“Oh, I’m prepared. I’m always prepared.”
Pulling Astrin roughly into a fierce hug, Rowan brought his lips down in a crushing kiss.
F
OR
ALMOST
three weeks, the boys basked in the warmth and sunshine, exploring each other mentally, physically, and spiritually. More and more, their physical attraction was strengthened by mutual friendship and respect.
In the middle of it, Astrin turned eighteen and they held a party. Charles, Melissa, Hersten, and Agnes attended unexpectedly. They were tight-lipped about progress in the conclave and that sent Astrin into a panic that wouldn’t lessen until Rowan took matters into his own hands, so to speak, and they consummated their love for the first time, leaving Astrin too exhausted to think or dream.
One day, about a week after Astrin’s birthday, the boys returned to the estate from town to find a helicopter in the courtyard.
“They’re back.” Astrin’s voice was dull, and Rowan instinctively reached out and squeezed his hand.
“Be strong. We have it covered, remember?”
Astrin nodded, his face pale. Rowan was sure the blood had drained from his face too, and they were both gray as they walked side by side into the house.
Everyone was gathered in the formal dining room, sitting around the enormous dining table. They were all talking over each other and no one looked happy. When Rowan and Astrin entered, hand in hand, the talking stopped and every eye turned to them.
Hersten and Charles exchanged glances, looking nervous.
“What happened?” Rowan’s voice was tight. Astrin had no voice at all. His eyes were wide and pleading, fixed on his father. His mother tried to contact him, but his stress and fear closed him down completely. Agnes frowned and laid a hand on Hersten’s arm, but they were both helpless. Rowan was sure they, and his own family, had fought hard on their behalf, but the decisions had been made. Whatever happened had to happen. It was out of their hands now.
“The conclave has concluded. Decisions have been made and are final,” Hersten said formally. Then he sighed and dropped into a more informal mode of speaking. “Neither Council was ready to take the measures we’d hoped for and completely wipe the slate clean. They felt the traditions and laws that have underpinned our society and served our Houses well for generations should be retained.”
Astrin sagged against Rowan’s side. Rowan could feel him trembling, so he slipped his arm around his waist, pulling him hard against him. Rowan was angry. After watching Astrin gradually relax over the past couple of weeks, to bring him back to this was so unfair. They’d pretty much expected it and had made other plans, but still…. He automatically checked the exits, assessing how fast they could get there, and found himself unconsciously edging toward the door.
Charles caught his nephew’s eyes and shook his head slightly. Rowan glared at him.
“There were, however, some concessions made. The conclave was not prepared to consider a union of our Houses—this was rejected out of hand. The possibility of joint rule was harder fought, but it was also rejected.”
Astrin had straightened at the mention of concessions, but he sagged again at the next. He let his head drop and closed his eyes. Now Rowan really was holding him up. The frantic beating of Astrin’s heart against his side worried him.
“They did, however, agree to revise the requirement that the crown can only be taken by a male heir. They also revised the regulations regarding marriage into the royal family.”
Astrin’s head snapped up, his eyes wide.
Facing the boys, Hersten said gravely, “This does of course raise a number of dilemmas that I’m afraid are going to have to lie on your shoulders.”
“I… don’t understand.” Rowan was completely lost, surprised by Astrin’s reaction to what he’d thought to be nothing that helped them at all.
Astrin turned to him and smiled, although his eyes were very bright as if there were tears threatening. His lips were trembling when he spoke.
“It means we can be together. It means that all I have to do is give up my title, and I can… I can… be with you. Suri can take the crown and—”
“No. That’s crazy,” Rowan snapped. “You were
made
to be a king. If anyone is to give up their crown, it’s me. It never appealed to me. I’m useless. I’d have made a terrible king. Melissa would do a much better job.”
“I can’t… I can’t let you do that for me. I couldn’t live with….”
“Sure you could. Listen, you idiot. I
want
this. The crown means nothing to me.” He glanced at Charles and shrugged. “I’m sorry, Uncle, but it’s true. You’ve tried so hard but….” He paused a moment, frowning, then brightened. “You did say women can now take the crown, didn’t you?”
