Hotbox (72 page)

I couldn’t believe that I was actually
hoping
for Dean to ca
ll me. B
ut
I wanted him to tell me that I had passed the test, and the whole thing was just one more of his sick, twisted games. I had never hated someone so much in my entire life, and too many hor
rible, vindictive
plots
took
hold of my thoughts
.

Dean really did call me a half-hour into the drive. I was stupid to even allow a tiny bit of hope to creep into my miserable soul when I answered the phone.

“Very nicely played, Ty. I’m impressed.
We
kinda
messed up, bro,” he chuckled. “You weren’t even supposed to come to.
I don’t know if that was all you doing the talking, or the drugs, but it was great.
I kind of thought I was gonna have to step in, you know? Your girl is a little fireball of mercy,” he
laughed again
. “But way to bring out the dark side, Ty. She
even left a bit of those brand-new tire
s on the road when she left
.
”

“So is this done, then?” I asked angrily. “She now hates me. Is that what you wanted to accomplish?”

“Uh
yep, pretty much.
Now I can take a deep breath—” h
e did so, just to be dramatic
,
“—and continue on with things as planned.”

“Which is?”

“Ha, nice try. You wanted out of the organization, you got it.”

“But not without consequences, right? You’re gonna control my life anyway, for as long as you’re allowed.”

“Allowed? I can do whatever I want, Ty. I’m sick of you underestimating
me
.
I got what I wanted, didn’t I? And now I get to go rub shoulders with the elite, and get a few bonuses along the way. And you, my unfortunate
flunkie
, are going to live a life all by your arrogant self. Payback’s a bitch, wouldn’t you say? Maybe next time you’ll think twice before you try using Olevsky against me. Looks like it came right back at ya. Stay away from her, Ty, or she’ll have
you
to thank for whatever else happens to her.
I seem to recall a little bug allergy she has. You wouldn’t want her to be caught in a tricky situation while she’s all alone, would you?
”

He hung up before I could respond, so I took my phone and threw it against the
passenger door
.
 

My father hardly even asked any questions. It was clear that the deed was done, and that Jayden no longer had me in her life. I crashed on a couch in the family room
at the back of the house
, where my father left me alone until almost
three
in the afternoon. The curtains were all drawn, making the room dark
and desolate
, but I sat on the couch in silence until my dad came into the room and sat down in a chair.

“I’m so sorry, Tyler,” he finally said. “I…I don’t know what else to say.” He was actually crying, and he buried his face into his hands. “I wish I had a different life. It’s not fair that all of this has come down on you. I’m…so sorry.”

I didn’t respond. I just stared straight ahead, almost wishing I could somehow make the pain go away in an instant. I even wondered if my father had anything stashed in the house that I could medicate myself
with. But it didn’t seem likely
, and I knew I couldn’t go that route anyway, even if I wanted to.

I
handled
the weekend much the same, hating myself and desperately longing that something would change to get me out of the nightmare. I spent way too much time thinking about Jayden, but it was
ironic
that she was
also
the only thing that kept me from going completely over the edge. As much as it hurt to dream about her, she was
still
the only good thing in my life.

Between my dad’s lectures about letting time pass, hoping for the best, and keeping myself thinking positive, I felt like I was in a facility for the mentally insane—or at the least, the chronically depressed. Although I didn’t speak or respond to any of my father’s one-sided conversations, I knew he was right. I even listened to him explain all of the things he went through when he lost my mother, and he told me that a lot of
what I felt was exactly like what he had suffered
.

“This isn’t even the same thing,” I finally said. It was the first time I
’d
spoke
n
after three days of silence. “I lost Jayden because of
malicious, vindictive people. You lost mom to God. It’s totally different.”

He was quiet for a moment, noticeably surprised that I
’d
finally spoke
n
. But what he told me next completely blew me away.

“Tyler, if it were only that, I think I could have handled it.” He had my attention
as
he released a very
heavy sigh. “Your mother… Ty
, your mom got pregnant when…when I wasn’t even around.”

I didn’t even try to hide my shock
.

“We were separated at the time and I took off for a few weeks. I knew it w
asn’t mine but… I loved her, and
after a lot of struggles with our relationship, we decided
to stay together. When she died
giving birth to…someone else’s child…” He sighed again. “Well, I lost it. Let’s just say I understand what you’re going through, but I didn’t handle it very well. I didn’t handle it very well at all. I was filled with…hate and anger…and I let it all consume me. I hated him, and I blamed him for her death—”

“Wait a minute,” I interrupted. “You knew who the father was? Who was it?”

He looked at me long and hard
,
and I already knew the answer before he delivered it. I just didn’t want to believe it.
             
“
It had to be
Kristof
.”

I almost hit the ceiling. “No! That is
not
true!” I jumped off the couch and paced to the window and back.
“My mother had… She was pregnant with
his
kid!” I yelled. I laughed bitterly. “Well it’s a good thing the little monster is dead!”

“Tyler!”

“Are you kidding me? You really want Satan’s spawn roaming the earth? My
brother
? No, my
half
brother,” I corrected myself.
“Wow, D
ad, a
re you trying to cheer me up? Because learning that my mom had an affair with the devil himself and nearly had his child is a little much.”

I shook my head and took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“I only wanted you to know that I understand what you’re going through,” he said quietly. “These people have been the c
ause of so much pain in my life.
I just wish there was something I could do
to
end it.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” I growled. I sat down on the couch again. “Does he know?” I asked. “Olevsky? Does he know the kid was his?”

My father remained quiet for a few seconds. “
I honestly have no idea. He’s never made mention of it or even alluded to it in any way
.
He’s always kept track of your mom, and I know how he felt about her, but I never got the impression that he knew.
But you know that doesn’t mean anything. It’s probably a safe bet to assume he did know. You always have to expect that with him.
”

It bothered me that the first thing in my mind was how I could use that to my advantage. Maybe there was something there that I could use that would somehow get me somewhere.
I was beginning to warp myself with their ways of thinking, and I knew it was a dangerous way to live.

The doorbell rang
and it startled me.

“Pizza,” my dad informed me, and h
e left the room to go answer it.

I remained on the couch, thinking. There had to be somethin
g I could do to make this all go
away. There had to be some way to bring these people
down
. My thoughts rested on what Dean had said in the car the other day. Olevsky had a brother.
Ivan
. He was trying to
help him somehow.
I though
t
about
Kristof
and several of the things he had mentioned over the years about family. He had never known family until the Russian mafia brought him into their world. He was an orphan an
d they took him in as a teenager
. Now
he learned he had a brother… W
as
he
despera
te to get him into the states? If he didn’t already know, w
hat would he think if he
found out
he almost had a
son
with my mother?

I tried to think of any evidence that would suggest he knew she was pregnant with his kid. I couldn’t come up with anything. Sure he was a little nostalgic about his time with her. He admitted that he loved her and wanted her back. He anticipated that she and my father wouldn’t stay together, and that he could somehow become involved in her life again.

I bristled. He could have been my
stepfather
if things had worked out differently. The son of a mobster… Would I still be the same person I was today? I had no idea. All I knew was that he h
ad crept into my life somehow. W
hether his intentions were t
o play the role of daddy or not,
I didn’t know. But he planted himself in my life anyway, even though I already had a father—a father that drowned his sorrows in alcohol and
took his frustrations out on
me, b
ut he was still my father. Olevsky could have eliminated him from my life, but he didn’t. Why? If he really wanted me under his wing, he could have very
easily
made it possible.

But then again, my father made my life miserable. Kristof knew that. Maybe he somehow hoped that
I would give up on my
dad
entirely, and look to someone else to fill that void in my life. My stomach turned. Isn’t th
at exactly what I had done?
I’d finally had enough of my dad’s pathetic lifestyle and I gave up on him. I could accept frustration when it came to my father. I could accept disappointment and failures—I
put up with it my entire life—b
ut the day came when I wanted something better. I finally saw that my
continuous attempts to pull him
out of his messes hadn’t done him an ounce of good. I didn’t know what else I could do for him. Any mention of rehab had always sent him into a fit. I became so accustomed to the life that I had always known
;
I could never see the possibility that it could change.

Baseball was a completely different world to me. When I was on a baseball
field
, it was the only place where I felt I belonged. When I had a bat in my hands, or a
mitt
on to catch, I had complete control of who
I was and what I was doing. And
I was good at it. It was the only thing that made sense to me, the only thing
I had
that made me feel like my life had meaning.

Until I met Jayden. She opened up a side of me that I didn’t know existed. I always knew I was a pretty nice guy, and I tried to treat others with respect and consideration. But I never knew I could love someone so deeply. I never knew that I could make someone
else
feel loved so deeply, like she always told me I did. I couldn’t count how many times Matt’s words ran through my head. Yeah, a million guys probably could fall in love with
her
, but she chose
me
.

I’d
once
felt like the luckiest guy in the world, but now… I felt terrible for wasting so much of her life on me.

The
next
week went by.
I was waiting for a
nother
call from Dean, hoping that something had changed and I could return to Jayden and
plead for her forgiveness
. By Saturday I was getting desperate, and I didn’t want to, but I called Kenny.
That
was a very dangerous phone call to make, being that Kenny Ross was Olevsky’s man, placed in the same type of position that Dean was, but with different responsibilities.
Kenny ran the underground fight clubs. At one time he was one of Olevsky’s top prizefighters, but now, from years and years of brutal matches and age catching up with him, Kenny
mostly just
managed the scene instead.
He
had been through hell and back
over
a dozen times while under Olevsky’s
control
, and although Kenny was loyal to him in all aspects, he had a heart much like mine.