We are jumping into the unknown.”
“Thank you so much Los Angeles! You’re amazing!” I gave on last wave to the crowd and hurried off stage. How the hell was I going to find Easton? I couldn’t very well just walk out into a stadium full of fans and call out his name. After being stopped a million times, I finally made it to my dressing room.
I opened the door, and to my relief, I was met with that same sign, and one set of puppy dog eyes.
“Great job out there tonight, Carter.”
“East! What the hell are you doing here?” I smiled, and hurried over to hug him, but stopped halfway, because I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea.
“I was just in the neighborhood,” he said nonchalantly.
“Right.” I gave him a look of disbelief.
He stood up. “I came to apologize. I was being selfish when I asked you to stay with me, I’m sorry.”
I looked at him expectantly. He could do better than that.
“I’m stupid. Really stupid for letting you go.” He took a couple steps toward me. “I don’t care about anything else, Carter. I just want you. If that means traveling around the world with you, just tell me to pack and I’ll pack. If it means we have to do long distance, fine. I’ll do whatever it takes. And if I’m too late, Ais? Just tell me you’ll at least be my friend again… because I need you in my life more than I need the air I’m breathing right now.”
Easton’s butterflies were cartwheeling around my stomach. I must have died and gone to heaven. Or been knocked unconscious, because this had to have been a dream.
He walked closer and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Please, say something.”
“I need to tell you something. Sit down, East.”
“Uh, I’d rather stand. Something tells me this isn’t going to be good.”
“When I came back home, I wasn’t coming home from tour. I was coming from a treatment center. One for eating disorders. I weighed ninety-eight pounds when I was admitted, and gained almost twenty pounds while I was there. After two months, the label agreed that I could seek outpatient treatment as long as it was at home, out of the spotlight.” I paused. “I’m telling you this because I want you to know that not trusting you had never crossed my mind once when I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me.” I put my head down.
East tilted up my chin. “Carter, I will never be ashamed of you.”
“Well, now you know how seriously fucked up I am.” I laughed nervously.
“I thought you looked a little thin,” East admitted. “I didn’t want to believe the stuff they were printing about you.”
“Some of it was true.”
“But, why? How did it happen? You’ve always been such a strong person, Aisley.” East took my hand in his, his face glossed over in sadness. “You’re so strong.”
I pulled away a little. How could I explain something I didn’t fully understand?
“God, it’s hard on the road. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but it’s lonely. I would read interviews and fan sites, when I had down time, because, I guess, it’s always nice to know you have fans. People who don’t even know you are thinking about you, and it made me feel connected to them in some small way.” I paused, trying to recall the exact moment when I no longer felt good about myself. It was a hard thing to pinpoint. “Some blogger wrote some really nasty things about me once. They were just awful, and I’m not sure why I kept reading—but I did—and there were pictures posted, saying I looked pregnant.”
“You’re beautiful. Don’t ever think you’re not.” East brushed my cheek with his hand. How could I think anything with East touching me like that?
“After I saw what some people were saying, I did the one thing I shouldn’t have done. I Googled it. I actually fucking Googled the phrase ‘Aisley Carter pregnant’, and there were just so many hate sites. It’s as if these people actually took pride in trashing celebrities. In trashing me. But you wanna know what’s worse than any of their words?” I let out a ragged laugh. “I actually believed them. I started exercising more, and I stopped eating as much. I told myself when I lost a few pounds, I’d stop.”
“Oh, Ais.”
“But it was so hard, East. A few pounds weren’t enough. So I kept doing it. Then… the first time I fainted, I told myself I was fine. That I just went a little too far, that’s all. I tried to start eating more again for a couple months, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was getting fat. That I didn’t look thin enough. I was so stupid.” I let the tears fall freely down my cheeks, letting myself finally feel the entire weight of the words I had never let myself say before.
Even after admitting I had a problem to Dr. Tinsley, I could never bring myself to open up about how it happened or how far I let it go. It felt good to finally say it.
“I’m so sorry, Ais. I should have been there for you… I should have helped you.”
I wiped my face dry. “It’s not your fault, East. It’s not like I could call you.”
“That’s the thing, Ais.
That
is my fault. I should have never let you go, ever let you think you couldn’t call me if you needed me. I shouldn’t have let you think—even for a minute—that I didn’t care. Because I do. I always have.”
“It’s okay, East. I don’t blame you.”
“I want to make it up to you. Tell me how I can help you. I’ll do anything for you.”
“There’s nothing you can do. It’s something I’m going to struggle with every day. It’s not something I can just decide to stop.” No matter how much I hated myself for being so weak. “I have a problem and I’m coming to terms with it. I’m always going to be half broken.”
“Maybe right now you’re broken… but I promise you, Aisley Carter, I’ll be the one who fixes you.” East pulled me into him, holding me close. I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his scent. He made me feel like everything would be okay again, even if it were only temporary.
“Becks told me you sold the property,” I said, pulling back to look at him.
“I don’t need it.”
“East—”
“I was serious when I said I needed you, Aisley. I don’t need a piece of land. I want you to know that I support your dreams, and I’ll follow you anywhere, babe.”
“I appreciate that, East, but you can’t give up your dreams for me, either.”
“I’m not. I’m just changing them. I want to be there if, and when, you get to that place again, the one where you think you’re not good enough, or pretty enough, or skinny enough. I want to be the one who tells you how wrong you are.”
I met his determined eyes. East would forever be my biggest cheerleader. Without him, I wouldn’t have gotten this far. He was my strength and my every heartbeat. I knew, more than anything, he would be the one to save me from myself.
“You’re the best person I’ve ever known, Carter. You’re my best friend. Those two years we spent apart were the worst two years of my life. I won’t lose you again. I can’t.”
“I love you, Easton,” I said, giving up for now.
