“I know. Aurora made that up to give me a hero. It was a lie. A lie that she and Bogie stuck with for thirty-five years. I feel so stupid. Like a fool. And hurt and disappointed.”
“What I hear in your voice is anger,” Marcus said.
“Exactly!” He’d said what she needed to hear. “I’m furious. At both of them. For lying all these years. For lying in the first place. For…all of it.”
“That’s understandable, Christine.”
“But it’s more,” she said. “I’m disappointed, too. Bogie’s a great guy and all, but he’s my
father?
I mean, I felt so lost and lonely and unloved as a kid and he just left me like that.”
“What should he have done in your opinion?”
“Been a lion for me. Defended me against Aurora, protected me at school. I could have talked to him about Dylan that awful night. He should have hugged me, told me he loved me. All those years…nothing but silence and a lie.” Tears clogged her throat.
“So he didn’t do any of that. What
did
he do for you?”
She looked at him. “I don’t know. He was just Bogie.” She thought back, then sighed. “He bought me that Barbie doll I told you about. He used to show me things in the greenhouse and the gardens.” She smiled, remembering something else. “He would pay for the junk food and
Teen
Vogue
s I swiped from Parsons that Aurora would never buy for me.”
She paused, thinking it through. “I guess I felt him on my side whenever Aurora would get on my case. He looked out for me in his quiet way.”
“But that wasn’t how you expected a father to behave?”
“Of course not. My father was a hero, remember?” She managed a smile. “And exactly how could Bogie ever live up to that fantasy? He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to ruin that for me.”
Marcus smiled, too.
Sharing her outrage had eased some of it. “I always felt safe with him. He was always there. And he stuck it out all these years with Aurora, no matter how bossy she got.”
“So he’s loyal.”
“Or maybe scared to leave. No, that’s not fair. Bogie’s a strong person. Steady. And you know he cares. But he’s not—”
“Father material?”
“Huh.” She paused. “He’s not the father I would have chosen, but he’s the father I
have.
Is that what you’re saying?”
Marcus simply looked at her.
“Once a shrink, always a shrink, Marcus.” She threw a rock into the water. “Okay, so Bogie didn’t teach me to ride a bike, or make sure I did my homework, or grill my dates at the door like I wanted. He did what he could.”
A child is big. You want your child to be happy.
He’d said that when she’d told him her hopes for David and he’d looked so sad. Meanwhile, she’d been
his
child and he’d been afraid to tell her so.
“So I’ve been living in my fantasy bedroom with the canopy bed all this time, completely oblivious to reality.”
“You had no way to know about Bogie.”
“True, but I missed things I should have seen. About Aurora, too. She told me she moved to Harmony House for me, to help me be more independent. She said it was hard to let me go when I ran off. I always thought she was glad I was out of her hair. I guess she loved me, but I never felt it.”
“She wasn’t the kind of mother you wanted.”
“Not even close. And I kind of told her so, I think. A lot.” She grimaced, feeling sheepish. “Maybe I wasn’t such an easy daughter, either.”
Her mother hadn’t hugged her much, but with a childhood like Aurora’s, no wonder. Instead of affection and encouragement, Aurora had offered lectures and commands. But she’d worried about Christine, loved her, held her in her heart, let her go even when it hurt.
“I think I’m starting to get a handle on this,” she said.
With Aurora, you had to read between the lines. That was where the love was. “At least I’m not so angry now.”
“It’s a lot to take in,” Marcus said, his eyes kind. How she’d missed his eyes on her. “It will take time to adjust as you reexamine and reinterpret your past through this new lens.”
“That makes sense. Thanks so much, Marcus, for talking to me. You helped a lot.”
“I only listened, Christine.”
“Not everyone knows how to do that very well. I need to apologize for dumping on you when David ran away. I panicked and flipped out. You were only trying to help.”
“You needed comfort and support and I gave you arrogant analysis. I let you down.”
“No. You did your best. And you helped me all along. To be a better mother, for sure. I used your advice to talk to Skip, if you can believe that. And it worked.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” he said.
“The situation had hurt built right into it, Marcus. And I think we both knew it.” She missed him so much, the way he looked at her—deeply and with so much love.
“Perhaps you’re right.” He sighed. “I’m glad I was still here when you came by. I head to L.A. tomorrow.”
