Honeysuckle Summer (19 page)

Even Raylene was surprised when she realized the oddity of what she’d said. “No, she didn’t go with us.”

“What about trips to see your grandparents? Did she go on those?”

“My grandparents usually came here,” she recalled, beginning to see a pattern she’d never even noticed as a child.

“Raylene, is it possible your mother was agoraphobic?”

The significance of the question stunned her, but even as the words registered, she knew it was entirely possible based on what she’d learned about the panic disorder. Other than maybe her first couple of years in school, when her mother had walked with her to kindergarten and first grade, she couldn’t recall a single occasion when they’d gone anywhere together, not to Wharton’s, or dinner, or a movie. Nowhere.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. “You could be right.”

“And if I am, then doesn’t it make sense that when
confronted with a situation like your abuse, you’ve reacted in a way that seemed perfectly normal and familiar to you? You shut yourself inside.”

“But she did move to Charleston,” Raylene said.

“Did she start going out once she was there?”

“Some,” Raylene recalled. “Not so much at first, but after a while, yes.”

“Then perhaps, because she was finally where she thought she belonged, she stopped punishing your father by closing herself off from the world.”

Raylene tried to sort through what the doctor was saying. “So in her case, it might not have been about fear?”

“I can’t say with certainty, since I’ve never spoken to her, but sometimes it doesn’t matter how the pattern starts—from a history of abuse like yours or in some sort of passive-aggressive attempt to hurt someone, which is what I suspect your mother might have done. In the end, the result is the same. You stay inside for a day or a week, then longer until it becomes a way of life. You’re locked away from the world and you can’t break the cycle without help of some kind.”

Though Raylene was blown away by what they’d discovered, she regarded Dr. McDaniels with bewilderment. “How does knowing this help? I doubt I’m going to spring up from this chair and run into downtown Serenity.”

Dr. McDaniels allowed herself a smile. “You could try. Who knows what might happen.”

“Seriously, I don’t see what difference it makes that we’ve figured this out,” Raylene said, her momentary excitement now lost to reality.

“Do you think your mother would come over here to participate in a session?”

“I doubt it.”

“Not even if she understood how important it is? I could speak to her myself and explain what’s happening.”

“I don’t know if I want to see her,” Raylene admitted. “I haven’t forgiven her for not listening when I told her about Paul. Maybe if she had, things wouldn’t have gotten as bad as they did.”

“All the more reason to have her come. You need to clear the air.” She met Raylene’s gaze. “May I call her?”

“I guess,” she said reluctantly.

“Good. I’m proud of you. We’ve had a real breakthrough here today.”

Raylene understood why the doctor sounded so excited, but she felt no differently than she had before the so-called breakthrough. What she needed was a miracle. Because if one didn’t come along soon, she was going to lose the one person who might be able to give her the life she’d always dreamed of.

Carter hated the idea of using his sisters to worm his way back into Raylene’s life, but since Carrie’s situation was part of the problem, he convinced himself she could also be part of the solution.

That night after dinner, before the girls cleared the table, he regarded them hopefully. “I need a favor,” he said.

“Anything, you know that,” Mandy said at once.

“Sure,” Carrie said, though with more reserve.

“I’d like to have dinner with Raylene tomorrow night,” he began.

Carrie immediately brightened, probably because she thought it meant he wouldn’t be spying on her. “Go for it. We don’t mind.”

“I meant all of us,” he said. “It’s really important.”

“It’s okay with me,” Mandy said. “I like Raylene. I’m over there almost every day anyway. I’ll just hang around till you come.”

Carrie’s expression turned sullen. “You two go ahead. I’m not interested. I don’t want to eat out in public with everyone staring at me.”

“We won’t be in public. We’ll be at Raylene’s.”

“Same difference,” Carrie insisted. “I’ll stay here.”

“It’s all of us, or none of us,” Carter told her.

“Because you don’t trust me to eat on my own,” Carrie said sourly.

