Highland Grace (39 page)

He shrugged. After a stretch of time that
seemed endless to Jesslyn, he finally spoke. “I hate myself. I’m
sick—disgusting.”

How it was possible for him to both break her
heart and fire her wrath at the same time, she could not say. Her
hands shot to her hips and she stormed over to him and yanked him
around. “You go see your son, see what you created, then you come
back to me and tell me you still hate yourself. You’ll find him in
the solar with Alleck and the nurse.”

* * *

Bao didn’t go directly to the nursery.
Instead, he went to find Gowan. Jesslyn’s words had struck deep.
She was right. He’d never blame Gowan for any response he might
have had to Giric’s forced touch. Why then, was he so quick to
blame himself?

He found Giric on the training field,
squiring for Derek. After taking the lad aside, he said, “I want
you to stay here and squire for me, if you would like. I’ve just
sent a missive to your family and we should hear from them in a
sennight, mayhap a fortnight at the latest.”

Gowan’s gaze dropped to the ground. “What did
you tell them?”

“Naught about what Giric was up to with you.
I told them that, due to Giric’s hand injuries, he’d no longer be
able to do battle, so would have no further need of a squire.”

Bao put his hand on Gowan’s shoulder. “What
he did to you…he did to me as well, when I was near your age.”

Gowan’s head shot up, his eyes wide as
saucers. “He
did?
”

“Aye. ‘Tis why I think you and I were
destined to meet. I know how you feel, the shame you feel, but you
are not to blame. He is. And today, he paid for his villainy. We
must be content with that and not hate ourselves any longer. All
right?”

The look of relief on Gowan’s face was a
treasure in itself to Bao, but when the lad told him that Bao would
be his liege from this day forward, he knew he’d made a friend for
life.

* * *

A few of the Gordon allies were still camped
outside the keep. They’d arrived soon after the truce had been
signed, and some had stayed on to rest themselves and their mounts
before taking the journey back home. When Giric surprised them all
and recovered enough to demand he be allowed to return to his
stepfather’s—the Gordons—holding near the MacGregor’s, Bao agreed
to Daniel’s request that he be allowed to do so. It was not until
later that evening that he was able to finally visit his newborn
son, Bao Li.

As he approached the opened door of the
solar, he heard Alleck say, “And there’s a loch with really, really
big fishes in it.” The babe was squeezing Alleck’s finger in his
small fist and grinning up at him and that drew a smile to Bao’s
lips as well.

“See! You are grinning! ‘Tis not just wind,
like Callum’s mama said.”

Bao quietly leaned against the wooden doorjam
with his arms crossed over his chest, content to just continue
listening and watching the interplay between the two. The nurse
looked up from her sewing and started to speak, but Bao motioned
with his fingers over his mouth for her to remain silent. When she
nodded and resumed her stitching, Bao turned his attention back to
his two sons.

“When you’re just a bit bigger, I’ll take you
to the loch and we can catch some fish—you’ll like that, will you
not?”

Bao Li kicked his feet and bobbed his arms up
and down in response. “Guuuu.”

“Aye,
’twill
be good,” Alleck agreed,
nodding and smiling. “Me and Niall have a fortr’ss, too. ‘Tis only
for us lads—no lasses can come inside.
You
can help us
defend it from ‘em.”

Bao’s heart expanded in his chest with love
and contented delight. He hated to interrupt the private
conversation, but he couldn’t wait one more moment to hold his new
son. “And what mischief are you planning to get your new brother
into, my son?” he asked, straightening and taking a step into the
chamber.

Alleck started and twisted around, nearly
toppling over in the process. “
Papa!
” he said at the top of
his lungs. “You’re here!” He jumped to his feet and flew at Bao’s
knees, flinging his arms around them in glee.

Bao winced at the jarring his newly reclosed
groin wound was being subjected to before lifting Alleck up and
hugging him tight, scrubbing his son’s mussed flaxen hair at the
same time. It made the wound in his shoulder burn as well, but he
ignored the added discomfort. “Aye, I am quite fit. And how fare
you?”

“I’m good.” He dropped his gaze to Bao’s
chest. “I’m sorry I was playin’ with Giric’s sword—are you still
vexed at me?”

