Home Alone 3 (8 page)

"Alice?" Through the baby monitor came the sound of Beaupre calling to her. If Beaupre was looking for her, he'd probably step up on the back porch, too.

Alex counted to himself. Three . . . two . . . one.

Ka-bong!
Beaupre had just stepped onto the porch where a loose board flew up and smacked him in the face.

"Help!"
And now Beaupre was joining Alice in a heap at the bottom of the stairwell.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
The sound of rapidly fired shots rang through the house. Alex wondered what Beaupre was firing at now.

Grooof! Grooof! Ahhh-wooo!
From all over the neighborhood came the sound of alarmed dogs barking at the sound of the shots. Alex thought it was rather inconsiderate of the burglars to disturb the neighbors.

Another crash meant that Unger had found his way to the basement also. Up in the attic, Alex nodded grimly. Things were going according to plan.

Brrrriiinnnggg!
Suddenly, a phone started ringing somewhere downstairs. Alex caught his breath. That was definitely not part of the plan!

It was a really bad time to leave the attic, but Alex had no choice. He ran downstairs to his parents' room and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, hon, how's it going?" It was his mother.

"Everything's fine," Alex quickly replied. He could hear movement down in the basement. The burglars were probably getting ready for their next attack.

"The weather's terrible," his mom said. "It's snowing really hard. I was thinking of coming home as soon as I could."

"No!" Alex gasped a little too quickly. "Take your time. I'm, er, playing Chinese checkers with Mrs. Hess. She's creaming me."

He could hear the burglars coming up the basement steps. He couldn't let his mom come home now. The burglars might take her hostage or something. Then he'd have a
real
mess on his hands.

"Oh, I'm glad," his mother said. "I mean, not that Mrs. Hess is creaming you. But that she's there."

Now Alex heard a new sound. It was closer. It sounded like the burglars were in the kitchen.

"Mom, I have to go," Alex said in a rush. "Mrs. Hess gets nutty when you make her wait."

He hung up the phone and ran into his room to get Doris. It was time to call out the reserves. Holding the white rat firmly in his hands, he snuck out into the second-floor hall.

He heard a louder creaking sound now. The burglars were coming up the steps from the first floor!

Alex quickly put Doris down in the hall. The rat scampered away toward the stairs.

Alex turned to run back upstairs. Wait! He couldn't! They'd hear him. He looked around desperately for a place to hide.

The burglars were nearly to the top of the stairs.

Alex pulled open a door. It was the linen closet, filled with towels and sheets. Not a real good hiding place. But he had no choice. He stepped in and quickly closed the door.

It was dark in the closet. Alex tried to stay perfectly still. Outside he could hear the creaking footsteps as the burglars reached the top of the stairs.

In the basement, Peter Beaupre had listened in on the kid's telephone conversation with his mother. As much as he wanted to kill the little worm, he had to admit he was pretty courageous for an eight-year-old.

Meanwhile on the second floor, Alice, Jernigan, and Unger had reached the top of the stairs.

"I'll go left," said Alice. "Mr. Unger goes right. Mr. Jernigan covers the stairs."

In the closet Alex noticed a button in the doorknob. It must have been the lock. He reached up and pressed it.

Click!
Oh, no! The noise it made was too loud.

Outside in the hall Unger heard the noise. He knew exactly where it had come from. He grabbed the doorknob.

Inside the closet, Alex watched in terror as the doorknob jiggled. Someone on the other side was trying to get in.

They'd found him! Alex backed into the towels and bit his lip in an effort not to cry out in fear.

The doorknob rattled and then stopped. Alex's heart was pounding so hard he could feel the blood thumping through his forehead. He could hardly breathe.

He heard a metallic squeak and a grunt.

"I'm coming to get you, shorty," a deep voice growled. "I'm coming to pay you back for all the misery you caused me."

