Hidden Darkness (Hidden Saga Book 4) (11 page)

“Lad,” I yelped. “You scared me. What are you doing in here?”

              Standing deep inside the room, he crooked a finger at me in a gesture to come closer. The lights were turned down very low—he’d obviously covered most of the glowing stones in my lamp-vase. Only the gleam of his blond curls and white teeth were clearly visible. That, and the outline of his magnificent body.

He was fully undressed, the glow of the colored stones gilding the cut of his muscles. He was perfect—the wide shoulders, the long legs, and tightly sculpted midsection. Mesmerized, I closed the door and moved toward him. As soon as I got close, he grabbed me and dragged me to him, kissing me with near-frenzied passion.

My heart pounded as if it would burst. Where had this come from? What had changed his mind? At the moment, it didn’t seem as important as his lips moving hotly with mine and his hands roaming freely under my robe.

He pushed it from my shoulders and it fell in a heap at my heels. When he moved his mouth from my lips to my throat, I moaned with excitement, giving in to the pleasure. It was finally happening. He
wasn’t
rejecting me. Lad was on fire, acting nothing like his usual responsible, cautious self.

“When you sent me away,” I gasped. “... I thought you didn’t want me.”

He whispered a response against my neck between kisses. “I was an idiot.”

Relief and arousal flowed through me as he swept me off my feet and carried me to the bed. He set me on the mattress and in one swift move yanked the flimsy nightgown over my head. As I lay there, bared before him, ready to give him my body, my soul, my love forever, Lad sat back on his knees and stared down, drinking in the sight of me.

But he didn’t touch me. He loomed above me, hands clenched on his own thighs. His chest rose and fell, his accelerated breathing loud in the quiet room.

Oh no. Not again.
What are you waiting for?
I prompted.
You do want me… don’t you?

Another few seconds passed before he answered. “You
are
tempting, love. Taking you now would almost make this whole permanent mark business worthwhile.”

My body went rigid, my fingertips digging into the bedcovers.

His voice was wrong.

And the words had been pronounced with a distinct Australian accent.

Dread slowed my steps as I walked toward Lad’s room. I had waited for Culley’s signal before leaving the banquet. He told me he’d seen Ryann leave the ball early with Vancia and suspected the two girls may have caught onto us. Now I was creeping through the royal residence like a beady-eyed mouse. Or a rat.

              Unfortunately, my mission hadn’t ended with manipulating Lad’s existing memories. That was bad enough, but apparently I was required to go above and beyond the call and make
certain
the Light King’s brains were scrambled by going to his room tonight and implanting some entirely new false memories. When I was done, he’d no doubt kick Nox and Vancia out of Altum along with Ryann. Which was the whole point of my mission, actually.

Part of me hoped I’d get there to find him in bed with his fiancée. Not likely after the mental poison I’d injected. He’d find it hard to even
look
at Ryann without putting his fist through a wall.

Guilt assaulted me again.
Poor girl.
I’d seen her face at the ball when Lad had been so aloof toward her. She’d be primed and exceptionally vulnerable to Culley’s plan of attack—especially with
his
glamour. What did he look like to Ryann? He probably appeared to be a clone of Lad. I shivered at the creep factor of it.  

Just do your job Ava. These people are not your concern. Think of your family.

I shook off the shame and continued toward Lad’s quarters, wondering how I’d contend with the inevitable guards when I got to his door. But the weirdest thing happened. Before I even reached his corridor, I spotted him running toward me in the hall. I moved into his path and put my hands out, stopping him.

“Hi. Where are you going so late?” I asked him in as casual a tone as I could produce.

Lad looked terrible. His hair was disheveled as if he’d run his hands through it a hundred times. His eyes were wild.

“To find Ryann. She came to me, and I… I don’t know what’s going on with me. I hurt her feelings—I didn’t mean to. She looked so good, and I… I wanted… but then… I thought I was over the thing with her and Nox, but it’s like it’s haunting me. It’s all I can think of. Maybe it’s just cold feet or something. I
know
she doesn’t want him, but I keep seeing them together. I keep trying to think of something else—of the good times—but it all just seems kind of… bad now. I don’t know.”

He stopped rambling and stared at me wide-eyed as if just realizing I was there. “Ava. I’m sorry. I’m not feeling very well. I think I might have had something to drink tonight that didn’t agree with me. I’m really… confused.”

There was no doubt my glamour had worked exactly as intended. Lad was a mess. It wouldn’t take much more to seal the deal.

“Well, maybe we should talk for a minute and let you get your head straight before you go running off after her.”

Regarding me again with bleary eyes, he nodded. “Okay.”

I patted his arm and led him to sit with me on a bench in an alcove of the hall. “Now, what’s the problem? She came to you tonight, and you didn’t want her? Maybe it’s a good thing you figured that out before you married her. Right? It’s not something to take lightly, you know.”

Lad glared at me. “I
do
want her. I love her.”

“Okay, okay,” I said.

I took a second to gird myself for what I had to do next. Lad’s mind was in such a fragile state, all I had to do was turn my glamour up a few more notches and I could remove every good memory he’d ever had of Ryann and amplify every bad one he’d ever had of Nox. I could erase every proof of love she’d ever given him, strip away his reasons for wanting her, and obliterate his relationship with his brother as well.

It was, after all, what I was here to do. It was what I was good at. The only thing I was really good at. And it was too late to turn back now. I’d already done more harm than could ever be forgiven.

I inhaled deeply and covered one of his large hands with mine. “Lad… why do you suppose you sent her away? Is it because
she
doesn’t love
you
?”

Then Lad said something that stole my breath away.

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if she loves me.” He shook his head, his voice changing, rising in tone and volume as if he was just coming to a new understanding. “It doesn’t matter
what
she’s done, or what she
will
do. I love her. No matter what. I always will. I’ve only ever wanted her. I’ll never be able to want anyone else. If she won’t forgive me for the way I’ve acted tonight—for rejecting her—then I’ll just be alone. I won’t take a wife. Ever. I won’t have an heir. My family’s reign on the Light Throne will end with me.”

I was too stunned to speak. Of all the people whose minds I’d altered, he was the only one who hadn’t changed course, who hadn’t immediately cooperated and aided in his own destruction. He was confused. He was a disoriented disaster.
But he still loved her.

Lad finally lifted his eyes. “Do you think it’s too late?”

I stared at him, my mouth opening and closing in silence. The word “yes” waited there on my tongue. The false memories crouched just behind it, ready to invade his brain, to wreck and ruin what was left of his life. I knew I
had
to do it.

But I couldn’t.

Instead, I grabbed his arm and jumped to my feet. “We have to get to Ryann’s room right now,” I shouted. “It might already be too late.”

I broke into a sprint, not even asking Ava for details. The tone of her voice told me enough. Ryann was in danger.

              A flood of adrenaline screamed through my veins. My heart pumped like it never had in my life. In minutes I reached her door and threw it open. It hit the wall with a crash as I charged inside.

              “Ryann!”

              There was a sound of surprise—sort of a hoarse shout.

The voice was male.

              The room was unusually dark, and I scrambled toward the vase of glowing rocks, ripping off the drape that covered it.

              And there on Ryann’s bed, were two people, shock painted across their faces. One of them was Nox—no wait—it was Culley. They looked like freaking twins. He was unclothed and kneeling. His surprise morphed into a delighted smile as he recognized me.

              Straddled beneath him was Ryann’s naked form. She was absolutely beautiful, despite her horrified expression.

              She bolted upright. “Lad!”

              A ragged cry shook the walls—more of a roar actually. It took me a second to realize it had come from me. I whirled and tore from the room, unwilling to see any more of the horrible picture. I had seen more than enough.

