His Heart to Have (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) (15 page)

Swallowing, trying to clear the lump, she returned Jase’s intent gaze.  Nothing but love filled them.  That was Jase- never expecting anything in return. Except this time, she had everything to give back to him.

“I love you too,” she whispered so low, she wasn’t sure he heard until his face lit up. “I always have.”

Sliding her down to floor with him, he enveloped her with his arms. Their heads touched, and he scattered kisses on her from eyelids to her jaw. “No more hiding,” his uttered, his voice raw with emotion.

“No more denying,” she responded with an equal rawness, pressing a kiss against neck.

“I love you,” he repeated before finally claiming her in a full kiss that made her toes curl and body melt. 

They broke apart, in awe of what just transpired. Her world was spinning on an axle she didn’t want to stop. This was love and she was pulled to it with an undeniable force. It was dizzying, consuming and omnipotent, but the most beautiful feeling she’d ever experienced.

***

Jase never imagined the freedom he’d find in being completely honest.  Telling Allie he loved her after so many years of remaining quiet was a release he hadn’t known he needed. And hearing the words returned to him- that was a high nothing else in life could provide.  

They might be having a baby. That was an idea he couldn’t quite wrap his head around. He might be a daddy sooner than he’d ever expected. Visions of Allie pregnant with his child made him smile. It felt right and natural. Even if she wasn’t pregnant now, it was something he looked forward to in their future. Thinking about how much he loved his nephew, made him wonder how much more would he love his own son or daughter?

Rapid breathing slowed to a normal pace.  He could sit here all afternoon with Allie in his arms, kissing her, loving her, breathing the same air as her. 

“I, uh, I’m not feeling so well again,” she spoke up. 

Her pain became his pain. He hated seeing her pale even behind the red of her well-kissed lips. Reluctantly, he stood, extending a hand to help her up.

“I’m sorry to ruin the moment again,” Allie apologized, looking miserable.

“No apologies, sweetheart. We have all the time in the world for more moments, in sickness and health.”

“Hold that thought,” she mumbled feebly and went off to the bathroom.

This time he followed her in, holding back her hair while her stomach expelled.  He pulled a washcloth out of the cabinet, wetted it with cold water and wiped her face.

“I don’t get it. One minute I’m fine and then I feel like I’m dying,” she observed.

“It will pass in time. Do you want to lay back down?”

“No, I’m sick of being in bed. When do you have to go back to work?” she asked him.

“Not until tomorrow morning. Everything that had to be done is already finished and the rest can wait.”

“Want to watch a movie with me?”

“Sure, if you can find one. There’s not a lot there.”

“It doesn’t really matter. It’s just an excuse to cuddle with you,” she admitted. 

He smiled. “That’s one thing you’ll never need an excuse for,” he told her. Looking down, he realized he still wore work clothes and probably reeked. With Allie’s tumultuous stomach, he should probably take a shower first. “Let me clean up, and I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“I’ll go get it ready.”

“Allie,” he called to her just before entering the bedroom.

“Yes?”

“Thank you for trusting me.”

She gave him a smile and that was all the response he needed. Quickly, he picked out some clean clothes and took a shower. He went back to her, hair still damp. Sitting down beside her, she scooted closer to him. She lifted her hand, twirling the end strand of his hair partially around her finger. He’d never thought someone playing with his hair could be a turn on, but Allie was changing that.

She let go and curled her legs under her, snuggling closer to him in the process.  “All you had were old John Wayne’s so I played
eeny meeny miney moe.”

His lips twisted up and he chuckled, tossing his arm around her shoulder.  “You’re a mess,” he told her fondly. 

“But you love me,” she shot back.

“That I do,” he whispered. And he would tell her every day for the rest of their lives, making sure she never had reason to doubt it.

They settled in to watch the movie, falling into an easy silence.   He’d seen this particular one many times, but he didn’t care.  His thoughts weren’t on the show, but on the girl resting her hand against his chest. Man, it felt so good to have everything in the open.  Once it was out there, it was like they’d never known anything different.  Maybe because, at some level, they both always knew but weren’t ready to hear.

