Hopeless Vows (21 page)

I swallow hard. “I guess we’ll see.” I try for a teasing smile to lighten the mood, but I’m not sure it works if his reaction is any indication. I take a seat next to him on the couch where he leans in and brushes a kiss against my cheek. The gentleness of it sends butterflies to my stomach. No matter how many times he does this, the effect he has on me never changes. “So, do we have any plans tonight?”

“I thought we could order in and just hang out. Is that okay with you?”

“Sounds perfect.” My head turns toward him to see him staring at me. He searches my face for answers I can’t give him right now.

“Okay, I’ll order in a second.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he pulls me in closer to him until my head is resting on his chest. “Right now, I just want to hold you,” he whispers.

He must know, or at least suspect. I can feel it in the subtle trembling of his body, the gentle exhale as his breath hits the top of my head, and the resignation in his voice. And it breaks me. My eyes squeeze shut tightly as I try to stave off the emotions threatening to break free of the black wall I hide them behind.

We order some Chinese and eat it at the bar top in the kitchen. Both of us are quiet, each lost in our own thoughts. The tension in the air is making me anxious. I don’t want our last night together to be like this. I want to enjoy the few hours we have left.

“Can we forget?” I ask suddenly.

After he finishes chewing, he says, “Forget what?”

“About tomorrow. It’s hanging over us like a dark cloud right now. Let’s have fun tonight and not worry about what tomorrow brings.”

He stares at me for a moment before nodding. “Okay, deal. We live for today.” He flashes a reassuring smile that puts my worries at ease, but only briefly because his eyes tell the truth. He’s worried, scared, and dreading this as much as I am.

The rest of our meal is enjoyed over light conversation. Things are still off since it’s impossible to completely forget no matter how many promises we make to each other, but they’re better than they were.

When we’re done with dinner, we decide to clean up really quick and watch a movie. I put the final dish in the dishwasher and spin around quickly, running into his hard chest. A gasp leaves my lips from being startled by the contact. My eyes meet up with his, and like so often, the electricity is there. It’s coursing between us, threatening to spark and ignite. I can’t look away or move, and he doesn’t either.

Without warning, his hands are in my hair and his lips are planted firmly on mine. Our tongues clash in a ferocious dance while our hands grab onto each other and hold tight. Warmth spreads through my entire body, an inferno wreaking havoc on me. Every thought about the future flies out the window. Right here, right now, this is exactly where I should be.

Several minutes go by and I know my lips are swollen, but I don’t stop. I can’t. Suddenly, I’m being lifted up by my hips. Instinctually, my legs wrap around his waist as he walks us out of the kitchen and down the hall to our bedroom. Without breaking apart from my mouth, his foot kicks the door closed with a slam, allowing us a little privacy from the prying lenses.

We fall onto the bed together, still just as frantic as we were in the kitchen. I pull at his shirt, desperate to rip it off. He returns the feeling by roughly grabbing my ribs, pulling me as close as possible. He slows down a bit until he’s peppering my jaw with kisses.

“Jillian.”
Kiss, kiss.
“I want you.”
Kiss, kiss.
“So damn bad
.” Kiss, kiss.
“But we need to slow down. Let me cherish you.” Looking through lust filled eyes, I nod.

His lips begin their journey at the spot behind my ear, trailing slowly down my neck. The closer he gets to my collarbone, the more my toes curl. While he explores the exposed flesh of my chest and neck, his hands roam over the skin under my shirt. My stomach flexes with the contact as he barely touches me. My hands crawl up his firm biceps, over his broad shoulders, and thread in his thick hair. With him settled between my legs, I can feel his hardness pressing into my core, heightening my need.

When I don’t think I can take his slow torture any longer, he leans up slightly to undo the buttons on my blouse. My shirt falls open, exposing the black lace bra I have on underneath. “My God, you’re so damn sexy,” he says in the gruff voice I love so much. Leaning down, he kisses the swells of my breasts. My nipples harden in response and anticipation, waiting for their turn. Soon, he pulls down the cups of my bra, baring me to him. The cool air hits my sensitive buds but is quickly warmed when his mouth latches on one, and then the other. His tongue swirls around it before sucking hard. My back arches as a moan leaves my mouth.

“Mmmm, I love that noise you make. You’ll be doing that a lot tonight,” he says in a husky whisper against my skin. The thought is exhilarating and I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me.

I lift up when he reaches behind me, making it easier for him to unhook my bra. Throwing it to the floor, I reach for the bottom of his shirt and pull it up and over his head. He starts to lean back over me, but I place my palm on his chest and push him back. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Let me enjoy the view for a minute,” I say.

A lopsided grin spreads across Austin’s face, making my heart beat faster. “Don’t mind if I do.” Sitting back on his knees, his heated stare travels down my face before settling on my aching breasts. My first reaction is to cover myself. I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life, but I resist the urge. There’s something so erotic, so sensual about this moment. There’s nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. I’m laid bare for him as he is me. When our eyes connect again, I can’t take another second of separation. Grabbing his tattooed forearm, I pull him back on top of me.

“Okay, I’ve seen enough,” I say against his lips. His only response is a groan that gets swallowed by my mouth.

With one arm beside my head supporting his body weight, the other slides down my body, stopping to palm my breast before traveling further south. When he starts to undo the button on my pants, I almost sigh in relief. Leaning back again, he pulls them off at an excruciatingly slow pace.

