Highland Grace (31 page)

A one-ton weight decended on his chest—it
must have—for his lungs locked up and his chest cavity wrenched. He
staggered back and leaned heavily against the washstand. “Nay, I do
not
agree to it.”

“You’ll keep me prisoner to you in a bad
marriage, then? A slave to your will?”

He whirled around and gripped the edge of the
washstand, his gaze blindly settling on its contents.

“If ‘tis a son I have,” she said, “then he’ll
train with you instead of one of our allies, if it please you to do
so.”

She was killing him and she didn’t even know
it.

“All right?” she prompted.

He squeezed his eyes shut. “All right.”

“My thanks.” She turned and left the chamber,
left him. Left him standing there with his mind numb, his heart in
tatters.

* * *

Several sennights later, on the feast of
Saint Brigid, Jesslyn cradled Nora in her arms in the great hall,
cooing and speaking to the fiery-headed babe in low, dulcet tones.
What a wee imp she was going to be. She was sure to give her father
fits, and Jesslyn couldn’t say that that thought gave her one
moment of unease. Not after spending the past hours being chastised
by the man for “tormenting” his brother.

“Has she finally fallen asleep?” Maryn asked
softly as she settled on a stool next to Jesslyn and peeked around
the blanket resting against the babe’s cheek.

“Not yet, but soon, I trow,” she replied in a
whisper. “Her eyes have been drooping more frequently in just the
past few moments.” She slowly rose from her seat. “I should take
her up to her nurse now so she may take a nap.”

“I shall come with you,” Maryn said. She
tipped her head in Bao’s direction. “Our lady guests certainly are
enamored of your husband.”

Jesslyn glanced in his direction and shrugged
slightly, taking care not to jostle the babe and wake her. “What
care I who occupies his attention?” But she did. She’d been gnawing
on her jealousy all during the festivities. And now, when his eyes
met hers briefly, when they warmed, when his mouth quirked in a
quick smile before he looked away again, her heart melted a
little.

“You shouldn’t,” Maryn replied. “He’s a vile
creature. When I think of what he was!” She shuddered. “He should
have been banished; he has no place here with honorable folk such
as us.” Jesslyn felt her cheeks heat with her sudden anger as Maryn
continued her tirade. “I tried to explain as much to Daniel, but
he’d hear naught of it” she said, her voice filled with disgust.
“It seems he’s determined to defend his brother to the end.”

Jesslyn forced in several long calming
breaths, but said naught else. They arrived at Maryn’s bedchamber
door and quietly entered. She gently placed the babe in her cradle
and quickly left the room, leaving Maryn whispering instructions to
the nurse.

Jesslyn strode toward the stairs, intent on
getting as far away from her ex-friend as possible. She couldn’t
believe the vicious words the woman had given her! Poor Bao! He had
no idea that his own sister-in-law held such contempt for him. And
after all he’d done to run her would-be murderer to ground! What a
faithless friend she’d turned out to be!

She heard the soft pad of rushing footsteps
behind her and sped up. “I’m sorry!” Maryn said breathlessly when
she caught up to her, but Jesslyn didn’t acknowledge her, simply
continued to look straight ahead as she walked.

“I didn’t mean those things I said, I swear
it! I was only trying to see if you still cared for Bao enough to
defend him.”

Jesslyn stopped short and turned to face her.
“What a foul thing to do! I shouldn’t ever speak to you again!”

“I know!” she cried. “Say you forgive me, I
beg you,” she said coaxingly.

Jesslyn sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “I
forgive you.”

Maryn grinned happily and clapped her
hands.

“But don’t ever try that again!”

“Nay, I shall not,” she promised. “There’s no
need,” she added cheekily, “now that I’ve seen your reaction.” She
paused only the length of a heartbeat before adding, “You love him.
Desperately, in fact.”

Jesslyn took in a deep breath and released it
slowly. “Aye,” she finally replied. “But love alone cannot save
this union.”

“Why not? Love is the strongest, best bond
there is between a man and a woman! Why shouldn’t it be enough to
heal your hurt, to bring you back together—and keep you
together?”

“Nay, it is
trust
that is needed to
bind two people; love merely brings them together in the beginning,
and sweetens the relationship as time goes on.”