“That’s part of it, yes,” he confirmed, unwilling to sugarcoat it for her. “We’re still in the tough-love phase of all this.”

“You said part of it,” Carrie said, expressing a faint hint of the curiosity he’d counted on. “What’s the rest?”

He searched for the right words. “Raylene’s been feeling left out. She’s really worried about you, Carrie. You haven’t been over to visit recently and I’ve been here with you. I think it’s important that we all let her know she matters to us.”

Carrie looked even more suspicious. “She dumped you, didn’t she?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way,” Carter said, his pride still a little wounded by the fact that it had been exactly that way.

“Have you been seeing her?” Carrie persisted. “I mean, since I started with Dr. McDaniels?”

“Not as often as I had been before and not at all for the past few days.”

“Because she dumped you,” Carrie concluded.

“We agreed we needed some space,” he said, trying to spin it.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Mandy said. “If you’re giving each other space, then why would you want to drag us over there to dinner?”

“Because, you dope, we’re his intermediaries,” Carrie said, her expression knowing. “He knows she won’t throw us out, no matter how mad she is at him.”

God save him from teens who understood too much. “It’s not just that,” he insisted. “I want her to feel as if she’s a real part of our family.” He met Carrie’s gaze. “And I know she wants to make amends for what happened the last time you were over there. It’s killing her that she can’t come to you to apologize and that you won’t take her calls. You’ve deliberately shut her out because you know there’s nothing she can do about it.”

Carrie turned pink with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to make her worry.”

“I know, but that’s what adults do when it comes to kids they love. We worry.”

Mandy’s eyes brightened. “Do you want to marry her?”

His stomach flipped over at the mention of marriage. “It’s way too soon to be talking about anything like that,” he said emphatically. “But I don’t want to slam the door on any possibilities.”

“And that’s going to happen if we don’t go over there and make nice,” Carrie concluded.

His gaze narrowed at her choice of words. “Are you still upset with Raylene?”

“Sure I am,” she said with a touch of defiance. “I’m still mad because she was in my face about my eating. It was none of her business.” She sighed and backed down with another of her whirlwind mood changes.
“But I wasn’t trying to pay her back or anything. I don’t want her to feel bad.”

“You do understand that she only said something because she cares, right?”

“I guess so,” Carrie said.

Carter was starting to wonder if this was a bad idea after all. The last thing he needed if he was to get things back on track was to take Carrie over there in a belligerent frame of mind. “If we do decide to go, you’re going to give her another chance, right? You’ll be on good behavior?”

“Anything to keep from messing up your love life,” she said sarcastically. “But if the subject of food comes up, I am out of there. I’ll follow all the rules so you won’t have any reason to complain about my eating in front of her, but you have to promise not to sit there and stare at me or my plate.”

“We’re going to take dinner,” he said. “Food’s bound to come up.”

“You know what I mean,” Carrie retorted.

“Okay, I promise we won’t make an issue out of your eating,” he said.

Carrie looked doubtful, but she grudgingly conceded, “Then I’m in.”

“Me, too,” Mandy said with more enthusiasm.

Carter sighed. Despite getting the agreement he’d wanted from both of them, he had a feeling this dinner idea of his had disaster written all over it.

R
aylene watched without comment as Carrie picked at her meal. She’d been surprised earlier when Carter and the girls had appeared at the door carrying an elaborate take-out meal from Sullivan’s.

“Dana Sue said we have all your favorites,” he’d said, giving her an appealing grin. “Will that get us in?”

Despite all her best intentions to keep some distance between them, she seemed to be incapable of turning him away, especially with Carrie and Mandy looking on. This was, after all, what she’d been hoping for, a chance to make amends with Carrie. She’d let them in.

With Carter overseeing the transfer of the food from take-out containers to plates, she and the girls had set the table.

“Carter misses you,” Mandy confided, then got an elbow in the ribs from her big sister.

“You’re not supposed to say stuff like that,” Carrie told her. “It’s like giving information to the enemy or something.”

