“I’m so proud of you,” Cord said.
His eyes closed, Sully grinned, though it was weak with his fatigue. “It was hard.”
“I could feel it.”
“Difficult,” Sully clarified, his body shaking as he chuckled silently.
“That too.” Cord hugged his man tighter, and Sully burrowed his face into Cord’s shoulder. His breathing relaxed as he drifted toward slumber.
“Stay with me,” he murmured, surprising Cord who’d thought he was asleep.
“This is the room your brother gave me.”
Sully sighed then opened his eyes. “That’s not what I mean.” He rolled onto is back and Cord propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at him.
He shook his head, confused. “What…?”
“The last few months… Sex is great, but the rest of the time, it’s almost like you’re not really there. No, that doesn’t say it well… I mean…you’re emotionally distant. Closed off. Having a conversation has been almost impossible.”
“I didn’t realize—”
“I should have said something before, but…” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Being here makes it easier somehow.”
Right. Being on his home turf gave him confidence and Cord was the outsider. That power shift sat uneasily with him. He’d always thought of them as equals, even if he dominated during sex, but maybe, they weren’t as much as he’d thought.
Sully smacked Cord’s shoulder. Hard. “Don’t,” he exclaimed. “You’re doing it again. Escaping into your head.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been…” He’d been what? Thinking of a new future? He didn’t even know how to broach that subject yet. That was half his problem. “Considering things,” he finally finished then cringed. Even to him, that sounded awful.
Sully’s eyes clouded as he stared at Cord, and Cord felt like the biggest ass to walk the planet, especially when he couldn’t drag free the words to make things right. Sully shook his head then turned onto his side, facing away from Cord. “I have to be up early tomorrow to work with a horse. I’d better get to sleep.”
“Okay,” Cord murmured, kicking himself ten ways to Friday. God, he was such a coward. Silently, he got up and went into the en suite bath to clean up. When he returned to the bedroom, he found Sully asleep—or at least pretending to be.
Chapter Five
Old habits were hard to break, and though he was dying inside, more sure than ever that Cord was done with him, Sully smiled at him the next morning as if the conversation following sex had never happened. He had a troubled horse to deal with; he didn’t have the fortitude to deal with a troubled partner as well.
“You’ll have to come out and meet Kally Kin,” he said as he passed Cord the serving plate of bacon. “She’s a little moody, but I bet you can make friends with her.”
“Moody?” Brian scoffed then looked over at Cord. “Try cantankerous and ill-tempered. Watch your fingers. She’s a biter.”
“She’s coming around,” Sully argued. “Besides, she’s never bit me. If she likes me, she’ll probably get on with Cord.”
Brian raised his brows and looked down at his eggs, clearly thinking his brother was twelve kinds of crazy.
“It’s good to have both my boys home,” Gran gushed. She clasped her hands together on the table behind her plate, surveying the dining room’s occupants. “And Sully’s young man too. I’m so glad he’s found someone, and such a handsome boy, to boot.”
Sully glanced over at Cord to see the man’s cheeks darken with embarrassment.
“Tell me,” she said, and her eyes narrowed slightly, her congenial look fading. Terror sliced through Sully. He knew that look.
“Gran,” he tried to interrupt, but she ignored him.
“Do you love my grandson?” she finished.
“Gran, don’t put Cord on the spot. Good grief, you just met him.”
“But you haven’t. If this is the man you’re choosing to live with, I want to know how he feels. You’ve denied me any part of your life for ten years. Give me this.”
He jumped on the opening. Cord had said he loved him last night, but that was during sex, and Sully didn’t want to face whatever misgivings Cord was having in the bold light of morning. “You know what happened. They probably would have killed me if I’d stayed.”
She blew out a breath through pursed lips. “Did they kill your brother when they went after him? No. They put him in the hospital, but he stayed in Blue Grove. He saw the right thing done and those hooligans went to jail. Even your rotten cousins—thank God they’re from the other side of the family and not related to me. It’s so shameful. That group’s acquaintance with you had nothing to do with their horrid behavior. They’d attacked several young men in the county, but it wasn’t until your brother that they were identified by name. The other victims came forward and those thugs were punished accordingly. It was well-publicized. When the arrests hit the news and people around here learned what had happened in their quiet region—repeatedly—they were outraged that this could occur here.”