              Ryann’s plaintive voice came from behind me, stopping me. She’d followed me. “Lad, Lad please. Come back. We didn’t bond. I was going to—I thought it was you.”

              I spun around and gave a harsh, anguished laugh. “Right. You mean you thought it was Nox—he looks just like the back-stabbing bastard.”

              She stood naked in the hallway, weeping before me with her hands outstretched in front of her. Her eyes were wide, her voice desperate. “No Lad, I thought he was
you
. I swear it. Until he spoke and then I knew… please. Please believe me.”

              She sounded so distressed. Her face was so destroyed. I
wanted
to believe her. My heart was torn to shreds, but still the pieces of it pulled in her direction. And then I heard that cocky little pretty boy laughing on the other side of the doorway, and my blood boiled. 

“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Ryann, but I’ll tell you one thing—every time I look at you—all I can see is some other guy between your legs. Don’t follow me. And put some clothes on. You’ll need them when you leave Altum tonight.” 

Her keening wail ripped at my insides as I strode away. But it did not stop me from going.

“
What
were you doing?” I demanded, watching Culley roll off the bed and get to his feet.

              He strode toward me, his expression fixed in its usual unreadable mask. “What are
you
doing? You interrupted some of my best work.”

              “You weren’t supposed to… to
rape
her. You were supposed to get her all mixed up.”

              “Don’t be silly. I wasn’t
raping
her. We were just having some fun.”

I raised an eyebrow and gave his naked body a significant once over.

Culley chuckled. “Yeah, well…”

He walked over to a pair of pants draped across a chair, pulling them on in the leisurely manner of someone who felt no need to hide his nakedness. “I wouldn’t have let it go all the way. I have no wish to be eternally bonded to someone who’s lovesick over another bloke. For your information, I tipped her off just moments before you two barged in here like the cavalry. She was no doubt about to throw me out on my finely formed ass. Anyway, this has worked out quite handily, I think, if that godawful screeching is any indication.”

Lifting his shirt from the chair, he nodded toward the hall outside where Ryann’s heartbroken wail still echoed.

I stood for a moment, listening as my insides sank, then studying his nonchalant expression. So like his depraved father’s. Was this really what my glamour gift was meant for? Serving that madman? Torturing people? Destroying relationships? Breaking hearts?

“I’m going to help them.”

Culley’s wide-eyed stare met mine. “Come again, love?”

“I said… I’m going to help them. I’m going to tell her what I’ve done, what my glamour is. Yours, too.”

He froze in place, his jaw literally dropping. “Are you insane? Has all this underground living got you completely starkers?” His arms waved wildly around his head. “Lack of oxygen getting to you? You can’t do that. You’ll be banished for treason.”

My heartbeat whipped in my chest like a lifeguard flag during a hurricane. But now that I’d said it out loud, I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind. I stood straighter, lifting my chin.

“I don’t care. And what do
you
care? You didn’t finish your mission either. You bailed at the last second.” I pointed toward the rumpled, and now empty, bed.

Culley sauntered toward me, barefoot, his shirt still hanging open to reveal his perfectly cut chest and abs. His bold expression told me he was well aware of how much I appreciated the view, just like everyone else.

“
That
wasn’t my mission—I haven’t even begun my mission yet. That was just for fun. And so is this.”

He wrapped a hand around the back of my head and pulled my face to his, taking my mouth in a blistering kiss. I was so shocked that at first I did nothing to stop him. The scent and taste of him was so alluring it was almost impossible to resist. But then I came to my senses and broke the contact, shoving him away. I added an extra push for emphasis.

“You’re disgusting, you know that? I’m not one of your pathetic little groupies—or your next mission. And I’m definitely not just another place to stick that lying tongue of yours.”

I stormed out of the room, grabbing Ryann’s robe on the way, and went into the hall where she was still crumpled on the floor, weeping quietly now. Wrapping the shielding garment around her, I coaxed her to sit up and then get to her feet. She allowed me to walk her into her bedroom like someone in a catatonic state.

It was empty—Culley had slipped out already, thank God. Leading her to the bed, I helped her sit and then pulled the bed coverings over her lap.

“Ryann, can I get you something?”

She shook her head, not looking at me. Her movements were robotic, as if there might not be a life force inside her body anymore. It was frightening to witness. And I was responsible.

“You sure you don’t want a drink of water or something?” I started searching the room. There had to be a pitcher of saol water around somewhere. I spotted one on a table in the corner and headed for it.

“My clothes.” Ryann’s voice was a hoarse whisper, barely audible. 

I spun around again to face her. “You want your clothes?”

She nodded weakly. “I’m leaving. He told me to leave.”

Snatching her clothes from the floor, I took them to her and pressed them into her hands. I kneeled in front of her so she’d be forced to see my face. “He didn’t mean it. You should stay. I’m going to help you straighten this out.”

Her eyes didn’t meet mine. “No. There’s nothing you can do. He hates me. He told me to leave.”

“Ryann—listen to me. He’s confused. I can help you—I hope.”

Finally her gaze lifted. Her eyes were swollen and wet. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days. “
What
are you talking about?”

I squinted as I confessed. “I
may
have some idea why Lad is acting strangely.” She gave me an alert look, obviously waiting for me to continue. “My glamour… you see, I am able to… work with people’s memories.”

Her eyebrows pulled together. “Work with them?”

“Yes. I can, you know, remove them.” I paused. “Or add them.” 

“You can erase people’s memories,” she said as if understanding was just dawning. A flicker of life entered her face. “You erased… Lad’s memories?”

“I did. And I enhanced some. I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what I had to do—my duty—but then I felt bad about it. Once I got to know you both, I felt bad.”

Now I had her full attention. Her voice was soft, still ragged with spent emotion, but deadly serious. Her gaze burned into me. “Which memories did you enhance, Ava?”

“I can fix it.”

“Which memories?” she demanded.

“The ones of you… and Nox.”

“Oh my God.” Ryann’s eyelids closed, and her head dropped back on her shoulders. “No wonder he’s been so upset.” She brought her gaze back to me. “That is not even—it’s old news. It was glamour-induced. I didn’t love Nox. I always loved Lad.”

“I know that. Lad knew it too. He really fought me on it… for a… while.” My stomach turned at the sound of my own voice.
God, I’m as much a monster as Audun. How could I have ever agreed to go along with this?

Ryann stared at me for almost a full minute without speaking. Then she said, “Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. Out. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t want to see your face. And once I tell Nox what you’ve done, that you came here under false pretenses and used your glamour against Lad, I doubt you’ll want to hang around for long.”

“No—you need my help, don’t you see? I want to make it right. I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to work for the Dark Council anymore.”

She glared at me. “You. Davis. Culley. All the Dark Elves I’ve met so far are the same—full of tricks and lies. Just leave, Ava, while Nox will still let you. Unless you’ve screwed with his mind, too.”

“No… I haven’t. I didn’t… manipulate anyone but Lad. I’m sorry, Ryann. I really am. I
have
changed.”

She looked at me as if I were a snake or some disgusting bug. “You’ll never change.”

For a moment, I felt my heart stop. Then I rose to my feet, turned around, and staggered out the door.

Where could I go? I couldn’t stay here, clearly. I couldn’t go home either. I’d already confessed my intention to commit treason to Culley, and now I’d told Ryann exactly what I’d done to Lad. I couldn’t face my mother, knowing what I’d done to her by this failure, and the thought of standing before Audun to account for it frankly terrified me.

The scariest thing of all was the idea that what Ryann had said about me might be true. I’d never change. I’d always be exactly what I was now—my mother’s crutch, Audun’s pawn, Culley’s unwanted fiancée.

I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to hurt people. I didn’t want to be used anymore. But there was nowhere for me now. I was out of options.