His Private Nurse (18 page)

Tammy turned her tear-streaked face up to the judge and said into dead silence, “She said if I loved her, if I wanted to make her happy, all I had to do was creep up behind him and give him a push.” She swallowed down her tears and went on, her voice growing stronger. “She said it every time we went to spend the night. She'd make a noise, get him to come outside in the dark. All I had to do was wait until he got to the stairs and push him. She said he'd go to heaven, and we'd all be happy because she'd love me if I did it. Then she'd buy me something I liked, and she'd say it again and again and again. Just push him. Just push him.”

Pamela sat down hard on the edge of her chair and began to cry noisily. Dr. Denelo looked at the judge, who was staring at Tammy with her mouth open. Royce gathered Tammy close and rocked her, whispering over and over, “It's okay, honey. I love you. It's okay.”

“I'm sorry, Daddy.” Tammy wept, her arms wrapped tight around his neck. “I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay. It's okay.” He turned to look over his shoulder at Merrily then, tears streaming down his face.
“It's okay,” he repeated, his face full of pleading, apology and hope. “We're all going to be okay.”

Merrily nodded, tears streaming down her face. “We're all going to be okay,” she whispered, and then she gave him her most angelic smile, a smile made of pure love.

“W
atch me! Watch me!” Cory called.

“We're watching,” Merrily assured him as Royce carefully placed the ball on the tee wedged between the planks of the deck and stood back, crossing his arms over his chest in an effort to keep warm. Tammy huddled close to her side, wrapped in a bulky sweater that reached her knees and the tops of her retro-style leather boots.

“Don't choke up now,” Royce coached as Cory took up his stance with the golf club. He looked so adorable standing there in heavy corduroy and a car coat, the ear flaps turned down on his matching hat against a brisk January breeze. Cory reared back, his tongue sticking out one corner of his mouth in concentration, and swung the club in a smooth, graceful arc. The golf ball flew over the railing and the back lane below landing yards away in the rough scrub at the foot of the hill.

“Yeah!” Merrily clapped her gloved hands as Tammy
jumped up and down beside her and Royce swung Cory up in his arms for a congratulatory hug.

“Good shot, son! Tammy want to try? You can use my club.”

She shook her head. “Uh-uh. I'd rather watch golf than play it.”

Royce waved his understanding and put Cory back on his feet before kneeling to right the tee and set another ball. This time he took aim, quietly instructing an eager Cory as he settled into his stance. Merrily leaned sideways and muttered out of one corner of her mouth, “You know we're going to have to watch these two play on a real course someday.”

Tammy wrinkled her nose and rolled her eyes, but then she slipped her arm through the crook of Merrily's, giggling. “At least Daddy didn't buy us golf clubs for Christmas.”

“He thought about it,” Merrily whispered. “Luckily I convinced him that it was more of a father-son thing.”

A sharp whack yanked their attention back to the guys. Royce dropped his club against his shoulder and shielded his eyes from the bright winter sunshine with one hand, watching the flight of the ball. Cory stood spellbound for a moment, then as the ball began to drop, started hopping up and down and hooting with delight.

“Wow!” Merrily called, impressed and sorry she'd missed the actual swing.

“Ohh, you're good, too, Daddy,” Tammy said loudly, clapping her hands. “He is good, isn't he, Merrily?”

“Very good,” Merrily replied, her voice rich with meaning.

Royce began lining up another shot for Cory, pointing out a target for him, coaching him on his stance and grip. To Merrily's surprise, Tammy's arms suddenly encircled
her waist. Looking down, she saw tears glistening in Tammy's blue eyes.

“What is it, honey?”

“Happy,” she said with a gulp. “It doesn't seem right.”

“Oh, but it is, honey. You deserve to be happy. We all do. It's what your father's always wanted, especially for you and Cory.”

“But it doesn't seem right when one person can't be happy and everyone else can.”

“Tammy, remember what Dr. Denelo has told you. Happiness comes from inside, from doing the right things, valuing the right things. No one else can make you happy, Tammy. It's enough that they want you to be happy. But the happiness comes from inside you. It has to come from inside all of us.”

