How to Light Her Fire! (5 page)

Sex movies are fun to watch—for a while, but then they get tedious-and boring. But it’s interesting to watch all the contortions the couple goes through. Just remember, however, that’s just for the camera. While some men may like them, most women do not. Oh, we’ll go along to please our mate, but we like romance with sex, and we can’t escape into our fantasies if we’re trying to stay upright while hanging onto the chandelier.

Physically, it might be fun to explore - when you first start the sex play. But a woman builds to orgasm, and if she’s started to build in one position, changing that position usually halts any progress you or she has made in achieving orgasm.

A certain amount of exploration is fun - for both of you, and it usually takes exploring to see which position offers the best clitoral contact. But again, as in everything,

pay attention
to your lady and her reactions. If you do, you’ll be able to recognize what’s enjoyable for her. After all, you want her to feel as much pleasure as you. If she feels pleasure, she’ll be willing to give it as well. And, she’ll remember the next time you have that look in your eye.

The Vagina:

Vagina is a Latin term for sheath, and it’s a tubular-shaped structure of about three to five inches from a woman’s cervix - the mouth of the womb/uterus - to the exterior of the body.

Also known as the birth canal, the vagina is an extremely elastic muscle, and it stretches to many times its normal size during birth. It also expands during sexual arousal to

accommodate the male penis. Because of its elasticity, the vagina doesn't stay open. When nothing is inside, the walls sit closed, yet it expands to fit whatever is put inside it, whether it’s a tampon, a baby, or a finger. When it’s emptied, it closes again.

And each month, the vagina provides a passageway for menstrual blood to exit the woman’s body.

Each month during a woman’s fertile years, her left and right ovaries take turns producing an egg. When that egg is released, it travels to the uterus through the fallopian tubes. Pregnancy occurs when a live sperm that has traveled through her cervix joins the egg. The egg remains fertile only for about two days. If fertilization doesn’t occur, the lining of the uterus passes through her vagina as menstrual flow. If she does become pregnant, the lining nourishes the fetus.

During intercourse, certain glands, the Bartholin’s glands, near the vaginal opening and the cervix, provide moisture and lubrication.

A woman’s sexually responsive nerve endings in the vagina are located in the first couple of inches, known as the ‘orgasmic platform.’ When the lady has an orgasm, the muscles contract and expand in waves. Beyond the first couple of inches, the nerve endings taper, so the size of a penis is irrelevant.

Hear that?
The size of a penis is irrelevant
to a woman’s sexual pleasure.

So if you have a large penis, you may crow to your friends and impress them because it’s still a myth that size matters. The advertisers love to perpetuate that myth because it’s more money in their pockets. But the informed know better. A ‘real man’ learns what pleases his lady and uses that knowledge.

Another myth concerns the female hymen, a thin membrane located at the vagina opening. It covers the opening from birth until it’s ruptured during activity. Sexual activity may cause it to tear, but other activities may cause the same thing, such as sports, a fall, and although it’s rare, sometimes inserting a tampon has been known to tear the hyman.

In many cultures today, an intact hymen is demanded in a prospective bride and some fathers watch over their

daughters, not only for moral issues, but because they can charge a ‘bride-price’ to the groom and his family, no matter if it’s actual money or in goods. A virgin daughter is proof to a groom that his future wife is pure, that he doesn’t have to worry about snickering jokes from friends, but most of all, that his bride is moral and will be a good example as a mother to their future children.

Many years ago in the United States, a virgin was also highly regarded, not for a bride-price, but because of moral issues. Boys were expected to ‘sow wild oats’ before marriage, but women were expected to be pure. Today it’s all changed, but I’m not sure it’s for the better. That’s a personal issue, and one I’ll leave for you to decide.

O
ral Sex on her - Cunnilingus

Want to make her skin turn inside out? Perform oral sex on her. Most women don’t get enough of it, as men love to get it but are lax about returning the favor. Women love it as much as men, maybe more; other than a finger, it’s about the only way a woman feels direct stimulation since the clitoris is above the vagina. And the combination of a warm, moist mouth and gentle sucking is guaranteed to drive her over the edge.

And that’s another matter - You don’t have to have a tongue long enough to stick in her vagina and come out her nose. If it’s in-depth penetration she wants, she can always use a vibrator. As with a penis, it’s how it’s used rather than size. It’s the technique that matters.

Some women go into raptures with licking, but before you think you need a battery for your tongue, think about a woman poised over your penis. Do you want her to treat it

as a lollipop? While that may feel good for a while, you eventually want that warm, moist mouth wrapped around

you. You want her to suck, not lick. A woman’s clitoris is a miniature penis with the same nerve endings. Just like you, suction causes intense pleasure and orgasm, not licking.

Most photos and films of cunnilingus are shot to appeal to men since men purchase the most porn, but they do not accurately portray what gives a woman pleasure. What does give a woman pleasure? Lick, and gently suck until she begins to breathe hard and her fingers curl into fists. Then clamp onto her clit and stay there. You may use your tongue occasionally, but concentrate on gentle suction. Then, when your partner is closer to climax, stay right there and sucks more vigorously. Too many men pull back just when the woman desperately needs him to stay put.