“I get taking our time,” I say breathlessly. “But this is torture, Austin. If you don’t pick up the pace, I’m going to finish myself off.” His eyes flash before darkening.

“As much as I’d love to watch that, I have something else in mind.” With that, he yanks my pants off the rest of the way, the only thing concealing me is the matching black lace thong. It doesn’t last long as he slips that off as well. “Perfect,” he murmurs when he has me completely naked under him. “Just fucking perfection.” Lips feather across my abdomen, causing goose bumps to spread at the light contact. My breathing accelerates in anticipation of where I want him most. Luckily, he doesn’t make me wait long. His tongue darts out and licks up my seam, causing me to moan and grab at his hair. “Damn, gorgeous, you’re soaked. Makes it really hard to resist burying myself in you right now.”

“Yes, do it,” I all but beg.

“Not yet. I want some dessert first.” All conversation stops as his tongue works its magic. He licks me up and down slowly, stopping at my bundle of nerves each time to flutter his tongue over it. When he moves away from my clit, I want to scream in frustration, but he always returns to it, teasing me like he’s so good at.

A few minutes later, I feel myself building toward euphoria. My hand fists in his hair while I chant a slew of incoherent words. His tongue moves quickly over my clit, driving me toward the cliff even faster. Right before I explode, he inserts two fingers into my wet core, pumping them in and out. I buck up as the most powerful orgasm rips through my body. I scream out his name as I try to crawl away, but he pins me down and keeps lapping at my center, wringing every last ripple of ecstasy out of me.

When I’m completely spent and lying there unmoving, Austin crawls back up my body and kisses me sweetly on the mouth. “Hands down the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” His tone still has the raw edge to it, and the only thing I hope for is he’s not done with me yet. I want more. I want to be closer to him. I want it all.

As if reading my mind, he stands up off the bed and unbuttons his jeans before sliding them off along with his boxers. His erection springs up, finally free from its constraints. The sight of it has me tightening, anxiously waiting for him to get on top of me.

Slowly, he moves back over me, his eye contact never wavering. If I thought I felt naked before, it pales in comparison to how I feel right now. Lying here, skin to skin, staring into my gaze, I feel like he’s connecting with my soul. It terrifies me, but against my better judgment, I crave more.

He guides himself to my entrance. When I feel him nudge the slightest bit, my eyes close, ready to absorb the pleasure I know is coming. “Jillian,” Austin whispers breathily. The restraint he’s exerting is evident in his voice. My eyes open lazily. When they rest on him, his next words floor me. “I love you.”

At that moment, he slides in, expanding me from the inside ever so slowly as he enters. I gasp, not from the intrusion, but from the confession.

Love.

My mind spins as I do my best to process everything while he thrusts in and out of me slowly. Soon, my brain can’t put together sentences, let alone think clearly about what he said. He sets a steady rhythm that’s not too fast, but not too slow.

“Fuck, you feel amazing,” he grunts out.

“Don’t stop!”

My heels dig into his ass as my legs wrap around him and pull him in deeper. Before I realize what’s going on, Austin flips us so I’m on top of him and he’s on his back. “Ride me, baby. Show me what you like.”

So I do. I take control and set my own pace, enjoying the role reversal as I drive him wild with my slow movements and rolling hips. “Shit, I need you to come,” he says, his hands digging into my hips roughly.

“Make me come, Austin.”

Just as quickly as before, he flips us back around. This time, he’s sitting back on his knees and has my ass pulled up so I’m resting on his thighs. He enters me slowly, the new angle hitting me in all the right places. I expect him to drive into me hard and fast, but he doesn’t. Steadily, we both climb together, ready to make that leap into pure pleasure.

“Oh, God, I’m so close Austin. I’m going to come.” My hands fist into the sheets as I lay at his mercy to do with as he pleases.

“Come for me, Jillian.” His voice is tight as he continues his thrusts. He’s claiming me, and not just physically, but emotionally too. I’m powerless to stop it, and I’m not sure I even want to. Right here, right now, I make a decision to give myself over to him.

Willingly.

I approach the crest of pleasure before crashing over it with a flick of his thumb to my clit. I barely notice when he grabs my hand and holds it as he finds his own release, grunting on his final thrust. Laying me flat on the bed while still inside me, he collapses on top of me and places gentle kisses along my shoulder. My skin tingles from the contact, still coming down from the high he sent me on. After a few moments, he pulls out and my body already craves him again. He lays next to me as we stare at the ceiling.

Finally, he slides his arm under me and pulls me so I’m lying on his chest.

“I love you too,” I whisper.

His hold on me tightens, his only indication he heard me. Moments later, I drift off into a peaceful sleep with Austin wrapped firmly around me.

THE ENERGY.

It’s crackling with nerves as Austin and I ride to the place they’ll be filming our decisions for the show. We’re under strict orders not to discuss our choices with one another. Honestly, I haven’t wanted to, so that requirement was easy for me.

The suffocating heat of the car is at odds with the dreary, rainy atmosphere outside. Just like the dead flowers on my desk, it’s fitting. The weather matches my mood perfectly, allowing me to bask in it, to absorb all the ugliness and feed on it. My eyes close as my head leans against the headrest.

Austin’s strong hand grips mine. Anxiety rolls off of him in waves and he doesn’t let go the whole way there. It’s as if releasing me will cause me to vanish. I ground him. I’m keeping him calm. He’s finding peace within my touch. I could tell when he first reached out to me. His once trembling hand is now solid and sturdy as we ride the rest of the way to our uncertain future.