Lula nodded and stood up. So now Eleanor Lomax was crossed off the list. All she had left was Elizabeth Love as a possibility, and if that was wrong, too…
Where would she go from there? There was nowhere else
to
go. She could contact the Salvation Army, maybe, or see if Social Services had any records on her, but the chances of finding her mother would be slim.
Outside, Olly laid his hand on hers. ‘I’m so sorry.’
She shrugged. ‘It’s not your fault, is it?’
‘No. But I still wish I could make you feel better.’
Oh, he could. By taking her in his arms and kissing her, smothering her with his mouth and his body, pulling at her clothes and taking her madly, as he’d never taken anyone before… But that wasn’t going to happen.
Lula looked up at his bright blue eyes. ‘I need to find her, Olly.’
A gloved finger stroked her cheek. ‘I know.’
She wanted to kiss him then. Wanted it more than she’d ever wanted to do anything in the whole wide world. But she couldn’t. She needed to separate from him. Stop relying on him to make her feel better.
I’m a lone spirit. I take care of myself.
Back at the surgery, Lula made herself a fresh cup of tea and sat in the staffroom, mulling over the events of the last few days. She couldn’t call Elizabeth. She didn’t have a number listed in the surgery records. All she could do was turn up unannounced and hope for the best.
But I’ve had enough disappointment for today. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. It might have thawed some more and it’ll be easier to park Betsy.
Do I want to go alone?
For some reason Lula felt as if this was her last-ditch attempt at trying to track down her mother, and that she’d like some moral support.
That would be okay, wouldn’t it? Would Olly go with her? Or maybe his father? All she needed was a friend.
No. She wanted Olly with her. It felt right—especially after the closeness they’d shared.
She took her tea to his room to ask him, but he’d gone. Disappointed, needing to see his smiling face, she decided to pop round to his house and ask him personally if he’d go with her tomorrow. There was no harm in that, was there? It was the sort of favour you’d ask of a friend, and if Olly was anything to her he was most definitely a friend.
Because I can’t have him any other way.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I
T WAS THE
first time she’d been to Olly’s home. He lived in a quaint house made of grey stone that sat on the end of a long terrace.
She rang the doorbell and waited, ignoring the cold that was seeping through her boots and into her toes. It wasn’t as bad as the other day, when she’d slipped into the icy water, but it was getting there.
The door opened and Olly stood there, a smile on his face. ‘Lula! I wasn’t expecting you. Something wrong with the home visit rota?’
‘No, no…I just wondered if I might ask you a favour?’
He nodded, then stepped back, welcoming her in, and she entered the house, enjoying the rich warmth inside. As she passed the living room she saw a large open fire, already lit, crackling and spitting its way through the logs. Then she followed him into the kitchen.
It was in an old style, full of faded beech, and the walls were painted a soft green. Copper-bottomed pans hung from the ceiling above a central breakfast bar, where he appeared to have been chopping some vegetables.
‘I’m sorry if I’ve interrupted your lunch.’
‘These are for this evening’s casserole. Would you like to join us?’
It was a nice offer, but she didn’t want to intrude on him any more than she already had done. He’d made it clear by leaving her after their passionate encounter, and then lying about his reasons for doing so, that he didn’t want to get too involved with her.
‘No, no, I wouldn’t dream of—’
‘It’s not a problem. There’s plenty, and Dad would love to catch up with you.’
Patrick
would like to catch up with her? Not Olly? Another sign…
‘Well, thank you.’
‘You’re happy with lamb?’
She nodded. It was her favourite.
‘Drink? Tea? Coffee?’
‘No, thanks. I just popped round to ask you a quick question.’
He stopped his chopping to focus on her and she found herself feeling awkward beneath his soft blue gaze. ‘You know I’m still looking for my mother?’
Olly nodded.
‘I want to speak to Elizabeth Love. She’s my only lead left and I’m kind of nervous about that.’
He nodded his head slowly. ‘When are you going to speak to her?’
‘Tomorrow. And that’s what I’m here for. I’d
really feel better about going if you were with me. For moral support. But if you don’t want to I don’t want you to feel forced to do it.’
‘Why wouldn’t I want to support you?’ He sounded genuinely perplexed by her explanation.
