Authors: Taisha S. Ryan
"I got what you sent me. They're beautiful, thank you," Reese said with a warm smile.
"You know it's nothing."
As soon as he arrived in his hotel room, he 'FaceTime'd' her, longing to talk to her all day. All week, he had been all over the states, for the promotional tour for his upcoming fight next week. And in just a short time, he would be touching down in Vegas for the big event the world had been waiting for. His fight. With such a busy schedule, he had hardly gotten the chance to even talk to her for more than a few minutes, before it was time to hit another event. And now, just seeing her beautiful face and hearing that soft voice of hers, was enough to soothe his whole mood.
"You really didn't have to get me these, Cam. You know that."
"Well, I wanted to."
"I know, but still."
"Aye look, let ya man treat you, alright. End of discussion," he said lightly.
She chuckled, shaking her head. While on his trip, he had sent her a new pair of Louboutin heels, a Hermes bag, and a diamond studded bracelet. He felt bad about not being there, so he wanted to send her some gifts to cheer her up. Little did she know, he liked spoiling her. It was the fact that she never asked him for anything, that only made him want to do it even more. He was so used to women wanting any and everything from him, but Reese never did. And it was so refreshing being with a woman who didn't want him for more than just his heart.
"So, how has the tour been?" Reese asked.
"Same as any ol’ tour," he said with a shrug. "How'd the event go today?"
"It went um..." She nodded. "It went well. It was great seeing all the women and being able to speak to them, and provide them with all the donations and everything. They all deserved it.”
"That's good." He nodded.
He admired her for what she did. Just being able to help domestic violence survivors, by founding her own organization, was commendable. He saw her passion. The same way he felt about boxing. Except what she did was on a bigger scale, and much more admirable. She was helping the lives of others, and it couldn’t get any better than that.
"That's real dope what you're doing," he told her.
"What?"
"Helping all those women. They need someone like you, who's strong and passionate about what she does. You're making a difference, and I admire that."
He never told her this before, but for some reason he felt the need to, tonight.
She averted her gaze without a word. He didn't expect that type of response. There was such a somberness in her mood, and he wondered why. She seemed to be that way, these days.
"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.
"Nothing."
"Nah, something's bothering you. What is it?"
"No, it's nothing. I just..." She shook her head. "Wish you were here, that's all."
His heart softened. He missed her too. These two weeks had been damn near painful without her.
"Me too. But don't worry, I'll be back in New York in a few days."
He stared at her through the screen, lusting how sexy she looked as she laid across her bed, dressed in her laced bra and boy shorts. Damn. The things he would do if she were here.
"What?" she said.
"You're the only woman I know that looks sexy in a du-rag."
She hissed her teeth. "What?"
He laughed.
"Shut up. It's not a du-rag, it's a scarf." She adjusted it on her head.
"Yeah, whatever it is. You rocking it, baby."
"You know what? Goodnight, Cameron."
"Oh, I'm Cameron now? We're back to that?" He smirked.
"Yes. Goodbye."
Her lips curled into a soft smile and his heart melted. That was what he liked to see. That smile.
"Stop, playing. You know your ass don't wanna get off the phone with me."
"Yes, I do. I'm sick of your face."
"No, you ain't. Frontin' ass."
"Whatever."
He waited for her to hang up, but she didn't. Instead she stared at him with a certain glint in her eyes he had been noticing lately. It was like she was itching to say something. But was holding back.
"What?" he probed, wondering what was on her mind.
She blinked away. "Nothing. Goodnight."
And just like that, she vanished from the screen.
A knock on the door made him look up, to find Slick at the doorway.
"You ready? We're heading out."
"Yeah." Cam got up, then slid his phone in his pocket.
Tonight, he was heading to LIV nightclub in Miami, for another appearance. Was he feeling up to it? Not really. He would rather be in New York with Reese by his side, than attend these festivities for another year. But fuck it. It was a part of the business. So, he had to do what he had to do.
"So, you were right. It was time to let Mandigo, go."
"Thank you, Jesus." Reese shut her eyes with relief.