Maryn opened her mouth to argue, but was cut
off by Jesslyn’s next remark.

“Oh, I’m not saying ‘tis not important, or
even highly desired in a union. I’m simply saying that one can have
a happy, contented union without love where there is trust, but
happiness and contentment cannot exist where love abides without
trust.”

“And you cannot trust Bao?”

“Nay, I cannot.”

“Will you do something for me?” Maryn asked
softly.

“Aye,” Jesslyn responded, a question in her
look.

“Will you have your evening meal here at the
keep, as you used to do?”

“Aayyye,” she drawled, suspicion in her
voice.

Maryn gave her a slight smile. “Even if Bao
is invited as well?”

Jesslyn narrowed her eyes at Maryn and shook
her head at her friend’s shameless meddling. “All right,” she
finally answered on a sigh.

* * *

A fortnight later, Jesslyn was on her way
back to her cottage after spending the morn sewing with the ladies
in the solar. She’d just turned off the path and was heading to her
front door when she caught a glimpse of Bao and her son walking
hand-in-hand toward the lad’s mangonel. She stopped short and
watched them.

Alleck’s bright countenance turned up to the
tall warrior and he said something to him. In the next instant, Bao
had him hoisted into his arms and Alleck hugged him so tightly, she
thought he’d choke the poor man.
“My thanks, Papa!”
she
heard him yell. It caused a sharp spasm in her heart and before she
realized it, a tear leaked from her eye.
If only….

She threw her shoulders back and continued
her march toward her cottage. No use wishing for things that would
never be. She hadn’t told Alleck that they were leaving with Daniel
and Maryn. After discussing it with Daniel, they both decided that
‘twould be best to tell him closer to the day of their departure.
In any case, her son would begin his training with Daniel come
September, as had been promised by Daniel to her husband Graeme
before he died. And Daniel had been much like a father to Alleck
these past years since Graeme’s death. Alleck would soon recall
their closeness when they were home once again at the MacLaurin
holding.

* * *

A troupe of traveling players passed through
on their way to a faire in the next county near the time of the
Alban Eiler,
the feast
of the vernal equinox,
and Lady Maclean thought it a fine
time for a celebration. Jesslyn’s childbed time was nearing and her
gate was a bit lumbering, but she looked forward to the
entertainment.

That evening, after the feast, the great hall
was filled with soldiers and tinkers, alewives and midwives, ladies
and maids, lads and their lasses. For the hundredth time, Jesslyn’s
eye scanned the crowd and landed briefly on Bao and his bevy of
lady friends before moving back to the players.

“They vie for his attention like hounds on a
bone,” Maryn whispered to her.

Jesslyn quirked an eyebrow at her. “Of whom
do you speak?”

“Bao, of course! The young women of good
family and marriageable age are all abuzz with the prospect that
the new laird and chieftain of clan Maclean will soon be free to
wed again, now that you plan to petition for annulment on the
grounds of consanguinuity within the fourth degree.”

“Mmm. As long as they do not let my son hear
of it, I care not.”

Maryn’s hand settled on top of hers. “And
yet, his eyes are only for you.”

She couldn’t help it, she looked. “Nay, they
are not. He’s listening avidly to—” with a jolt she realized
exactly
to whom he was speaking. ‘Twas his lover, the one
from the wood. A jealous fist twisted her insides and broke her
heart. Again. Which angered her. Again.

“To whom? Oh, I see. ‘Tis the MacGilvie lass.
She’s not a worry.” Maryn leaned closer and whispered, “She’s
carrying a babe in her belly and is to wed soon. Oh! I see Daniel
waving me over. I’ll return in a moment.”

Jesslyn felt weak, dizzy. Bao got the lass
with child and now she was being bartered off to whatever young lad
would have her. This time, when Jesslyn looked in Bao’s direction,
she allowed her gaze to remain. The MacGilvie lass stretched up on
her tiptoes and whispered something in Bao’s ear. He nodded and, in
the next instant, she settled her hand on his arm and he led her
out of the great hall.

Another tryst? Jesslyn didn’t allow herself
time to think. She rose from her stool and followed the two.
This—this would be the final proof she needed to show Daniel and
Maryn that she was right to end this marriage and give him the
freedom he clearly craved.

