Authors: D. Bryant Simmons
I had friends. We ain’t hump all over each other like they were doing. Like two dogs in heat, they were. Might as well got them a room somewhere and kept the rest of us outta it. Heziah was laughing at me by then so I tried not to stare at my nasty neighbor no more.
“You two know each other well?”
“Hmm?”
Heziah looked back over there but I kept on looking at him because my nasty neighbor wasn’t getting no more of my attention. “They’re gone,” he said. “He took one look at you and took off running! Guess you really do know his wife, huh?”
“They live two houses over.”
“What’s she like?”
“His wife?”
“Yeah. I’m curious now. Sometimes people find the need to go looking for what they don’t have at home. Sometimes...it’s not so much a choice as it is a need. Everybody has needs, Belinda. Being married don’t necessarily fill everything up.”
“You married?”
“Me? No.” Heziah shook his head and the fun that was on his lips left suddenly, leaving sadness behind. “I was...married. About two years ago. Now I’m divorced.”
“You cheat on her?” I probably shouldn’t of asked him that. But seeing as we probably wasn’t gonna see each other again, I did.
One of the girls from the bar came around with a tray full of tiny glasses. Heziah took one and damn near swallowed it whole. “Want a shot?”
“No, thanks.”
“You sure?” He folded a few bills on the tray and put the empty glass down on top of it. “My treat.”
“You want me to get you something else, honey?” The girl asked, handing somebody behind her a few glasses. Whatever was in them swished so much she had to lick it from her fingers. “What you want? Rum? Vodka?”
I ain’t want nothing. I shouldn’t of had the few drinks I did. The girl looked from me to Heziah like she ain’t believe me.
“Thank you, miss, but I think she’s made up her mind. We’ll let you know if things change.”
She shrugged and went about her business. Heziah went back to looking at me. But wasn’t no fun in his eyes. Looked the same as one of my kids did when they were about to get caught doing something they ain’t have no business doing. Guilty. He looked guilty. I was right. He was a cheater. All men were probably cheaters.
“So where’s your wife now?”
“She’s not...not my wife anymore.”
“Right...” I ain’t have no right to be disappointed. So what if he was just a regular kinda man. Kind that cheated on his wife. That come up to a married woman, tell her how pretty she is and ask her to dance. I should’ve known.
“See somebody else you know?” Heziah asked, trying to see where I was looking.
“Just looking for my girlfriends. We came together.”
“Girls night out, huh?” When I ain’t answer he started dancing in the other direction, turning us in a circle. Damn near knocked the couple next to us to the ground. “Oh! I’m sorry, man. Miss? I’m sorry,” he said. I don’t know if it was one of the colored lights that was shining out on the dance floor or if his face really was that red. They glared at him then moved out the way. “Guess I’m not too good at this.”
“You fine.”
“You’re just being nice. Dancing’s never been my thing. I just had to find a way to get you away from your girlfriend.”
“Why’s that?”
His eyes got real big and he swallowed so hard it looked like a ping pong ball just rolled down his throat. “Well...why does any man wanna dance with a pretty girl?” That wasn’t nowhere near the right thing to say. He caught on a little bit after I did and started stuttering and stammering something awful. “I...I just mean that y’all run the world. Have us doing whatever you please if it means you’ll give up one of them smiles. Make a man feel good about life to have the affection of a good-looking woman. But I apologize. I didn’t know about your...um, that you’re married.”
“You apologize?”
“Yeah, I didn’t mean any disrespect. If you want to go back to your friends, I understand.”
Through the bodies on the dance floor I caught a glimpse of Paula standing exactly where I left her. She was smiling and doing her best to be polite to some man who was kind enough to ask her to dance. Let him down easy, she did. Not like me. No, I had to go and say yeah.
“Belinda?”
“I’m fine. With you. I’ll just...stay here with you.”
