HisIndecentBoxSetpub (29 page)

As I read through
the list, Damien interrupted me, his eyes never leaving my
questionnaire, “How many men have you slept with since you and
I have been together?”

“
What?”
I asked, startled.

“
I
know you were with that one guy, from the video. Were there others?”

A blush crept across
my cheeks.
The video.
I had almost forgotten about it. When I
first started taking lessons with Damien, he told me he wouldn't
sleep with me because I was a virgin, so I videotaped myself losing
my virginity to one of my guy friends and sent it to him, partially
out of spite. That seemed like ages ago.

“
No.
There weren't any others,” I replied finally, thinking about
Chase and wondering what he was doing now. Part of me still felt bad
for . . . using him? Was that what I had done? Used him as a sexual
and emotional outlet.

It didn't matter
anymore. That was in the past. I had made my choice, and Damien was
my future. It was just him and I now.

“
Good.
Then I shouldn't need for you to take an STD test.” The way he
said it was somewhat rude, but I tried to ignore it.

“
What
about you?” I asked, even though I knew it was probably a bad
idea. The level of jealousy I felt when thinking of Damien Reed with
other women was almost ridiculous. Even when women just looked at
him, the green monster of jealousy would rear its ugly head. Hearing
that he had slept with someone else could bomb my entire night.

Without even looking
up at me, he simply muttered, “No,” putting my mind at
ease.

I finished reading
the list of rules, feeling a bit uneasy about the strictness of them.
The worst part was that I knew the full list inside of the contract
was a lot more restrictive. Nervousness and doubt welled up inside of
me, consuming me and making me sweat.
Maybe this isn't such a good
idea after all. I know Damien is a control freak, but this is a bit
much. Am I cut out for obeying someone to this level? I don't really
think so, but if I don't go through with this, I'll never have Damien
Reed in the way I want him.

But this wasn't
quite how I wanted him. Out of all the titles that Damien went by:
Teacher, Professor, Master, Dominant. Boyfriend was not one of them.
And if you heard it from his lips, it never would be.

“
I
don't do relationships. Not in the traditional sense,” he told
me the last night we had been together. “I don't date, but I do
carry on relationships in other ways. If you would be interested in
learning about BDSM, then I would be willing to take you on as my
submissive. Collaring someone is as good as putting a wedding ring on
their finger.”

I wanted a ring
though, not a collar. Not now, or anytime soon. Not until I finished
college, to be sure. But eventually, I wanted a wedding ring—a
traditional relationship.

I sighed audibly,
drawing Damien's attention from my paperwork, which it looked like he
was almost finished reading.

“
What's
wrong?” he asked, with his usual deadpan expression.

“
Nothing.”

“
We
haven't even started, and you're already failing.”

Ouch.
Which
rule was that one? He had said I must respond immediately, but he
didn't say my answer had to please him.

“
I
don't understand,” I said.

“
Don't
understand what?”

“
How
I've failed.”

He shifted the
papers on his lap. “You didn't answer me truthfully.”

“
How
do you know? My mind could have been blank.”

“
You
just read a very controversial document, one you're not accustomed to
seeing, full of rules that might make you feel a little
uncomfortable. You definitely were not thinking nothing.”

Could he read me so
well? Even so, the way he was treating me was starting to make me
feel a bit angry. In truth, even though I had done my best to prepare
myself for this, I was a little overwhelmed. The condescending tone
he was taking with me wasn't helping.

I cleared my throat
before speaking, “You're right. Some of these things do make me
uncomfortable.”

“
Like?”

“
Like
the rule about me having to ask permission before entering a room. It
seems a bit silly. What if I'm in a room that's nowhere near where
you are? Will I have to shout for permission across the mansion?”
I couldn't hide the aggravation from my voice.

Damien smirked,
which only made me scowl. “First off, this is not a mansion.
And second, it's not as difficult as you're making it out to be. You
only need to request permission to enter a room that I am in. And
like most learned skills, once you've done it a few dozen times, it
will become second nature to you.”

“
It
just seems a bit excessive is all,” I mumbled.

“
This
is how things are done in the lifestyle. And to be honest, I'm far
less strict than a lot of other Dominants. Some would make you ask
permission for every little thing you do.”

“
That
would be annoying.”

“
That's
just how it is, what it means to submit.”

I sighed, “If
we do this, just please keep in mind that this is not what I chose.
It's what you've chosen for us. Just, please take it easy on me. This
is going to take some getting used to.”

He set my
questionnaire down on the coffee table, then leaned back and crossed
his ankle over his knee, relaxing on the couch and focusing his
attention on me. “If this isn't what you truly want, then we
shouldn't do it. I've told you time and time again the type of
commitment this is going to take. You agreed to it, which made me
assume you wanted it.”

