Hillary_Flesh and Blood (9 page)

“
Okay, I
’
ll leave after you tell me what
’
s wrong,
”
Kathy said stubbornly. She crossed her arms and waited for Hillary to confide in her at last.

“
You can sit there all night, it won
’
t make a difference.
”

“
Why are you so afraid to talk to me? What are you hiding?
”

“God, Mom…
how many times do we have to have this conversation? When I
’m ready,
I
’
ll talk to you,
”
Hillary said exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.

“
Yet, you can talk to your father?
”
Kathy said, her eyes misting, her voice quavering,
“
Does he matter more to you than I do?
”

“
No, Mom...I don
’
t talk to Dad.
”

Tears rolled down Kathy
’
s face. Hillary hated to see her mother so sad. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her.

“
I know you
’
re a
‘
daddy
’
s girl,
’
but
—”

Kathy stopped speaking when she noticed the look of disgust wash over Hillary
’
s face.

“
Okay, I know you
’
re not a child anymore...you
’
re too old to be a daddy
’
s girl, too old to
—”

“
No!
”
Hillary screamed out loud, her outburst startling Kathy into silence,
“
I
’
m too
young
to be daddy
’
s girl...I
’
m too young to do those things...I
’
m not his girl, I
’
m not, I
’
m not!
”

Hillary broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably. Her mother had no idea what had just happened.

“
Hillary...what is it sweetheart? I don
’
t understand, what do you mean?
”

Hillary flung herself into her mother
’
s arm. She needed her mother
’
s strength. She needed her mother
’
s protection.

“
Don
’
t let him touch me anymore,
”
she cried softly.

“
Who?
”
Kathy asked, confused,
“
what are you talking about?
”

“
Daaadddddd....
”
she whispered as she sobbed within her mother
’
s arms.

“
What are you saying, Hilly? Has your father been hitting you?
”

Kathy knew Michael was capable of it, though she didn
’
t want to believe it. She thought back to the time when Michael had severely beaten Phillip, nearly killing him. She shuddered at the thought. Could it be true? Could he be hurting their own
daughter
?

Hillary was still sobbing heavily. She clung to Kathy like a frightened child. She didn
’
t answer her question.

“
Hilly?
”
Kathy asked anxiously, prying Hillary away from her so that she could look into her eyes.
“
Has your father been hitting you?
”

Hillary shook her head. Kathy was overcome with relief. A weak smile involuntarily formed on her face despite Hillary
’
s sorrow. She thought it couldn
’
t
possibly
be any worse than that
.

“
Tell me, Hilly...who
’
s been hurting you?
”

“
Daaaaddy,
”
she whimpered.

“
But you said...you said he doesn
’
t hit you.
”

Kathy was growing anxious again.

“
He doesn
’
t
hit me…
he
touches
me,
”
Hillary whispered.

“
What? What do you mean?
”
Kathy asked in horror. Deep
crease
lines formed the number eleven upon her forehead as she frowned.

“
Dad touches me,
”
Hillary repeated,
“
he touches my...my....
”
She couldn
’
t finish her sentence.

“
Are you saying your father has been touching your...
privates?
”
Kathy asked with disgust as she fought back feelings of nausea.

Hillary sobbed even louder as
she
nodded.

Kathy
’
s mouth hung open as she stared at her despondent child. Tears filled her eyes and she hugged Hillary close, not knowing what to say. She could feel Hillary trembling within her arms. The two of them cried together quietly for several minutes until the silence was broken by Caleigh
’
s loud ranting and raving about a lost book.

Kathy pulled back from Hillary.

“
I
’
ll be right back,
”
she said softly, then left the room to address Caleigh
’
s problem.

Hillary felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Her mother now knew about the sexual abuse, she was her ally...she would make her father stop raping her. Her sobs ceased as renewed hope brought joy to a heart that had been wrought with despair and devastation for
well
over
a full year. Maybe things would somehow return to normal once her father stopped abusing her.

Maybe school won
’
t be so bad after all
, Hillary thought, nervously anticipating the return of the life she once knew. What would she tell her teachers, her friends? She knew she couldn
’
t tell them about the things her father had been doing to her. She would never speak about it again. In time, maybe she could even forget it all.