And you don’t have to wear yourself out or feel as if your tongue is going to fall off. Start with perhaps a little licking, sort of a tease as to what’s coming. But open her up. Don’t be bashful. Women like men who know what they’re doing. It goes back to that caveman thing. Lick from the top, along the folds, giving the clit a gentle brush. Don’t neglect that area between the clit and the vagina opening, that stretch of skin that is so sensitive, Pounding it with a tongue or a penis just doesn’t do it. Be gentle - at first. Then, when you know she’s wanting more, zero in on the clit.

Most women’s clitoris gets hard as a knot and shrinks when aroused. I’m not sure why that happens, perhaps the medical books can tell you, but it does happen, so don’t think she’s cooled off and quit. That’s most men’s error. It

simply means you’re doing your job. Zero in on that little pea and suck. Gently at first, but when she starts pulling your hair by the roots and moaning like she’s in mortal pain, latch on and suck harder until she climaxes.

When she starts to have an orgasm don't let go of that little bud. Hang in there until she’s quieted. If she taps your head, still don’t let go, just quit sucking. It’s only when she’s come down completely that you should move your lips, but even then, keep a finger on her clitoris. Just don’t move it.

If you do that for her, she’ll look forward to sex with you instead of thinking of every excuse to avoid it.

Never, under any circumstances
, blow into a woman's vagina as though trying to fill it with air. Doing so is seriously dangerous. It can cause an embolism and death.

Sex Toys:

Please don’t feel offended or slighted if your lady wants to use a vibrator while having intercourse with you. Because of the way a woman’s body is designed
,
she may need the extra direct clitoral stimulation. Because of the strong vibrations, it usually adds extra sensations to the penis as well. So relax. It has nothing to do with your manhood.

Just put yourself in a woman’s place and think how empty it would feel to only have stimulation on the shaft of your penis instead of the head. That’s how intercourse only feels to a woman. Most can only reach a climax if they’re in a position where their clitoris is stimulated as well.

If that doesn’t happen, help her along. Suggest different

positions. Many women enjoy sitting on top of their men as it’s the best for clitoris stimulation; others still like the missionary position because, like me, they love to feel their man’s skin all over their bodies. Experiment. Suggest a vibrator and make it fun. Use it on her and with her. You’ll be surprised at how receptive she’ll be in the future.

But say you’ve finally gotten her in bed, only now she’s unresponsive, cold. How do you warm her up?
Make love
to her instead of simply having sex.

Again, pay attention. We’re all different. Some women love to have their nipples licked. Others want them sucked. Some go into raptures by kneading as much as you can get into your hand. It hurts other women. Each time you do touch her, watch or listen to her reaction. You can learn at lot.

Most women, unless they’ve been isolated by solitude at the North Pole, have learned through talk shows, books and magazines, not to tell men when they’re lousy lovers. The male ego thing again. But you’ll know because she’ll avoid sex with you. No matter the dynamics, women still have needs and desires just like men. We just find other ways to fulfill them.

I remember masturbating next to my husband long after he’d gone to sleep. I was frustrated, unfulfilled, and deeply resentful that he’d climaxed during sex and had gone to sleep. Oh sure, he’d been thoughtful of my needs - he said, as he was falling asleep, he was sorry he’d finished too soon. Next time would be better.

Well, I wasn’t concerned with next time; I was aroused and needed satisfaction right then. I used my finger, so why couldn’t he have used his finger on me?

It’s not premature ejaculation or small penises that matter to women. If we love you, those are all things we can live with. We might wish it were different just like we might wish we were taller or shorter, but it won’t keep us up at night.

What will keep us up, is being aroused and frustrated.

If you climax before her, don’t feel like a shit and go to sleep. No amount of apologies will help. Even if your body is begging for rest or sleep and your penis is as limp as last week’s lettuce, hold her, kiss her and use your finger. For some reason, my lover’s finger felt much better than my own. Or consider oral sex. She’ll love for you for it.

And the next time you want sex? She may be tired, may have had a difficult day at home, the office, or wherever she spends her days, but when she sees that look in your eyes or feels the seductive way you touch her, she may protest at first, but she’ll remember how you satisfied her. Chances are, she’ll race you to the bedroom.

The ‘G’ Spot:

What about the famous, or infamous, G Spot? I’ve had two husbands and many lovers and I’ve never paid attention to my ‘G’ Spot. I suppose I have one, as the so-called experts say all women have them, but I don’t care if it’s a G, E, or X, Y, Z Spot. As long as I reach an orgasm, by intercourse, finger, mouth, or sex-toys, I don’t care how it’s accomplished.

Just what is the g-spot?

It’s a small kidney-shaped bit of spongy tissue about the size of a quarter one or two inches from the vaginal opening on the front wall of the woman’s vagina. It feels rougher to the touch than the surrounding tissue, and it swells during arousal just like a penis or the clitoris. But unlike a penis or clitoris, it doesn’t require stroking for a woman to achieve orgasm. Experiment with your lady and search for it. It’s fun to play, and once you find it, your lady will probably respond with pleasure. Some people say a gentle stroking will bring extreme pleasure, while others say a light tapping is best. Once again, and let this be your mantra: PAY ATTENTION. Try different things, then watch and listen to your lady.