His Wife for a While (24 page)

But this time, she wouldn't regret the ache in her chest. The wound would scar over and heal eventually, just like all the others. But she wouldn't be locking this one away. This one she would cherish. Because it would remind her that she had loved; she had given her heart to a wonderful man.

Again, the question echoed in her head: How was she going to survive without him?

The calm that settled over her took her by surprise. Her palm moved to cover her lower abdomen at the same moment her baby came to mind, and she smiled.

She would be strong and she would survive, because of the child she carried in her womb. This baby was a little piece of Ben, a piece of him that she'd have forever.

Going back to her little brick house for the remainder of her time at the orchard was a good thing. It would give her the time and space she needed to deal with all these haunting emotions. When she finally left, maybe her craving for Ben would have lessened to a more tolerable level.

Going back to her room, she began stuffing items into her suitcase. Shoes on top of dresses, mashed against her alarm clock, jeans, socks, sweaters, shoved next to perfume bottles, hair dryer, books, brush and comb. There was no rhyme or reason to the packing, just a furious, desperate attempt to escape.

Finally, she was forced to sit on the edge of her bed, breathless and weary.

Fresh tears blurred her vision as she suddenly understood the reality of her situation. It didn't matter if she moved a mile away to her tiny ranch house, or two thousand miles away to some unknown city across the country. Nothing would ever lessen the love she felt for Ben. Nothing. And she was doomed to spend the rest of her life yearning for what she could never have.

Chapter Ten

"
Chelsea
?" Unable to wait for a response, Ben barged into
Chelsea
's office. The pained look on her face… the same tight expression she'd offered him since he'd discovered she was pregnant… would have been like a slap across the face, but his excitement was running too high for him to be affected.

"Yes?"

She steeled herself, he could literally see it. Her spine straightened, her shoulders squared, as if she expected him to bring her bad news. This had become second nature since she'd moved out of his house, but that didn't dampen his spirits either.

"Do you have a minute?" he asked. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," she answered.

The questions seemed to make her suspicious.

"I have something I want to go over with you," Ben said, moving over to stand in front of her desk.

He'd barely been able to contain himself since he'd contacted his lawyer to have the new deed to the orchard drawn up. So many times he'd nearly told
Chelsea
what he'd done. He'd had to force himself to avoid her as much as possible to keep from blurting out his news each time he saw her.

But this morning the papers had arrived by courier, and Ben had almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to bring them to her.

"If it's something concerning the accounts,"
Chelsea
said, "I think you should wait to go over it with the new bookkeeper. I've interviewed one woman in particular who I think will be perfect, but I wanted to get your opinion before I called her this afternoon to make the final arrangements. I was going to talk to you about her this morning."

"This has nothing to do with the business," he told her. "Well, actually it does, but..." The rest of his thought scattered as he suddenly found himself at a loss for words.

His hesitation obviously stirred her confusion, and wariness tainted her tone as she asked, "What is it, Ben?"

He'd pictured this scene a thousand times over the past week, each scenario playing out differently in his mind. He had finally come to the conclusion that, because he wasn't certain of her feelings for him, it would be best if he focused his concern away from their personal relationship. In order to make her listen and believe what he had to say, he'd have to center the conversation on the one thing he was sure they had in common. Their child.

"I know that you're thinking of leaving soon," he said, immediately feeling stupid for having stated the blatantly obvious. "I also know... that you have no family."

Although she remained silent, she crossed her arms over her chest. He'd either tweaked a sore spot or this was a clear sign she was closing herself off.

He hesitated a moment before continuing, "It bothers me to think that my child might be in need of money or... or..." He lifted his free hand. "I've been thinking. I… I don't know much about babies and such, but I want him to have whatever it is he might need."

Suspicion was now firmly planted in her wrinkled brow, in her narrowed eyes. In a quiet voice, she asked, "Are you saying you don't think I can take care of my baby?"

His eyes widened, and after thinking about what he'd said for only an instant, he understood the assumption she'd made. She clearly thought of the baby as hers. Not theirs. Not his.

"No," he hurriedly answered, "I'm suggesting no such thing,
Chelsea
." Trying another tack, he said, "It's just that I've been thinking that I might like to get to know him. I'd like for him to know me." Softly, he added, "I am his father."

Her reaction to his words was absolute horror; her arms uncrossed and gripped the rests on the chair, her lips parted with a gasp, her eyes rounded.

"You're going against our original agreement." Her knuckles turned stark white. "You promised to let me go, Ben. You promised me that you wouldn't get involved with…"

"Calm down, Chels," he interrupted.