* * *

Bao led the lass across the antechamber and
out through the door of the keep. At the bottom of the steps, he
stopped and looked around. “Over there. No one is about, they’re
all inside the hall. We should have the privacy we need.”

When they were ensconced in the darkness
afforded by the night and the shadow of the chapel, he said, “Of
what did you need to speak to me in privy?”

“I did a favor for you once and—”

“Of which I paid you handsomely.”

“Aye. But I wondered if you might do a favor
for me now?”

“What do you need?”

“I need you to promote Jamie in your
ranks.”

“My men get promoted when they deserve it,
not before, and not for any other reason.”

“But my mother found the coins a few moons
ago that you gave me that day in the wood and when I explained
where and why I got them,—I had to, else I’d have been
banished—well, now she believes that you are the father of my
bairn, not Jamie. She’s heard the rumors that you are granting your
wife an annulment and she will not be still until I agree to wait
for you—to wed you instead.”

“I understand not. How could she believe
such—‘tis clear you are not far enough along, even if I had bedded
you, for this babe to have been conceived then.”

“She believes ‘twas you I was with on
Hogmanay, not Jamie.”

“And why does she believe that?”

“Because I told her as much that night when
she questioned me. The lie just flew from my lips. She hates Jamie.
She cornered me outside the soldier’s quarters, where Jamie and I
had…and I thought if she believed ‘twas you, then she wouldn’t
punish me as harshly.”

“And what good will my promoting Jamie bring
you?”

“Do you not see? My mother’s opinion of Jamie
will rise and she will see that ‘tis best to wed sooner rather than
later. And, once the babe’s born, ‘twill be clear that ‘tis not
yours.”

“Lass, you are being naïve. If the lady truly
believes that I fathered your bairn, she’ll not rest until you are
the lady of the holding.”

She let out a long sigh and she wrang her
hands. “What am I to do? I love him. He loves me. We want to
wed.”

“I could speak to her, explain…”

“Explain? Your wife saw us together. She
doesn’t know that you arranged it so that she would find us there,
so that she would believe that we coupled. My mother has already
told me that she believes your bedding me is the reason that your
wife is leaving. All ‘twould take is for her to speak to your wife,
for your wife to confirm what she saw, and… well….”

Jesslyn stepped from the shadows. “
I
shall tell her there is no way—”

“—Jesslyn!” Bao said.

“—‘tis Bao’s babe when she speaks to me.” She
came toward them. “And his family will concur, for all of them know
where and with whom Bao was with the entire evening.”

* * *

“And then the two of you made love in the
cave?” Maryn asked the next day as she and Jesslyn sat in the solar
enjoying some mulled wine.

“Aye. Nay. Oh, I don’t know!” Jesslyn jumped
to her feet and walked over to stand at the window, looking out at
the courtyard and training fields. “We...coupled, aye. But I cannot
say that
love
had anything to do with it.”

“Can you not?” Maryn asked
disbelievingly.

Crossing her arms and rubbing them, Jesslyn
shrugged, “‘Twas a demon trick on his part.”

“
Jesslyn
,” Maryn pressed, her voice
chiding. “You lie to more than me with that response. You lie to
yourself.” Maryn placed her cup on the table before rising from her
stool and walking over to stand next to her. Wrapping her hand
around Jesslyn’s upper arm, she gently squeezed and coaxed, “You
love
Bao—and he
loves
you.”

Jesslyn shrugged once more, unable to speak
past the constriction in her throat.

“Avow it this instant or I shan’t do any more
of your sewing for you!”

Jesslyn whirled to face her. “All right! I
love him! He loves me!”

Maryn’s gaze gentled.

Jesslyn’s shoulders shook with grief as she
struggled to stem the tears that flowed from her eyes. “I fear
there is something lacking in me. Something that will lead him
away. Else, why would Graeme have betrayed me?”

Maryn pressed her lips together in an effort
to keep back the sharp retort that came to mind. She took in a deep
breath and released it slowly. “I do not like speaking ill of the
dead,” she started carefully, “but...did you not ever consider that
his faithlessness was a weakness—a
lack
—in his own
character?”