Letting the waves of despair dissipate, Hillary sighed heavily, as if cleansing her tarnished soul. She wouldn
’
t worry about school the next day or anything else. Her mother would take care of everything. She would slowly but surely find happiness again.

Several minutes later, Kathy returned to Hillary
’
s room and closed the door. Hillary smiled thinly at her mother, waiting to hear her soothing words, waiting for her to make everything better.

“
Your father called,
”
she said callously.

The expression on her mother
’
s face told Hillary that she no longer had an ally...that she had basked in false hope, daring to believe that her life would get better. Hillary felt as if she had been kicked in the chest. A feeble moan escaped her quivering lips as she struggled to catch her breath. Her vision blurred with tears but she could clearly see her mother
’
s angry glare.

“
Hillary, why would you say such a thing?
”
she demanded.

“
I...I...
”
Hillary was rendered speechless, angry that her mother didn
’
t believe her and outraged that she had bared her soul, her darkest secret, only to be accused of lying.

“
Answer me
,
Hillary!
”
Kathy shouted, causing Hillary to jump.

“
You...you think I
’
m making it up?
”
she asked incredulously.

“
Your father wouldn
’
t do such a thing, he loves you. You
’
re his pride and joy. He
’
s hurt that I
’
ve even accused him
—”

“
He
’
s
hurt?
”
Hillary screamed furiously,
“
he
’
s
hurt? What about
ME?
”

“
Stop it this instant,
”
her mother yelled, raising her hand.

Hillary cowered and inched back as if she expected her mother to hit her.

“
Oh, what
,
now you
’
re going to accuse
me
of abusing you?
”
Kathy shrieked, scowling.

“
He rapes me!
”
Hillary shouted, her tearful eyes pleading for her mother
’
s understanding.

“
Shut up!
”
Kathy shouted, covering her ears, refusing to listen,
“
shut up before your sister hears your nasty lies.
”

“
They
’
re not lies, Mom, please,
pleeeasssee
make him stop raping me,
”
she begged.

Her mother kept her hands over her ears as she shook her head. She refused
to
acknowledge what Hillary was saying.

“
Mom...
”
Hillary sobbed,
“
Please
help me. Please don
’
t let him do those things to me...please, Mom.
”

Kathy grew increasingly angry.

“
I don
’
t know what your problem is, Hillary Anne, but this nonsense ends tonight. You
’
re going to school tomorrow and you
’
re going to be a good, sweet, smart girl again. You
’
re not going to spread any lies about your father, you hear me?
You’ll never tell anyone what you’ve told me here today. Are we clear? Do you understand me?”

Hillary bowed her head. Defea
ted,
she
cried silently.

“Answer me, Hillary…
do you understand what I
’ve
just told you?
”
Kathy shouted.

Hillary quickly nodded as tears continued flooding her eyes and dampening her cheeks.

“
Your father said he
’
ll be back in a
n
hour or so. I know he
’
ll want to speak to you.
”

Among other things,
Hillary thought despairingly.

“
Make sure you apologize to him,
”
Kathy added snidely before turning her back to Hillary and leaving her room. She slammed the door behind her and walked to her bedroom.

Kathy dropped down upon her bed and began to shake. All those nights she had awakened to find Michael missing from their bed. She now understood clearly what was going on. Michael had been
—

Kathy couldn
’
t bring herself to even admit it within her own thoughts. It was a deep, dark, nasty secret and that
’
s how it would stay. She loved Hillary and her heart broke for her depressed, adulterated daughter, but she was powerless to intervene. She knew she couldn
’
t stop Michael. Had Hillary not shocked her with the news only moments before Michael called, she would never have had the nerve to question him about it. He was outraged as he whispered into his phone, denying her allegations emphatically, stressing that he would take care of it when he got home. Kathy couldn
’
t see him, of course, but she knew without a single doubt that he had that scary manic expression on his face. She also knew without a doubt that she could never again ask him about it, never again bring it up...and if he ever mentioned it to her, she knew that she would have to
take his side and
agree with him completely: