Hidden Darkness (Hidden Saga Book 4) (12 page)

Not even sure where I was going, I moved aimlessly through Altum, ducking my head away whenever I’d pass someone, not interested in talking or even making eye contact. Thankfully, there were few people out and about at this late hour.

I ended up down by the river, stopping on the bridge to stare morosely into its dark depths. What was it Ava had said about memories when we’d strolled here during the tour?
Some memories are so deep they seem to have no beginning and no end.

I wished the memories gnashing around in my mind would end. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I’d tried to sleep to no avail. All I could see when I closed my eyes was Ryann’s inconsolable expression. All I could hear in the silence of my room were her desperate pleas. That’s when I’d left the palace and started walking, trying to wear myself out, trying to forget.

From the river, I wandered up the path toward the caves where the saol water went through its final stages of production. The air surrounding them was sweet as always, but I took no pleasure in the familiar fragrance.

Nothing would ever smell good or taste good or
be
good again. There was no joy left in life. The past was a nightmare, the present was unrelenting agony, and I couldn’t even bear to think ahead toward a life without Ryann.

The sugar-making fires were dark at this hour, the workers either attending the banquet or home in their beds. As I passed, the copper bowls barely shone with a dull reflection of the glowing stones I held for light.

              If only saol water could cure what ailed me now. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I loved Ryann. But I hated her. I wanted her fiercely. But touching her made me sick with disgust. Why couldn’t I just forget the past and move on with her, with my future? She
was
my future.

Or so I’d thought. If I couldn’t get these negative thoughts out of my mind, I wouldn’t be able to stand being around her. Or Nox.

              Just thinking about the two of them was getting my blood simmering again. I shook my head, trying to clear it, and trudged forward. A metallic clank made me spin back toward the caves. Someone was exiting them, crouched low and moving quickly. I squinted to see him more clearly.

              “Nox?” I shouted. “What the hell are you doing in there?”

              I ran after him and grabbed the back of his cloak, suddenly
very
glad to have run into him. I had a few things to say to this conniving, girlfriend-stealing, so-called brother of mine. I jerked him back and dragged him roughly around to face me.

              “Oh hello, Your Majesty. Lovely night for a walk.”

              Culley Rune. He had the nerve to smile at me. It was only in the interest of preventing a full scale Elven civil war that I didn’t beat him until those perfect white teeth were buried in his spleen somewhere. On second thought, maybe I would. My fist was cocked and ready.

              “Why are you skulking around here in the middle of the night?” I demanded. “I thought you had enough sense to be long gone by now.”

              “I was just… you know, looking for a drink.” He shrugged, culpability creeping across his face.

              “That’s a lie. The palace is full of saol water. All you had to do was ring for a servant, and you would have had it in minutes.”

              “I know. Excellent staff you have there, by the way. I just… after our tour the other day, I was curious to know what it would taste like fresh from the tap, so to speak. I wanted to try it before getting on my way. But it seems things are rather dead here now, so I was toddling off toward home. To pack.” He backed away, slipping out of my grip. “I’ll wish you goodnight then. Rather tired—busy day.” He gave me an insolent grin and turned to go.

              I tackled him and threw him to the ground, pinning him beneath me before I even knew what had happened. Inter-Elven relations were quickly plummeting to the bottom of my list of concerns.

“Busy, huh?” My fist slammed into his cheek, and the violence felt so good, so
satisfying.
“I’ll
bet
you’re tired after all your
activities
tonight. After seducing
my
fiancée!” Picturing him looming above Ryann’s naked body, I hit him again in the face.

              One of his forearms came up to block my next blow while his other fist crashed into my ribcage. I lurched forward in pain, seeing stars.

              “I didn’t take it all the way—I swear,” he said, rolling and throwing me off of him. “You
are
a bloody big bastard, aren’t you?”

              Now the two of us crouched, face to face, breathing hard as we circled each other, scanning for a way past the other’s defenses.

              Culley swiped at his bleeding lip with one hand, backing toward the open mouth of the cave. “I’m not sure why you’d still care about the little half-breed, though. She’s your brother’s sloppy seconds.” He gave me a red-tinted grin. “And now mine, too.”