Sully shook his head, trying to follow the conversation. Had he misjudged the people of Blue Grove so badly? And how had his brother gotten involved? “I don’t… Why did they go after Brian? Was it because of me?” Horrified, he looked over at his brother, who poked at his scrambled eggs as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. “I’m sorry. I know you said you found out the truth, but…did you confront them? You shouldn’t—”
“Don’t,” Brian interrupted. He looked up from his plate, slowly shaking his head. “I should have defended you in the first place. I deserved to have my ass kicked. If I’d stepped in when you needed me, you might not have left us for so long.” He pressed his lips together and looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he shook his head again. “Gran,” he said, changing the focus. “You need to eat something.”
“Stop fussing at me,” she complained but speared a piece of the fruit on her plate. Sully’s brows furrowed. This wasn’t the first time he’d witnessed Brian’s protective behavior toward their grandmother. Well, she was older now, he supposed. Things changed over time and as they’d reminded him, he’d been gone. Maybe, Gran now needed someone acting as her caretaker from time to time.
He hurriedly finished his breakfast then took his dishes into the kitchen before heading out to the barn. He found Cord on his heels.
“That was interesting,” Cord said as he rinsed his plate then stuck it in the dishwasher.
“Which part? The bit where my gran started interrogating you or the part where I found out my brother got beat up because of me?”
“The part where your brother almost told you the real reason they attacked him.”
“What?”
“Jesus, Sully. Sometimes you are so dense. Open your eyes.”
What the fuck did that mean? His eyes were wide open and seeing that his boyfriend of eight years was looking to be his ex for the rest of forever. It monopolized his thoughts, letting almost nothing else through.
He glared at Cord then marched outside to the barn. He snapped up his notes from the desk as he headed toward Kally Kin’s stall. “My eyes are open,” he growled.
“Then why are you so mad?” Cord laughed, and Sully’s mood darkened even more. How dare he?
“Because you’re a jerk,” Sully rasped. His rapid-fire steps thudded against the concrete as he stormed away. He knew he was overreacting because of his worries, but he couldn’t seem to pull back the train.
Cord’s large hand shot out, clamped onto Sully’s arm and yanked him to a stop before hauling him around to look eye-to-eye. “You need to settle down before you get anywhere near that horse.”
“Oh, so I’m blind and you’re suddenly the expert on horses?”
Dark brows drew together over scowling, hazel eyes. “I know my fair share, and even a novice knows the animal will pick up on your mood. If you were having trouble with her before, it’s only going to be worse when you’re like this.”
He was right even if Sully didn’t want to admit it.
“You want to talk about it?” Cord asked. Sully sighed and stared sullenly at Cord’s boots. He’d wanted to “talk” about it for months.
“No.”
“Wanna tell me why I’m suddenly a jerk?”
“No.”
“Want me to take my ass back to Wyoming?”
“N—” Sully broke off, hesitating, then looked up at Cord. Did he want him to just leave? Wouldn’t that be less painful than facing reality? It would be safer. The peckish, I-want-to-scream-this-out feeling assailing him wasn’t abating. Still, he wanted Cord near him as long as the man wanted to stay. It might be weak, but Sully decided to take what he could get. “No,” he said firmly, feeling calmer than a moment ago. “I want you to stay.”
“Whew, you had me worried there,” Cord quipped, his demeanor so comically relieved that Sully couldn’t help but laugh. This was the Cord he knew and loved. Lighthearted in daily life and a demanding demon in the bedroom.
“I’ll show you the horse,” he said as his mood shifted to a better frame of mind. He still worried, but it was tamped down into the back recesses of his thoughts for the moment.
“Wait,” Cord replied. His hand cupped Sully’s chin and before Sully could reply or protest, he leaned in and pressed their lips together.
Panicked, Sully jerked backward. “No!” he gasped as he looked around. “Not here.”
“Baby, you’re safe,” Cord murmured, taking his hand and pulling him back. “Even here. I have a feeling your brother made sure the staff is gay friendly and accepting. Besides…I won’t let anything happen to you. Anyone with an issue would have to go through me. I’ve faced down broncs and bulls. I can deal with a few bullies.”