I ain’t wanna believe it but there it was, the truth. In that dark smoky club, I’d found it. The one man that wasn’t a horny devilish mess. Heziah Jenkins was what my daddy called an honorable man.
"L
EAVE
YOUR
MAMA
ALONE
!” Clara stood in the doorway, waiting for the girls to leave my bedside. “She ain’t had nothing but a few hours of rest. How you feel if somebody come and wake you up after your head just hit the pillow? Now go on downstairs.”
“It’s okay. I’m up.”
“N’all. Now go on back to sleep.”
Clara disappeared and so did my little ones. All I needed was to hear her voice and the front door closing to know she got Nikki and Mya off to school. I yawned and stretched my body as far out as it could go. I still had on my dress from the night before but my earrings hadn’t made it home with me. For the life of me I couldn’t remember what happened to them. I remembered the trip to the washroom...the dance floor...and...Heziah.
Ricky was nowhere to be found but that was normal. He got up and out the door just before sunrise. He had a fight coming up in a few weeks that if he won would move him to the next division he said. It was the second time in his career he’d gotten close to it. Last time he choked against a weaker guy. That’s how he’d put it. He just ain’t wanna admit that somebody could beat him at something, could be more trained, more talented. He wouldn’t even think it was possible.
“What you smiling about?” Clara came back, with a smile of her own at the sight of mine. “You have fun last night?”
“I think so.”
“You think so? How you not gonna know, hun? You had that much fun? That you don’t even remember?” I nodded and she kissed me on the head. A wet, brisk kiss. “It feel real good to live life, don’t it? Instead of just letting it pass you by.”
“Yeah.”
I kept that feeling all the way through breakfast. We sat in the kitchen, sipping our coffee and keeping still. I gave Natalie her bottle even though she was getting to the age that she was more interested in what we were drinking than what I had for her.
“So you girls had yourselves a good time, huh?”
“Sure did, Auntie. We danced and drank...”
“Ooo, look at you! Guess you had a little more than them Shirley Temples you used to.” Clara pushed her empty cup of coffee to the side, letting her bosom ease over the edge of the table. “You ain’t buy all your own drinks did you?”
“No, Auntie.”
“Good girl. You and Ricky been together so long you ain’t have no chance to explore what life got to offer. Ain’t nothing wrong with flirting with it every now and then.”
I ain’t know what to say to that, just nodded and tried to focus on Nat. The night before was over. I was back to being just a married woman. Good thing too. Wasn’t no smoke trying to weigh me down and men trying to feel me up. Just me and my girls. Was better that way. What kinda mama would I be if I went looking for something outside my front door?
Jackie took up her usual spot in front of the TV set, explaining to her baby sister exactly what was happening on Sesame Street. She knew all the characters by name and thought that Nat should too. Nat wasn’t yet a year but she was crawling and sitting up. If left alone, she’d crawl to wherever her sisters were and watch everything they did. I was lucky that Nat was a pretty easy baby. She ain’t cry too much. She slept the right amount. The only thing was she looked nothing like Ricky. Ain’t bother me none but I could tell it bothered him. She was darker than me, darker than anybody in his family, and when she was born he looked at her then looked at me. I thought he was gonna accuse me of stepping out on him. And on top of everything else, she was a girl. I guess I thought he’d get over it, get on to loving her like he should’ve. I was wrong. But he ain’t have to love her. His love wasn’t nothing to go calling home about no way. She was my baby and I loved her.
We had started cleaning the dishes when the phone rang. I didn’t think much of it. Just kept rinsing and drying and humming to myself. Then Clara squinted at me and held out the phone. “It’s for you.”
From the second I heard his voice my heart went pitter patter in my chest. I nodded hello like he was standing in front of me, afraid that I’d give it all away by the sound of my voice. He asked me if I could talk and I muttered something that sounded like yeah. The phone cord stretched all the way across the kitchen so I went back to washing the dishes. Wasn’t long before I ran outta dishes. Clara just stood there, watching me with that curious look she had. “I gotta go.”