I want you, Damien.
All I want is you. Why can't you just be happy for that?

I didn't know what
to say that wasn't the truth, so I didn't say anything at all. My
mind was constantly flipping between being excited about being his
submissive and dreading it.

When I didn't
respond, Damien continued, “You really have nothing to fear
from this. The first stage of the process is to give you my collar of
consideration. During that time, we will be under trial with each
other. If at any time you decided the lifestyle is not for you, then
you can walk away.”

Now I was confused.

“
So,
I don't get this . . . wedding ring collar right away?”

He laughed, “No.
There are different collars for different purposes. First, you'll get
the collar of consideration. While under consideration, I will begin
teaching you the basics, and as you learn, you'll get a better idea
of whether or not this is what you really want. I will still punish
you when you mess up, but I'll probably be fairly lenient about it.
When the trial is up, we can both re-evaluate the relationship and
decide if we want to proceed to the next step.”

That didn't sound so
bad. It reminded me of one of those infomercials where they allowed
you to try a product for thirty days. Damien Reed wasn't a product
though, and if I didn't accept this relationship, who knew what would
happen between us.

“
What's
the next step?” I asked.

“
Next,
you would be given a training collar. During training, I would expect
more from you, a full commitment to learn and implement all of my
teachings.

“
After
you completed training, you would be given your formal collar, or as
you call it, the wedding ring collar.” He smirked when he said
it. “It basically signifies that you have given yourself over
to me completely, and that we are engaged in a very intimate
committed relationship to one another. There's even a ceremony that
goes with it to make it official.”

I tried to imagine
what that type of ceremony would be like. The only thing that came to
mind was a wedding procession, except for instead of everyone being
dressed in nice clothing, they would all be dressed in leather and
fetish wear. And instead of a wedding ring being placed on my finger,
Damien would put a collar around my neck. Everything else was the
same though, which made for a pretty humorous image.

Damien continued,
“There are two other types of collars, the collar of protection
and the scene collar. The collar of protection is exactly what it
sounds like. It basically places the submissive under the protection
of the Dominant. Sometimes, Dominants use this as the first step in
the process before the collar of consideration.

“
A
scene collar is one used for scene play. It's a temporary collar that
grants a Dominant power over a submissive for a specified period of
time, usually long enough to act out a scene. During that time, the
submissive is bound to the rules of the Dominant. It's more prevalent
between Dominants who share submissives and those who sell scene
services.”

“
That's
a bit confusing.” Everything he was saying now was going way
over my head. “So, I won't get the collar of protection, but I
will get the scene collar?”

“
Unless
you agree to be shared with another Dominant, which if I remember
from the answers to your questionnaire, was something you did not
want, then you won't be getting a scene collar.”

“
No.
I don't want to be shared.” I quickly shook my head. The idea
of being handed off to a stranger didn't exactly repulse me, but I
was worried I wouldn't get to choose who he shared me with.

“
Do
you have anymore questions about collars?” he asked.

“
I'm
not really sure I understand what the collar of protection is for
exactly, or what a scene is.”

Damien made a
strange face, as if searching for a better explanation. “The
collar of protection isn't very common. It's mostly used for
submissives who have just come out of abusive relationships. It makes
the unowned submissive unapproachable for consideration by other
Dominants while still maintaining their submissive position within
the D/s community. So, basically, the submissive is not owned by the
Dominant who places a collar of protection on her. She is merely
shielded by him, which gives her time to heal from her previous
relationship before moving on to a new one.”

“
Wow.
This crap gets kind of complex. Is there a lot of abuse in the D/s
community?”

“
Not
usually, but as with all things, there are a few bad apples in the
barrel.”

“
So
then, the Dominant who puts the collar of protection on a submissive
usually eventually ends up taking her on as his submissive. That's
why the collar of protection sometimes comes before the collar of
consideration.”

“
Pretty
much. You're catching on well.”

“
Thank
you.” I beamed, pleased with the compliment.

Damien continued, “A
scene is basically a session of sadism and masochism play. The
session is set up so the Dominant can inflict pain on the submissive
for their pleasure. If you've ever watched a movie where a man pays a
Dominatrix to punish him, that's a scene. Of course, payment isn't
necessary for a scene to take place. Many Dominants engage in scenes
with their submissives for their pleasure.”

“
I
don't like pain,” I muttered.

“
That's
not true.”

I quirked an eyebrow
at him. “I think I'd know if I liked pain or not.”

“
You
like being spanked.”

“
That's
not very painful.”

“
Pain
doesn't have to be intense for it to still be pain.”