Home Is Wherever You Are (18 page)

Gabby nodded in acceptance, and Ms. Jordan brought out a car seat and a booster seat to my parent’s van. It was now our official family car. We buckled the girls in, and Addy kissed little Genny on the head and smiled at Gabby. We knew it would be harder to win over Gabby, but I knew it would be worth it, when she finally trusted us in the end.

Chapter 31 - Give and Take and Take

I didn’t understand my compulsion to buy pink and girly things these days. I would walk through a store and see something I thought the girls might like and want to get it. I knew I felt this way about Addy, too, but she had a much smaller range of things I would get for her…her favorite candy, flowers, a pack of fancy pens for school. She always appreciated it and said I was sweet for thinking of her. The truth was, I never stopped thinking of her, and now I was thinking of Genny and Gabby as well.

I had never noticed the kid’s tool boxes at the hardware store before. Now, not only did I notice them, I noticed they had a pink one and bought two of them. I didn’t know why. I guess I just kind of hoped the girls would want to take an interest in what I did. I had visions of watching them grow up and join me in the family business in some capacity. In the end, Addy intercepted me and told me they were a little too young for tool boxes and put them in our attic, along with the remote control cars and several other toys Addy had deemed not age appropriate. She could be such a party pooper. They were pink! That meant they were for girls, and I had two perfect little girls.

I didn’t understand what it was about being a parent that made me want to spoil my girls. We really didn’t have the money, but I would rather have eaten PB&J for lunch the rest of the month, than pass up the little pink things I thought my girls needed.

Addy was just as bad, but she wouldn’t admit it, because her obsession was not toys, but clothes. The girls had more clothes than they knew what to do with, and there were a few boxes in the attic for them to grow into as well. She defended that the clothes were from yard sales and second-hand stores, or that she had gotten them on clearance. Did little girls really need six pairs of shoes? Genny didn’t like shoes at all, but she had six pairs. Gabby, on the other hand, always had her shoes on. They didn’t always match, but she had them on.

It took about three months of living with us for Gabby to really relax. She finally realized she was safe and we weren’t going anywhere. We had bonded so closely with them, but the fact that we kept giving her and Genny stuff just seemed to confuse Gabby. She asked Addy why we had so much little girl stuff, and Addy just laughed and said, “Because we have two wonderful little girls.”

After that, Gabby loosened up. Genny was an angel. A very cute, determined, “I want to do it myself” little angel, but just the cutest thing ever, as she struggled to be grown up, just like her sister. The fact that she would run to me and jump into my arm when I got home just made my day. I didn’t know when exactly she had warmed up to me, but I did remember the first time she ran to me. Addy was still at class, and the girls had been home with my mom and dad. When they had heard the door open, Genny saw me and ran to me, like I was the best thing she had ever seen. I couldn’t help hugging her tightly and kissing her little head. I told her how happy I was to see her, too. From then on, she made it a point to jump into my arms when I came home. With a reception like that, how could I not spoil my girls?

I was just on my way to my truck to head home, when Kyle got a call and stopped me. He looked heartbroken, and I worried something bad had happened to his kids or Darlene. It turned out Darlene had called him crying. Evette had passed away.

He told me he was taking the week off, and I didn’t hesitate to give it to him. It was crazy. I had thought my dad would pass before her, but his new medicines seemed to be helping him a lot more than the old ones had. At least, that was the impression I had been getting. He just looked healthier to me. Mom and dad both looked a lot better than when they had first come here. The addition of the girls just seemed to perk them both up.

The whole town seemed to mourn the loss of Evette Christianson. She hadn’t been here long, but in a town of about three thousand people, you tended to meet everyone.

When I had picked up some milk and a couple of lollipops for my girls, the cashier said she had checked stuff out for Evette just last week. Leon had bought a lot of Gatorade, because she’d been having trouble keeping liquids down. I frowned and took my stuff to the car. I stopped at the bank, and I heard the teller saying she remembered when they had both come in to open a checking account there.  When I drove past the flower shop, they had an Evette special advertised in the window. The diner was having a sale on their berry cobbler, which had been Evette’s favorite. Everyone had loved her.

