Authors: Lila Felix
I walked out before she could push me away. There was just so much I could take. I waited around like an idiot for weeks after the trial. Weeks turned into a month. Sean and I hung out every day because she made excuses why she couldn’t see him anymore. She had completely torn herself away from both of us. It was ironic. I remembered when she and I stood in front of my parents’ picture when we realized that we both had been alone most of our lives. Maybe not alone, but lonely. And now, when she needed me most, and I knew she did, she pushed me away.
I came to this realization in the cafeteria, in the middle of the lunch house, as I sat across from Sean. I stood up, knocking the table in front of me, causing Sean to hold his lunch so it didn’t spill all over him.
“What the hell Abel?”
“She’s never going to crack.” I said with a smile.
“Oh, it’s official, you’ve lost it.”
“Yeah, I lost it but I know how to get it back.”
“What are you waiting for? I’m tired of seeing your mopey ass. Go!”
I drove out of the school parking lot and to the Stephenson’s. She hadn’t been at school all week and I knew that’s where she was. I could almost guarantee that she was sitting in that chair, the chair I held her in, luscious mouth turned downward, wallowing in it. She built her walls up, built them not against me, but to protect her. I was so stupid to wait around. She was trapped.
I pulled into that driveway again. I got out and knocked on the door. No one answered. I reached out to turn the knob and hesitated and heard her words in my mind, “Stop second guessing Abel.” I turned the knob and keyed in the code for the alarm system.
As I moved through the house there were telltale signs of her everywhere. The house smelled like the pasta she always made me. Her jacket hung by the backdoor. Her keys to her truck were in the bowl by the stairs. I took the stairs two by two and stopped when I got outside of her door. This was the last time I did this, for her and for me. If she rejected me this time—I didn’t know what I could do.
I knocked on her bedroom door. I heard some shuffling behind it and wondered if she had any inkling it was me. She opened the door and grabbed the wall next to her for support.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to help you. You need me. But you’re too damned stubborn to admit it.”
“Abel, I’m fine. I don’t want you to worry about me. I just need to…” I stopped her before she could dig her hole even deeper.
“Let me finish that for you. I just need to have some time alone to sulk. I need to take care of myself because even though I promised you that I’d let you know if I needed you, I won’t do it. I’m scared to look vulnerable to you even though I know you wold never hurt me. I love you and I always will. Plus, you’re the hottest guy around so…”
I bounced my eyebrows at her.
“Well, most of that is true. How did you know?”
“Come on Corinne. Everyone knows I’m the hottest guy for miles and miles. Really?”
“Not that.”
“I know.”
“Come in,” she said and opened the door wider. She wore those pants she had on at my house and a long sleeve white shirt. I wanted to grab her by her shoulders and shake some sense into her.
We sat me in her chair and she on the bed for hours in silence. She twitched and it was then I knew her walls had crumbled just a bit. So I waited some more and she came to sit on the arm of the chair I was on. It reminded me of feeding a wolf, you had to let them come to you. But I was an impatient man, starved for too long.
I grabbed both sides of her waist and pulled her to me, sitting across my lap. She let out a whoosh of breath and then her eyes smiled before her mouth.
“You have to say it Corinne, so I don’t get the wrong idea.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. It’s so easy for you to tell me to go away. So, just this once, tell me to stay.”
She moved to face me, her knees on either sides of my hips and leaned her forehead against mine. Tears bubbled up on her bottom lids and then spilled over them.
“Don’t second guess it, honey.”
She smiled and reached out to cup my face and I closed my eyes at her gentle touch.
“I need you. I want you here. I love you and I’m too damned stubborn to admit it. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I can’t say I won’t do it again but I’m going to try.”
“That’s all I’ll ever ask. And next time I won’t take so long.”
Epilogue
Three Years Later
Abel
I got home and changed as fast as I could. I would stab myself if she made it there before me and got to see her surprise alone. I opened the black photo box in the corner of the closet and my hand went right for the prize. I stuffed it in my pocket and made one more confirmation call to the man I’d put in charge of one of the biggest moments of my life. He acted like I was an idiot.
I arrived at the tree line which marked the entrance to the open field and breathed an enormous sigh of relief, she wasn’t there yet. I got out of the truck and paced back and forth, walked around the truck and checked my phone about a million times before she finally got there.
It was once a dream of mine that in the future we would still be together and even after three and a half years, it still seemed surreal. She got out of her car, exasperated with me for making her drive all this way on a school night. She worked so hard in culinary school and only had a few weeks left. She was an amazing chef and had kept some of her grandfather’s money to open her own restaurant. Her mom got out of jail early, last year, but had refused to see Corinne, or even speak to her. Her dad was still in prison and after some new charge arose; his sentence was now fifteen years. It still hurt her to talk about it. My parents were in heaven the moment I moved out. I always remembered watching those commercials about people who turned their kids’ bedrooms into shoe closets or saunas after they left and laughed. But that’s exactly what mine did. They never really called and I could care less. I had a new family with Corinne.
