Home From Within (16 page)

Her father gave a disgruntled look at them both. “You should look like a respectable young woman, not a . . .” He stopped himself, but she knew the word he was thinking.

Jessica turned her head and tried to eat her breakfast, but her father’s absent words replaced her appetite. Her mother said that she would like to see her father in the office for a moment.

“No, Katherine, I’m not going to see you in the office,” he said, then walked out of the kitchen.

As soon as he was out of sight, her mother turned toward Jessica. “Your father made a poor choice of words.”

Jason looked at Jessica and told her he thought she looked pretty. Jessica’s eyes got watery as she breathed in the only ray of sunshine she’d felt all morning.

After she’d shown her father the Mace and the fake schedule, and he’d told her she had seven to ten minutes to get home from study hall, Jessica said good-bye and good riddance to her parents and made her way to the corner to meet Marilee. The girls hugged and exchanged excited talk as they cruised over to Heritage. They both agreed how strange it would be to not have Eddie or Julie in school with them, although Marilee acknowledged boys would be hanging around her more, so that was a plus. Jessica never told Marilee about changing her schedule and going to Paul’s house. She reasoned there was no need for all the attention Marilee would offer up.

After big greetings and a brief catching up with friends who they hadn’t seen all summer, the girls proceeded to the entrance. Jessica kept a watchful eye out for Paul, her skin begging for his touch again. As they turned the corner, Jessica caught a glimpse of some boys crowded around the edge of the building, almost out of sight, next to a Northern Catalpa shaded tree.

“Is that who I think it is?” asked Marilee. “What is he doing?”

Jessica’s pace slowed as she took in the scene. She saw Gary, a kid with black hair, Freak Boy, and two Mexican boys with Paul. Paul was wearing a jean jacket despite it being seventy degrees and was pulling something from his pocket. It looked like a dark substance in a large baggie.

Marilee slowed to a stop. “Is he doing what I think he’s doing?”

They watched the two Mexican boys giving Paul money in exchange for the baggie.

“Ohmigod, is he selling drugs?” Marilee whispered as she grabbed Jessica’s arm. At the same moment, she saw Paul spot her. He mouthed something, two of the boys looked her way, then they turned away quickly, trying to act like nothing was going on—real casual. But Jessica knew what she saw: he was selling drugs.

“Come on, let’s go,” Marilee said, dragging Jessica toward the entrance.

The girls did not say another word to each other. Jessica’s heart was frozen. She knew Paul was a drug user, but she never thought he sold it too. That information was more than she was prepared to handle and she started to panic at the thought of seeing him right now, in homeroom.

“You know, I couldn’t wait for this day to begin, and now I wish it never had.”

Marilee looked at her cautiously. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” Jessica said as she dodged people in the hallway, trying to get to class.

Marilee gave her a hug before she left and said she would meet her after homeroom, so they could walk to gym together.

Mrs. Daley greeted the students with the same enthusiasm and openness as that first day of freshman year and proceeded to give Jessica a big hug, saying how glad she was to see her again. Jessica beamed with pride at the greeting and returned the embrace enthusiastically. Jessica was all smiles as she sat down next to a few students she’d become friends with last year.

“Where’s your man?” asked a girl in her group.

Jessica’s face dropped at the reminder of her current situation, and before she could get out the words, “I don’t know,” Paul stepped into the classroom and walked toward Jessica. He was sporting a huge smile, but Jessica could see the angst underneath. He knew that she knew.

“Mr. Peterson, thank you so much for getting to homeroom without a minute to spare.”

“I missed you so much, Mrs. Daley, and couldn’t wait to see you,” Paul said as he took his eyes from Jessica to address her.

“From the looks of things, we have the same homeroom as last year, with only two transfers out and one transfer in.” Mrs. Daley continued on with introductions and the generic speech she gave on the first day of school. Paul took a seat two rows away from Jessica and tried to get her attention, but she refused to pay him any. She was unsure how to respond to him because she loved him and felt worried about the choices he was making, but she also knew, deep in her heart, she could not go out with someone who sold drugs. Jessica was aware it was a double standard; she accepted his smoking pot, but selling it just seemed so delinquent.

Paul was trying to be slick, asking people to move their seats so he could sit next to Jessica, but no one budged, mostly due to Mrs. Daley’s stern gaze.

“Paul, is there something you need?” Mrs. Daley finally asked.