When it came time for the funeral, it looked like most of the town had shown up, and had taken advantage of the flower shop’s Evette special. I would admit, we had as well. My mother surprised me by going over and hugging Leon, whispering something in his ear, as he cried on her shoulder. They had gotten to know each other rather well at the hospital. Both had spent the better part of the last year there taking care of their spouses. Jason stood by stoically, holding his wife in his arms. Kyle did the same. Addy had stayed home with the girls and Kyle’s boys, so we could attend without the children.

I looked over at my father, who was wiping his eyes with his hanky, and then over at the coffin. I wondered who would be next. Would our family get hit and my father taken? Would he get a Matthew special at the florist? Would they serve apple pie at the diner? I walked over and hugged my dad. He looked up at me worried. “You’ll take care of your mom?”

“You’re not dying, Dad,” I said firmly, trying to deny what we both knew.

He squeezed my hand. “I know, Son, I know.” He rolled over to where my mother was standing with Leon, and she took my father’s hand, kissing it with teary eyes. I didn’t hear what they had said, but my father spoke with Leon, and he seemed to be agreeing to something. My dad took Leon’s hand and held it in both of his and looked at my mother. He smiled sadly at her, and she shook her head no at him. He reached out and wiped her tears. She leaned over and kissed my dad, and he hugged her, finally releasing Leon’s hand. Leon stood up and looked over at me and then to my parents. He gave me a sad smile and a nod and then walked away.

*************************************

We’d had the girls for seven months. We celebrated Genny’s second birthday, and were talking excitedly with Gabby about what she wanted for her fourth birthday, when someone knocked on the door. I got up and answered it.

Ms. Jordan was standing there with a tight smile. Addy must have known what it meant, because she shook her head no, her eyes going wide. We were handed paperwork. Ms. Jordan said that their mother, Mira, was taking back custody. She had apparently cleaned up her act and had a place for them. She had convinced the judge she was now fit, supposedly proving over the past six months that she could take care of them.

Gabby clung to my leg, and I picked her up, hugging her tightly.

“You knew this could happen,” Ms. Jordan said, sadly watching us hold on to our girls for dear life. “I’ll let you gather some things for them. Please bring them to the car.” She stepped outside, shutting the door.

“No, Daddy, no!” Gabby begged, gripping me tighter, and I cried. I would readily admit it, I cried hard, because I was losing my little girls. I hugged her to me, not wanting this to be happening.

Genny was looking at us worried.  She squeezed her little doll that she had just gotten for her birthday. I went over, pulling my wife into my arms. The past several months with my girls had been blissful, and now it was all falling down around us.

“We love you both so much,” I said, hugging all my girls tightly. “Don’t you ever, for a minute, think that we wanted to give you up, or that we don’t want you to live with us, because we do. We’re going to miss you so much,” I spoke through my tears, and suddenly, Addy burst out bawling.

My mother had gone upstairs and collected the girl’s coats and a couple of little bags with their favorite things. She opened the front door, waiting for us. I looked at my father, who was teary-eyed and shaking with emotion. “We love you both so much,” he said, choking up, looking completely brokenhearted.

I pried Genny from Addy’s arms, carrying a girl on each hip. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. My mother stopped me in the doorway, kissing both of the girls softly, wiping their tears. “You be good for mommy Mira, okay?” she said, trying to smile, but failing.

My feet didn’t want to move, but I could see Ms. Jordan standing there waiting. My body didn’t want to move. Gabby squeezed my neck and looked up at me sadly and patted my cheek. “It’s okay, Daddy.”

I shook my head no and hugged her again. “I love you. I love you both so much.”

“Wuv oo,” Genny said, squeezing me, breaking my heart.

“It’s time to go see your mommy,” Ms. Jordan called. Genny looked over my shoulder at Addy and then to Ms. Jordan confused.

Ms. Jordan came forward, taking Genny from me. I hugged Gabby again. “You’ll look out for her, won’t you?”

Gabby nodded okay. I slipped her my business card. “If you need me, you call me,” I said, tucking it into her pocket. She nodded okay.  I was so glad I had taken the time and had taught her how to use a phone properly.

Once Genny was buckled in, Ms. Jordan came and took Gabby from me, leaving my arms empty. I watched her buckle them up with tears streaming down my face. When they drove away, I collapsed, crying on the porch. I couldn’t do this. If this was what being a foster parent was all about, I just couldn’t do it.

