Hold Her Heart (Words of the Heart) (18 page)

Listening to Dad and Piper talk, I realized the only things I needed to be embarrassed about were the stories he was sharing.

“. . . and she got home at ten. I could hear them on the porch, and when she didn’t come in, I looked out the window to check and—”

“Dad,” I said, knowing where this story was going and hoping he’d stop but knowing he wouldn’t.

I was right. He had no intention of stopping.

“—just in time to see her smack Johnny in the face and tell him that a kiss good night was one thing, but grabbing her butt was just rude.”

“It was,” I maintained, laughing along with them.

After a half hour, Piper was starting to droop, and Dad spotted it as easily as I did. He said, “We need to be going, but it was so nice to finally meet you in person, Piper. Thank you.”

No one asked what he was thanking her for. And when Piper said, “Thank you,” no one asked about that, either.

“You’re my friend,” Brenda said.

“And you’re mine,” Craig agreed.

“But what if . . .” She didn’t say anything more because she didn’t know what to say or how to say it.

But Craig, as always, understood. He nodded and said, “Yes. What if?”

—The Naming of Things,
by Pip

I woke up with a start. For a moment, I wasn’t sure where I was, but I heard Logan’s presnore and felt his arm between my head and the pillow. I was still, in hopes that I wouldn’t disturb him. I hadn’t needed comforting last night, and yet he was here.

After my dad and Piper met a week and a half ago, a lot of my tangled emotions had unknotted. Dad was right, loving Piper, Ned, and Fiona didn’t make me love him or Margo any less. It didn’t make me love my mom any less. My heart had stretched and was comfortable with its new dimensions. Everyone I loved fit very nicely within it.

I turned my head slightly. I could see Logan in the early morning light. The shadows couldn’t obscure the view of a man I’d come to know so well. I saw him. I really
saw
him in a way I doubted he’d be comfortable with.

He was a man who didn’t want to be committed to anyone. He was a will-o’-the-wisp who’d stopped here for but a moment. Soon he would move on to someplace else. He was a man of infinite kindness and compassion, not only for the people he’d helped all over the world, but for me as well. He’d welcomed me and stood by me. He was smart and sexy.

He was everything Carey had never been. He was everything Carey never could be.

When I looked at my newly expanded heart, I could feel him there along with everyone else.

He’d made his priorities clear from the start. I knew he liked me and thought of me as a friend. I knew he cared for me. And I knew he’d be gone next summer.

If I had studied psychiatry, maybe I’d have theories on why he never stayed in any one place for long. Maybe all those years when his mom—and he by proxy—had struggled and never had a home had left their mark. Maybe that was mixed with his effort to be like Piper—to toss his stones in the ocean and make his ripples.

Maybe it was simply something inherent in him—a need to go to new places and try new things.

Whatever the combination of reasons, I wouldn’t try to change him. I would never try to make him be something other than what he was.

“Siobhan?” he said, a question tied up in just my name. “You’re thinking very loudly again,” he said in what had become his morning greeting.

“I was thinking it’s got to be after eight. I need to get out of bed.” I slipped out from between the covers and kissed his forehead. “Go back to sleep. You didn’t come up to bed until after one.”

“I might just doze for a few more minutes. Unless you want to come back in bed and join me? We could probably think of something—”

“Ban,” Fiona screamed from downstairs. “Ban.”

I smiled at him. “I was tempted, but it looks like my day’s starting early.” I shrugged on a sweatshirt as I hurried down the stairs barefoot.

Fiona was dressed for school, but her hair was in a very sloppy-looking ponytail.

“Hey, munchkin. Did you want me to braid—”

“Nah. Mom called Dad. The doctor came by early. He said her white cell numbers are climbing.”

“You’re sure?” After a bone marrow transplant, the doctors watch for signs that it’s working. The biggest sign is when the white blood cell numbers start to climb. It meant they were working. They call it engraftment.

Engraftment
. We’d been waiting for it.

“Yep.” Fiona let out a yelp, as if all her joy needed someplace to escape to, like a pressure valve, or the whistle of a teapot.

I hollered a happy yelp of my own.