              If I’d had my dagger with me, I wouldn’t have hesitated to throw it straight at his heart. This arrogant filth deserved to die—no matter who his daddy was. If it caused a war, so be it.

I charged him—he must have known I would. Culley roared as he swung with all his force. There was a flash of copper and then an explosion of pain before everything went dark and I dropped to the ground. 

              When I opened my eyes again, Ryann’s face hovered above me, tear-streaked and alight with relief.

              “Oh Lad. Thank God. What happened to you?”

Since Lad was basically immobile and unable to resist, I kissed his face over and over again, taking care to avoid the goose-egg-sized lump on his forehead. Its color had deepened from light blue to purple since his guards had first carried him through the front doors of the royal residence.

              “Who did this to you?” I asked. “Can you speak?”

              He tried to sit up, and looking nauseous, lay down again. His hand came to the wound on his head, probing gingerly. “Where is Culley Rune?” he growled.

              My eyelids flew open. “
Culley
attacked you? I don’t know where he is. Guards!” I turned and silently communicated with two of the royal guard who were standing watch inside the door of Lad’s room.

              Turning my attention back to Lad, I asked, “How are you feeling? Wickthorne was here and applied some medicine to your head, but it still looks pretty bad. What did Culley hit you with?”

              “A copper bowl, I think.”

              “That makes sense. Your guards were searching for you. They found you down by the saol water processing room. What were you doing there, Lad? What was Culley doing there? Do you think it was an assassination attempt?”

              “I was taking a walk, trying to clear my head. I’m not sure what
he
was doing there, though I’d love to know. Maybe he was following me. Was he apprehended?”

              “Not as far as I know. No one had any idea who’d done this to you, so no one’s been looking for him. I told them to find Culley just now.”

              Taking in the vision of his battered face, my eyes filled with tears. “I was so scared when they carried your body in here last night,” I confessed. “I wouldn’t be able to go on if our last words to each other had been so…” I got choked up and couldn’t continue.

              Lad’s eyes softened, filling with the warmth they usually held for me. His hand came up to stroke my cheek. “Ryann, I’m sorry. Culley told me you didn’t—well, I should have known better anyway. I should have listened to you when you told me he tricked you. It was just seeing you like that—I’ve been having a hard time with old memories lately. And he looks so much like Nox, I just—”

              “What? No.” I shook my head, baffled. “He looks just like you. That’s why I thought it was you in the dark.”

              Lad’s brows pulled together in confusion, and he winced from the pain. “What is going on here? Is he an illusionist? Is that how he tricked you?”

              “I’m not sure. But I do know that Ava tricked
you
. She told me last night. She’s been influencing your mind—shaping and changing your memories—especially about us. What do you remember about us?”

              “You’re my fiancée. We’re to be married when the mourning period for my father ends.”

              I nodded. His answer was correct, but it was so clinical. There was no emotion behind it. “Lad,” I asked on a hunch. “Do you remember our first kiss?”

              His gaze went to the ceiling, not seeing it but rather some faraway place and time. “Was it… I’m not sure. I think it was after I saw you with Nox on the swing in your yard. You were touching his arm. You ran your fingers through his hair, then he held you and lifted you off your feet and kissed your cheek. I remember I was furious. We argued. And then we kissed.”

              A fist grabbed my heart.
That
was the memory she’d left him? That dirty trick I’d played in my desperation to convince Lad we were destined to be more than friends? No wonder he’d been so hostile lately. My throat felt like it was closing.

              “No, Lad. That wasn’t our first kiss. What about how we met? Can you remember that?”

              He nodded. “That one’s easier. You were about to be attacked by coyotes. I saved you.”

              I could barely remember how to breathe now. Ava had stolen our very first meeting from his mind. Our childhood connection had been erased. As far as he was concerned, it had never happened.

              “Lad,” I said, fighting a sob. “That was not the first time you saved me. We met as children. I was six. You were seven. You told me you searched for me for years after that—you were never able to forget me. Remember?”

              He shook his head, then grimaced as if the motion hurt him. “I don’t… I don’t remember that.” A new light came into his eyes. “This is all Ava’s fault—my preoccupation with you and Nox, my constant anger lately. Her glamour is memory manipulation. Wow. Audun must love having
her
around as his personal weapon. I should never have accepted an emissary from the Dark Court—not with Nox out of the country. Audun managed to deceive him somehow.”

