How Do I Love Thee? (8 page)

Laugh? Maybe later. Right now I was having trouble just breathing.

‘—because—I keep thinking, wouldn’t it be funny if I was on that mountain while you were painting it. I know it sounds crazy.’

Oh. My. God. There may be no real certainty but this was a sign that outstripped any genetic predictions. I laid my hand on his cheek. ‘It doesn’t sound crazy,’ I whispered. I kissed him and he kissed me and I knew that I’d finished with still life for that day, perhaps for a long, long time.

Julia came back with fashion tips on next year’s fabrics, colours and the new fantasy silhouette that designers had
in mind for real women. We met at
Caffe l’amour
. I patted Eros as I passed.

When we’d ordered, Julia gave me the scrutiny that could tell a synthetic from a silk, a knock-off from an original and said at last, ‘Why do I get the feeling that you’ve been getting more coffee than froth?’

I smiled a dreamy sort of cat-got-the-cream smile and she looked suspicious.

‘It’s not still Mr ABCZ-minus-or-plus-something is it?’

‘Well, yes,’ I said. ‘And no.’

‘I should have postponed my trip,’ she muttered. ‘Why didn’t you text me?’

‘Keith turned out to be Martin,’ I told her, filling in a few details. Only a very few times have I managed to surprise Julia. Her mouth formed an ‘O’ and she held her Lifestyle wholemeal bar frozen while she processed the information until she found the sticking point. ‘But the RSVP gene,’ she said, with raised brows. ‘I mean—the Prince of Proteins? Martin’s not exactly been—how can I put it? Monogamous.’

‘Not so far,’ I agreed.

‘Damn,’ she said. ‘I was half hoping you were right about the monogamy gene. There’s someone I wouldn’t mind stealing a used tissue from.’

As a best friend I knew I should ask about this someone, but it would have to wait. I was looking forward to springing the biggest surprise on her. ‘I love him.’

But at this she didn’t even blink. ‘That was only a matter of time. He’s been keen on you for ages.’

‘You could feign amazement,’ I objected, wondering if all the lab staff had known that Martin fancied me. ‘I’m still amazed myself.’

She covered my hand with hers. ‘I’m not amazed, but I’m happy for you. Are you certain?’

‘Uncertainty is the human condition,’ I said, and laughed when she rolled her eyes at this change of heart. ‘I’m as certain as any of us can be.’ Resting my chin on my palm, I removed a little cappuccino froth to sight the coffee below. ‘He makes me feel safe and adventurous at the same time. I can wear my Buffy pyjamas or my painting shirt and he looks at me and I feel beautiful. Even culturally mature.’ Mmmm. Chocolate-sprinkled froth. ‘I love the way he smiles and the way he thinks and the way he smells … and that’s not all …’

Julia smiled and waved a poetic hand as I dipped into espresso. ‘
Let me count the ways …
’

V
ALERIE
P
ARV

‘I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs …’

Spotting a sign saying ‘Reception’, Cade Thatcher parked his rented SUV in a marked space opposite the office. Irritated to find his insides churning, he pulled in a deep breath. He had photographed everything from civil wars to charging rhinos. Could meeting his birth mother for the first time in two decades be any more difficult?

He took out the much-travelled letter giving this address, and studied it, although by now he knew the words by heart.
‘Noreen Thatcher is increasingly frail and wants very much to see you.’

Why now? What could they possibly say to each other? He’d been twelve years old when he ran away from the monster she’d introduced as his latest ‘dad’. Cade shuddered, remembering the man’s too-quick fists applied in the name of ‘teaching the boy to stand up for himself’.

The lessons were well learned. Cade had been standing up for himself ever since, first on the streets, then as the foster son of the Logan family, who took him in when he was fourteen and showed him a different side of family life on Diamond Downs, a few hundred kilometres away. Without Des and Fran Logan, Cade knew he could well be in jail or dead by now.

‘Cade? Cade Thatcher?’

He opened the door and got out, finding himself looming over a petite, flame-haired woman about his own age. She was dressed in narrow olive pants under a loose white smock blouse that hinted at generous curves, and carried a file folder under one arm. Familiarity tugged at him. ‘Laura Griggs?’

‘Sure is. When we didn’t hear from you, we thought the letter must have gone astray.’