The two of us were dancing around the kitchen like loons when Logan came down barefoot with just a pair of sweats on. He slipped his T-shirt on as he asked, “What’s up?”

“Engraftment, baby,” I said and pulled him down the last couple of stairs to join me and Fiona.

“Dad’s on his way in to see her after he drops me off.”

“Tell him I’ll stop in later.”

Fiona hugged me. “Thank you,” then she ran out the back door and through the hole in the fence.

“What time do you have to leave today?” I asked Logan.

“Eleven.”

“Good.”

I flung myself into his arms, and after a long, slow kiss, I took his hand and led him back upstairs.

When Logan left, I drove to the hospital with him.

I was practically walking on air as I made my way up to Piper’s room. The route was familiar now.

I scrubbed my hands, still changed into a gown, and still put on a mask and gloves. But engraftment meant someday soon I wouldn’t have to do that.

Someday soon I could walk up to Piper and hug her with no precautions or worries.

“Good morning, sunshine,” she said from her bed. Ned was sitting next to her in the chair and smiled as well.

Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought she had more color in her cheeks. If I was imaging it, it was okay because she’d have the color for real soon.

“I’m so happy,” I said.

“I am, too,” she said.

“Does that mean I’m out of the doghouse?” Ned asked. He was teasing.

“What are you in the doghouse for?” I asked as I pulled up another chair.

“Oh, I’ve been there ever since you came to the house and Piper found out I went to see you.”

“It’s not that I’m not happy you came, but like I said the first day, I didn’t want to guilt you into it. But yes, Ned, you’re out of the doghouse.”

“Piper, Ned . . .” I tried to figure out how to say what I needed to say. I finally settled on how. “Okay, here’s today’s story for you, Piper.”

She sank back against her pillow and smiled. Ned started to stand, but I said, “No. It’s for you, too.”

He sat back down.

“When I went away to college, I had a rough time of it the first few weeks. I wasn’t sure where I fit there. In high school, I’d had a goal in mind. Graduate with a high GPA and get into the school of my choice, OSU. I did that, and suddenly I didn’t know what I wanted next. I was kind of lost. But I checked into my dorm and met my roommate, Jaylin. She was nerdy and beautiful, though she’s never realized she is. She’s always a bit mystified when a guy hits on her. She always rebuffs those kinds of advances because she says if a guy just likes her because of the way she looks, that says a lot about him, and what it says is enough to convince her she’s not interested.

“Anyway, I moved in with her. She dragged me out to campus activities. Plays, movie nights, mixers. I’d complain and say I didn’t want to go, but she’d ignore me and soon I’d be out at one event or another, and I’d have fun. And then next time, she’d drag me along again, and I’d have fun. And soon, I forgot that I didn’t know where I belonged. I started discovering a few activities and taking her. She gave me a push, and I landed exactly where I was supposed to be, and I was happy to be there.”

I wasn’t sure the analogy was working, so I said, “That’s what happened when Ned showed up at my door. I’d thought of you. And I frequently thought I should go look for you. But it was like when I started college. There were too many possibilities, and they were all overwhelming. When I went to school, I was leaving my parents and I knew it was hard, especially on Mom. We’d been so close. But we talked on the phone every day and she got busy with a new school year. By the time I came home for Thanksgiving, we’d all adjusted to the change. My home was still with them, but I was at home at school, too. I couldn’t imagine my life without Jaylin and classes and Carey.”

Yes. Carey had been an important part of my growing up. He’d been far more social than even Jaylin.

“After I graduated, Jaylin and I lived in a crappy apartment and started the company. She eventually moved to North Carolina with her boyfriend, and I bought the house and Carey moved in. And I had a new home. So did Jaylin, but she was still a big part of my life.”

I knew I wasn’t telling this with the ease that Piper would have. But I’d finally wound my way to the point of today’s story.

“It was like that with you. And now that I’ve found you, well I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Ned, I’ve never said it but thank you. Thanks for not listening to Piper and coming to get me.”