“For good? You’re leaving?” The idea panicked her, which was ridiculous. They’d broken up, after all.
“For a couple of weeks for now. I’m meeting with people about funding Carlos’s clinic. And I’ll be doing some interviews for my book. I’m starting over again, believe it or not.”
“But you were almost done.”
“I’m taking a different approach, thanks to my muse.” He smiled, then explained the book he would write with patient stories and far more heart.
“You sound excited really about it,” she said.
“I am. And I owe you thanks for that. You helped me break through the fog from last year.”
“I’m glad. So, see, we’ve been good for each other.”
“I just wish…” He touched her hair, a world of wishful thinking in his eyes.
“At least we tried, Marcus, you know? I’m not sorry we tried.”
“That’s good then,” he said, looking so sad she wanted to hold him, though she knew better. Her throat locked up and she feared she might cry.
“Something else.” He reached into his pocket for his wallet and took out a business card he held out. “When you do talk to David, would you ask him to call me? I’d like to sort out what happened and apologize. Here are all my numbers.”
“Kind of sad we’re down to exchanging business cards, huh?”
“And there’s one more thing. Lady.”
“That poor dog. Now she’s started howling for David. I’m forever tripping over her outside his door.”
“She’s very attached to David. That’s why I’d like to give her to him, if that’s all right with you.”
“Oh, wow. David would love that, but it’s no-pets at our apartment. I’m sorry. It’s a wonderful offer….”
“If anything changes, the offer stands.” Marcus gave her a quizzical look. “You know, I wonder if you might want to stay here.”
“What?” she said. “Are you kidding?”
“You’ve built something here and you seem to enjoy more about Harmony House than you hate. You’re closer to your mother. And now this news about Bogie. A smaller school might be good for David, a fresh start with new friends. And of course, now you’ve got DSL and water pressure.” He smiled. “Just a thought.”
“I don’t see that happening. I’ve got my job and David has school. And our lives are there.” Though lately Phoenix seemed very far away and long ago.
“Anyway, I can’t think about that right now. Right now I’d better go talk to…my
father.
Thank you, Marcus.” She kissed him softly on the mouth. She couldn’t help it. “For everything.”
Bogie was still in the greenhouse, which didn’t surprise her. “Crystal,” he said softly, stopping his work to look at her, his hands loose at his sides. They were leathery and callused, the creases stained by dirt, the nails chipped and cracked. Everything about Bogie’s hands declared that he worked the earth. The earth had marked him as its own.
“I’ve been thinking this through,” she said.
Bogie waited silently for her verdict, his gray eyes anxious. He had always been a man of few words. He let his hands speak for him. In his greenhouse, in the commune he’d looked after all these years, and in the love he’d given to Christine and Aurora and, since he’d arrived, David, too.
The kindly hippie in the background of her life had, all along, been her father, her own flesh and blood. His genes twined at her core, his blood ran in her veins and she saw the world through the same gray eyes.
She stood still, remembering all he’d taught her in this greenhouse—the right time to remove dead blossoms, when to trim things, when to repot, that plants need enough room to stretch, but not too much, or all the energy goes to the roots and the plant suffers.
He’d said he’d been
honored
to meet her, his daughter. It all balled up in a tangle of emotion inside her and she said, “I’m
honored
you’re my father,” and threw her arms around him.
He was stiff at first, in her arms, but she held on until he looped his arms around her back and gave her three gentle pats. Afterward, he ducked his head. “Well, now, that’s just all right, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is…
Dad.
”
Bogie grinned.
After that moment with Bogie in the greenhouse, Christine felt like a new person, one who truly knew her place in the world for the first time ever. Big pieces in her personal puzzle had snapped into place. Mainly, she’d let go of her perfect image of what a father and a mother should be, in favor of who they really were. And when David returned, she would see him as he was, not as she wished him to be. Princess rooms were fun, but reality was…well…
real.
She listened to David, then said, “Your mother has some news you might want to hear.” She meant about Bogie being his grandfather. “You want to talk to her?” She glanced at Christine, listened, then frowned. “You sure? I promise I’ll stop her if she starts to give you hell.” She sighed. “All right then. Yeah, put him on.”
She held the phone to Christine. “Skip wants to talk to you. David’s not ready.”