He wanted me to meet him for lunch. Said he couldn’t stop thinking about me, he wanted to see me, talk to me. But I couldn’t do that. What would folks say? No good was gonna come outta meeting up with some man. He asked me again and I ain’t say nothing. But he gave me his number anyway and I scribbled it on a piece of paper and hung up the phone.
“Mama.” I damn near jumped outta my skin. Jackie stood at the table with both hands on her baby hips. “Next time you go out I’m going with you. Okay?”
I agreed. And two days later I told Aunt Clara I was taking Jackie and Nat out to lunch and to the park. Nat was still too little to get much use of slides and sandboxes but she liked the outside air alright. We went to the food counter at Woolworth’s. Jackie loved it. She wanted a big milkshake and a plate full of fries. I ordered both for her just to see if she’d actually finish it. She sat up like a big girl and did me proud. All the ladies said how ladylike she was. I couldn’t take the credit. I’d tried to tell her that her dress shoes shouldn’t be worn to the park but she was so hard-headed. She wore them around the house same as I wore slippers. I even caught her wearing them to bed once or twice.
After lunch, we walked the few blocks to the park. I saw him before he saw me. I stopped dead in my tracks. What was I doing? Using my kids as chaperones? If Ricky ever found out …
“Belinda!”
Too late to back out. He wore a tan corduroy suit that barely fit him. He took my hand and laid a quick kiss on my cheek before checking out our chaperones.
“Don’t kiss my mama. She my mama.”
“Well, I’m a friend of your mama’s. Nice to meet you, little lady.” Jackie shook his hand like she’d done it a million times before. “You can call me Heziah. Can you say that?”
“Yeah.”
But she ain’t try. Her mouth twisted to one side like she was thinking real hard on it. The laughter from the other kids drew her eye and off she went. We sat on a nearby bench, me and Heziah. I kept an eye on Jackie and a foot on the stroller, rocking Nat until I was sure she was asleep.
“She’s cute. They both are.”
“Thanks.”
“I got kids.” He gave it up like it was common knowledge and stretched one arm along the bench behind me. “They live with their mama in Cleveland. I don’t get to see them much anymore.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say to that.
“A boy and a girl. Hazel and Louis, both teenagers. Folks say they look like me but I’m not sure I see it. Besides being lanky as all get-out, I mean. They definitely got that from me! They...um...well they’re good kids. Smart. Good to people. What else can you ask for? Right?”
“I guess.”
Heziah tugged lightly at the ends of my hair. It tickled a bit so I was squirming around trying to get out of it. That was real funny to him. “Why you always wiggling around like a worm on a hook? If you want me to stop, just say ‘Heziah stop that.’ And I’ll stop. See.” He showed me both his hands so I would know it wasn’t a trick. “Speak up, Belinda. How are people gonna know you’re there if you don’t speak up.”
“MAMA, WATCH ME!”
A giggling Jackie ran up the steps and flew down the slide. She made it to the bottom then surprise flooded her face when nobody was there to congratulate her. She ran to the edge, to the border of all the woodchips, and just looked at us. My baby that saw everything looked at me talking to this man and a chill ran down my arms.
“MAMA!”
“I see you! Go on back and play now!”
He just sorta chuckled at me and smiled at her. A real friendly sorta man, this Heziah was. Jackie waved and he waved back—proof that all this was a bad idea.
“What you want with me? I ain’t some, some...I ain’t one of them girls that’s gonna...”
“Whoa. Belinda, did I do something wrong?”
“Just say it. What you want me for? Say it.”
Heziah’s forehead wrinkled up and I saw a flash of hardness settle in his eyes. I started to relax. I knew hardness. Hardness I could handle. But then I blinked and it all went away. He was looking at me like I was some dirty puppy trying my best to get up out of an old cardboard box. I wasn’t. I was a grown woman and I ain’t need nobody’s pity. “Stop looking at me like that.”