Allie’s breathing became a slow, even pattern. Looking down, he saw she’d fallen asleep. The blanket he used at night was draped over the sofa and he reached up and pulled it down. Spreading it out the best he could manage, he draped it over Allie. His stomach growled with hunger, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. He stroked her hair, combing it through his fingers. She sighed in her sleep and his body tightened. The movie had long since ended when Allie finally stirred. She sat up slightly, looking at him, dazed.

“What time is it?”

“After seven.”

“You should have woken me up. The movie must have ended hours ago.”

“You needed your rest and looked peaceful.”

“I didn’t dream our conversation earlier, did I?”

“The one where I told you I loved you?” he asked with a sly smile.

“That would be the one,” she murmured, still coming out of her sleep.

“No dreaming. It’s out there and I can’t take it back; not that I want to,” he told her, pulling her up to him.

“Good, because that would become a nightmare.”

“I was thinking, since it’s too late to go into town tonight, we can go tomorrow evening to buy the test and go to dinner if you’re feeling up to it.”

Her head bobbed up, springing to life. “Why Jase Callahan, are you asking me out on a date?” she teased.

“Yes I am, Allie Callahan. Seems only fitting that a husband should take his wife on at least one date.”

“All I can say is it’s about time.”

“I’m taking that as a yes then?”

“Yes.” She grinned at him, then furrowed her eyebrows, becoming serious.  “Why did it take us so long to get here?”

“Maybe we weren’t ready, or maybe it wasn’t our time. I don’t know, but what matters is we made it now.”

She yawned, trying to hide it with her hand. “I don’t know why I’m so tired. Whatever this is, it keeps zapping my energy.”

“Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll lock up.”

“I feel like I should argue, but I don’t have it in me. Tomorrow better bring some better news for my stomach because I’m going to work regardless.”

“Don’t overdo it, Allie Cat. Sick or pregnant, you still need to take care of yourself,” he told her, still concerned. He bent his head, giving her a final kiss for the night. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her head tilted, a question she seemed hesitant to ask on the tip of her tongue. “Come to bed with me, please. I need you near me.”

“I’ll be there,” he answered. They hadn’t shared a bed since that night a month ago. Despite knowing nothing sexual would happen, he couldn’t help the rush of blood. He loved her, and a night of holding her was a night well spent.

He locked the front door and turned off the lights. His stomach growled again, letting him know he’d not eaten since the early afternoon. Ignoring it, he went to the bedroom, the hunger for Allie a stronger need. Stripping down to just his jeans, he climbed under the covers. It would be a long, uncomfortable night, but not as much as sleeping in the nude next to her with no possibility of release.

His arms sought the warmth of her body, pulling her against him.  The fabric of her pajamas was thin, and he could feel the heat of her flesh against his chest.  With one hand, he traced letters on her back spelling out
I love you.

“Goodnight, Allie Cat.”

“Why have you always called me that?” she asked. “Alley cats make me think of a scrawny, mangy cat going around bugging everyone, being a nuisance. Is that how you see me?”

“I never thought of you like that. Promise not to laugh if I tell you the reason?”

“I promise,” she acknowledged then rolled to face him.

He sighed, of all things, feeling embarrassed. “Before Missy and her dad moved here, you wanted to do everything with me, but that stopped when Missy showed up. Suddenly it was dolls and tea parties, all the stuff I had no interest in. You were my best friend and I was losing you to Missy. I thought if I did what you wanted and showed you attention you’d come back to me, like an alley cat. In my head, I started calling you Allie Cat, and over the years it just stuck.”

He expected her to laugh and poke fun at him, but true to her word she didn’t. “So all those years when you acted like you hated Missy, you were just jealous?” she asked, just now seeing the obvious from years ago.

“You could say that, but what did I know? I was just a kid.”

“Want to know a secret?”

“What?”

“She could never take your place, not even then. I thought you stopped hanging out with us because of the ‘girls have cooties’ stage.”