"And you know what made me cut him loose?" Yasmine sipped on her Martini.
"What?"
"His broke ass wanted to move in."
"Did he?"
"And guess why."
"Why?"
"Cause his mama kicked his ass out."
"Wow."
"I was like, hell no! You don't got no job, no money, no car, nothing. And you wanna move in with who? Nigga please."
Reese laughed. "Sad."
After a long day of work, she and Yasmine spent the night at a local bar in SoHo. With as much stress she had been experiencing lately, she needed this time to unwind with a good friend. Yasmine always managed to keep her spirits up, which was exactly what she needed at the moment. And with Cameron away for his promotional tour, she had been feeling extremely lonely. She didn't realize how much she would miss him, till now. It felt odd not having him around. Right about now, she would be laying in his arms without a care in the world. These next two days couldn't arrive fast enough. Soon, he would be back in New York and her days would seem much brighter again.
"I was wondering when you'd come to your senses." Reese sipped on her Raspberry Spritzer.
"I was clouded by the D, girl. I was clouded by the D."
"Well, I'm glad you woke up. It was about time."
Her phone vibrated on the table, and she glanced at the screen. Her body tensed and she ignored it.
"Let me guess. The hubby?"
"Would you stop saying that?" Reese slipped her phone in her clutch. "And no, it's not."
"Sureee."
"Anyway, next topic."
"Nu-uh, don't change the subject. So, how are things going between you two?"
"Are we seriously going to talk about this right now?"
"Yes, we are."
"We're great, Yas. We're great."
"Look at you..." Yasmine shook her head. "Already falling in love."
She choked on her drink. "What?"
"Yep. And don't even try to deny, because it's all on your face."
"We've only been together for 4 months."
"And?"
"And don't you think it's a little too soon to be talking about love?" Reese glanced at the patrons as they approached the table, ordering drinks.
"Nope. Love can happen anytime, anywhere, and at any moment."
"Ugh. Shut up."
Her lovey dovey, philosophical ass.
"It's the truth."
"Whatever."
Yasmine called attention to the bartender and ordered another drink. When she offered to buy Reese one, she declined. Instead, she fell into her thoughts, idly stirring her drink with her straw.
"I just feel bad, you know," she spoke up.
"Bad about what?" Yasmine glanced at her.
"Cameron."
"Why?"
"Because he's a good guy." She let out a sigh. "And I want so much to give him my all, you know? But there's still a piece of my heart that's just unwilling to go there again."
Yasmine paid the bartender, as he slid her another drink. "I mean, that's understandable. This is what, your first real relationship since...what’s-his-name?"
Her chest tightened at the mere thought of him. She nodded, agreeing to the pathetic fact.
"So, it's not gonna be easy to just open up your heart again. But you have to ask yourself, does he make you happy?"
She nodded.
"And can you honestly see yourself with him in the future?"
Reese thought for a moment. "Yeah, I can."
"Then, just go with it. It's okay to be happy, Reese. You do have that right, you know," Yasmine teased, causing her to smile a bit.
"And I know this sounds crazy coming from me, since I didn't want ya'll two stubborn asses together in the first place. But you both seem happy. And the man obviously cares about you. Shit, if you ask me, he might even be in love with you—"
"Doubt that."
"And why not?"
"Because..." She shrugged, unable to conjure up a response.
"Because, why? It's you, and you're unlovable?" Yasmine assessed with sarcasm. With a sigh, she shook her head. "You know what I don't get about you, Reese? You spend all your time, uplifting women and empowering them to be better, yet you don't do the same for yourself."
Reese fell silent, staring at her glass. That hit her deep.
"You're a great woman. Successful. Strong. Sexy as hell. Any man would be dying to have you. Including, Cameron." She rubbed her shoulder. "We all can't do it alone, love."
Drenched with emotion, Reese dabbed her moist eyes with her tissue.
"I just want you to promise me something. And I mean this..." Yasmine stared her. "That you won't let any man, or what anybody did to you in the past...stop you from being happy. Can you promise me that?"
Her throat tightening, she nodded.
"I promise," she whispered.