She shut her car door and looked around, giving me a ‘what the hell’ look. I shrugged and tipped my head towards the field. She took pace with me as we walked towards the field and my stomach turned and tumbled all the way. I don’t think I’d ever recover if this didn’t go exactly like I wanted it to.
I stopped her and pulled a bandana from my back pocket. I waggled my eyebrows at her while waving the bandana in the air, her fists instantly found her hips and those almond shaped eyes squinted.
“Trust me,” I whispered and fallen fists, eyes and a nod of the head confirmed the truth, she did trust me.
Now blindfolded, she let me lead her into the green grass laden property. She jumped at the sounds in front of her and then a great big smile broke out over her face. She stomped her foot and let out a whine.
“Come on Abel, let me see!”
Instead of answering, I untied the bandana and let her see. It took me four months to find the man who owned the frog balloon with the crown. It was the exact same balloon she wanted to ride on the first time I ever saw her, the first time I ever heard the child-like version of her now beautiful voice. I smiled at her reaction. It was just like I wanted it to be.
I had one more year of college and then I started medical school. There was a rough road ahead of us and I wanted to marry her before all of that started.
“Shut up!” She squealed and then tackle-hugged me.
We got into the balloon, Stan still rolling his eyes at me and mumbled something about stupid kids. Somewhere, a few hours later, I asked her to marry me and she cried as she said ‘yes.’
Now, neither of us had to be alone, ever again.
Thank you for reading!
Find Lila Felix at the following venues:
www.authorlilafelix.blogspot.com
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Playlist:
I love how you love me - Jeff Mangum
To Be Alone With You –
Sufjan Stevens
I
Wanna Be Adored – The Stone Roses
Connect the Dots – The Spill Canvas
Gravity – Embrace
Kiss You Inside Out – Hedley
Gotta Have You - The Weepies
Be My Thrill – The
Weepies
Better Than Love – Griffin House
Your Kiss Is My Command – The Color Guard
Rats – Pearl Jam (Brett’s song)
Love Takes A Wrecking Ball – Silent Film
Harbor Lights – Silent Film
Jump On My Shoulders – AWOLNATION
To Trunks and Travels – Hey Marseilles
Baby, Darlin’, Dollface, Honey – Band of Skulls
And now an excerpt from Rachel Higginson’s upcoming novel, The Rush
“Ah, Ms. Pierce, I wish I could say I was happy to see you,” Mrs. Tanner, the evil witch of a secretary, acknowledged me with a smug smirk that seemed to confirm the fact that yes, in case you were wondering, high school is the ninth ring of hell.
“Oh, Mrs. Tanner, I wish I could say the same thing,” I replied as sweetly as I could. I met her halfway with a long counter in between us.
She was not amused with me.
“You can’t miss any more school Ivy,” Mrs. Tanner warned and I realized it was practically painful for her to give me advice to heed. This must be coming from the principal, the male principal Mr. Costas. “At least not this semester, unless you have a written note from your doctor. Mr. Costas would like to remind you that you are going to have to work hard enough to catch up this late in the quarter, and that skipping, ditching or taking unnecessary sick days will not benefit you toward your goal of graduation.”
“Tell Mr. Costas, I appreciate that he’s looking out for me,” I answered in that same sickly sweet voice I used to annoy the hell out of her.
She ignored me. “Here is your class schedule.”
“Thank you.” I snatched it from her hand and turned on my heel before she offered anymore unsolicited advice.
“The faculty of this school would also like to ask that you not send any more of its students to the hospital,” she called out snidely to my back.
I tensed immediately, my back ramrod straight and my nerves shot to sudden hell. “I’ll do my best,” I ground out and picked up pace.
I just needed to get to the glass door, push it open and get to class.
Fifteen more seconds.
“If you have any extra cash on you, that canister by the door is for Sam’s recovery fund,” she finished on a high note.
I couldn’t help myself. I should have just bolted; and not just from the office, from school, from Omaha, from America…. I should have just gone.
But instead of listening to the sound voice of reason my inner conscience was screaming at me, I let the rotting guilt spread its ugly, vicious wings inside of me and I glanced down at the canister. There he was. Sam. Smiling and happy in his senior picture that was not at all indicative of what he looked like now…..
The canister was covered with construction paper asking for donations to help with his physical therapy and explaining that he used to be a senior at this school. The same school he never got the chance to graduate from before a car accident changed his life forever. The plastic cover had a slit cut out of the top so you could drop money into it, long enough for coins and wide enough for folded up dollar bills.