His palm slid along Sully’s arm to his shoulder then up to cup the back of his head. As his lips pressed to Sully’s once more, Sully told himself to be brave. Cord was right. He was safe. He moaned, sinking into Cord and allowing his lover’s strong arms to close around him. His mouth opened to Cord’s questing tongue and he let the moment be a balm to his turbulent soul. If only he could have his home at
Verus
and his home in Cord. A place where he was safe and the one who always made him feel safe.
Tears pricked his eyes when they stepped apart a few minutes later. God, he loved this man. How would he live without him?
“What is it?” Cord asked.
This time, it was Sully’s turn to keep his thoughts to himself and he wordlessly shook his head. Silently, he led the way to Kally Kin, his hands shoved into is pockets as he stared blindly at the ground and considered the present since he couldn’t face the future right now. Cord was right; Sully was being skittish for no reason. The men here had been nothing but kind. But…
His mind turned a different direction and he frowned. Sure, they’d all been congenial, but they hadn’t seen his sexuality right in front of them. If Cord was wrong, Sully was taking a big chance—so was Cord, even if he considered himself Sully’s protector.
“Why do you say that about Brian?” Sully asked abruptly when they were standing before the stall.
Cord smiled as if he knew something Sully didn’t. It was a pleasant grin though, without smug self-satisfaction. “First, I think he really does feel horrible about what happened to you. He’d make damn sure it wouldn’t happen again—to anyone. Second, why do you think he was attacked? I don’t think he ran after them defending your honor, and even if he did, I doubt they would have put him in the hospital for it.”
“Are you saying…?”
“I’m saying I watched him at the table this morning and listened to what he was saying…and what he almost said. Hell, your grandma practically shoved him out of the closet. You should have seen the look on her face when he chickened out.”
“That can’t be right. He dated a lot—girls, I mean.”
“And I was married once. You know being with a woman isn’t the acid test. Sometimes it’s just a front or a guy trying to conform to someone’s—society’s—expectations.”
“Huh. Okay.”
“That’s your only reaction?” he was asked from the doorway behind them.
Sully jumped in surprise at the new voice. He’d thought they were alone out here this morning, since he’d been yet to see anyone else. Looking around Cord, he saw Brian standing under the archway that led into the new wing of the stable.
Cord moved to Sully’s side and looped his arm around Sully’s waist. Sully couldn’t help but feel as if a pillar of protection had been erected beside him. He appreciated it, and it gave him strength, even it Cord was being silly. This was Brian! He wasn’t a danger.
“I’m surprised,” Sully answered, “and I feel stupid that I never guessed. But should I be outraged? Most of my favorite people are gay and I love them like family. Why should this bother me?”
Brian shrugged. He walked toward them, appearing so much smaller than his normal self. Why was he acting ashamed? “You know…you’re my little brother,” he started. “Yet there you were, blazing the trail. You had no fear; it was just who you were and you weren’t afraid to let everyone know. I was so proud of you.”
“I thought you were horrified.”
“No. I just didn’t know how to react. I was a jock and was pretty much running this place. I had a reputation to uphold—at least, I thought I did—and God forbid anyone guess that I felt the same way. So…I tried for the middle road. Accepting but not outraged or joyful. What will be will be, and all that.” He shook his head as if admonishing himself. “I should have been more like you.”
“And get your ass kicked along with mine? It’s probably good you didn’t. Not then. Things might have been worse, much worse. Gran could have been left to deal with
Verus
on her own.”
“Yeah…about Gran…”
Beside Sully, Cord stiffened and his arm tightened around Sully’s waist. “I think Kally is getting impatient,” he said, looking over his shoulder. Sure enough, the horse was pawing the ground, slamming her hoof into the floor to get their attention.
“Look away,” Sully said quietly then acted as if he hadn’t noticed a thing and ignored the animal. Once she stopped the attention-getting tactic, he’d go to her, but going now would only help to add one more negative behavior to her repertoire.
Besides, he wasn’t going to be so easily dissuaded. Cord had told him to open his eyes. He’d obviously observed and deduced a few things from Sully’s family—things Sully had been too blind to see. Judging from his reaction to Brian’s segue way, Sully suspected it wasn’t good, and dread filled every bit of him.