He patted the pocket of his shirt. ‘It followed me to my last overseas assignment and finally reached me at Diamond Downs a week ago.’

Her expressive face fell. ‘Then you don’t know.’

His gut twisted again. ‘Know what?’

She touched his arm. ‘There’s a coffee shop in the gardens behind Reception. We can talk there.’

When they were seated at a table under the trees with tea for her and a double espresso for him, he said, ‘I’m too late, aren’t I?’

Laura’s eyes brimmed. ‘Oh Cade, I’m so sorry.’

‘My … Noreen can’t have been more than mid-fifties. What happened?’

‘Mesothelioma,’ Laura explained.

‘How would she have been exposed to asbestos?’

‘From living in an old fibro house her partner had been renovating.’

Cade took a mouthful of coffee. ‘Hell of a disease.’

She nodded. ‘It was hard. I saw her a lot towards the end. As well as my own practice, I consult with the hospice’s counselling team.’

‘So you achieved your dream.’ He remembered she’d been studying psychology when they met at university in Perth a dozen years ago and had hoped to work in a hospital.

If she recognised his need to talk about anything other than his mother she let it pass. ‘I’ve been lucky.’

There was more than luck involved, he knew. At uni, she’d worked into the night while the rest of them, including Cade, had partied hard.

‘I don’t have to ask how you’re doing,’ she said. ‘Your photos are in magazines all the time.’

He shrugged. ‘Knowing your way around a camera is a lot easier than the human mind.’

She frowned. ‘Don’t sell yourself short. Lots of people can use a camera, but not many can translate what they see into images that change the world.’

So he’d made things better for a few refugees and drawn attention to some endangered species. ‘It’s hardly a crusade. I enjoy what I do.’

‘Then we’re even. Cade, Noreen wanted you to know how sorry she was about the way things went between you.’

He glared at her. ‘You mean how she put her needs ahead of her son’s? She must have known Mick Tyler was beating me senseless whenever her back was turned, and occasionally when it wasn’t.’

‘She told me she thought you needed a man’s influence. That’s what she tried to give you.’

Cade made a slashing gesture of denial. ‘Des Logan is a man in every sense of the word, and he never laid a hand on me.’

‘You were lucky with the Logans,’ Laura agreed. ‘Your mother thought you were better off without her, that’s why she let things be.’

He felt his jaw harden. ‘Amazing how we manage to let ourselves off the hook. How did she know where I was?’

‘She didn’t, I did. When I saw your name on her paperwork as her next of kin, I went digging. Luckily Cade Thatcher isn’t a common name.’ She leaned closer. ‘How are your foster brothers and sister?’

‘Blake runs a crocodile farm. He married a journalist and they’re having their first child next year.’

‘And your sister? Judy, isn’t it?’

He nodded. ‘She’s a bush pilot. Her partner is Ryan Smith.’

Laura’s eyes widened. ‘She married your foster brother?’

‘He was with us for less than a year. We all thought he was a ne’er do well, but he was working undercover as a licensed private investigator.’

‘Good lord. And wasn’t there something in the news about your middle brother Tom marrying a Middle Eastern princess?’

‘Yeah, he did. But Shara’s so down-to-earth you forget her background, except when Tom gets out of line and she goes all royal on him.’

Laura’s voice dropped. ‘What about you? Personally, I mean. I know what you do for a living but not what your life’s been like since I saw you last?’

He should have known her casual questioning was leading somewhere. Laura had been able to read him like a book even at uni. They’d seen each other at class reunions and had friends in common who’d matched them up at dinner parties, but Cade had been out of the country too much to follow up. Although, seeing her now, he wondered if he should have made the effort.

He lifted his shoulders. ‘There’s not much to tell. I lived in London for a while and then Africa. Until recently, I was in South-East Asia documenting refugee activity for News Planet, then came back to Diamond Downs for some R & R.’ And to help save his foster father’s family home from being taken over by an unscrupulous neighbour, but he didn’t mention that. His siblings had played the main roles. He’d done what he could, but wasn’t big-headed enough to claim more credit than he deserved.

Laura’s hand found his briefly before she let it drop to her lap. ‘The refugee scene must have pushed a few buttons for you.’