Her heart sank, but at least he’d called. “Hello?”
She heard Skip tell David to go watch TV. “Hi, Chris,” he said into the phone, sounding weary, not angry.
“Skip, before you say anything, can I have your phone number, so I can reach you in an emergency?”
“Yeah, no problem.” He gave her all his contact information and she scribbled it down, relieved to have a link at last.
“And I also want to tell you that I was wrong to keep David from you. I’m glad you’re getting to know each other.” The difficult words came out in a rush. She held her breath for his response.
It took a while.
“Well, yeah,” he said finally, surprise in his voice. “I’m not like I was, Chris. You never gave me much credit.”
“I realize that. I wasn’t fair.”
“Good, then.” He cleared his throat. He must have expected an argument. “I just called to find out when his school starts.”
“The third week of August.”
“So, three more weeks.” He sounded disappointed, which seemed odd. “The thing is I’ve got deals brewing and he wants to shadow me all the time. I do half my business in bars, Chris.”
“That’s difficult,” she said, her heart lifting. It sounded as though Skip was ready to send David home.
“He just dropped in on me, you know. No warning.”
“Oh, I do. And he can be intense.”
“And judgmental as hell. He got that from you.”
She didn’t react to the insult. “It sounds like you’ve had a long enough visit. Am I right?” She desperately hoped so.
“I can’t make him leave. He’d never forgive me. But there’s school, so that’ll be a good end time.”
“It’s up to you. There’s plenty for him to do here, though, and obviously a lot more space. An entire boarding house.”
“The apartment is tight, all right. And now he wants to go deep-sea fishing.” Skip sighed.
“Even if he’s not showing it at the moment, seeing you means a lot to David,” she said, surprised that she actually meant the words. Skip was not the father David wanted, but he was the father David had. And that was better than one he’d dressed up as a hero the same way Christine had done.
“David?” She caught her breath, determined not to overwhelm him, even as she wanted to shriek with joy and relief.
“I want to come back,” he said abruptly. “Dad’s an asshole. He’s never home and when he is, he acts like I’m in the way.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” And she was. She could hear the hurt in his voice and wanted to ease it if she could.
“He hangs in bars all the time, smokes weed and then lies about it. Half the time he goes to bed to avoid talking to me.”
“Remember, you caught him off guard dropping in on him and it’s hard to have a guest for long, especially in an apartment. You’re on vacation, with complete free time, but he’s working.”
Another long silence. “You’re defending him?”
“Just trying to help you understand him. I was wrong to keep you from your father. I know that now.”
“Yeah?” She could hear him breathing. Her change of heart had no doubt confused him. “Anyway, he said he’d buy me a bus ticket whenever I want, so I want to—” He stopped abruptly, then said, “Hey!” to someone in the background.
“What did he tell you?” Skip demanded of her. He’d grabbed the phone from David. “That I neglected him? Because I spent all kinds of time with him. Movies, the beach, we played Xbox ’til I had blisters—”
“I don’t doubt it, Skip. Relax. You don’t have to explain a thing. He’s my son, too, remember? I know how he can be.”
“Good, then,” he said, sounding relieved. Then he lowered his voice. “He acts like
he’s
the dad, waiting up for me, sniffing my clothes for smoke and booze.”
“That’s no fun.” Christine grinned to herself. David might have Skip’s temper, but he had Christine’s perfectionist streak. He preferred how things should be to how they really were.
“But he’s my son,” Skip said on a sigh, “and I should be glad to have him around.”
“Next time, we’ll plan it for when you can take a few days off, so you’ll be more relaxed for the visit.”
“Next time? You’re cool with that?”
“Of course. He needs to spend time with his father.”
“Maybe a long weekend first. Build up my resistance.”
She laughed. “He won’t be a teenager forever. And next time he’ll have more realistic expectations. He thought you’d be the genie in the lamp all wrapped up with a trip to Disneyland.”
“Good one,” he said. “You’re still pretty smart, Chris.”
“Thank you. And you’re still…you.” Moody and flaky and selfish, but not the monster she’d held in her memory. And he loved David. She could hear it in his voice, right through the complaints.
“David has two of us rooting for him now,” she said. “And that’s important.” She’d been a single parent too long. It was time to share the pains and the glory. It felt damn good.