Charles smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry, Rowan. I know you did your best. I also know your heart was never in it. It’s all right.”
Rowan grinned and turned back to Astrin, taking the stunned boy by the shoulders. “See? Melissa can take the crown. She’ll make a much better queen than I would ever have a king. Don’t.” He touched his finger to Astrin’s lips where he would have protested. “Listen. You have everything needed to be the greatest king either House has ever known. You are a great statesman, you understand politics, and you’re at home with everyone—from the idiot in the bar to the idiots on the Council.”
Astrin opened his mouth to speak, but Rowan gave him no opportunity, pressing on.
“I’m not like that. I’m hotheaded and impulsive. I mean well, but as often as not I mess things up. You’re the one who keeps me stable.
“I can be your protector, your counselor, your confidante. I can take care of you and help shoulder some of the pressures, but you’re the one who can stand before the people and have them love you. You’re the one who can sit in Council, keep a cool head, and make decisions that run the House and the kingdom. Please. Please, Astrin, let me do this.”
Astrin looked totally stunned. He reached up in an action that was intensely tender, ignoring the eyes still fixed on them, and laid his hand against Rowan’s cheek.
“I’d do anything for you. I was ready to run away with you, to give up everything—my home, my family, my House. Giving up a crown would have been nothing. But I have enormous respect for you, and I’d never betray that. I will accept your sacrifice because I know it means a lot for you to make it. Not for any other reason. If you are sure?”
“I’m very sure.”
“Then so be it.”
Hersten cleared his throat, causing them both to turn to him.
“There is one other thing. I hesitate to ask it of you… you are so young, too young, but the conclave demands it. If you are to be together, then….”
This time it was Rowan who was quicker on the uptake. He’d been listening carefully, and although he hadn’t understood at the time, he’d absorbed both parts of the message imparted at the beginning of the conversation.
“That’s no issue. It’s a technicality. As for being young—after what we’ve been through?” He snorted. “Well, I suppose I ought to do this the right and proper way.”
Astrin looked startled when Rowan dropped to one knee. His expression turned to concern, then confusion, when Rowan turned his face up with an enormous grin splitting it from ear to ear and took Astrin’s hands in both of his. Astrin stared at him, then glanced around at every face, every eye that was turned to them. He seemed scared now and didn’t answer when Rowan asked him the question.
“Well?”
Astrin turned his face down and gazed at Rowan with no comprehension. “Well, what?”
“Did you even hear a single word I just said to you?”
Astrin shook his head. Rowan sighed and got to his feet. “Well that spoiled the moment.”
“What moment?”
Astrin was clearly overwhelmed by the whole situation. Diamond-bright tears shivered on his cheeks, and he trembled like an aspen in the wind. Rowan, being somewhat more perceptive than usual, saw the stress and painful perplexity in the bright green eyes. He dropped the playful manner immediately. Resting one hand on Astrin’s waist and raking his fingers through the pale gold hair, he smiled into Astrin’s face and said gently, “It’s no big deal. I was just asking if you’d do me the great honor of agreeing to marry me.”
“I… what?” Astrin blinked and looked up sharply at the sea of inquiring eyes.
“Did you not hear me again?” Rowan began to worry, both from Astrin’s silence and the fact that he was shaking again, his heart frantic, his breath hitching. He began to wonder if he’d done the right thing, putting Astrin on the spot like he had. He’d thought it was no big deal and that Astrin, being so much more versed in protocol than he, would already have worked it out, would be waiting, would be ready.
Rowan watched Astrin’s rapidly changing emotions with puzzlement. He couldn’t work out what the problem was, so he had no idea what to say to make it better.
At last Astrin gave him a look of such tenderness and love that Rowan started to relax, only to be left utterly shocked as Astrin wrenched his hands out of Rowan’s grip and fled, disappearing through the door before anyone got themselves together enough to move.
“Astrin!”
“Rowan, wait.”
Rowan was already running for the door, but he paused at Hersten’s call.
“Rowan, I know Astrin. He needs some time.”
“But… but I don’t understand. It’s what we wanted, what we talked about. Not the marriage bit, but…. I know it’s what he wants….” He faltered. “I
thought
it was what he wanted….”
“I’m sure it is.” Hersten walked over to Rowan and put a hand on his arm. “You have to remember, Rowan, that Astrin is very young. He’s strong and capable in many ways but he’s… he’s only barely turned eighteen and hasn’t had the life experience to deal with something like this. In many ways he’s been very sheltered.”
“I know you did your best,” Agnes said, “that you tried to reassure him and care for him in the best way you could, but…. Astrin is proud and strong, and he won’t admit to weakness. He won’t show what’s really going on inside. Do you understand that?”
Rowan thought about the way Astrin had been in the early days of their acquaintance when he’d stubbornly refused to admit to weakness, even when he was at the point of collapse. He thought how Astrin had borne the suffering on the train and had not wanted to let Rowan in when he was throwing up in the bathroom, how he’d coped with the poisoning, how he’d collapsed off the camel before he would complain. Rowan nodded.
“Don’t think this means Astrin doesn’t care for you. It just means he needs time. Don’t forget this is not just about feelings. There are so many other issues. Astrin has always been concerned about the minutiae: the conventions, laws, traditions. Give him time, and he’ll come around.”
Rowan frowned. “I…. Okay. But won’t he think I don’t care if I don’t go after him?”
“He’ll be fine, Rowan. Just relax, and he’ll be back in an hour or so. Trust me. I know him.”
L
OST
A
STRIN
WAS
not back in an hour. He was not back in two hours. When it started to get dark and he was still not back, Rowan’s worry overwhelmed him. He’d been trying fruitlessly for hours to contact Astrin telepathically, but first he’d been met with fear and confusion, then with anger that Rowan wouldn’t leave him alone, then nothing at all. It was that nothingness, the swirling mist where the bright stars had been that prompted him into action.
He deliberately didn’t seek out either his uncle or Astrin’s parents, since he didn’t want reassurance and he didn’t want a reason not to go and search for him. Which was why he slipped out of the gates and hurried down the hill toward the town as the sun began to sink into the sea.
He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t have the faintest idea where Astrin would have gone, other than he was absolutely sure he was nowhere on the estate.
Rowan cursed himself that he had waited so long before going in search. The trail was cold. He almost laughed at that.
What trail?
The truth was, he had no idea where to look, and he would have had no more idea if he’d followed fifteen minutes behind.
Astrin would have gone down into the town, of that he was sure. Where else was there to go? Had he gone to a bar, out onto the headland, or down to the quay? What if he’d taken a hover? What if he were gone?
Rowan’s wandering feet found their way to the bar he and Astrin had visited the first night. He bought himself a drink and sat down at a table near the window. It had taken a very short time to discover that Astrin wasn’t there, and Rowan was demoralized. He had no idea what to do next.
“Well, well. What a coincidence. Here I was beginning to think I was never going to see you again, and now I see both of you crying into your beers in one day.”
Rowan’s head jerked up to see the man he’d used his powers on during their first encounter.
“You ready for a commission?”
After a brief moment of confusion, Rowan shrugged it off. There was, after all, only one thing he was interested in. “My friend… the one I was with before. You said you’d seen both of us today. Was he here?”
“Yeah, he was here.”
“When?”
“Couple of hours ago.”
“Do you know where he went?”
“Whoa there….” The man narrowed his eyes. “What’s it to you? Had a lover’s quarrel, have you? Maybe the information is worth something to you.”
Rowan got to his feet and leaned across the table. He snarled at the man. “It’s none of your fucking business why I want to know. And yes, the information is worth something to me—it’s worth me not breaking your neck if you tell me in the next thirty seconds. I hope you remember what happened last time we met, because it’s nothing to what is going to happen this time if you don’t start talking
right now
.”