“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that, Carter.” He leaned down and kissed me hard on the mouth. “I love you too.”
***
Epilogue
Six months later
“Remember, John, you’re here as a guest, so remember your boundaries,” I teased. "No hovering."
He laughed. “Okay, but if you need a bodyguard, just shout. I’ll be out back where that barbeque is.” He pointed through the windows, onto the patio.
“Good to know.” I winked.
“Oh, and kid? Since I’m here as a guest and not an employee, I thought I’d clear the air.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I gave him a weird look.
“I stole your scale.”
I let out a hearty laugh. “I should have known.”
“I threw it in the trash, so you can’t have it back, but I thought you should know.” He shrugged.
“I don’t need it, anyway. But, John? Thank you—for everything.”
“Anything for you, kid.” He winked.
I laughed and walked off in search of Easton. He had been home for the last month. I just flew in a couple hours ago. He and Becks decided to throw me a coming home party. I would get three months off, and then, once my album was released, I would go back to living out of a suitcase while promoting it.
This time though, I was going to enjoy being home and being with the people who mattered most to me.
And, at the urging of Easton, I was even going to try group therapy again.
“Aisley.”
I turned and shot my dad a fake smile. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the first time I left. Maybe it was selfish of me to still be angry with him, but I couldn't help it. “Hi, Dad.”
“Sweetheart, this is Betty. Betty, this is my daughter, Aisley.”
“Your father has told me so much about you. He’s so proud,” she gushed.
I nodded politely. “It’s nice to meet you.” If my mother could handle seeing
her,
then I could, too.
“Betty, will you excuse us for a moment? I need to talk to my daughter.”
“Of course. It was nice meeting you, Aisley.”
I gave her a cheesy smile. “So that’s
her
, huh?”
He nodded. “I tried calling you.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to talk.”
“I’m your Dad. You can’t shut me out forever.”
“Maybe not, but I’m not quite ready to forgive you either,” I replied honestly.
“I love you, and I’m so sorry.”
“I love you, too, Dad. I just need you to give me some more time.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“Have you seen East?” I asked, scanning the crowd.
“I think I saw him talking to Becks' mom a little bit ago.”
“I’m going to go find him. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay, sweetie.”
I still felt bad for the way things were with Dad, but I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him just yet. I talked to Mom on the phone a couple times a month and she seemed to be doing well in her new apartment, and with her job.
“Aisley!” Judy waved me over.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Good. Have you seen that son of mine?”
“I’m looking for him now, I’ll let you know.” I waved goodbye and made my way through the restaurant, to the back patio.
“East.” I tapped his shoulder, and he turned around, scooping me up in his arms.
“God, I missed you.” He brought his lips down to mine, kissing me passionately.
“Mmm, I missed you, too.” I laced my fingers through his. “Can I take you somewhere?”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “Ditching your own party?”
“We'll come back. We won't be gone long. Promise.”
“Okay. Lead the way, Carter.”
I led him down the street. We had been walking for about ten minutes, before he spoke up.
“Ais, where are we going? Maybe we should’ve driven.”
“Shut up, we are almost there.”
“I really hope we aren’t going where I think we’re going.”
“So what if we are?”
“Well, for one thing, it’s called trespassing now.” He stopped in his tracks and folded his arms over his chest.
I rolled my eyes. “Since when do you care about such things in this town?”
“When you’re taking me somewhere I really don’t want to go, Ais.” He groaned.
"Just come on." I tugged his arm, and he reluctantly followed me.
We got to the property line and I could see our tree house, looking the same as it always had. I hadn’t been here since I bought it, and it looked like no one else had either. The normally short grass was now overgrown. “Come on.” I led him through the knee-high grass and underneath the tree. I sat down at the base and motioned for him to join me.
He did, but with a sigh. “I’ve been wondering why whoever bought this place hasn’t done anything with it yet. Seems like kind of a waste.”
“Do you regret selling it?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes I miss it, but it’s just a piece of grass.”
“I think it’s a little more than that.”
“How do you mean?”
“Come on, this is the first place your dad took us camping. We thought it was so cool, even though we weren’t really even in the woods.”
He laughed.
“You had your seventh birthday party here, and your parents went to the trouble of setting up a little ten foot pool because you had to have a pool party. I remember that part because I also remember your bratty ass trying to hold me underneath the water,” I reminded him
East grinned sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”
“My favorite memory is the summer we built that tree house.” I pointed up at it.
“That was a good summer,” he agreed.
"I think we spent almost every weekend here."
"I prefer to remember the time we had sex in the tree house."
"What? That
never
happened." I laughed.
"Well, we're here now." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"You're such a nerd."
He crinkled up his nose. “Am not.”
“The point is, it’s not just a piece of grass, East. It’s our childhood. It’s something your dad wanted you to have. It’s your past, and I know it’s where you want your future to be.”
“As much as I appreciate the trip down memory lane, Carter—it’s already sold. I don’t have the luxury of thinking about it anymore.” He kissed the side of my head. “And wherever my future goes, I don’t care. As long as we’re together and you’re healthy, it doesn’t matter.”
I pulled the deed out of my back pocket and held it out. “I want you to have your dreams, too.”
“What is this?” He grabbed it and unfolded it. “Is this… how do you have this?”
“I’ve been holding onto it for you.”
He looked me square in the eye, furrowing his brow. “I don’t understand.
You
are the one who bought it?”
I nodded. “Please don’t be mad, East. I just didn’t want you to regret—”
His lips crashing onto mine stopped me mid-sentence. “God. I fucking love you, Carter.”
“Good. Cause I love you, too.” I giggled.
“So about the tree house…” He winked. Before I could get a word out, he started to kiss me again, stirring the butterflies, and I knew, without a doubt, this is where I belonged.