"Please remove your jewelry, shoes, keys and any loose items you may have and place them in the bin."
Reese placed her things into the plastic bin, before stepped through the corridor of the metal detector. Before she took another step, the security guard stopped her, and searched her once more with the hand-held metal detector. Reese gazed at the long line of people behind her. Mainly of women, from mothers, to wives, and girlfriends, as they awaited their turn to see their loved ones confined behind those steel doors.
But not her.
She had a different agenda.
Reese stepped into the visitation room, occupied by correctional officers guarding every corner, as inmates and visitors sat around small tables, conversing.
She sat around the empty table, her heart pounding in her chest. The whole trip here, her nerves had been haywire. She never thought she would ever do this. She had driven 5 whole hours to upstate New York, a far cry from her own hometown in New Rochelle. But she needed to make this trip. She had to face him. It was the only way she could truly move forward with her life.
When the dark toned man appeared at the entrance, her heart stopped. He stood there, dressed in his navy blue overalls, matching the uniform of the other inmates within the room. The first thing she took notice to, was his change in weight. The man she remembered had a much more slender physique. But over the years, he had gained an ample amount of pounds, his face noticeably fuller than before. His hair was also different. The cornrows he once sported, had grown into waist length locks he now kept pinned up into ponytail. A full thick beard coated his face, a vast difference from the goatee she remembered. She sat there in shock as she took in the appearance of the man she hadn’t seen in over 10 years. He looked like a totally different person. Had it not been for those familiar features, such as those dark bold eyes, his thick nose, full lips and leathery scar across his neck, she would've never recognized him.
He seemed to be just in shock.
And she understood why.
She was no longer the same slim young girl he first met years ago, wearing corn rows and bamboo earrings with her trendy gear of those times. Nor was she the same weak woman with the bruises, he always found pleasure in beating for sport.
She was none of that.
She was a beautiful, well accomplished woman who had succeeded without him. Who had become everything he said she wouldn't.
He walked toward her. And she forced herself not to cower away, reminding herself that he couldn’t hurt her. He could never do so, again.
Reese sat up straight, adjusted her cream sweater, brushed the lint off of her black slacks, then took a deep breath.
Escorted by the two correctional officers, he approached the table and sat across from her. For a while, he took in her features. As she did the same. Despite everything, as much as she hated it, he still held a piece of her heart. Something she would never get back. He was her first love. The only man she truly ever did love in her lifetime. And for that, she could never truly hate him. No matter the pain he put her through.
None of them said a word. Both absorbing the reality of the moment.
"I almost didn't come here, today," she broke the silence. "I always told myself, that I would never look back. But, I wanted to see you face to face.”
He said nothing. Listening.
"The other day, I had a good friend tell me something that really resonated with me. She said, I spend all my time uplifting other women, but I have yet to do the same for myself. And you know what? She's right. All these years, I've allowed you to hold me back from my happiness. I've allowed you to break me. To make me feel like I wasn't worth love.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "But now, I realize that’s not true. I've been through so much. I've struggled. Been broken. Gotten back up again. And despite what you put me through, I'm still here. Standing strong."
He kept his gaze on the table, soaking in her words. And it only embedded a sense strength she thought she never had. Years ago, she would've never imagined she would be sitting here, face to face with the man who put her through hell. But here she was. Pouring her heart out.
"I'm no longer that weak woman you've beat down. Or the one you said wouldn't be shit. I now a run women's shelter for battered women and it's doing well. In fact, it’s one of the most successful organizations in the city. I'm making a difference, and I'm proud of that." She fought back tears, struggling to keep her strong tone. "And no matter what you've done, or what you've said, or how much pain you've put me through, I'm always going to keep pushing. And I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to love. I'm going to love with everything I have. Because, I deserve that."
Silence fell over them. Her words lingering the air. Reese fought back the rushing emotions, not allowing herself to break down in front of him. She had done that too many times in the past. He would never see her tears again.
He continued to avoid her gaze. She almost demanded him to look at her. Like a man. Her tongue itched to spew everything on her chest. To break his spirit like he had done to her many times in the past. But, as she sat there, she realized he just wasn't worth it.