She looked away from his steely gaze, shrugging. ‘Just…you know…last night… And now I’m asking you to maybe come and find my mother with me… I wouldn’t want you to think I was pushing you into getting more involved with my circumstances than you need to be.’
‘Lula, I’d
love
to help you. This is a big thing. Last night was…’ he looked uncomfortable ‘…was something we should never have done.’
Lula stood looking at him across the breakfast bar, shocked to hear him actually say it to her. She’d assumed he’d try to skirt the issue. ‘Right…no…that’s fine. I understand. I mean, me, too… I don’t want to get romantically involved with anyone, you know…’ Her sentence drifted off into nothing.
He stepped around the bar towards her. ‘In fact I’d like to apologise. I should never have slept with you. Not that I didn’t want to! I did, and you were amazing. But…you were vulnerable and upset. I should never have taken advantage.’
He was standing very close to her now and she could smell his scent. A masculine scent of musk and something like sandalwood. It was delicious.
‘Advantage? No, Olly, you didn’t. I wanted it just as much as you did.’ She frowned. ‘Is that why you pretended you got a call-out?’
His cheeks flushed and he took a step back. ‘You know?’
Lula smiled and nodded. ‘I found out this morning. I thought you’d had second thoughts, but I wasn’t sure why. Not that it matters anyway. We’re both consenting adults. We both enjoyed it.’
Just talking about it brought memories of their night rushing back into her head. The heat. The way he’d moved above her. The way he’d touched her, kissed her, his mouth nibbling and licking in all the right places…
Lula flushed with need but, unable to pursue it, looked down at the floor to try and gain some control over her feelings and thoughts. She would have given anything to enjoy those sensations again, but she wouldn’t allow herself.
Olly looked as if he was struggling to speak. His mouth opened as if he was about to say something, then closed as his gaze roamed over her, his blue eyes sparkling with hunger for her.
‘So…you’ll come with me? Tomorrow?’ She looked back at him, in control once more.
‘Sure.’
‘And I’ll come for dinner tonight?’
He nodded. ‘About seven?’
Lula smiled. Yes. That was fine.
‘Dad goes out after dinner on a Thursday night.’
Of course—it was Thursday! She had another belly-dancing class at six! ‘I might be a little late. My class runs till seven o’clock, and then I’ll have to lock up.’
‘It’ll keep for when you get here.’
Their gazes locked and they stood there for some time. Neither of them moving forward. Neither of them moving away. Just looking at each other, lost in their own emotions and needs.
Eventually the sound of the kitchen clock ticking away made her return to the here and now. ‘I’ll get going, then.’
Olly followed her to the front door.
She wasn’t sure whether to kiss him goodbye or not, but she couldn’t resist. What harm could one goodbye kiss do? She stood on tiptoe, closing her eyes as she planted her lips on his cheek. For a moment she hovered there, her eyes still closed, inhaling the scent of him, debating whether she should kiss him properly—especially when she felt him brush his lips over the side of her mouth.
How easy it would be to turn her head…so tempting!
Instead, she lowered herself off her tiptoes and stepped back, smiling. ‘Well, I’ll see you.’
‘Right.’ He looked disappointed. ‘Have you got many house calls to make?’
‘Three. I’m on my way now.’
‘Want company?’
Yes, she did. Olly’s company would be nice right now. But was it fair to ask him to go with her? It was only three house calls, and he’d done his fair share of them for some time whilst the practice had searched for a locum. She wanted to pull her own weight properly, but she didn’t want to offend him by saying no.
‘That’s up to you. I don’t mind. I’m happy to do them on my own.’
‘I’ll grab my coat.’ He reached for his jacket and shrugged it over his shoulders, then stuck his feet into some tough-looking hiking boots and tied the laces. ‘Ready when you are.’
She went outside to her car and heard his steps falter as they neared the spotted Betsy.
‘Ah, I forgot about her.’ He grinned ruefully.
Lula smiled at his amusement. ‘How could you ever forget Betsy? There aren’t that many cars painted like a ladybird, you know.’ She slid in the driver’s side and leant over to pop his door open. When he got in she had to fight the urge to lean over and kiss him. It was what she wanted to do. Wanted very much indeed. But she knew it wouldn’t be right and she started the engine, determined not to think about the way he kissed. Or touched. Or made her feel.