Bao lifted Alleck’s chin and made him meet
his eyes. “I was never vexed at you. I was vexed at Giric—‘tis an
old, dull story that I’ll not bore you with now. So”—he tucked a
lick of Alleck’s hair down—“what else have you been doing since
your return from Laird Donald’s holding?”

Alleck’s eyes grew animated. “We found some
more stuff for our fortr’ss in the glen!—I’m glad it didn’t get
blowed up during the siege—There was a bunch of broken up stuff out
there. Uncle Daniel said it was from the prince’s army, but that we
could have as much of it as we could carry. We even found some
arrows!” Alleck’s shoulders sagged, his lower lip protruding a bit.
“But Mama wouldn’t let me keep ‘em. She said I’d be too
tempid
to use ‘em on the lasses.”

“If you give me your vow that you will not
point them at a living thing, I will have some made for you and
teach you how to use them. You can only shoot them on the training
field and they can only be aimed at the targets that are set up for
their use there. Agreed?”

Alleck bounced up and down in Bao’s arms,
nodding exuberantly. “Aye!” he shouted and squeezed his arms around
Bao’s neck, making Bao bite back a groan.

“I love you!”

He closed his eyes and pressed the lad closer
still. For at least the millionth time since finding Alleck in the
cave earlier that day, a wash of relief flooded his spirit. “I love
you, too.” He had to swallow and clear his throat before he could
get his next words out. “Now, introduce me to my new son.”

Alleck scrambled out of Bao’s arms and
skipped over to the cradle where Bao Li lay gazing around wide-eyed
and drooling. “He looks like you, Papa! See? ‘Cept he’s got blue
eyes, like me an’ Mama.”

His injuries caused Bao’s movements to be a
bit stiff as he made his way over to the side of the infant’s
bedding. Gazing down at his cheerfully innocent, driveling bairn,
he was filled with wonder. He did not know now what he had been
expecting to see; mayhap a babe with the aspect of
Alleck—flaxen-haired and with the look of the Highlander in him.
Instead, here was a clear link to his own Cathayan heritage, to his
mother. A sense of complete contentment settled over him in that
instant.
“I did it, Mama,”
Bao thought.
“I did what you
wanted and made a family—became a part of a family. And I’m no
longer a slave, no longer bound to another as chattel and no longer
bound in mental bondage, either, by my past.”
Now, all that
remained was the present and the future and it held a sea of
possibilities. “He’s beautiful,” Bao said softly. “Perfect.”

Alleck rolled his eyes. “That’s what Mama
keeps sayin’!” Shrugging, he studied his brother closely once
again. “He jes’ looks like a fat wee babe to me.”

Bao smiled and tousled Alleck’s hair. “You’ll
understand one day when you have a bairn of your own.”

Alleck shrugged once more, rolling his eyes.
“Growed people are always tellin’ me stuff like that.”

Bao laughed and tousled Alleck’s hair even
more this time. “You will, I promise.”

Alleck sighed and scraped his hair flat.
“Aye,” he said, tho’ his voice held no conviction. He bowed his
head and rubbed his finger across a groove made by a scratch in the
side of the cradle, his brow furrowed in thought.

“What ails you, son?” Bao asked.

Alleck shrugged.

“Worry you that your mother will not allow me
to make you those arrows?” Bao guessed.

Alleck shook his head.

“You believe me that I’m not vexed with you,
do you not?”

“Aye.”

Bending down even further in order to see
Alleck’s face more clearly, Bao said, “I truly am well, I’ll not
perish.”

Alleck nodded. “Good,” he said softly.

“
Alleck,”
Bao said in some
frustration, “tell me what ails you, else I will not be able to
help.”

Rubbing his cheek on his shoulder, Alleck
began, “Bao Li is your
true
son—is
Mama’s
true son.
If you love him more than me...” With a loud sigh, he shrugged
again. “I shall not be mad.”

Stunned and quite honestly appalled, Bao did
the only thing he knew to do in that moment: He came down onto his
knees and wrapped his arms around the lad. He hugged him tight,
holding the back of Alleck’s head in his palm and pressing the
lad’s cheek against his shoulder. The action wrenched his wound,
but he paid no heed. “You are as much my
true
son as is this
babe—and I know your mother feels just as I do, for she has told me
so.” Taking hold of Alleck’s shoulders, Bao drew the lad away from
him a moment so that he could look into his countenance as he
continued, “Remember you the first day we met? By the loch?”