"You know, on my way up here, I had so many things I wanted to say to you that I never had the chance to. But I realize you're not even worth it." She shook her head. "All I really wanna say, is that I forgive you, Leon."
He met her gaze.
"I do. And I wish you the best...I mean that."
His face saddened with guilt, as he swallowed his words. Good. Because she didn't want to hear them. Not even an apology. She didn't need that...not at this point in her life. It was too late. She just came here to say her piece and leave.
Reese gathered her things and stood up. "Oh, and one more thing." She faced him, pressing her palms against the table with a glare. "Don't you ever call my phone again. Or I swear to god, I won't take it so lightly next time."
A slight frown formed his features. She strutted away with her head high, as she walked away from her dark past and stepped into the future awaiting her.
For the first time, her soul feeling free.
*
Rain danced across the atmosphere, showering the city within the brisk night. Reese stared at Cameron as they laid in each other's embrace, admiring how peaceful he looked even in his slumber. It felt so good to have him here again. The specs of city lights peering through the glass window, gleamed on his face within the darkened apartment, giving her a clear glimpse of those features she loved, especially during his time of quietude.
All night, she had been laying here. Thinking. After what transpired today, the burden in her heart had been lifted. She had faced her demons and she was proud of herself for that. She had come so far. Had survived so much. And she deserve to be happy, she owed it to herself.
That meant taking a risk with Cameron. She realized how much of great person he had been to her these past months. The truth was, he could've had any woman in the world he wanted. Yet, he was here, sticking through it with her, despite the walls she had built up around him. Any sensible man would've run for the hills by now. But he didn't. He had been patient with her. And she appreciated it. She truly did.
"Cam?" she whispered.
He didn't respond.
"Cam."
"Hmm..."
"Can we talk?"
He peaked at her. She felt bad waking him, since he was probably exhausted from his long trip home, but she needed to get some things off of her chest. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and yawned.
"What's goin' on?"
She let out a deep breath. "I know it may seem like...I'm always guarded with you. But the truth is, I haven't been in a real relationship since my ex-husband."
His attentive gaze on her, he listened.
"We met when I was 18, just after I left foster care. I was living on the streets at the time. But when my ex-husband came along...everything changed. He was the only one that seemed to care about me. Back then, I never had that growing up. So to have someone there, that seemed to love me and care for me, meant the world. We were together for 4 years. And I loved him deeply." She traced her fingers across his chest, reminiscing.
"We ended up getting married a few months after we met. He used to be really into the streets, back then. Sold drugs and everything. But me being so young and in love, I didn't care. As long as I had him, that was all that mattered. And for a short while, everything seemed to be perfect, you know?"
A deep sigh left her lips. "But then eventually, I started to see a change in him. He would just get so angry, and so...cold, to the point I couldn't even recognize him. First it would be him, trying to control me. Like always wanting to keep me in the house, never wanting me to have any friends. Telling me what I should and shouldn't wear. Then it would be the insults after that. And the stuff he would say..." Her heart pained as the dark memories haunted her. She remembered everything. Every insult. Every word. Those would forever stick with her.
"He did everything he could to tear me down. And I believed every word..." She bit her trembling lip. "Then soon after, the beatings began. He would hit me. Choke me. Spit at me. He even put a gun to my head, threating to kill me if I ever left him. So, I stayed..." Her eyes filled with tears. "The worst four years of my life."
Cameron held her, soothing her in his embrace.
"Where is he now?" he asked.
"Prison. He got 20 years for dealing drugs."
"Good. I'm glad his bitch ass is locked up. 'Cause if he was out there somewhere, I'd kill the mutherfucker myself." His cold words gave her shivers, and she knew he meant every word.
He kissed her forehead. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, baby. You didn't deserve that at all."
They laid in silence, listening to the rhythmic patter of the rain.
"Thank you."
She met his gaze. "For what?"
"For trusting me enough to open up about something like that."
"So, you're not wishing you chose someone with less baggage?" She gave a sad smile.
"No," He whispered, wiping her tears. "I have everything I need right here."