheeks. Her feet move backward until her back hits my door, and she slides down to the floor. Turning her face back up to me, she says, “Josh, I came to apologize. I honestly feel awful. Please know I never meant to blow you off back there. I— I—,” she stammers. “I’m just so sorry.” Standing back on her feet, she turns the door handle and opens it slightly.

Why are you letting her walk out that door?

Her head angles back faintly for me to see her profile. “If it means anything, I would have said yes. Candy is the way to my heart.”

As she’s about to walk out my door, my phone alerts me of an incoming text. Glancing down at the screen, I see it’s a response from Tarryn.

I’ll be home in an hour. Come by if you need me.

Tossing my phone back onto the bed as I look up to the door, I notice Sam is no longer there.
Shit.
I pick my ass up off the bed and fly toward the staircase, running down the stairs to see Nick and Sam’s brother sitting in the living room talking. Sam is nowhere to be found. “Where’s Sam?” I ask, looking around the first floor of the townhouse. Neither of them answers me. I look at Sam’s brother and reach out my hand to introduce myself. “Hey, man, I’m Josh. Drew, right?” He nods as he forcefully shakes my hand. “Give me a minute to find your sister, and we’ll talk, okay,” I say, turning around and making my way back up the stairs to the landing. I see a light coming from under the bathroom door. Found her. As I make my way over to the door, my hand hesitates before knocking, not knowing quite what to say.

I turn the knob instead and open the door slowly. Sam sits on the frame of the tub, looking up at me as I make my way into the small space with her. “Did you mean what you said when you said candy was the way to your heart?” I ask, trying to make her smile again. The last thing I want is to see her cry, but damn, if she doesn’t have my mind spinning a mile a minute.

She nods back at me in agreement. “Then, why the hell are you in here alone?”

“Josh, you said—”

I immediately interject, “I said I chose to ask you on a date.
You
chose not to give me
an answer. So, what’s it going to be?”

“What do you want me to say? I can’t guarantee anything when I know nothing about dating a guy anymore. My story isn’t a pretty one, and you need to be patient with me.”

“Sam, I promise I won’t hurt you. Please, give me a chance to show you.”

Standing, she slowly makes her way to within a foot of me. Reaching out her hand, she barely places it flat against my chest. “Kiss me, please.”

“Sam? Not that I’d say no, but why the sudden change of heart?”
“If I can’t handle a simple kiss from you right now, then there may never be any hope for us dating.”

“God, Sam, what the hell…” No, that’s not going to come out right.

Her eyes roam from her hand on my chest to my eyes as she silently pleads for my help. “Please,” she whispers.

It’s been three years since I’ve touched a man intimately and just as long since I’ve kissed a man. I need to know for sure if I have a chance at forgetting my past and moving forward from the damage Stone has inflicted on me. I know I’ll never be able to fully forget my past. He’ll haunt me until the day I die. Right now, I need to find out if I’m at a point where I’m able to start moving forward. Am I broken completely or fixable?

This is why I need Josh to kiss me. There will be no point in us having a date and attempting a relationship in the future if I can’t physically handle a simple kiss. I slowly run my eyes from my hand that warily sits on his chest up to his eyes. I can’t comprehend the look he’s giving me. He runs his fingers over his mouth before he says, “God, Sam, what the hell…”

“Please,” I beg, because I can’t hear the words that will finish this statement.
What the hell happened to me
? He’s not ready for that story yet, and I’m not ready to tell him.

Grappling with the many scenarios I’m sure are coursing through his mind, he says, “If that’s what you want, I’ll kiss you, but this is not how I wanted this to happen, especially not in here. Follow me.” He turns to open the door and walk us out of the bathroom. I follow him back to his bedroom where he fiddles with his tablet as he searches for a particular song. Once he finds it, he comes back to my side. The bluesy-sultry voice of a woman filters through the speakers as she sings about taking care of someone she loves who’s been hurt in the past.

“Sam,” he says as his hands tentatively hover just over my shoulders. I nod, giving him permission to touch me. His hands ever so slightly touch me, and I let go of the breath I’ve been holding for what seems like eons. “Don’t think. Just feel,” he relaxingly says. A fluttering in my stomach makes me close my eyes, but I fight whatever might be about to tell me to push back. I feel his hands slowly move up my neck, and my eyes pop open to meet his.