              I stroked his blood-streaked hair, trying to calm him. “It’s over now. At least you know. And she’s gone—I sent her away. I’m sure Culley’s long gone, too.”

              Lad’s eyes narrowed, his jaw tensing as he stared at me intensely. “Did he… hurt you, Ryann? Did he force you to—”

              “No.” I ran my hand from his uninjured temple to his jaw, holding it tenderly. “No. I was humiliated. I was angry. And then when you thought I’d betrayed you, I was devastated. But no, he didn’t hurt me physically.”

              He let out an audible breath. “I may let him live then. This
isn’t
over. We can’t have peace with the Dark Court while there are still dangerous Elves like those two criminals in their employ. I think the problems there are bigger than either Nox or I realized.”

              I ran my hand over his chest, soothing him the way you might a fretful child who’d had a nightmare. “Shhh. It’s okay. Don’t worry about that right now. Nox can handle it. And that’s exactly what they want, I’m sure—for you to declare war on the Dark Court and blow up what you and Nox have created. They probably think they’ve won already, ruining the relationship between you two.” I swallowed hard, remembering his incensed face last night, his cruel words. “And between you and me.”

              He buried his fingers in my hair, pulling my face down to his. “No, Ryann. They did not win.” He kissed me once, then spoke again, his eyes holding intense contact with mine. “I didn’t mean it when I told you to leave Altum. I don’t want you to leave—now or ever. Okay?”

              I nodded. Nearly crying in relief, I pressed my lips to his, wanting to show him all the love I held for him still. A misunderstanding, some harsh words—they were painful, but they were not enough to destroy what we had. Lad kissed me back with equal passion. His groan was filled with pent-up desire.

Abruptly he broke the kiss and jerked away from me, rolling to the side of his bed and throwing up violently.

              “Oh my God.” I jumped back and sent a mental message to the nearest guard to fetch Wickthorne. Lad had a concussion, no doubt. We shouldn’t have been making out when he was so badly hurt.

He rolled onto his back again, breathing heavily, his eyelids squeezed shut. I grabbed a wet cloth and pressed it to his face. He took it from my hand, wiping his mouth.

“I called for the doctor. He’ll be right here,” I assured him. “I’m so sorry.”

              His eyelids opened, and he gave me the strangest look. “No.
I’m
sorry. I couldn’t…” He shook his head in amazement. “I can’t kiss you anymore. I was all right there for a second, but then I kept seeing you with Nox, then with Culley. You were undressed, and his hands were all over you.” Squeezing his eyes shut again, he said, “It was repulsive. I’m sorry.”

              “It’s okay. I understand,” I answered weakly as dismay chilled me to the bone like cold rain.

I did understand, but it was definitely
not
okay. We had a problem. A huge one. And it wasn’t going away.

A new fear struck my heart and reverberated through my bones. What if it
never
went away? What if Ava’s glamour had permanently damaged Lad’s brain and altered his memories of me to the point he couldn’t love me anymore? “Repulsive” was not a word I wanted my husband to associate with me for eternity.

The doctor rushed into the room followed closely by Lad’s mother. She sat on the bed next to him and took his hand, gazing directly at him in a way that told me she was talking to him, comforting him.

              After a while, she and the doctor both withdrew. I went back to Lad’s side. Thanks to the Elven capacity for accelerated healing and probably to the elixir Wickthorne had given him, Lad’s wound already looked better. But there was something haunted in his eyes.

              “You feeling okay now?” I asked.

              His head rocked side to side on the pillow. “I don’t know what to do, Ryann.” He sounded sick and so very tired. “Maybe I just need some time. I’m sorry. It’s not fair to you. I think we should postpone the wedding.”

              “No,” I yelped. Then more quietly, I said, “No. I’ll find her, Lad. Ava said she could fix it. I was too mad to listen last night, and I told her to go away. But I’ll find her.”

              Lad’s hands came up to cover his face as he released an exhausted breath. “She could be back in California by now.”

              “It doesn’t matter.” I slipped off his bed and headed for the door. “Wherever she is—I’m going to find her. I’ll find her and bring her back.”