Highway To Armageddon (43 page)

           
“Ouch!” I holler after slamming onto the floor. “I’m up, I’m up!”

           
Dorothy and the others groggily sit up and rub their eyes. Krystal sniffs the
air like she’s a bloodhound.

           
“What’s that delicious aroma? It smells like sausage! And eggs! And biscuits!
And BACON!”

           
Krystal jumps up and exclaims, “Omigod, did you bring us bacon?!”
            Machete
chuckles and holds up two crinkled bags. “Yep. While you lazy bums were waking
up the dead with your obnoxious snoring, I went to a fast food joint and bought
some sandwiches.”

           
We all jump out of bed and scarf down our deliciously greasy breakfast.

           
“Oh God, this is
soooo
good,” Krystal says with a mouthful of bacon “It’s
better than sex!”

           
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Arrow says, winking at Boom Boom. “But it is pretty
damn good. Thanks Mom!”

           
“Don’t mention it,” Machete says, wiping her greasy hands with a napkin. “Now
enough with the small talk. We’ve got work to do. I’d like for us to get
Caesar’s fat ass as soon as possible, preferably by tonight if we can locate
him. You kids are the ones with the treasure trove of intelligence. Where do we
find him?”

           
Boom Boom slides on her goggles and activates the holographic television
function. A beam of light shoots out of her lenses and projects a transparent
screen on the wall. She logs into our database and pulls up Caesar’s profile.
His snarling face pops up on the wall.

           
“According to our most recent intel, Caesar does have a close family member in
the New Las Vegas area. His cousin, Vinnie Rodriguez, is one of Igor’s biggest
rivals in the casino business.”

           
An image of Vinnie materializes. He looks somewhat similar to Caesar, except
he’s a bit thinner and younger.

           
“You may recall that Vinnie was on Igor’s hit list,” Boom Boom adds.

           
“I’ve heard of Vinnie,” Machete says, lighting up a cigar in our room. I pop
open the window so we don’t gag on her smoke. “He’s a no-good scoundrel.”

           
“Yes, well, it’s rumored that Vinnie helps Caesar hide his dirty money, either
in his well-hidden vaults or through his real estate investments.” Boom Boom
pulls up shots of Vinnie’s numerous casinos, hotels, and mansions.

           
“If it’s well known that Vinnie helps Caesar, why doesn’t the government go
after him?” Dorothy asks.

           
“They don’t have any concrete evidence to use against him,” Boom Boom explains.
“Plus, Vinnie is a smart guy. He’s donated millions of dollars to Klaxton’s
presidential campaigns over the years. He also donates to a lot of local
elections.”

           
“Let’s just say Vinnie knows who to bribe to keep the feds off his back,” I
say.

           
“So you think Vinnie is hiding Caesar in one of his hotels?” Arrow asks.

           
“No, I don’t,” Boom Boom replies. “Caesar is too smart to hide in such a
congested part of Alaska. I think he’s hiding… here.”

           
An image pops up of a nondescript cabin in the middle of the Alaskan
Wilderness, over 100 miles from the bright lights of Vegas.

           
Boom Boom goes on to show us nighttime satellite images of the cabin, when
things are a lot busier than they are during the day. Armed guards patrol the
premises while semi-trucks are unloaded. I’ll bet my favorite handgun whatever
is inside those trucks isn’t legal.

           
“You’ve definitely convinced me,” I say. “Who unloads giant pickup trucks in
the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night? If Vinnie is hiding his
cousin anywhere, it’s gotta be there.”

           
“How did you find out about this cabin?” Machete asks, sounding impressed.

           
Boom Boom nonchalantly replies “A few months ago I hacked into a government
account that had a list of real estate properties rumored to be owned by
Caesar’s friends.”

           
Machete chuckles. “You kids are so damn clever. I love it!”

           
I scarf down the rest of my sandwich and say, “If you guys think that’s where
Caesar’s hiding, let’s go get the bastard.”

           
“Not so fast, blockhead,” Arrow says smugly, like his crap don’t stink. “It
would be suicide to invade that cabin in broad daylight. Let’s at least wait
until the sun sets.”

           
I’m about to tell Arrow to go straight to Hell, but Boom Boom says, “Arrow’s
right, we should wait.”

           
“You would agree with ‘lover-boy’,” I grumble.

           
“Excuse me?” Boom Boom snaps.

           
“Guys, don’t fight,” Dorothy pleads. “Let’s just chill out and relax until it’s
time for the
mission.”           

           
Arrow should thank Dorothy. I was seconds away from busting his lip.

           
We spend the rest of the day hanging out in our room. It’s not because we want
to, of course. We just don’t want to risk running into trouble.

           
We wait until it’s after 10:00 before we head out. Boom Boom, Arrow and I put
our armor back on and load up on weapons. The six of us then leave the
‘Hellhole Motel’ and fly out in the middle of nowhere, where the cabin is
located. We park a half mile away so no one sees us coming. Machete, Boom Boom,
Arrow and I get out while Krystal and Dorothy stay in the car for backup.

           
“Pay attention this time, Krystal,” I say. “Things can go bad in a hurry.”

           
Krystal flaps her wrist. “Chill-lax, Lance. I got this.”

           
Dorothy leans out of the car and kisses me on the lips.

           
“Be careful,” she whispers.

           
I force a smile. “Hey, you heard Krystal. We got this.”

           
“Just hurry back,” she says seriously.

           
Machete takes off into the forest. Boom Boom, Arrow and I follow after her,
making sure not to step on any branches. I bring up the rear, so I occasionally
glance over my shoulder to make sure we’re not being followed. The sky is
overcast, so the forest is even darker than usual. The night vision function on
my goggles makes everything look ghostly green.