He has to feel my heart racing. Josh lowers his hands to my waist, pulling me even closer to his body. The heat radiating from him invades my shivering body as his head inches closer to mine. Within seconds, his lips are inches away from my face, and my eyes never leave his.

Then, it all happens so fast. His soft lips touch mine, and the fear that has consumed me for all
these years seems to suddenly disappear.

My body stiffens, but knowing and seeing Josh’s eyes on me, relaxes my nervousness. I surprise myself as my hands deftly move to touch him, but shy back into timid fists. Josh closes his eyes and moves back faintly to gauge my reaction.

Standing there while wondering what it is I’m feeling, I realize it’s no longer fear of the unknown. For years, I thought I was incapable of opening up myself to another man. Why now am I at ease in the arms of this man? Why is this sexy ass man, who came crashing into my life a month ago, bringing me candy to my melt my heart and kissing me to heal me?

“Are you okay? You seem a little quiet. I’m not sure how to read your feelings right now,” Josh says as he moves to grab his phone that’s vibrating on the bed. After picking it up to look at the screen, he forcefully throws it back onto the bed.

I cup my hands over my cheeks as I let out a long breath. “Yeah, I’m good. I mean, it’s been so long…” I pause mid-sentence, thinking I can’t continue to tell him
that
story. “I didn’t freak out on you, so I can only assume it’s a positive thing for me.”

“Does that mean you’re able to move forward and see where dating can lead us?”

“I think so. It’s going to be slow for me, Josh. You have to understand that much. Everything for me will be new, and I’m not sure I can give you what you need.”

“Sam,” Josh says my name as he moves toward me. “I’ll be as patient as you need me to be. Tell me when I move too fast or too slow.”

“Well, if I’m being completely honest here, that kiss you just planted on me was sweet. I know you were being cautious, but now that we know I can handle that, would it be rude of me to ask you to perhaps up your game a little?” Smiling slyly at me, he motions with his index finger for me to move closer to him. I furrow my brow, wondering what he’s up to.

“Why, Miss Daley, are you suggesting I didn’t give you a proper first kiss?” he asks as I move a little closer.

“Maybe,” I tease. “That was good for a high school kiss, but if I’m going to go out with you, you’re going to have to do better than that.”

“Oh, is that right? You want to see better than that?”

“Mmmm Hmmm.”

Inching slowly toward me, Josh comes so close I can feel his chest touching mine every time he inhales. Eyeing me with caution, his hands slink around me and skim just above my ass. My breathing starts becoming labored, and I cannot tell if it’s my mind telling me to fight or if it’s nerves of what is about to happen between us.

“I need you to touch me,” Josh says tenderly. Closing my eyes, I feel his hot breath against my face. “I’m about to go all-on with this kiss. I need you touching me to know you want this just as much as I do. I won’t kiss you unless I know for sure you’re okay with touching me.”

Swallowing a deep gulp in my throat, I raise my clenched hands from my side. My hands open as I pulse my palms against his oversized sweatshirt. Finally, keeping contact as I continue to throw caution to the wind, I surprise myself as my hands continue to move north until they stop at his shoulders.

Reaching closer until I’m on my tiptoes so my hands conjoin behind his neck, I pull him tighter. It’s as if this action alone is all he needed from me. Within seconds, his lips begin skimming over my neck, placing soft kisses in his trail until they are touching my own lips.

I wet my lips and give him a slight nod, pleading with his eyes to kiss me. Then, in a flash, we’re connecting, and his tongue pushes through my lips, dancing and twisting with mine. My eyes suddenly close, and for the moment I feel what’s happening. My body isn’t rejecting this. My mind is telling me
more
.

Knowing I am able to handle his physical touch and sensual kiss with a relaxed state of mind, I move to deepen our connection. My arms wrap around him a little firmer as my hands push into his short hair at the back of his neck. His own hand moves tenderly up my spine, causing my stomach to flutter with anticipation. A state of arousal flows through me as we continue to kiss, and my breasts push into his chest.