Hillary_Flesh and Blood (5 page)

“
I can
’
t have a baby,
”
she argued,
“
I have to finish school.
”

“
You can raise a baby and still go to school.
”

“
Are you nuts? A baby is a huge responsibility.
”

“
Then I
’
ll take care of it.
”

“
You can
’
t even take care of yourself!
”

Kathy didn
’
t mean to insult him but in her overly-hormonal state, she wasn
’
t all-too concerned about cushioning his feelings. It was the first tim
e she
had seen the crazed look in his eyes. She had never felt nervous or unsafe in his presence until that point. She took a step back, unsure if he was going to get physical.

Kathy’s reaction and
withdrawal disrupted his escalating tension and he gently reached his hand out to her. Kathy kept her distance, still bothered by the
drastic transformation
that had overcome him, albeit temporarily.

“
C
’
mon, babe, I just don
’
t want you to get an abortion. That
’
s our baby in there.
”
He motioned to Kathy
’
s flat abdomen.

“
Mike, I
’
m just not ready for this...I can
’
t
—”

Michael held her hands in his.

“
But we can. Trust me, we
’
ll make it work. I want this baby.
”

It sounded sweet enough, but his tense, frigid facial expression undermined his compassionate pleas. Kathy knew what he meant:
“
I want this baby, you
’
re having this baby, end of discussion.
”

Kathy said nothing. Her mind was already made up. She wouldn
’
t argue any further with Michael. Instead, she would wait a few weeks and take care of it herself, without his knowledge or support.

Kathy waited two weeks exactly. Then, when she should have been in class, she was at the clinic. The procedure took less time than she had expected and was more uncomfortable than painful. She felt no remorse. She had made an adult decision; it was the best thing to do...the right thing to do. She couldn
’
t let a baby interfere in her plans to become a teacher. She missed two classes but attended the third. She said nothing to Michael about what she had done.

Months went by. Her abdomen seemed flatter than ever. Michael grew increasingly susp
i
cious. One night, after Kathy had returned
home
from school, he confronted her.

“
What did you do?
”
he asked accusingly. The same crazed expression pervaded his face.

“
What are you talking about?
” she replied, nervously, though s
he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“
You went and did it, didn
’
t you? You had an abortion...you killed our baby!
”

It was no longer a question. It was an a
ssertion
. Kathy started to deny it, but her face gave her away.

“
Shut up!
”
he shouted with such fury, Kathy took a step back.

“
How could you do such a thing?
How could you?
”

“
I...I...
”
Kathy broke down and cried, not for what she had done, not because of any feelings of guilt, but simply because she was now terrified by Michael
’
s reaction. He was seething with rage.

“
You
’
ll live to regret this day,
”
he promised, and stormed out of the apartment.

Kathy wiped the tears from her face. As far as she knew she had gotten off easy. She had expected him to lash out and assault her.

Days went by and Kathy neither saw nor heard from Michael. He had quit his job at the deli and was nowhere to be found. Kathy truly missed him, but also feared his absence. What did it mean? Would he show up suddenly and hurt her? She didn
’
t know why she felt so apprehensive. He had a temper, yes, but he had never hit or hurt her before. It was just...just that damn crazed expression that she had seen upon his face. She didn
’
t quite know why, but that look frightened her. It was a warning she knew better than to ignore.

As weeks went by, Kathy became more and more paranoid, looking over her shoulders as she walked toward the apartment late at night. Michael had warned that she would regret her actions. She knew it was no idle threat. It was only a matter of time before he made her pay for what she had done.

Months went by and Kathy was getting used to life without Michael, whom she figured had gone on with his
own
life. She was more at ease now. Her paranoid behaviors ceased. She even
thought about dating again.
One of her classmates, Phillip Mentz, had suggested a couple of times that they grab a bite to eat after class. She had turned him down, making excuses each time. Michael had always been in the back of her mind. He had just left one day and never returned. She didn
’
t even know how much time had to pass to dissolve a relationship. At first she had wanted him to return, then she expected him to and now it seemed highly unlikely.

Why shouldn
’
t I go on with my life too
, s
he thought. Phillip was smart, good-loo
king and
funny. There was no denying her attraction to him. So the very next day, after class, Kathy approached him.