Tammy nodded and whispered, “What's going to happen if Pamela gets to see us again? Will we still be happy then?”

Merrily smiled and smoothed a hand across her sleek, bright hair. “Tammy, your mother still has fifteen months to serve, and then she has to complete a long course of psychiatric counseling and evaluation before the doctors and the judge will decide whether or not she'll be allowed visitation.”

“But I don't want to see her!” Tammy vowed, hugging Merrily tight. “I love you and Daddy!”

“Sweetie, that makes me very happy to hear. We love you, too, you know, but Pamela is your mother, and loving us doesn't mean that you have to stop loving her. She may never be quite well enough to love you back as she should, Tammy, but that doesn't mean you have to stop loving her.”

“But I want you to be my mother,” Tammy whispered.

Merrily hugged her close, her own eyes starting to tear up. “Honey, I am. Nothing can ever change that now, not in my heart, and when,
if,
you ever have to deal with Pamela again, your daddy and I will be here to help you.”

“And Dr. Denelo, too,” Tammy said, “and Uncle Dale.”

“That's right, all the help you'll ever need.”

“Woo-hoo!” Cory crowed, and they both turned to catch sight of the ball just as before it dropped out of view.

“Great shot!” Royce exclaimed, patting Cory on the back with pride.

“Do another, Daddy. I wanna do another,” Cory pleaded excitedly.

“I'm afraid we're all out of balls, son. We'd better go down and hunt up a few.” Taking Cory by the hand, he approached Merrily and Tammy. “Guess we'll go down and see if we can find some balls.”

“I'll make some hot cocoa while you're gone,” Merrily offered.

Royce slipped an arm around her neck and dropped an easy kiss on her mouth. “Thanks, hon. Sounds great.”

Tammy, Merrily couldn't help noticing, watched them with glowing eyes. “That's okay, Daddy,” she said, slipping away. “I'll go with Cory to look for the balls. Why don't you help Mom with the cocoa?”

Mom. Royce flipped a surprised look from Tammy to Merrily and back again. Merrily smiled, barely keeping the tears at bay. Cory had been calling her Merry Mom or Mommy Merrily almost from the day of their early November wedding, but this was the first time such a title had fallen from Tammy's mouth.

Royce wrapped his arm more tightly about Merrily's neck, bringing her close against his chest. “That'd be
great, Tammy. Thanks. Cory, do you remember where you're supposed to look?'

“Yeah, yeah, just like last time, Dad,” Cory assured him, moving toward the steps. Tammy hurried after him, a spring in her step, but Royce lifted a hand as if to hold them back. “Kids!” They both paused, Cory almost at the head of the stairs. Royce swallowed. “Be careful.”

Tammy blinked, and for an instant the old shadows flitted across her eyes, but then she smiled and reached down for her brother's hand. “We will,” she promised, opening the gate.

They began sedately, taking the steps one at a time. Royce turned slightly, wrapping his arms around Merrily, holding her against him. With a sigh he propped his chin on the crown of her head. For a long moment they simply held each another. Then Royce murmured, “Ah, angel, you know what you've done, don't you? You've put it all back together, starting with my bones and then my heart and now my family.”

“Our family,” Merrily corrected, turning her face up.

He grinned down at her. “How long do you think they'll be,
Mom?
If we hurry we can get the cocoa on and sneak in a little necking before they're back.”

Merrily smiled. “Oh, I hope so. I think kisses are a necessary for good cocoa, don't you?”

“I think kisses are the perfect sweetener,” he said, planting a quick one.

“Mmm, you are so right,” she agreed, “but if kisses are the sweetener, then love must be the binder, the essential ingredient that holds it all together.”

“Oh, yes,” he said, “and with glue as strong as our love, this marriage will hold forever.”

“And the family will never come apart again,” she promised.

“I found one!” a triumphant little voice cried, and they both turned to see Cory at the edge of the trees, waving a golf ball over his head. They smiled and waved back in congratulations.

“I think we'd better hurry if we're going to get that cocoa properly sweetened,” Royce murmured through his smile.

Merrily laughed, and arm in arm they went inside, a family, whole in body and spirit, bound in love and knowing that whatever came, the glue would hold.