Alleck nodded. “I thought you was a magic
giant ‘cuz you wored no tunic—only that blanket around your waist.
And you left the magic coin in my shoe.”

It was Bao’s turn to nod. “Aye. But did you
know
why
I left the coin for you—why I spoke to you that
day?”

Looking down at his toes, Alleck
shrugged.

“Because I saw myself in you; saw the lonely
lad I had been when I was just your age and felt a connection to
you even then.” Bao stroked the hair away from Alleck’s brow and
lifted the lad’s chin, forcing Alleck to look him in the eye. “And
when I wed your mother and became your papa, I felt twice blessed.
For I could not have loved you more or been more proud to be your
father had I beget you myself.”

Alleck shrugged and bit his lip, breaking eye
contact with Bao and looking to his right.

“Know you that your Aunt Branwenn and I are
not related by blood?” Bao waited for Alleck to nod before he
continued, “And yet, even now, she would stay here with us and not
go with her brother-germane, had she the choice.
Blood
is
not what makes us love you; ‘tis
you
, Alleck, the brave,
strong, clever and merry lad that you are, that makes us love
you.”

Alleck couldn’t bring himself to meet Bao’s
eyes, but he nodded slowly and again rubbed his cheek against his
shoulder as he settled into Bao’s arms once again.

“You believe me, don’t you son?”

“Aye,” Alleck said softly.

Bao could tell that the lad wasn’t thoroughly
convinced, but he reasoned that time would surely show Alleck that
he was, and always would be, his and Jesslyn’s first-born son.
Looking back now, he could almost convince himself that it had been
kismet, fate, that had brought the two of them together, for his
life had been mightily altered after meeting this bairn.

“Don’cha wanna hold Bao Li?” Alleck asked
after a moment.

Smiling, Bao said, “Aye.”

Alleck moved out of Bao’s embrace and watched
as Bao lifted the babe into his arms.

“He weighs much more than Branwenn did!” Bao
said with some surprise.

Alleck giggled. “It’s cuz he’s a lad, Papa!
He’s a warrior, not some puny lass!”

Bao grinned as he looked from the gurgling
babe in his arms into Alleck’s shining countenance. “Aye. How
witless of me to forget.”

“You’re really silly, Papa.” Alleck slowly
worked his way to Bao’s side and leaned into him a bit.

Bao absently reached down and rested his hand
over Alleck’s flaxen pate as he spoke to Bao Li. “How would you
like to take a walk to the training field, my wee warrior?”

The nurse jumped up from her position in the
corner and hurriedly took the babe into her arms. “It be much too
bitter outside as yet for the young one,” she admonished.

* * *

‘Twas just past sunset when Bao returned to
his bedchamber, returned to his wife, with one purpose in mind.

As he shut the door behind him and leaned
against it, he allowed his eyes to settle on her. She’d clearly
believed he’d return hours prior—and that her ploy would be
successful—for she was already in bed, naked. Unfortunately, she
slept.

With a sigh, he began to undress. Tomorrow
would be soon enough. The day had been long and eventful.

As he approached the bed, she opened her eyes
and looked at him. “Finally,” she said and sat up. Her silken hair
swayed over her shoulder and pooled on her thigh.

“Aye, finally.” In two strides, he was at the
bedside. Without breaking eye contact, he brought his hands up to
her face and stroked his thumbs over her lips before dipping his
head and giving them a gentle kiss. After a time, he lifted his
head and gazed into his wife’s bemused eyes. “I want you to touch
me again, as you did this morn past.”

Her eyes grew round and then she grinned.
“’Twill be my pleasure.” She turned and plumped up his pillow. “Lie
down and let me love you.”

Afterward, Bao marveled. “Christ’s Bones! Do
I still live?” he gasped as he lay dazed, dizzy, elated, and
spread-eagled on the bed. He was so much in love at that moment, he
thought his heart would surely burst from it. From the vicinity of
the washstand, he heard his wife giggle and it brought a smile to
his lips.

She’d done it. Done what he’d begun to
believe was the impossible. With her love and her generosity, she’d
broken down the last barrier. Not once had his mind strayed to his
past. Not once. It had been as it always should have been with her.
Perfect. Wonderful. Untainted.

While she was still at her ablutions, he
looked over at the table next to the bed and grasped the treasure
he found there, bringing it down to his side, hidden from view.