"
Calm down?
You've decided to go back on your word and you want me to calm down?"

Hysteria fringed her tone, and the fear in her wide-eyed gaze wrenched his gut.

"I'm only trying to explain..." He shook his head. "If you'd just let me finish. I've done something…" he lifted the documents that he held in his hand as evidence "…and I'm trying to ease you in to the idea."

"Ease me in?"

Crap. Would he ever get this right?

"If you feel I need easing in, then you must think I'm not going to like your idea." She was visibly trembling now. "I have to tell you, Ben, so far I don't like a damn thing you've said."

Ben sighed and rubbed the fingers of his free hand across his forehead. He looked at her and took a deep breath, in order that at least one of them could keep a clear head. "This is not going at all as I thought it would." He stepped closer to her, and frowned when she leaned away from him.

"What I've been trying to say is… what I've wanted to tell you... is that I don't want you to leave Reed's Orchard."

He gave her time to respond, and when she didn't he explained further, "I don't want you to go, but whether you go or stay, I want you to know that I've taken care of you and the baby. As best I can, anyway."

She stood. "What are you talking about?"

The hard edge in her voice threw him completely off-balance.

"Here," he said, offering her the papers. When she made no move to take them, he lowered his hand to waist level.

What the hell was the matter with her? He was trying to do something good for her here. He was trying to take care of her child.
Their
child. He'd been hoping that his gesture would prove to her what she meant to him.

Staring down at the deed, his speech took on a mechanical monotone.

"I've put your name on the deed to the orchard. I've made you half owner. As soon as the baby's born, I'll make him… or her… our sole beneficiary."

There it was. Right there for her to see and understand. But there was utter silence on the other side of the desk.  He forced himself to lift his gaze from the deed to
Chelsea
's face. Her stony expression nearly knocked the breath from him. He squared his shoulders, determined to finish what he'd started.

"All you have to do is sign at the bottom," he said. "The deed can be recorded and everything will be legal."

Her eyes froze into chips of dark, shiny ice. Her mouth was set firmly, her posture taut.

"I'm not signing anything," she said. "I won't give you any hold on my child."

"What? What are you talking about? I…"

"Don't play innocent. I know exactly what you're doing. But you better know that I'll do everything in my power to stop you."

Her chest heaved with suppressed anger as she rounded the desk.

"I've known from the start how you felt about me," she said. "And you were so certain you would feel the same way about my baby." She lifted her chin as if daring him to deny that she spoke the truth. "You were so certain that this baby would mean nothing to you. As I mean nothing. Had it been otherwise, you would never have agreed to our deal."

He watched her throat muscles work as she swallowed with difficulty. Words rolled and tumbled in his brain, and several phrases assembled themselves. But he couldn't bring himself to speak for fear of upsetting her further. Finally, the thoughts jammed like rusty cogs left too long in the rain.

"It's not my fault," she continued, "that your feelings for this child have changed."

Her hand moved to cover her stomach, as if to protect what she saw as her treasure.

"It's not my fault," she repeated louder. "And our original deal still stands. I became your wife so your land wouldn't be sold. I held up my end of the bargain. Now, it's time for you to uphold yours."

"But
Chelsea
…"

She cut him off with one shaking, upraised hand. "I won't listen to any more. I'm done. I'm leaving. Today. I'm sorry I wasn't able to train a new bookkeeper." Picking up a manila folder from her desk top, she thrust it toward him. "You'll find the names and telephone numbers of the people I've interviewed in here. The application of the woman I thought would be best suited for the job is on top."

"Wait…"

"No, Ben," she said. "No."

She rounded the desk, her glare a shocking medley of distrust, outrage and betrayal.

Her pointed finger almost poked his chest as she stated, "Don't look for me. I mean it. I won't let you take my baby, Ben."

The last words she'd uttered paralyzed him. Vaguely, he heard the door slam shut as her declaration rang in his ears.

I won't let you take my baby.

I won't let you take my baby
.

"What did you do?" May's shrill voice cut through his thoughts as she burst into the office. "What did you say to that child?"

He was helpless to respond.

"What did you say to
Chelsea
?" May's firm tone demanded an answer. "That poor girl ran out of this building sobbing like there was no tomorrow." She plunked a fist on her wide hip. "I want to know what you did."

When he finally found his voice, it sounded as empty and brittle as his heart felt. "It backfired, May." He handed her the documents, desperate for someone to validate his good intentions. "I had Chelsea's name put on the deed to the orchard. I wanted to show her how I felt."