Mandy had looked confused. “But Raylene’s not the enemy. She’s Carter’s girlfriend. At least he wants her
to be, and we’re supposed to be helping. Isn’t that the whole point of being here?”

Thoroughly embarrassed and unwilling to be the center of an argument between the sisters, Raylene had ended the discussion by telling them to go in the kitchen and help Carter with the food. “I’ll finish up in here.”

Now they were all seated around the dining-room table making stilted conversation. And she couldn’t seem to keep herself from watching the way Carrie pushed her food around on her plate. Despite the teen’s sessions with Dr. McDaniels, it seemed she was still exhibiting textbook anorexic behavior. Very little of that food was making its way into her mouth. Carter, however, seemed to be oblivious to it.

Torn between ignoring the behavior and trying to make him see that Carrie was still in trouble, she finally opted for what she hoped would be a bit of subtle probing that might also catch his attention. Even as she spoke, she knew she was testing the very tentative truce established between her and Carrie. She felt she had no choice. It was more important to act responsibly than to be the good guy.

“Carrie, don’t you like meat loaf?” Raylene asked. “Sullivan’s has a reputation for making the best in the entire region. It’s always been my favorite comfort food, along with their garlic mashed potatoes.”

“It’s okay,” Carrie said with a shrug. “I’m just not hungry.”

She shot a look at Carter that Raylene couldn’t interpret.

Unwilling to let the subject go, she tried another approach, trying to reach the girl on some level. “You’d probably rather be out with your friends on a Saturday night,” she suggested.

“It’s not that,” Mandy piped up as if to make up for her sister’s lack of responsiveness. “Carrie doesn’t like to eat in front of people. She’s self-conscious.”

Carrie’s head snapped around as she glared at her little sister. “You and Carter promised we wouldn’t talk about my eating tonight,” she said, her voice shrill. “You promised! I should have known you wouldn’t keep your promise.”

Mandy turned pale, her expression miserable. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want Raylene to think you were being rude.”

“Raylene knows what’s going on,” Carrie said. “It’s practically because of her that I have to see a shrink.”

“Hold on,” Carter said, scowling at her. “You know that’s not true. You’re in therapy because it’s what you need right now.”

Carrie looked to be near tears. Obviously frustrated at hearing her brother deflect any blame from Raylene, she whirled on Mandy. “I’m sick of you criticizing what I eat. Maybe you should consider sticking to a few carrots and lettuce leaves before you blow up like a blimp,” Carrie said, casting a meaningful look at the two slices of meat loaf and the mound of mashed potatoes on Mandy’s plate.

When Carter opened his mouth to scold her, Carrie snapped, “Oh, forget it. I am so out of here.”

She stood up and ran from the room. Carter turned to Raylene with an apologetic look. “I need to go after her.”

Raylene felt the salty sting of tears in her eyes. “This is my fault. I’ll go.”

He hesitated. “But—”

“She’s still in the house,” Raylene told him. “I didn’t
hear the door. If she’s gone, I’ll tell you, and you can go after her.”

She found Carrie in the living room, huddled in a corner of the sofa, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry,” Raylene said, sitting down beside her. “I pushed you, and I shouldn’t have. I know this is a sensitive topic and that you’re getting help. I should have left it alone.”

Carrie seemed surprised by her admission. “Why didn’t you?” she asked.

“I told you before about Annie. What I didn’t tell you was how many times I saw her do exactly what you were doing tonight, just pushing her food around, pretending to eat, and I did nothing. The night she collapsed, I felt as if it was all my fault for not doing more to make sure someone knew she was in trouble. Sarah felt the same way. So did Ty and the rest of her friends. I can’t begin to tell you how scary it was for all of us sitting at the hospital waiting to hear whether she was going to be okay.”

“So when you see me not eating, it pushes all those buttons,” Carrie concluded, looking less angry. “I guess I can see why.”

“It would break my heart if something happened to you,” Raylene told her honestly. “Especially if I could have prevented it.”