“No, I was just young and dumb.”

“I love you, Jase.”

“I love you too, Allie. Goodnight.”  He kissed the tip of her nose, then gently prodded her so she rolled over and nested her back against his chest again.  Long into the night he laid there, thankful for the road that led him to this moment.  Few people ever experienced falling in love like this; being with someone who’d been an integral part of their entire life, a best friend, a soul mate.

Sleep must have finally taken over, because when he awoke, the sun was shining, which meant he was running late. In the night, Allie had turned toward him, facing him with a tranquil quality about her.  The rays bursting through the curtain touched her face, illuminating her in a sun-kissed glow.  Despite the need to get out of bed he lingered, watching her- the rise and fall of her chest, the way her nose occasionally twitched, the way her fingers unconsciously drew circles on the sheet even as she slept. 

His phone rang loudly from another room. Unwillingly, he rolled out of bed and went to answer it. Without looking, he knew it was his dad calling. They had a big time potential buyer coming later this morning and, as much as he hated to leave Allie, he couldn’t shirk his responsibilities.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he answered his phone without a greeting.

“How’s Allie feeling?” his dad asked.

“Better, I guess. She’s still sleeping.”

“Good. Now get over here as soon as you can. There are a few things I’d like to discuss before Monroe shows up.”

“Be right there.”

Returning to the bedroom, he gave Allie a subtle shake. Groggily she looked up, smiling when she saw him.

“I’m late meeting my dad. How are you feeling?” he asked hastily, needing to leave but wanting to ensure she was feeling better.

“Okay, I guess, but I’ve been awake less than half a minute,” she responded cracking a half smile.

“You know where to find me if you feel worse. I’ll see you tonight,” he told her, bending down to kiss her goodbye.

“Good luck with the sale today.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

Concentrating on work all day was a difficult task. Allie never strayed from his thoughts, whether in pondering the possibility of a child, wondering how she was feeling or simply reveling in the openness of sharing a love with each other that went beyond a friendship.

Adam Monroe arrived early, just after Jase finished working Lightning.  The timing was perfect, drawing the potential buyer into a keen interest in the newest stud.  By late afternoon, a hefty transaction had been completed, with the promise to return when Lightning and Cinnamon produced a foal.

The day had proved productive, but he was ready to get home to his wife.  He was looking forward to his first real date with her.  Strange, how they’d gone out so many times before but had kept their relationship on a platonic level, despite both having deeper feelings. Funny how life had a way of working these things out when the time was right. 

And the main purpose for going to town. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. The idea of being a dad thrilled and terrified him at the same time.  Absolutely, he knew Allie would be a great mom, and he liked to think he’d be a good dad, but the responsibility was tremendous.   What did he know about babies?  Cody was the only one he’d ever been around, but had never had to take responsibility for him.  Hell, he’d never even baby-sat for him because his parents always stepped in when Lanie needed someone.  

“Go home, Son. I can tell your mind is elsewhere today,” his father spoke up. “All that’s left is recording these numbers on the computer, and I can take care of that.”

“Thanks dad. I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.

“I was young and in love once also. Still am, actually.”

“Young or in love?” Jase teased.

“Ask your mama,” his dad returned with a wink.

Jase grabbed his hat from the desk corner and started the trek to his cabin.  Today, more than ever, he needed that walk in the clean, spicy air to organize his thoughts.  He hadn’t talked to Allie since this morning, but he’d seen her with a group of guests.  Her color had returned to normal and she appeared to be feeling much better.  It was already five o’clock when he left from the main lodge and he was already a little behind his planned schedule. Seemed to be the story of his day.

The door to his cabin was unlocked, indicating Allie was already there as he suspected.

“I’m home,” he called out.

Allie came out from the bedroom, still in work clothes, her face crestfallen.

“What’s wrong sweetheart,” he asked, reaching her side in two long strides. At a closer view, he could tell by her reddened eyes she’d been crying.

“It’s dumb really,” she muttered.

“Nothing that can make you cry is dumb,” he objected.