“
Are you still up for grabbing something to eat?
”
she asked shyly, awkwardly.

Phillip put on the most serious face he could muster.

“
No, it
’
s too late now, you
’
ve lost your chance,
”
he said earnestly.

“
Oh...uh, well...
”
Kathy stammered, as she blushed with embarrassment.

Phillip let out a burst of laughter that caught her off guard.

“
I
’
m just teasing, of course I
’
m up for it,
”
he said excitedly.

Kathy smiled and gave Phillip
’
s shoulder a soft shove.

“
You really had me going!
”

“
You know I
’
ve been trying to take you out for weeks,
”
Phillip said as
they
walked out of the room,
“
I
’
m glad you
’
re done playing hard to get.
”

“
I wasn
’
t playing hard to get...I
recently
got out of a relationship. I wasn
’
t ready to start dating again.
”

“
Well I
’
m glad you
’
re ready now,
”
he said with a smile. He really liked Kathy. She was smart and caring, yet there was always a hint of sadness in her eyes. He wanted to change that.

Together they walked to a nearby sandwich shop
—
a popular place amongst the college crowd. They placed their orders and spoke about their classes as they waited for the food to be prepared. Minutes later they were seated at a small table by the window eating their sandwiches. Kathy couldn
’
t believe how comfortable she felt around Phillip. He was so easy to talk to. His eyes were warm and caring. There was nothing uneasy about him...unlike Michael. She forced herself not to
think about Michael, not to
compare the two. Phillip was nothing like Michael.

“
Where
’
d you just drift off to?
”
Phillip asked softly.

“
What? Oh, I...I was just thinking about an assignment that
’
s due soon.
”

Phillip looked doubtful.

“
You
’
re thinking about the ex, aren
’
t you?
”

Kathy shook her head.

“
No, not at all, I just
—”

“
You know, if you want to talk about it, I
’
m all ears.
”

“
I appreciate it,
”
she replied, taking his hand in hers,
“
I
’
m totally over him, really. It
’
s just that he sort of took off, disappeared. I always feel like he
’
ll just show up again.
”

“
How long has it been?
”

“
Almost five months now.
”

“
Five months? Not for anything, but five months is a long time. Why do you think he
’
d just show up again after all that time? Do you miss him?
”

“
No, Phillip, not at all...I
’
m relieved he
’
s gone. Toward the end his personality changed, he was...well, kinda scary. It
’
s just that....
”

“
Scary? Did he hit you, hurt you?
”

“
No, no, never,
”
Kathy responded quickly,
“
I
t wasn
’
t like that.
”

“
So why are you so afraid of him?
”

“
Well, I...I always felt that he was
capable
of hurting me, even though he never did.
”

“
Oh, well, as long as he never
actually
hurt you....
”

“
He sorta threatened me before he left.
”

“
What did he say?
”

“
He said I
’
d regret it.
”

“
Regret what?
”

Kathy wasn
’
t about to tell Phillip about the abortion. Maybe one day she would confide in him, but not on their first date.

“
Who knows?
”
she shrugged.
“
He was nuts. It
’
s all in the past now, right?
”

Phillip didn
’
t want to start dating a girl on the rebound but Kathy
’
s smile persuaded him that she was truly ready to move on. They finished their sandwiches and chips over friendly conversation then headed out. It was getting chilly out. Kathy, clad only in a light cotton sweater, shivered. Chivalrous Phillip didn
’
t have a jacket to offer but he slipped his arm around her and drew her close. He breathed in the light floral scent of her perfume then
—
BAM!
He was on the ground. He didn
’
t even see it coming, didn
’
t have a chance to see the figure, the man above him, who was now showering him with painful blows to his face.

“
Stop, stop Michael
,
”
Kathy begged desperately when she realized it was him. She reached
out to him and
he turned and punched her just under her left cheekbone.
She fell to the ground, and crawled a few feet away.
She kept her distance as she
looked around frantically for help
. Seeing
her trying to flag someone down
, Michael turned his attention to Kathy. He lunged toward her
, kneeled down in front of her
and grabbed
the meaty part of her arm forcibly, squeezing it tight
ly
.