My father came out on the porch in his wheelchair and pulled me over, so my head rested in his lap as I cried. I hoped my mother was holding Addy, because I just didn’t have it in me to get up and take care of her right now.

Daniel drove past and saw me on the porch. He hopped out of the car, and my father told him what had happened. He rushed inside to my wife, where I should have been, but I wasn’t. I didn’t know how long I was there on the porch on my knees, but it was dark by the time I pulled myself together enough to go in the house.

I pushed my dad’s chair inside, worried he would get sick. His health was so fragile right now. He told me not to worry about it in a tired, sad voice.  He sounded as dejected as I felt.

I found my way to our room, but Addy wasn’t there. She had cried herself to sleep on Gabby’s bed. I decided not to move her and lay on mine, feeling defeated. My hand pressed into my chest, trying to quell the ache, but it was no use. My girls were gone.

The next morning, I got up and saw Addy was still crying in the girl’s room. I hugged her and kissed her forehead. I would have stayed home, but we were tight as it was. I had to work. “I have to go,” I said. She just nodded okay, letting me leave her behind.

I worked silently all day, only speaking when absolutely necessary. I took a couple of extra jobs, because I was afraid to go home and not have Genny running to greet me. I didn’t think I could handle being in the house without them there.

It was nearly eight o’clock at night, when I did finally make it home. My mother was freaking out, pacing nervously. “What is it? Did the girls call? Did something happen?” She shook her head no. “Is dad okay?” I asked. My father wheeled his chair into the kitchen, looking sadly at me.

“What’s going on!” I shouted.

“She’s gone,” my father finally said.

“What?” I didn’t understand what he was saying.

“Mom took me in to get checked out. When we came home, Addy was gone.”

I ran through the house, checking the girl’s room and my room. I ran down the stairs, jumping the last several and hurried over to Daniel’s house. Maybe, he would know where my girl had gone. I pounded on the door, and when it flew open, Daniel’s furious express changed to one of concern. He looked up the street, and I knew then at that moment he didn’t know, either.

“Where is she? Where would she go? Daniel, I can’t lose her, too. I can’t lose my wife.” I fell to my knees, shamelessly grabbing his legs. “Please, you’ve got to help me. Where would she go?”

“I don’t know, Son, but we’ll find her,” he said with finality.

He helped me up and walked me back to the house. He spoke with my parents, and they told him what they knew, which wasn’t much. We knew she didn’t have a car, and when I checked the accounts, she had only withdrawn one hundred dollars in cash. It wouldn’t get her far. I was terrified something bad would happen to her.  I hoped Daniel would find her fast. I didn’t think I could handle really losing her, too.

Chapter 32 - So much can happen in a week.

It had only been three days since Addy had left. My wife was still missing. Daniel was getting really worried, and no more money had been withdrawn. I was seconds away from packing up and walking the streets to find her on my own, when there was another knock at the door.

Ms. Jordan stood there nervously, and I looked past her to see she was driving the car she used to transport kids.

“NO,” I said firmly.

“Matthew, please,” she begged, stopping me from shutting the door and pushed inside. “He needs a place to stay. The house he was in has older kids who were acting out. They hurt him, Matthew, please.”

I shook my head no. I couldn’t do this again.

“He’s free to be adopted.  The family lost all parental rights last year. I won’t take him back. Please, he just needs somewhere safe to stay.”

“I can’t...” I started, but my mother put her hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were begging for me to reconsider.

“You can’t turn a baby out onto the street, Matthew,” my mother chastened.

“My wife is gone,” I snapped at her. I look back at Ms. Jordan with a glare that could set her on fire. “She disappeared after you took our girls. We haven’t seen or heard from her since. I can’t take the boy.”

My mother squeezed my shoulder, and I turned away from both of them, trying to hide my tears.

“She came to see me,” Ms. Jordan said, and I spun around, giving her my full attention. “She wanted the girls’ address. She wanted to go see them, but I couldn’t give it to her. She broke down, begging me. I told her that maybe if she made peace with her own mother, then letting the girls go would be a little easier.”

“Her mother?” I asked.             

“Are you aware of what problems Tamera had?”