“No, just can’t wait to see my schedule. I think last period is gonna be the best.”

Jessica felt his stare, but she continued to ignore him. Mrs. Daley gave him a curious look and began where she left off with her lecture.

Eventually updated schedules were passed out, and friends conferred with each other on who had what with whom. This time Paul got directly up and stepped in between Jessica and the classmate next to her, putting his schedule on her desk.

“Last period study hall, remember?”

Jessica looked up at him. His tanned skin looked too dark, and his feathered hair needed a desperate trim.

Her eyes narrowed. “I remember.”

“Can I see your schedule?”

She begrudgingly passed it over to him and he sat down on the edge of her desktop.

“So we have Chemistry and Art together. No lunch, bummer. And definitely study hall.” Paul passed her schedule back over and touched her hand. Jessica pulled back without thought.

Paul looked at her longingly. “We need to talk,” he whispered.

“I guess during study hall,” Jessica replied and turned away to talk to another classmate.

Outside of chemistry class, Paul was waiting for Jessica. She stopped when she reached him and looked at him up close. His face carried a callous look, and his eyes appeared sad. He had grown taller; his chest and arms had filled out, but his body looked tight and constricted. Paul held out a note and asked her to read it in private. That’s when she noticed his knuckles had cuts that were trying to heal. She slowly took the note from his hand and walked into Chemistry alone. Paul followed behind but did not sit near her, although the teacher’s new seating chart soon had them sitting together once again.

At lunch, Jessica and Marilee sat outside on the benches to eat their beloved tater tots with ketchup while discussing the contents of Paul’s note.

“Read it to me again,” Marilee said, leaning closer to Jessica so no one would overhear.

Jessica took a sip of her Coke and then whispered, “I see you’re pissed at me. I think I know why. Can we talk during study hall in the old library?”

“What’s he talking about, the old library?” Marilee asked.

Jessica unveiled the truth about the room they had been kissing in. Just saying it made Jessica feel self-conscious, like she was doing something wrong.

“Jessica Turner, what other secrets are you keeping?”

Jessica looked apologetic at Marilee, not wanting to expose all her badness. “Nothing.”

Marilee did not look convinced. “What doesn’t come out in the wash comes out in the rinse. Remember that.”

Paul was sitting in art class when Jessica arrived. As she walked past him, she slipped a note on his desk and sat down a few seats behind him. Jessica watched Paul open it, read the contents, then stuff it in the front of his jeans pocket. Gary, one of Paul’s burnout friends, was also in art class, but Paul wasn’t sitting by him, which made Jessica wonder why. He was one of the boys with Paul this morning before school. Gary gave Jessica a nod to acknowledge he saw her. She gave a small smile because she did not want to be rude even though she didn’t care for him.

After the bell rang, Jessica was collecting her things to leave when Gary approached her.

“Hi, Gary.”

“So where you going?”

Jessica looked surprised. “Uh, home.”

“Home, huh?” Gary gave her a hard look. “Don’t mess with Paul’s head. He likes you. Isn’t that enough?”

Jessica didn’t know what to say and started to fidget with the papers she was holding. Gary stared at her and then walked away.

Jessica was on high alert as she walked down the hallway, unsure what message Gary was trying to send. In no way did she intend to give the impression she was messing with Paul’s head. She agreed to meet with Paul so she could hear him out, praying that he had a perfectly good explanation for what she saw. But Jessica was also firm, even if it shattered her heart; if Paul were selling drugs, she would break up with him—she could not be associated with someone who was involved in such illegal activity; it was not safe.

The old library had been reorganized over the summer and was not the same cluttered mess from before. The shades were rolled and tied at the top, so the blazing sun came through without hesitation. For the first time, Jessica noticed how much the wood floor creaked.

The medical table was in the same location although a few labeled boxes had been placed on top. Jessica started removing them and putting them on the floor when she heard the door open. She looked up, and Paul walked toward her and gave a weak smile. She returned it with one of her own.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hi.”

Paul removed the rest of the boxes so he and Jessica could sit on the nurse’s table but at a safe distance apart.

Jessica felt very uncomfortable. She wasn’t good at standing up to others—all she wanted was to slink away and hide deep inside herself.

A few more moments of silence passed before Paul spoke up.

“So you’re pissed at me because . . . ?”

Jessica answered slowly, “I saw you this morning, with your friends.”