It sounded like Unger. Alex looked around desperately for a place to hide. His eyes focused on a big fabric storage hanger hanging from the inside of the door. The pockets of it were filled with cleaning supplies, rags, and brushes.

Snap!
The next thing he knew, the doorknob fell right off the door!

The door swung open. Unger stared in with a malicious smile as if he couldn't wait to turn Alex into chicken feed.

The smile faded. There was no trace of Alex. Unger scowled. It wasn't possible! He'd heard the lock click. Since when did doors lock by themselves?

Alice came up behind him with her gun drawn. "So?" she asked.

"Towels," Unger replied with a shrug. He even turned on a closet light and looked around. "I don't get it. I saw this door close. I heard it lock."

Alice shook her head as if to imply that Unger was imagining things.

"Would I make it up?" Unger sputtered. "What's the point? It's not like we're working on commission here."

He closed the door.

Hanging between the fabric storage hanger and the door, Alex felt a wave of relief wash through him. He let go and dropped to the closet floor.

That was close. Way too close.

He pushed the linen door open just a little and peeked out. The hall was empty, but he decided to wait before he tried to get back to the attic.

Alice went back to her side of the second floor. She was disgusted. Unger was just an idiot imagining kids in linen closets. They'd be better off without him.

With Jernigan behind her, she came to a closed door. She glanced back at Jernigan. "Cover me," she whispered as she closed her hand on the doorknob and turned it.

Holding her gun high, Alice pushed the door open slowly and looked in. It was a girl's bedroom. The room was a mess. The floors were covered with clothes and magazines. Posters were falling off the walls.

Just then Alice caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye. There in the bed! Someone was sleeping!

Holding her gun out in front of her, Alice moved slowly toward the bed. She could barely see the person under all the blankets and clothes, but she could easily imagine that kid hiding there.

If he could set up all those booby traps, he could probably fire a gun, too.

Alice's finger closed nervously over the trigger of her gun.

She stepped closer.

Suddenly, the person in the bed moved.

Bang! Bang! Bang!
The sound of rapidly fired bullets made Alex wince and duck. The sound had come from Molly's room. Alex had a feeling one of the burglars had just shot up Molly's other gorilla.

In Molly's room, Alice shoved her still smoking gun into her pocket. Whoever was in that bed had just bought a ticket to the big chat room in the sky. Alice noticed a field hockey stick in the corner and picked it up.

She hooked the end of the stick under the bedclothes and swept the blankets and extra clothes away.

Alice blinked. She was looking down at a big gorilla doll. That's what she'd just shot . . . a doll.

Behind her, Jernigan laughed.

Alice spun around, gritting her teeth angrily. "Shut up!" she yelled at him.

"You shot a doll," Jernigan chuckled.

Alice pointed down at a foot pump on the floor.

"The kid must have set this up. I stepped on the pump and it—"

Suddenly she froze with her mouth agape. She went white with terror.

Jernigan couldn't figure out what was wrong. Alice was staring at him, but why? All he was wearing was his torn camouflage outfit.

Squeak
. . . . Something made a sound.

Jernigan looked down. Some kind of little animal had poked its head out of his camouflage suit. It looked like a little white . . . rat.

Uh-oh . . .

Jernigan looked back at Alice. She was holding the hockey stick like a baseball bat.

She started to swing.

"No—" Jernigan cried.

Too late.

In the linen closet, Alex heard a loud, anglished howl. Like a man was in horrible pain. Alex didn't know what that was, but with everyone screaming and howling, it seemed like a good time to get out of the closet and head back to the attic.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a good time.

No sooner did Alex leave the closet than Unger came out of his parents' room and saw him.

"The kid!" Unger shouted.

Alex leaped toward the stairs up to the attic, slammed the attic door behind him, and locked it. Doris scampered up the stairs beside him. The doorknob rattled as the burglars tried to get it open.

Alex knew he didn't have much time. He pulled on a backpack filled with supplies. Then he picked up Doris and the remote-controlled toy car.