“The drugs?  Yeah,” I nodded.

“Mira had the same issues, but she’s clean now. From what I understand, Tamera is clean now as well. I’d hoped Addy could talk to Tamera and see that maybe the girls would be okay with Mira.”

Then something dawned on me. Ms. Jordan’s office was nearly thirty minutes away by car. “How did she get to your office?”

“A friend brought her in, a big dark-skinned guy,” Ms. Jordan offered.

I nodded. It had probably been someone from the reservation. At least I was praying it had been someone from the reservation. I had to get there to be sure. I had to see with my own eyes that she was safe.  “I need to go get her. I think I know where she is.”

I started to move to the door, and Ms. Jordan grabbed my arm.  “What about Adam? Could you please consider taking him?”

“Of course we will,” my mother answered, but Ms. Jordan looked to me. I took a deep breath and nodded yes. My mother was right. I couldn’t turn away a baby.

Ms. Jordan looked relieved and hurried to the car. She pulled out a small bag for the boy and carried him over on her hip. She told me his name was Adam, and he was three. The tiny little pale, dark-haired boy was sporting a black bruise around one of his sad brown eyes, and he had what looked like a hand mark on his arm. My mother took him immediately into her arms and rushed off to get him a snack. I signed some paperwork, and Ms. Jordan was finally gone. I pointed to the door, letting my mother know I was leaving. I had to go find my girl.

I was not on the reservation long, when I realized I had no idea where to look, and there was no way to find my girl. I stopped at the convenience store and started asking about Tamera and Addy. That only got me escorted by their cops off the reservation and told not to come back. I still had no answers, and I had no idea if Addy was with them.

I sped home, and my tires squealed, as I pulled into Daniel’s driveway. He came out looking confused and threatened to write me a ticket, but that all changed once I told him what Ms. Jordan had told me.

“Sorry, Son, I hadn’t even thought to look out there, because I figured she’d be avoiding Tamera. That and I didn’t really feel like talking to Reed.  Turns out he and Tamera are kind of a thing now,” he said, with his face screwed up.

I hopped in his cruiser, and he took me straight to a house on the far side of the reservation. It was at the forest’s edge and seemed very peaceful. I could see why Daniel thought this place would help Tamera.

He walked right up, knocking forcefully on the door. I stood behind him, looking around to see if there was any sign of Addy. The door opened, and Reed stood there looking shocked.  “Finally,” he said with a sigh. “Daniel, I love you, man, but you’ve got to get your girls under control. This place is turning into a nut house,” he said and waved us in.

We followed him in, but he walked straight through the house and out the back door, where there were two chairs. I about leapt out of my skin, when I saw Addy sitting there. I did actually nearly knock over Daniel and Reed, charging at her and wrapping her up in my arms. She pushed me away for a second, but then she suddenly moaned my name and started sobbing into my neck, squeezing me tightly.

“She wouldn’t tell me, Matthew, and they won’t take me. I need to see, Matthew. I need to see if our girls are safe. Please, make them tell me. I need to see my girls. I don’t believe her. I don’t believe she’s better,” my girl sobbed.

“Josh found her halfway to Livingston on foot three days ago. She refused to get in the car with him, unless he promised to take her where she was going. He did, because she was a mess, and he was scared what would happen to her. From there, she demanded that he take her to Houston, but he wouldn’t. She’d seen the street name on the girls’ file, but not the address of where they were. Houston’s huge, Daniel, and I don’t want her getting in trouble for kidnapping or something,” Reed said nervously.

“Josh finally asked her what the social worker had said to her and then brought her here, hoping that talking with her mom and seeing it was possible to stay clean would help her feel better. It doesn’t seem to be working.”

Daniel rubbed his face and nodded in understanding. “Alright, let’s get her home,” he said.

I went to lift Addy, but once she realized we were leaving, she fought me. “NO! NO! I have to see, I have to see, I know she’s not clean. I just know it! My girls, Matthew, our girls!” she said sobbing, and I squeezed her tighter.

“I’m clean now, Addy,” Tamera tried again. “I know growing up, you went through a lot, but I finally got the help I needed.”

