How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (46 page)

—
Reckon
that your life is but a vapor. Yet God loves you as His own child and plans to conform you into the very image of His beloved Son, Jesus Christ.

“We are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced
that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord….
For those God foreknew he also predestined
to be conformed to the likeness of his Son”

(R
OMANS
8:37-39,29).

Questioning or distrusting that which does not line up with our perceptions or that which we do not understand is quite natural. It is also natural to be confused when the inexplicable occurs. So when we’re victimized, it’s second nature to ask God, “Why?” Even righteous Job questioned God.

So, during times of uncertainty…

—
Remind yourself that God has a perfect plan
for your life that cannot be thwarted by anything or anyone. “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted…For the L
ORD
Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?” (Job 42:2; Isaiah 14:27).

—
Remind yourself that nothing takes God by surprise
and that He always goes before you to direct your path. He always holds you with His hand. “You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me…Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?…If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139:5,7,9-10).

—
Remind yourself that God’s ways are not your ways
and His thoughts are high above yours. You cannot foresee His plans or comprehend His strategy. “How great are your works, O L
ORD
, how profound your thoughts! …‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the L
ORD
. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher
than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’…Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess” (Psalm 92:5; Isaiah 55:8-9; Hebrews 3:1).

—
Remind yourself that God loves you desperately
and that He will bring good from everything that happens to you, even evil things done by evil people. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

—
Remind yourself that God has a spiritually prosperous future
planned for you, one that is full of hope. “ ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
ORD
, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’ ” (Jeremiah 29:11).

—
Remind yourself that God is all-powerful, all-knowing
, always present, thoroughly righteous, and that He has a good reason for everything He allows in your life. “He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, he who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth—the L
ORD
God Almighty is his name…The L
ORD
has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all…Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (Amos 4:13; Psalm 103:19; James 1:2-4).

—
Remind yourself that you are but clay in God’s hands
, dust formed into a human being by your heavenly Father, who knit you together in your mother’s womb and recorded your every day in His book before ever there was one. “Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again?…For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Job 10:9; Psalm 139:13,16).

God Is with Us When We Suffer

Q
UESTION
:
“Where was God when I was being abused?”

A
NSWER
:
Among God’s many attributes are His omniscience (He is all-knowing) and His omnipresence (He is present everywhere). Though God never wills evil, He is with us when we suffer.
⁶⁷
And though He does not promise to remove suffering in this present sinful life, He does promise to remove it from the life to come. “The eyes of the L
ORD
are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good…He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Proverbs 15:3; Revelation 21:4).

God Will Punish the Offender

Q
UESTION
:
“Why doesn’t God punish the offender?”

A
NSWER
:
He will punish the wicked and lift up the innocent in His chosen time and in His chosen way. “The power of the wicked will be broken, but the L
ORD
upholds the righteous” (Psalm 37:17).

Victimization and rejection are constant companions and construct strong prison walls around the hearts of many victims. The messages they relay to their captives are bitterly painful and terribly destructive. The lies they convey must be countered with the truth of Scripture.

“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place”

(P
SALM
51:6).

When you experience…

Tell yourself the truth: “Just because someone withholds love from me doesn’t mean everyone will withhold love from me. God will always listen to me and will never withhold His love from me.” Psalm 66:20 says, “Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”

Tell yourself the truth:
Just because someone doesn’t value me doesn’t mean
no one values me. God valued me enough to send Jesus to die for me so that I can spend eternity with Him.
“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him” (1 John 4:9).

Tell yourself the truth:
Just because someone has judged and condemned me doesn’t mean I should condemn myself. God will never condemn me because I am in Christ’s family.
“Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us” (Romans 8:33-34).

Remember…

•
Jesus knew to expect unjustified hatred, and He tells you to expect unjustified hatred. “I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” (John 15:19).

•
Jesus knew to expect persecution, and He tells you to expect persecution. “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also” (John 15:20).

•
Jesus had enemies yet He loved them, and He tells you to love your enemies and do good to them. “Love your enemies, do good to them” (Luke 6:35).

•
Jesus prayed for those who persecuted Him, and He tells you to pray for your persecutors. “Pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

•
Jesus modeled forgiveness toward those who sinned against Him, and He tells you to forgive those who sin against you. “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).

•
Jesus understood that those who rejected Him were really rejecting His Father, and He tells you that those rejecting you are really rejecting Him. “He who rejects you rejects me” (Luke 10:16).

•
Jesus said He would be rejected, but in the end there would be blessing. And He tells you that you will be rejected, but in the end there will be blessing. “Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man” (Luke 6:22).

•
Jesus expected trouble as He submitted to the Father’s purpose, yet He was an overcomer. And He tells you to expect trouble, but when trouble comes, if you will submit to the Father’s purpose, you’ll be an overcomer! “Everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (1 John 5:4).

In order to break the cycle of rejection in your life…

Focus on Facts, Not on Feelings

A—Admit
the rejection of the past and acknowledge its pain.

C—Claim
God’s acceptance and unconditional love.

C—Choose
to forgive those who rejected you.

E—Expect
future rejection because you live in a fallen world.

P—Plant Scripture
in your mind to produce new and truthful thought patterns.

T—Thank God
for what you’ve learned through your rejection.

E—Encourage
others as an expression of Christ’s love.

D—Draw
on the power of Christ’s life within you.

“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them,
because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world”

(1 J
OHN
4:4).

The love of God is the antidote for fear. The presence of overwhelming fear is the absence of confidence in the character of the God of the Bible and the assurance of His love for you. If your perception is that God is not “for you,” then you have only your personal resources on which to rely and your personal philosophy about life to comfort and sustain you. How you respond
to fear is often directly related to what you believe about God and what you believe about His promises regarding you and your life. The truth is…

“The L
ORD
is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made”

(P
SALM
145:13).

When you feel afraid of a person or a situation…

•
Ask
yourself whether what you are afraid of is actually going to happen.

•
Assess
whether what you fear is something that is even likely to happen.

•
Realize
that fixating on your fear guarantees its repetition.

•
Understand
that most fears have nothing to do with what’s actually happening.

•
Identify
the past trauma(s) that first instilled your fear.

•
Determine
whether the fear you are presently feeling is current. Ask yourself:

— What past fear am I bringing into the present?

— When did this fear first begin?

— How old do I feel emotionally when I feel this fear?

— Where am I when I feel this fear?

— What is going on when I feel this fear?

— How is this fear affecting my life now? What is it costing me?

•
Tell yourself
, “I will not let this fear run my life. I will not let past or present fears control me.”

•
Repeat
this phrase over and over: “That was then, and this is now. That was then, and this is now.”

•
Determine
to get out of the grip of fear.

•
Do
what it takes to control your fear and to change from being fearful to being confident and peaceful.

•
Decide
to live in the here and now and act in a way that is not based on fear.

•
Share
your fear and your plan for change with a trustworthy person who will keep you accountable.

“The L
ORD
himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”

(D
EUTERONOMY
31:8).

Those who are victimized as children often become perfectionists as adults in the hope of gaining acceptance and approval from those significant to them. If you are caught in the trap of perfectionism, remember that self-talk is powerful. What you rehearse in your mind greatly impacts your feelings and behavior. Practice telling yourself what God has declared to be true about you: