I was already on my second donut when Jake opened the door and let in a rush of cold air. “Ready?” His excitement so pure it was invigorating.
I brushed my hand over my smiling mouth to wipe away the crumbs. “When did you plan this?”
He scratched the back of his head and climbed in beside me. “After you went to bed.”
After our fight.
He fastened his seat belt and nodded for me to do the same. “Justin’s going to meet us later.”
I put my feet on the floor and reached for my belt. “What? Really?”
“Yep.”
“How’s he doing?”
Jake backed out of the driveway and pulled onto the street. “He’s getting married.”
“What? Are you kidding me? Justin? The Justin who dated three girls at a time, Justin?”
He laughed. “That’s what I said.” He grabbed a donut as we pulled onto the main road. “He actually asked me to be one of his groomsmen.”
I stared at his profile, his expression unreadable, and I wondered what he was thinking. “That’s awesome, Jake. Will his fiancée be meeting us too?”
“I don’t know, maybe? She may have to work.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Speaking of work, how’d you get the day off?”
He shrugged. “The guys can get along without me for a day.”
“Must be nice.”
“Being the boss sometimes has its perks.”
We spent the rest of the drive in silence, but it was perfect. Not the uncomfortable silence of strangers, but that cozy, cuddled under the same blanket kind of silence that only came when you knew someone as long as I’d known Jake.
When we arrived at the beach, the sun was just starting to peek out from the horizon, and the sky alive with vibrant hues of coral and violet. I hopped from the cab and filled my lungs with the familiar salty air I had dreams about. The air so different from any other beach I’d ever been to.
We each loaded our arms with bags and coolers, then made our way down the path I’d had memorized since childhood. The path that led to adventure, discovery, and lots and lots of laughter.
The second I reached the sand, I slipped my sandals to my fingers, and let the icy grains run between my toes. Goosebumps covered my bare legs, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be as close to them as possible.
“I haven’t been here since we spread Dave’s ashes.” I focused my attention to the sea, watching the sunrise.
“Yeah,” Jake replied beside me, his voice low and hollow. It had been a day very similar to this when we said our final goodbyes to Dave. Just six days after his tragic accident, we brought him to his favorite place on earth, his final resting place—this beach. The same beach where we took my father only nine years earlier.
I looked over at Jake. He had one arm loaded like mine, a surfboard held high on the other. He’d been there both times. Holding my hand, reminding me I wasn’t alone.
Just a few yards from the water, Jake set the board in the sand and turned to me. A warm glow filtered through his wild hair, and I smiled back at the man I wanted to strangle only hours earlier, but loved with all my heart. My eyes filled with tears— though this time not from sadness, but from a sense of well being I hadn’t felt in years.
“Are we really going out there?” I asked, dropping my bags to the sand and wrapping my arms around my body. The waves crashed to the shore, and I could swear they were welcoming me home. “It’s freezing.”
He laughed. “I have an extra wetsuit, you’ll be fine.”
He came to stand behind me and rubbed his hands up and down my arms.
“We spent lots of days at this beach, you and I.”
I only nodded, my whole body wound so tight I couldn’t even breathe.
“The best days of my life.”
My throat constricted. They were the best of mine too—we didn’t even do anything. Just lounged around, played in the surf, ate whatever food we could scrounge together out of the cupboards, and often sat in silence similar to the one that fell over us now. Though
now
we were alone, and
now
my heart slammed a wild beat inside me.
When he turned away, I relaxed a little, and he excused himself to go get the last board from the truck. I found a large woven blanket in one of the bags and spread it over the cool sand, securing each corner with shoes and coolers.
I wished I wasn’t so affected by Jake. That I could enjoy his friendship without my senses turned on hyperdrive. But it had always been that way. For him, and only him. Why was that? I plopped down in the center of the blanket, pulled my knees close to my chest, and hooked my hoodie over my legs, trying to find warmth.
Jake finally made it back to the beach, set the last board in the sand. “Are you ready for this?”
I raked my teeth over my lip, but he was so excited I couldn’t help my smile.
He nodded to the yellow board over in the sand, and I hopped to my feet, following after him to where the ground became firmer.
“Okay, I’m going to show you what to do, then we’ll practice a few times before getting in the water. You’re going to have to take that off,” he said, nodding to my sweatshirt.
I raised my brows. “No way, it’s freezing.”
“It will only be for a few minutes. I just need to make sure your form is okay and that’s too bulky.”
I let out a sigh of defeat, then tossed the hoodie toward our camp. I stood in my black halter bikini and cut off shorts, and a shiver ran through me from the cold.
When I turned to face him, he looked at me like he’d never seen me before. I narrowed my eyes, wondering why he was being so weird, then noticed my nipples were hard as rocks and crossed my arms. He smiled a little, then dropped down to the board and cleared his throat.
I closed my eyes, wanting to die, but he spoke as if nothing happened.
“You want to grip the board like this.” His voice low and gruff as he lay on his stomach. He grasped the board at each side, pushing his chest up. “Your elbows should be turned out slightly, legs straight and together.” His eyes were intense, and I bit my lip.
“Slide one leg forward and stand up.” His motions mirrored his words, and he stood so easily it made it look like riding a bike. He stepped off the board, wiped sand from his hands to his shorts, then gestured for me to take his place.
I didn’t hesitate before laying face down on the freezing board and mimicking his position. “Is this right?” I asked, my teeth already beginning to chatter as a fresh set of goosebumps traveled up my legs.
“Hands just a bit higher.” He straddled the board above me and helped move my hands to the correct height. “Okay, good. Now glide one foot forward, and stand.” He stepped to the side, allowing me freedom to move.
“Which foot?” I asked.
“Whichever feels natural.”
Deciding on my right, I pulled it under me, shifted my weight, and awkwardly stood. It wasn’t nearly as easy as he made it seem, but I managed.
“Good.” He stood behind me, took my hips in each hand, and his thumb brushed against my bare skin.
“Bend your knees.” His voice was low, only inches from my ear, and I had to fight the urge to lean back against him. He pushed down gently, and my knees bent under his will.
“Now hold out your arms for balance.” His arms moved beneath mine, lifting them higher, and I was sure he could feel each thud of my heart as it slammed inside me. His warm breath caught my hair, and my whole body trembled.
“Are you cold?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat and moved away.
He nodded toward the camp. “I borrowed a buddy’s wetsuit. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be better than none.” He grabbed a black duffle from the sand, pulled out a couple bodysuits and tossed them on the blanket.
“If we don’t do it now, I’ll forget.” He shook a bottle of sunscreen at me, pulled off his shirt, then squeezed some lotion in his hand before tossing the bottle on top of a pile of towels.
I dropped to sit on the edge of the blanket, grabbed the bottle, and tried to avert my eyes from his bare skin as I applied lotion everywhere on my body I could reach. “Do you want me to do your back?” I asked, needing more time before his hands were on me again.
He nodded, and I grabbed the bottle of lotion before rising to my feet. He stood with his back to me, and my eyes ran over his gorgeously sculpted physique as I warmed the lotion between my fingers—damn he was hard not to look at. I cleared my throat, then placed one hand on the top of his shoulder. His muscles constricted from my touch, and I closed my eyes. Somehow touching him was just as arousing as him touching me. His body was firm and skin surprisingly soft and warm beneath my fingers. I worked as quickly as possible, making sure he was thoroughly covered, but not taking a second longer than necessary before turning around and offering him my back.
“Done?” he asked.
I cleared my throat again before answering, “Yes.”
My nerves were like a Venus flytrap of anticipation. Each breath, each beat of my heart took an eternity, and right when I thought to turn around, he touched me. Just the tips of his fingers along my neck. Soft and lingering. Then he pushed a lock of hair over my shoulder.
My whole body became rigid as his hands settled to the top of my shoulders. The lotion was cold, but the shiver that ran over my skin had nothing to do with its temperature.
“Sorry,” he muttered, as both hands gripped my shoulders, massaging them with his strong hands. “You’re so tense.”
I laughed nervously but said nothing.
“Relax. It’s only me.” His voice was low, and close to my ear.
I blew out a breath. “I know.” But that was the problem. The problem was him. The problem was he had a girlfriend, and even if he didn’t, our
one
kiss had been what pulled us apart. I would never let that happen again.
I forced my shoulders to relax, and his hands began to move across my upper back, then down my sides, and feather light over the sensitive skin above my shorts. “All done.” He cleared his throat and began pulling on his wetsuit.
“When’s Grace due home?” I asked. It was a reminder to myself more than anything. It was easier knowing he was taken—that he would never be mine.
“She’ll be home sometime tonight.”
“Oh.” I stepped into my wetsuit. Both relief and sadness competing for attention inside my head. I wanted her home. That barrier of another person that always kept us from getting too close. But at the same time, I craved—possibly more than any other time in my life— for it to just be us. Only us.
We spent the next hour practicing on the firm sand, though this time he didn’t touch me. Which should have made things easier, but the tension was so thick I had a hard time concentrating.
Eventually we both agreed I was ready, and we carried our boards toward the ocean. I was surprised by how well the suit blocked the frigid water as we began paddling out to sea. I followed behind Jake, our boards leashed to our ankles as we made our way over wave after wave. We paddled out to where the water calmed, then climbed the boards to straddle the tops—this too, was not as easy as Jake made it seem.
The sun was higher by now, not overwhelmingly so, but just enough to cast a gentle warmth over my face. The sky had matured to a vibrant blue, and the roar of the ocean set our rhythm, eased the tension, and filled me with a sense of peace. I glanced over at Jake, who looked calm and tranquil. Maybe happier than I’d ever seen before. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him. It was surprising how natural it felt to be out there with him like that. Like we’d spent a lifetime sitting side by side, taking the waves as they came. But I guessed we always had. He’d been there with me through everything.
He looked back at me then and our eyes met. “What?” he asked, but a smile lingered on the corner of his mouth.
“I don’t know. I feel closer to him here.”
He paused, then looked around. “Me too.”
His face grew serious, and for a second I thought he might say something— though he didn’t have to. We both knew what he was thinking. This was Dave’s spot.
We sat in silence, gliding over wave after wave, then suddenly Jake called for me to get ready. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, and my heartbeat quickened. I positioned my body—chest up, legs straight—and began to paddle.
“Now!”
Upon Jake’s signal, I pulled my leg forward, my hands braced on either side of the board, but when I pulled my foot forward, my toes caught on the edge of the board and I lost my balance. I tumbled over the side, rolled under cold water, and had to wait for a break in the water so I could surface. A moment later I came up sputtering and watched as Jake easily fell into the water from his stance on the board.
“You okay?” he yelled, as he swam back to me.
I nodded, then flashed a smile before paddling back out to sea.
Again.
There were at least a dozen more falls, but I didn’t care. If I’d been alone, I might’ve given up, but Jake had so much faith in me, I found myself needing to do it, if only just for him.
And then the perfect wave came, the stars aligned, and I slid my foot forward. Gripping the board with my toes, I was able to pull myself to stand. Stiff as cardboard, the wind blowing on my face, and my heart beating a mile a minute, I was surfing. I kept my balance long enough to feel the water rushing under my feet, mist on my face, and the wave carrying me to the shore. I heard Jake yell beside me, and a second later I lost my balance and crashed into the water. When I was able to stand, my first thought was to find Jake. I knew he’d be excited, and I couldn’t wait to see his face. I turned around, and there he was making his way toward me. So much joy bubbled inside I thought I might explode with it.