The brief touch of her hand also reached something deep inside him but he tamped down the flare-up. Emotion was a luxury he rarely afforded himself. ‘After a while, you acquire a certain distance or you don’t survive.’

‘You were always good at emotional distance, Cade.’

‘Would you rather I broke down over a mother who couldn’t have cared less about me?’ he asked.

‘She was still your mother.’

He dropped some notes on the table and scraped his chair back. ‘Fran Logan was the only mother I needed. There’s no need to psychoanalyse me, Laura. I’m fine. I’m glad we had a chance to catch up.’

She picked up her folder. ‘This isn’t my idea of catching up. Why don’t you come to dinner at my place tonight? If you don’t have somewhere to stay yet, I have a spare bedroom you’re welcome to use.’

‘Aren’t you taking a risk inviting me home?’

‘Not much of a risk. You always treated me with respect.’

‘My foster father would have had plenty to say if I’d done anything else,’ he commented with a wry grin. Common sense told him to hightail it out of here before things got complicated. Despite Laura’s disarming manner, Cade was pretty sure she hadn’t finished with him on the subject of his mother. Maybe he hadn’t finished with himself on that either.

Then there was the question of why he felt so foolishly pleased to be in Laura’s company again. The years since he last saw her had treated her well. Her features had thinned a little, giving her a model-like profile. And he liked the way her hair feathered around her face and skimmed her collar.
Her skin had always been golden even when sun-deprived through long hours of study. Now she positively glowed.

Her choice of clothes could have been more flattering. Remembering the sensuous curves his younger self had covertly appreciated, he wondered why she hid them now. Just as well, he told himself, as he throttled back a disturbing surge of desire. She’d never been the family type and her invitation proved she hadn’t changed. If she knew he’d returned to Australia to settle down, she probably wouldn’t have asked him to stay. All the same, the invitation was tempting.

Suddenly the prospect of a soulless hotel room held zero appeal. ‘You’re on,’ he said, though he probably needed his head read, and Laura was just the person to do it.

She wrote her address on a piece of paper and handed it to him. ‘Come over any time after five.’

Laura watched him drive off, feeling pensive. What had possessed her to invite Cade to stay with her? She did want to talk to him about his mother, and guessed he wanted to more than even he knew himself. But there was more.

He hadn’t asked her about herself, assuming what he saw was all there was, she supposed. What would he say when he learned her own little secret, as he was bound to do once he stayed over? To her surprise, she found she wanted to
share the truth with him. When they were students he was always supportive, both of her and her ambitions. When the others in their group teased her, calling her a stack of books on legs, Cade had told them they should be more like her. She suspected she’d influenced him, too. He’d started out partying and drinking, then gradually knuckled down to his photographic courses, though nobody had dared call him names.

A sigh slid between her lips. He’d never known how attractive she found him—still did, she acknowledged inwardly. Always tall and lean, he’d grown into his height with almost movie-star good looks. His hair had a midnight sheen that reflected the gleam in his eyes. Coupled with a killer smile and a razor-sharp intelligence, his appeal was formidable. If only he wasn’t so guarded. But he was right, it wasn’t her job to analyse him. She’d make him dinner, they’d talk over old times, and then he’d vanish from her life again. The sense of loss arrowing through her made her wonder how much trouble she’d just bought for herself.

‘Nice place,’ Cade said when she met him at the lift after he’d announced his arrival through the aging intercom—which had actually worked, for once. Usually it was hit and miss, like the lift which also only worked when it wanted to. But
the apartment had character, she could afford it on her salary, and she liked the outlook across a leafy green park. And her counselling practice was a convenient walk away.

Cade immediately made the lobby seem cramped. He’d changed into a travel-crumpled white shirt with the sleeves rolled back over tanned arms, and a pair of low-slung jeans that made her mouth feel dry. She still wore the roomy smock blouse, her clothing options being limited for now. But she’d exchanged the cut-off pants for a swirling gypsy skirt in rainbow colours.

She let him into her apartment. The spare bedroom was next to hers off the hall, with the bathroom opposite both. She saw him look through the door of her room to the high double bed she’d inherited with the flat, and felt her cheeks heat. But he merely dropped his bag inside the room she indicated, before following her to the area she’d had opened into a combined living and dining space with a balcony beyond.