“But Carter knows. And I’m seeing Dr. McDaniels. I get that what I’ve been doing is wrong. I’ve even figured out why it was happening and I’m really trying to fix it.” She regarded Raylene with an earnest expression. “Honest.”

“I know that, and I am so proud of you for trying.”

Carrie looked away. “It’s really hard,” she said in a
small voice. “Harder than I ever thought it would be. And I hate that everyone’s watching me all the time.”

“Annie hated that, too, but it all gets easier. You’ll see. And once the eating pattern really starts to change, the trust will come back. People won’t watch as much.”

“I don’t know,” Carrie said skeptically. “I saw how Dana Sue watched Annie at the barbecue, even after all this time.”

“I suppose it’s a worry that never entirely goes away, but that feeling that you’re under a microscope will get better. I promise. And you’ll start to feel like your old self, the way you did before your parents died.”

“You think so?” she asked, a faint glimmer of hope in her eyes.

“You’ve been around Annie,” Raylene said. “What do you think? Doesn’t she seem perfectly fine now?”

Carrie nodded. “She seems okay.”

“She
is
okay. It’s still a struggle for her from time to time, but that’s why she sees Dr. McDaniels whenever she feels herself slipping. She’s smart enough to recognize the signs and ask for the help she needs.”

Carrie sighed. “I don’t know if I want to see a shrink forever.”

Raylene risked giving her a hug. “Then you’ll try even harder to get well, won’t you?”

Carrie’s lips curved slightly. “I guess it is up to me, isn’t it?”

Raylene nodded. “Pretty much.” She hesitated, then said, “You know, I’d really love it if you’d come by sometime with Mandy and work in the garden with us. Every time I’m out there I feel as if I’m getting stronger. Maybe you’d find it healing, as well. Or maybe you’d just enjoy being there with us. I miss talking to you.”

Carrie looked surprised. “Really?”

“You’re a wonderful girl, and since you’re working at Wharton’s, I’ll bet you know everything that’s going on in town. You can keep me up to date on all the local gossip.”

Carrie brightened. “I could definitely do that.”

“Great.” She gave her a hug. “Now, how about it? Do you feel like going back in to dinner?”

“I guess,” Carrie said, though with obvious reluctance.

“Come on. It won’t be that bad. I promise not to say another word about your eating all night.”

“And you’ll tell Carter to back off when he starts trying to push dessert on me?”

Raylene nodded. “Mostly because if you’re not going to eat Dana Sue’s bread pudding, then I get your share.”

Carrie looked startled. “It’s that good?”

“It’s amazing,” she confirmed.

“Then maybe I’ll at least have a bite.”

Raylene gave her another squeeze. “Bet you’ll have two.”

To her relief, Carrie laughed. “I hope you and Carter get back together.”

“He actually told you we broke up?” Raylene asked.

“He said you dumped him,” Carrie said. “That’s why we’re here. He figured you’d never send me and Mandy away. He’d get a free pass to spend time with you, at least this once.”

“Your brother is a very sneaky man,” Raylene concluded.

“Tell me about it.”

Sneaky or not, Raylene couldn’t help admiring his tactics. His determination not to allow things between them to end was sweet. Annoying, but sweet.

Though the rest of the evening with Raylene and the girls had gone smoothly enough, Carter left with the distinct impression that he hadn’t succeeded in proving to Raylene that they could make their relationship work.

Unfortunately, for the next couple of weeks there was virtually no time to press whatever tiny advantage he might have gained that night. In addition to his regular shifts with the sheriff’s department, Carter had almost daily meetings with Tom as they prepared to make their budget proposal to the council for the new Serenity police department. Without adequate funding, it was simply impractical to move forward. He’d made that clear to Tom, who expressed confidence that they’d win the needed approval.

“This is Howard Lewis’s pet project,” Tom reminded him. “It’s going to pass. I guarantee we’ll have the funds in place, and you’ll have a fully operational department by the first of the year.”