“NO!” she snapped, “I don’t believe you! Matthew, please, we have to go to Houston. I don’t believe her. I don’t believe my mother and Mira are clean.  Something’s wrong, I can just feel it!” She sobbed, so hard that she was gasping for air. I tried to calm her down, but she suddenly passed out in my arms.

I started to panic, but Daniel grabbed my shoulders, getting my attention. “She’s fine, it’s probably best she not know we’re taking her.”

“She did that when Josh brought her here, too. She wouldn’t calm down, just freaked out until she threw up and then passed out. She was hysterical when she woke up. Tamera tried to calm her, but she just lashed out and then took to glaring at her. That was what she was doing until you finally got here,” Reed explained, looking at my girl in my arms sadly. “She won’t eat, either. She says everything makes her sick. You’ve got your hands full taking care of her, Daniel. She’s a real mess.”

“Thanks, Reed, we’ll take it from here,” Daniel said and then waved for me to follow him. I carried my girl out to the cruiser and sat in the back, cradling her to my chest, fighting my tears. I finally had her back, but she was a broken mess, just as I was.

I was worried, because she was running a fever. I was pretty sure she had cried herself sick. I hoped we had some medicine at the house for her.

“How’s she doing?” Daniel asked me, as he drove.

I fought back my tears, sniffling. “She’s still out, and I think she’s running a fever.” I kissed my girl, feeling her hot forehead with my lips. I pulled her tighter.

“I’ll have the doc come by to look at her. She might be able to give her something to help her sleep or calm her down,” Daniel suggested. I didn’t like the idea of knocking my girl out, but at this point, I didn’t know if she would fight me when she woke up.

I watched Daniel put a call in to the doctor. She’d meet us at the house. Dr. Stewart came into our room, where I had tucked Addy in, and she started to examine her. She checked her lungs and heart and then her eyes. She pulled out a little vile of something and then held it under Addy’s nose.

Addy swatted at it with her hand, shaking her head, and then she sat up suddenly, looking around. “Matthew, my girls, where are my girls?”

I quickly pulled her into my arms, trying to calm her. “I’m here, Addy.”

“Where are they?  Tell me it was a bad dream. Tell me they’re here. Gabby! Genny!” she screamed.

“They’re gone,” I whispered, not really wanting to tell her.

“No, No, No! Genny! Gabby!” she shouted, fighting out of my arms. “They can’t be gone!”

I grabbed her, pulling her back. I didn’t want her scaring Adam. “They’re back with Mira, their mother.”

“I’m their mother!” she hissed at me furiously. She hit my arm and shoved me away, moving out into the hall. “I have to get them back,” she cried.

I grabbed her, stopping her and pulled her back against my chest, holding her tight. “We can’t, baby, we can’t. They’re not ours.”

“No, please, god, no!” she begged. “You have to let me go get them.”

I looked over at Dr. Stewart, who was coming over with a needle. I nodded at her to do it, and after another moment of struggling, my girl went limp in my arms. I sat on the edge of the bed defeated.  I grabbed my girl’s hand, squeezing it softly, trying to comfort myself. I was so grateful she was home, but my chest ached, seeing her in so much pain.

I woke the next morning to my girl clinging to me, sobbing on my chest. I held her in my arms, hoping that maybe she had finally accepted she couldn’t go after the girls. We had to stay here and try and make it through this together. We had stayed in bed late. It was almost noon, when I heard a light knock on the door.

My mom opened it carefully, when I called to her to come in. She was holding a tray of food, and I hoped to get Addy to eat some of it.

“Daniel told me her stomach has been upset, so I made some toast and rice. There’s some apple slices as well. Are you two going to be alright up here?”

“Yeah, Mom, thank you for the breakfast. Could you please take care of Adam? I’m sure this whole mess has him nervous.”

Addy looked at me confused. I could see the question in her eyes.

“Adam is a three-year-old little boy, who has no family to claim him. He needed a place to stay.” She cringed away from me.

“We couldn’t turn him out, honey,” my mother defended.

Addy hid her face in my side, and I rubbed her back, understanding the feelings she had, the fear of getting close to this child and having him taken as well. I kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay, baby, mom’s taking care of him,” I said, squeezing her, letting her know I wasn’t asking for anything from her right now. Neither of us were ready to take on this little boy.  But he needed a place, so he would have one here.