           
We finally reach the edge of a clearing. Vinnie’s cabin is in the middle of a
field. The cabin looks deceptively calm and quiet. There aren’t any semi-trucks
like we saw in the satellite images, but there are about a half dozen flying
cars parked in the driveway. There’s not too much security, either, just two
armed guards patrolling the front entrance.

           
I pull out my gun. “This should be a piece of cake. All we gotta do is drop the
guards and…”

           
Machete grips my wrist. “Don’t fire your gun, moron. You’ll wake up everyone in
the cabin. I wish I had thought to bring along some silencers.”

           
“I’ll get em.” Arrow notches an arrow on his bow and sends it hurtling toward
one of the guards. The arrow pierces the guard in the throat, sending him to
the ground.

           
The other guard doesn’t even have time to shout for help. Another poisoned dart
slams into his chest. The guards twitch for a few seconds before their bodies
grow still.

           
“Nice shot,” Boom Boom says.

           
“Let’s move,” Machete growls, exploding out of the brush. Boom Boom,
dingleberry, and I follow after her, keeping an eye out for hidden danger. We
make our way across the clearing without any problems. Machete and Arrow check
the pulses of the guards to make sure they’re dead. We then scramble to the
front entrance.

           
Just as we step onto the front porch, another guard emerges from the back.
           

           
“Hey, what are you—ugh!”

           
I sock the guard in his mouth. Boom Boom follows up with a savage kick to his
head. He collapses to the ground, unconscious.

           
Machete turns the handle on the front door. I’m shocked when it opens.

           
“Don’t they use locks?” I whisper.

           
“Who needs locks when you have armed guards,” Boom Boom
says.         

           
We sneak inside the cabin, swinging our weapons back and forth. Four
gangbangers are asleep on recliners in the living room. We rush over to the
snoozing gangbangers and slap on sleeper-holds. The gangbangers open their eyes
and kick their feet, but our arms are wrapped tightly around their necks. We
release our holds when they finally stop squirming

           
Machete points toward the stairs leading to the second floor. We all nod and follow
her up.

           
As we ascend the stairs, I marvel at our luck. This should have been one of our
most difficult missions, but it’s actually been insanely easy. Vinnie and
Caesar must have really thought no one would uncover their hideout, because the
security here is pathetic.

           
But then another disturbing thought enters my mind. Maybe Caesar
isn’t
here. That would totally suck.

           
We reach the top of the stairs and make our way down the hallway. All the doors
are shut. Machete and Arrow take the right side of the hall while Firecracker
and I take the left. I open the first door and peek inside. All I see is some
skinny dude and a hot chick lying in bed, snoring up a storm. Machete and Arrow
must not have found anything, either, because they shut their door and tip-toe
to the next one.

           
A girl in a night gown suddenly emerges from a room at the end of the hall.

           
Before any of us can take her down, she screams, “Vinnie! Caesar! We’ve got
intruders!”

           
“At least now we know we’re in the right place,” I grumble.

           
All the doors fly open and the hallway becomes illuminated with orange flashes.

           
“Run for it!” Machete screams, leaping down the stairs.

           
Arrow and I grab Boom Boom’s arms and pull her down to the first floor. A hail
of bullets narrowly whiz over our heads. Machete jumps behind one of the
recliners while Boom Boom and I hop behind a sofa. Arrow slips behind a
bookcase.

           
Several of the gangbangers barge down the stairs, firing their guns
indiscriminately. Boom Boom and I poke our heads out over the top of the sofa
and fire off several shots, hitting two of the gangbangers in the chest. Arrow
and Machete take out the remaining gangsters. The staircase becomes slippery
with blood.

           
Over the roar of gunfire I hear another distinctive noise… the sound of a
revving turbo engine.

           
“Caesar’s getting away!” I shout, racing toward the door.

           
Boom Boom and Arrow dash after me. Machete tosses a grenade up the stairs
before jumping out with us. A split-second later a thunderous explosion blows
out all the cabin windows. I glance over my shoulder to find a ladder leaning
against the side of the cabin. Two nameless goons are standing on the roof,
about to climb down. Machete and Arrow take them out with a bombardment of
arrows and bullets.

           
I twirl back around and sprint toward the flying cars parked at the end of the
driveway. One of the cars, an open-air convertible, is already hovering off the
ground. Vinnie is in the driver’s seat while Caesar and Maxwell are in the
back.

           
“The gig is up, Caesar!” I shout.

           
Caesar spins around. His face is fiery red and contorted in a mask of rage.

           
“You damn teenage bounty hunters! Why won’t you die??”

           
Caesar aims a gun at my head and fires off several shots. I duck behind a
nearby car. When I pop my head up a few seconds later, Caesar and his entourage
are already speeding toward the horizon.

           
Arrow runs over to me and says, “Way to go, bonehead, you let them get away.”

           
I shove Arrow in the chest. “I didn’t see you doing much, douchebag.”

           
Arrow shoves me back. “You must really want an arrow in your right eye socket.”

           
We’re about to come to blows when Boom Boom hurries over and smacks both of us
upside the back of our heads.

           
“You morons can kill each other later. Right now we’ve got a job to do.”

           
Boom Boom presses the side of her goggles and barks, “Krystal, get your ass
over here,
NOW!
”

           
I’m stunned when Krystal lowers out of the sky about two seconds later. And I’m
terrified to find Dorothy clutching her trusty bazooka.

           
“I thought we got rid of that thing,” I say, pointing at Dorothy’s weapon of
mass destruction.

           
“Nope, I put it back in the trunk after Dresden,” Dorothy says. “I got it back
out in case we need it.”