I looked at Piper. “I obviously am better at programming than telling stories, but what I’m saying is, I’m so glad he came to me. I’m so glad I came here. I’m so glad that you’re getting better and we’ll have years and years to get to know each other. I’m so glad to find out I have a sister. I’m just—”

“Glad?” Ned said with just the right bit of humor that we all started laughing.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“That was very Pollyanna-esque,” Piper said. And I’d read the books and knew she was talking about
Pollyanna’s Glad Game
. “But I understand what you’re saying.”

“I’m not sure I do,” Ned said looking helplessly at the two of them.

“I’m saying thank you, Ned. Thank you for giving me the nudge I needed to be here. Piper will never mention having you in the doghouse again because you saved her life—”

“You saved her life,” he interrupted.

“No. I’m here because you came to get me. I’m here because you gave me the kick I needed, like Jaylin did so many years ago. Piper’s here because you loved her enough to do what needed to be done. You gave us both a gift, and I think Piper agrees that we’ll never be able to repay you for that.”

He still looked confused but finally said, “Well, you’re welcome, especially since I’m not in the doghouse anymore.”

Piper and I both laughed. And finally Ned joined in.

“Your father sent me a picture of you as a toddler in a green bucket and said to ask you to explain.”

I could do a better job at this story. “Mom always said I tried to cram as much as possible into every day, which explained, to her way of thinking, why I fell asleep so often in odd places. At the dinner table. In shopping carts. I was pretending the bucket was a pool. When we looked at the photo albums and we’d come to that one, she’d say,
It wasn’t much of a pool, but who was I to argue
. I fell asleep, and when she tried to move me to bed, I cried, so she left me there. I took an hour-long nap in that bucket. Well, when she told the story it was an hour. Dad embellishes. These days when he tells it, it was all night.”

I continued telling Piper stories for another hour, when she finally dozed off.

Ned and I tiptoed out of the room and I hugged him. “I meant what I said, thank you. You’ve given me a marvelous gift, the chance to know you all and be a part of this family.”

“Thanks for what you said,” he countered.

“I think she’s going to be all right.”

He nodded. “Me, too. I know there are still complications that could arise, and I know that nothing in life’s for certain, but I think so. And I know that no matter what happens, having you back in her life matters.”

“Dad talked about hearts being elastic. He’s right. Mine has stretched and allowed you all in it, and you fit quite nicely. So nicely that I can hardly remember a time you weren’t there with the other people I love.”

“You say you don’t have a way with words but that was almost Pip-esque,” he teased.

“And that was a huge compliment.” I hugged him. I didn’t worry about it being right or loving him too soon. I simply hugged him.

“I’m going to go home, and I’ll get Fiona after school,” I told him. “Take your time today. I should mention that I have to think about heading home soon. Dad and Margo are packing up the house and need my help and—”

“We’re all so grateful you were able to stay this long.”

“I’ll be back so often you’ll be begging for a break.”

He shook his head. “Never. You’ve got a home here.”

I stripped off my gown and pulled the charm bracelet out of my pocket. I didn’t wear it under the gown because it was cumbersome, and I figured it was probably covered with germs.

“I finished Piper’s journal, and that’s what you said in your letter.” I set the bracelet on the small table and tried the latch.

Ned took it from me and put it on. “I meant it. You will always have a home with us. And I need you to know, it’s not just the fact you helped—”

I put my hand on his arm. “I know that.”

He nodded. “Even when you’re back in Ohio, you’ll always have a home with us.”

I know I should have said something to that, but I couldn’t. I just nodded and walked out of the room.

Piper was getting better. It was time for me to think about heading home.

I spent the afternoon working. I felt guilty that I’d let everything fall to the wayside the last month. Jaylin and I texted back and forth about the project.

Hurricane Fi will be here soon. I’m wrapping up. I’ll finish it tonight.

I’ve got it. And don’t apologize.

I laughed because that was what I’d been about to do.

She ended with,
We’ll talk tomorrow
.

I sat on the porch, waiting for Fiona. Her red hair made it easy to spot her as she walked down the sidewalk. She waved when she saw me. I waved back. After the crossing guard got her to our side of the street, she sprinted. “Did you see her?” she asked breathlessly.