Bang! Bang!
More gunshots. Alex didn't have to guess what those were for. One of the burglars had just shot off the doorknob. Now he heard the sound of their steps as they hurried up toward the attic.

Alex climbed into the dumbwaiter.

Then he reached out and pushed a button on the control panel on the wall.

The dumbwaiter started to go down. A second later, Alex was gone.

Down in the basement, Alex crawled out of the dumbwaiter. He pulled off the backpack and took out some tools. He used those tools to remove the floor of the dumbwaiter. Then he took a toy robot out of the backpack. It was battery-operated and had little mechanical arms that swung forward as it moved.

Alex set up the robot about four feet from the basement control panel for the dumbwaiter. Then he switched the robot on. The robot started to move slowly toward the control panel, swinging its arms as it went.

Next he crossed the basement to the washing machine. As part of his plan he'd left his hat and coat and Nerf dart gun there. He pulled on the hat and coat and picked up the dart gun.

Something was wrong. The gun weighed a ton!

Alex looked down at it. His eyes went wide!

It wasn't the dart gun! It was a
real
gun!

One of the burglars must have left it. He must've been so dazed from falling into the basement that he'd picked up the dart gun by accident.

Alex had no use for a real gun. He opened the trash can beside the washing machine and put it inside.

Then he let himself out of the basement and headed outside into the backyard. The snow was deep and soft. More of it was still falling from the sky. It would have been a lot of fun to make a new snow fort. Too bad he had to deal with these dumb burglars instead.

Alex positioned himself in the middle of the backyard where he could see the attic window. He crossed his fingers. If he was lucky, the best was yet to come.

Earl Unger couldn't believe what he was seeing. The attic looked like a command centel: Granted it was filled with old junky TV sets, but they worked! On their screens he could see the driveway and backyard terrace.

"This is unbelievable," he groaned. "The kid was watching us the whole time! He had cameras on us!"

"I'll tell you what's
really
unbelievable," Jernigan said after searching the attic. "He's not here."

Unger looked up from the TV screens. "What do you mean, he's not here? Where could he be?"

At that very moment, a kid's voice came through the window shouting, "Hey' You're not going to find me up there, you big, dumb, law-breaking knuckleheads."

Alice, Unger, and Jernigan rushed to the window and looked out. Down on the snow-covered ground below, the kid was looking up at them with his hands cupped around his mouth.

"He's outside," Alice moaned

Alex reached into his pocket and held up the Axus Defense microchip. "Looking for this?"

Three floors up, the burglars' jaws all dropped in unison.

Alex turned around and walked to the gate that led to the alley behind the house. He went through it and closed it behind him. Then he peeked through the fence.

The three burglars stood at the window, looking down in disbelief.

"How did he get outside?" Unger asked.

"The same way you're going to get outside," Alice informed him.

"How's that?" Jernigan asked.

"Jump," Alice said.

Jernigan stared at her like she'd lost her mind.

Alice pointed down. Below them on the ground was a trampoline.

"You're not serious," Unger said to her.

"If a kid can do it,
you
can do it," Alice replied with perfect seriousness.

"Children are more flexible," Unger said.

"It's a trampoline," Alice reminded him. "You're jumping into a
trampoline
."

"If we're going to be jumping into a trampoline,'' Jernigan said, "what will
you
be doing?"

Alice held up her gun. "I'll cover you."

Alex waited behind the fence.

Finally, Unger and Jernigan opened the third-floor window.

Alex smiled to himself. This wasn't going to be good.

It was going to be
spectacular!

The two burglars jumped.

As they fell through the air, Alex watched them tense for the rebound off the trampoline. The two burglars hit the trampoline.

Riiipppp!
The two burglars went
thorough
the trampoline.

Shrraapp!
The two burglars went through the pool cover.

Ker-plash!
The two burglars smashed through the ice and disappeared into the pool.

Alex sighed. If only he'd had a video camera for
that!