How could he have disrupted her state of mind
so much? He was just an ordinary man, like any other. Wasn’t he? And though it might be fun and sexy and irresistible with him right now, as time went by the situation most certainly would change. There would have to be commitment and, Olly being Olly, he would undoubtedly start to want children. He was traditional that way. And she couldn’t give him that. Nor did she want to go through the pain of splitting up with him. She’d been there, done that, and it had been hard and disruptive.
Best to keep things light and fun. They could have fun, right? Without it becoming too serious?
‘So, who’s first?’
She passed him the list. ‘Karen Harper. What do you know about her?’
‘Karen? She’s a lovely old lady. She was at your dance class the other week.’
‘Which one was she?’
‘A few rows back from the front? Black leotard with pink leggings?’ He smiled at the memory.
Lula nodded. She remembered her. She’d been the only lady there in a leotard—all the others had turned up in tee shirts or tracksuits. And the bright pink leggings had revealed a very good pair of shapely legs for an elderly lady. Lula had liked her. She’d really embraced the class and laughed and had fun.
‘Apparently she’s taken a fall in the snow and
thinks she’s sprained her ankle. She doesn’t want to go to hospital to have it checked and couldn’t make it in to the surgery for us to check it. Shame. Probably means she won’t be at my class tonight.’
‘You know she once made a play for my father?’
Lula glanced at him as she drove through the slush. ‘Really?’
‘He let her down very gently. There’s never been anyone else for him apart from my mother.’
‘He loved your mum very much?’
‘She was an amazing woman.’
‘I thought you didn’t remember her?’
‘I don’t, but my father has told me so much about her I feel as if I do.’
Lula nodded in understanding. ‘No wonder you have a list of attributes for your ideal woman. You’re looking for what your father had.’
She felt him looking at her and burned beneath his gaze. ‘That’s deep. I didn’t know you had psychology training as well as training in general practice.’
Lula laughed gently. ‘I took a side class.’
He was quiet for a moment, then spoke again, his voice low. ‘Perhaps you’re right. When my dad speaks of her he gets this faraway look in his eyes and he goes all wistful. And he talks of her so…lovingly. Like she was perfect, you know? I’m sure they must have had their moments when
they couldn’t even look at each other, but the way he tells it…she was everything.’
Lula said nothing. Neither of them had had a mother. It was something they shared in common, even if for different reasons. She knew how much it had hurt
her
not to have a mother. Or a father, for that matter. She’d felt lost and rootless and unwanted as a little girl—had often felt that she had no value whatsoever. And at senior school she’d been picked on because of it. Kids had called her ‘Annie’ after the most famous orphan of Broadway. Lula had hated it and had been angry at a mother she didn’t have for putting her through it.
How had it been for Olly? He had a mother he couldn’t remember. One who had died unexpectedly in a tragic accident before her time. He couldn’t get his mother back, but she might find hers. There was still an opportunity for her to build bridges. Or at least she hoped so. What would it be like to lose her forever?
As she pulled up in front of Karen’s house she got out of the car and looked at him across the roof of Betsy. ‘There’s someone out there. For you. Someone who’s perfect.’
He frowned. ‘So it’s not you, then?’
Lula stopped in her tracks.
No! I can’t let it be me!
‘I’m not the marrying kind, and you’re after
someone who wants to take a short walk down a church aisle and into a maternity unit.’
She turned away before he could answer her. But he caught up with her before she was halfway up the pathway.
‘Who’s to say that’s what I want?’
She looked at his hand gripping her arm. ‘Of
course
it’s what you want. You’ve been telling yourself that for years.’
He let go. ‘It’s different now.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I met you.’
The intensity in his eyes frightened her. She pushed past him and rang the doorbell, her heart thundering away in her chest and her stomach rolling and dipping like a ship on a stormy sea.
They headed into Karen’s house. She was surprised to see two doctors turn up for her sprained ankle. They strapped her ankle and advised her to rest, then spent their next two visits keeping their conversation light and noncommittal.