Carter couldn’t deny the excitement he felt at the thought. Though dealing with all the paperwork and financial issues had been tedious, he’d loved the challenge of putting the proposal together. The only thing he worried about was whether or not he’d start to hate spending so much time in an office once things were up and running.

As if he’d read Carter’s mind, Tom studied him with a knowing expression. “You thinking about how you’ll miss being on the street?”

“As a matter of fact, I am. I got into police work to make a difference. I can’t do that from behind a desk.”

Tom grinned. “Well, here’s where the joy of a small department comes in. You’ll still be out there on the street.
You saw how tight the scheduling is going to be with the staff we can afford. I imagine you’ll be backup most days and on the streets more than you ever imagined.”

Relieved, Carter nodded. “I hadn’t looked at it that way. That’ll be good.”

“To change the subject, what’s happening with Paul Hammond these days? Any word?”

“I checked this morning. His hearing was delayed. I’m not sure why, but it’s pushed any possibility for release into September at the earliest.”

“Doesn’t Raylene have an opportunity to speak at the parole hearing?” Tom asked, then winced. “But, of course, she can’t.”

“She is sending over a video. Helen arranged for it. At least she’ll be on record reminding the parole board what he’s done to her life. Helen’s asking the judge in the original case to issue a restraining order, so that will be in place the second he’s released.”

“Any chance it will have the desired effect?” Tom asked.

“I’m not taking any chances,” Carter said grimly.

“Then I’ll alert my people and the various utilities that the work we talked about may need to be pushed back until September.”

“Is that going to cause any problems?”

“Not a one. Everyone I spoke to is committed to providing extra eyes and ears on that street once he’s out. Hammond won’t slip into that neighborhood without us knowing about it.”

Carter wished he felt as if those efforts would be enough. The days would be covered, but nights were something else. Travis had promised to be in the house most nights after he got off the air at the radio station.
Walter would hang around as often as possible, too. And Carter planned to be on the street out front.

But he knew better than most that someone determined to wreak havoc could often find a way to do it, despite all the well-intentioned efforts in the world.

Raylene started shaking when Helen told her that the parole board had granted Paul’s release. It was mid-September, and his release date was scheduled for the end of the month.

“I’m so sorry,” Helen said, her frustration plain. She’d never liked losing, especially when it was something this important. “We did everything possible to convince them to hold him longer. I even asked for another delay, but his lawyer fought me. Carter testified that Paul still represented a threat to you, but Paul was good. I’ll give him that. He made a compelling case that he’d learned his lesson and reformed. He said all the right words. And sitting up there in his Armani suit, he looked every inch the perfect gentleman. He managed to get a few respected character witnesses to testify on his behalf, too, and that went a long way to convincing the parole panel to let him go.”

“Yeah, he’s very good at getting the world to see what he wants them to see,” Raylene said. “And the good-old-boys’ network is still alive and thriving. I imagine his daddy was able to find plenty of cronies willing to step up for his golden boy.”

“I tried my best to provoke him into showing his true colors, but he was cool, calm and collected,” Helen said. “Heck, even I would have had a hard time turning him down after hearing all he did to help his fellow inmates.
It was quite a performance. I would have been ready to nominate him for sainthood myself, if I didn’t know what a violent bully is hidden beneath that smooth facade.”

Raylene gave her a resigned look. “Thanks for trying. I’m ready for him.”

Helen immediately looked alarmed. “Meaning what?”

“Don’t worry about me, that’s all.”

“Raylene, you didn’t get your hands on a gun the way you were talking about, did you?”

“Stop,” Raylene said. “Don’t ask questions, especially when you don’t really want to know the answers.”

It had been surprisingly easy to get the gun that was now locked away in a metal box on the top shelf in her closet. There were plenty of unscrupulous dealers on the Internet who didn’t care about the law. Even if that gun was never loaded or out of the box, she felt better knowing she had it. It evened the playing field between her and Paul, at least a little. He’d never expect her to fight back, any more than he’d expected her to turn him in, in the first place.